Six months today- Feeling drained.

[janjoe10]

Thank you so much . I pray he gets the right result of not guilty. Always had Faith in our justice system but when it's you and your family u see the cracks x

[Lilyput]

Same here lovely. Was always one for 'keeping the rules' etc and trusted the police. I still have faith the CPS will realize how daft it is as the OIC luckily did. But hasn't happened in many cases so it's impossible to tell.

Have you thought about writing your own thread for the trial so everybody can offer you support it will no doubt be an extremely difficult time

[hello88]

strangely it was after NFA that my faith just went...literally!! I don't know if it was because of the appaling way they let us know, or the fact that i still had to see the people who had done this to us.. or the fact that God had answered my prayer but my life was still in shatters and i didn't know what to ask for next lol!!!

But looking back, i think it is soo true what RF said.. many people have come up to me and said "i don't know how you have done it, i don't know how you've managed to walk past them... or i don't know how you've kept so cool, kept it togehter" even though i felt like i havent really.. just made it look like i had i just always think and feel that God gave me the strength each and every day..

My faith is coming back, the injustice of them not taking any action against accuser hit me hard and yeah, i could fight it.. but i take it as a sign its from God to just really focus on my children who are a lot happier now!! and truthfully the people who done this are already doing a good enough job of f_____g their lifes up, they don't need our help.

But really... its hard, but all you can do at the moment is pray for strength each day!! Pray for strength and protection.. and hope... and just keep strong xxxx

[janjoe10]

I think I will do a thread when the trial starts. It's 2 weeks on Tuesday and although we need closure one way or another I want time to stand still and I wish I could turn back time to do things differently. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. People tell me I'm strong but some days I can't breathe with it all. Funnily enough I don't really cry why I don't know. Probably soon though I will . I'm feared I think if I start I won't stop x

[Mattie52]

Can't imagine what you are going through - but am very confident that you and your son will find the strength to deal with this battle however challenging it seems now!
Take care
Mattiex

[Lilyput]

strangely it was after NFA that my faith just went...literally!! I don't know if it was because of the appaling way they let us know, or the fact that i still had to see the people who had done this to us.. or the fact that God had answered my prayer but my life was still in shatters and i didn't know what to ask for next lol!!!

But looking back, i think it is soo true what RF said.. many people have come up to me and said "i don't know how you have done it, i don't know how you've managed to walk past them... or i don't know how you've kept so cool, kept it togehter" even though i felt like i havent really.. just made it look like i had i just always think and feel that God gave me the strength each and every day..

My faith is coming back, the injustice of them not taking any action against accuser hit me hard and yeah, i could fight it.. but i take it as a sign its from God to just really focus on my children who are a lot happier now!! and truthfully the people who done this are already doing a good enough job of f_____g their lifes up, they don't need our help.

But really... its hard, but all you can do at the moment is pray for strength each day!! Pray for strength and protection.. and hope... and just keep strong xxxx

Thanks for this reply. Really really struggling today. OH's family are being vile and I desperately want to live near my father in law, he's the only supportive person we have and I hate being 15 miles away from him. OH doesn't want to go there and I am heartbroken, I don't think I can stay here. If it's over then we are stuck in wreckage FA has left which feels really unfair. If he goes to prison then I'm stuck with people who hate me for only support.

I don't know what I'm carrying on for, I don't feel I can go on. I wish this had never happened. The idea of staying in this town what ever the outcome kills me, I know I should be grateful living anywhere with my OH while there's an investigation going on. I'm just fed of being made out to be the villian. I didn't cause this I wasn't even there, yet his family are more angry at me than FA.

[YearsOfHell]

Aw Hun! I can feel your pain.
You'll get days like these unfortunately.
My OH won't move either and I have days where I absolutely can't bear it anymore!
We have to face the FAs family and supporters all the time.
It's horrible and I hate it.
I really don't know what the answer is but just know that there are people here who know exactly how you're feeling right now.
Hang in there.
We're all in this together, we can't let these lying little whatsits win!!!!
Big big hugs
YoH

[Lilyput]

Thanks hun to you too I admire people who have to face their FA's daily enormously. Just really emotional as the slightest thing I say to this family they go off at me say really hurtful things and nothing is off limits. I feel like I'm not a person as if one of them starts calling me all the names under the sun for no reason, the others are like I see no issue with that. If my OH stands up for me I get told off for turning him against them if he doesn't then it's like he condones it and i'm really not a person. Then I resent him for not saying anything.

These lows always seem to come after happy periods and the make me wish I was never happy at all. Thank you all so much for your support I don't take it lightly, at all.

[KB19]

Thanks hun to you too I admire people who have to face their FA's daily enormously. Just really emotional as the slightest thing I say to this family they go off at me say really hurtful things and nothing is off limits. I feel like I'm not a person as if one of them starts calling me all the names under the sun for no reason, the others are like I see no issue with that. If my OH stands up for me I get told off for turning him against them if he doesn't then it's like he condones it and i'm really not a person. Then I resent him for not saying anything.

These lows always seem to come after happy periods and the make me wish I was never happy at all. Thank you all so much for your support I don't take it lightly, at all.

Hi Lilyput I just want to send you lots of hugs and say how I can feel the trauma you are going through you are such a strong person and such a huge support to so many on here , you will come through you will !. We in away forcibly moved and have moved yet again in itself has been stressful and costly ( no jobs now) thanks to the way the police wrongly came into my work making it so difficult for me to go back and OH just not able to deal with the extreme stress of all of this FA and a job that was also quite high profile in our area.

