FA and attending college

[2tea2]

Hi - I posted a few weeks ago - that my son has been falsely accused of rape (supposed to have happened 3 months ago, in this house, while I was here, when he was still going out with her); the solicitor fully expects it to be dropped due to lack of evidence. Meanwhile son is on bale.

At the moment he is at 6th form college TRYING to do his exams. I've not told college about the accusations because I've heard that that they could suspend him during investigations - I was trying to damage limit. However, since the accusations, he has been struggling to work or even turn up there because that's where the ex-girlfriend goes too. His bale condition states that he must not meet her or engage in discussions with her - and obviously he's stuck to this.

I don't know what to do about college, because it turns out that he's not really been attending since all this came up, and he did not turn up for a mock exam today. This business is now impacting on him - any advice what to do re college? This is all so sad for him.

[weary]

You must tell them, explaining in confidence. They have a duty of care towards your son and that is the same for if he had broken his leg as if he was having mental issues because of the allegations (which he is) It might help if you have a doctor's note, say for anti-depressants, or even if you make him a doctor's appointment. but please do tell the college. (I worked in a school for 30 years.)
Some years back my son had girl issues - nothing to do with any allegations- but he got major depression and tried to kill himself and of course didn't keep up with his uni studies. However, he kept them informed all the way through, and in the end he took a year out and they let him back in again when he was better -even letting him carry forward some of the exam results he had done in the previous year. The college should take the welfare of your son seriously, allegations or no allegations.

[lazy lass]

Hi

My son had just started university when he was falsley accused, he told the uni straight away, they were brilliant with him, he was living in the halls so was his FA, they found my son some where else to live, he still attended the uni although he found it hard to concentrate he did get through his work. He was also offered counciling which helped him a greatly. He was on bail for 9 months then a call from his solicitor to say the case had been dropped, NFA. He's now carrying on studying and doing very well. I hope your son can carry on with his studies at this difficult time, and that he has a lot of support. It might be a long rough ride, but there is help out there.

[2tea2]

Thanks Weary and Lazy Lass!
I just assumed they'd be really punitive - probably just assuming that everyone thinks the worst of him because of this. I will make an appointment and go in and see them. Thanks again.

[lazy lass]

Hope you get things sorted, it will help your son if he lets them know his situation, my son even got extension times on his course work. They are there to help, and your son certainly isn't the first and unfortunately won't be the last to be accused of this terrible false accusation.

[2tea2]

Thanks so much Lazy Lass. I've taken him out for a pint, and we've had a good chat (I try not to talk about it all the time); I'm contacting college tomorrow. You're right - this must happen a lot. In my darkest moments I think, "Why is she doing this?" Neurosis, no understanding the implications of what she's doing, revenge, displaced blame.
I try not to feel angry!

[lazy lass]

We all wish we could get inside the head of a false accuser to see what makes them tick, the agony they put people through is horrendous.
Keep your head up and your fighting spirit even higher.