It's been 7 months and 8 bail dates ( counted them
The other day ) neither of us wants to speak with the OIC , we just hang unnerved day by day waiting fir the worst and hoping for best it's tough and like you say you have happy almost forget days and then doom days where you just want to give up . We now hear compensation they are going to be after ( is that really true that even without a charge they Fa -complainant can claim ? ) if so what sort of world do we live in .

It's a total nightmare u would not wish on anyone ( apart from Fa and family - they are pure evil and try to come across as butter would not melt - oh for lie detectors to be done and maybe a billboard for Fas no matter who .

Sorry Lilyput I am meant to be trying to help you me ranting on . Hoping you do manage to get out and s out with your OH we try most days even if late to go for a walk or pop into supermarket ( OH is reluctant to go to any of our normal ones ) actually it is quite nice not having loads of people around sometimes and think that we have adapted to our semi hermit days fairly well , and I Kniw from the sound advice on here that you give to others how strong you are tomoz will be a better day for you .

[janjoe10]

We're lucky in the sense we haven't had any hostility yet. I saw my sons fa the iter day and it killed me to just wail past her. I asked him did he want to move when it first happened but he said no and if we go we look guilty and it will follow us anyway so we have stayed where I have friends and family that support us and he has his friends still. I did however get cctv installed. We all need to stay strong. It is normal to have really terrible days and then days when you can smile and sometimes for a split second you forget. Life has to go on cos if it doesn't then they have won.

In regards to compensation I read that also and if true you can get it without going to court etc then I truly believe that is why my son's accusers family did it cos why wait 5 days before reporting the a lledged offence. It's a cruel world we love in x

[Lilyput]

Thanks everybody. I'm feeling brighter this morning. Phoned my pastor last night who suggested not trying to rebuild any thing with OH's family until this issue is resolved. To leave contact and communication to my OH until we at least know what the CPS decide. I feel a lot better about that I think FA's change everything directly or indirectly and you have to sort except the changes and look forward to new things.

[hello88]

i think your pastor is absoloutly right. There are some people, some things that you have to just walk away/stay away/ignore. Its like its the secondary bail conditions.. our bail conditions said not to contact direct or indirectly the accuser and her mum, and not to go to the close that they lived at, but to me it felt like they might as well put, 'not drive through the town unless absoloutly neccesary" "not go into the shop accuseers mum works at even though you know its not her shift" "don't go out the front of your house unless absoloutly necesary" "carry voice recorder on you" "always turn car camera on when get in car" ect... infact, i feared the niehgbour so much for so long that i hadn't wanted to go out the front on my own that i hadn't cleaned my car out for 11 months LOL!!!

wasn't a nice job when i did it lol

but anyway, the thing is for us when it turned to NFA, the attitudes completly changed, everyone knew FA was in the wrong, the mum is now sh!t scared of seeing us (from being very up herself she now seemingly quit her job because she was keep ringing the bell to get someone to take over her till when i or OH walked in the shop) FA herself is no longer out socialising and partying.. straight home after school and not a single peep on facebook.. at all!!! Niehbours are so scared of me (not that i would do anything) that they don't even cross the road to take their children to school!!

one day it will change from you feeling awful not being feeling at home or content anywhere to FA and everyone who doubted you and OH feeling awful. I really don't suggest moving though, the situation is still going to be there, i really think it's not wise to make any decisions like that until all is over...

keep strong xx

[Lilyput]

Thanks Hello I think you are dead right I think it's just my state of mind right now and would probably feel this way where ever we lived at the moment. Am so so pleased everything is looking up for you and perceptions have changed to the correct ones


I think I may bite the bullet and get some counselling for everything that's happened. Got really snappy with another Mum for getting competitive in a Karate class today, so unlike me.


Sadly not sure even an NFA would change things with OH's family as far as they are concerned it's not going anywhere and I am selfishly stressing out their son by worrying about it. Also there was an FA in the family (not my OH accused) three years ago which was NFA'd and that I because of current FA brought up. I do however if this is over, I can let go of the little things and look towards the future.

So glad everything worked out for your family btw there's not enough good new on this forum!

[Lilyput]

Been nine and a half months since all this started and still having days like this  really bad weekend where I just can't wait anymore! A few weeks ago a witness came forward with a statement that seemed like it was going to clear my OH. Sol is really confident. But I can't shake this feeling they are still going to charge.

The other police force and the CPS seem so relucatant to let this go Phone calls from OIC and sol have turned back into silence. My OH had a letter from the CPS about the outcome of a different case he was a witness for and I just lost it freaking out. When i saw CPS on the front. I think witness letters are a different colour envelop but I literally lost it. I don't know how to keep going... My life is such a mess and I've turned into such a horrid bitter person. I want to go back to the beginning of 2015 and stop everything bad from happening. Sorry for the rant just needed to say it.

[hello88]

That's positive about the statement.. its very rare for them just to 'drop it' they still like to hold on to things even after something that looks so obvious to clearing it. Our sol was very positive throughout,reminding us he "can't see this going to court" but all i thought was 'it's not your decision, its the police and no one is letting us know what they're thinking!!!!' .. at least it sounds like things are happening so hold on to that, they sound like they are working on it and not on the bottom of the pile...

keep strong, remember why you've got this far already! xxxx