Feeling shocked!!

[Kittykat23]

Just heard my partner has been re-bailed till the 16th may not sure if it's a good thing or not :/

[jittery]

hi

Just heard my partner has been re-bailed till the 16th may not sure if it's a good thing or not :/

I think it's normally 3 months between bail dates, it MAY be that they think they'll have decided what they're going to do in 6 weeks. Unfortunately you can never say whether it's a good thing or not . So difficult not to try and read positive things into news- I know I did. Just stay strong for a bit longer, hope it's good news, but be prepared for bad.

[Kittykat23]

I think it's normally 3 months between bail dates, it MAY be that they think they'll have decided what they're going to do in 6 weeks. Unfortunately you can never say whether it's a good thing or not . So difficult not to try and read positive things into news- I know I did. Just stay strong for a bit longer, hope it's good news, but be prepared for bad.

Oh I wonder why his in 6 weeks away, I think it does prove his sister has lied though as she said he was going to get re-interviewed and there was forensic evidence of their was he would have been charged I'm just not sure if his solicitor is aware of me being approached by his sister. I know I got a funny feeling it's gone to cps and is going to go to court but time will tell be good if it does go to court because he'll be able to clear his name hopefully and try and prove his innocence. I'm definitely prepared for bad as I know his family too well a lot of people do and not in a good way either I'm just glad all the rubbish she tried feeding me is a pack of lies now still going to keep strong for him and my family.

[jittery]

hi

Oh I wonder why his in 6 weeks away, I think it does prove his sister has lied though as she said he was going to get re-interviewed and there was forensic evidence of their was he would have been charged I'm just not sure if his solicitor is aware of me being approached by his sister. I know I got a funny feeling it's gone to cps and is going to go to court but time will tell be good if it does go to court because he'll be able to clear his name hopefully and try and prove his innocence. I'm definitely prepared for bad as I know his family too well a lot of people do and not in a good way either I'm just glad all the rubbish she tried feeding me is a pack of lies now still going to keep strong for him and my family.

Good for you! I don't know if it would count for anything, but I would definately mention what happened to the solicitor. I was told that my fa would be re-interviewed after text messages were retrieved; and that I may or may not be called in for another interview depending on what she said.
Glad to see you're staying strong- keep it up!

[joe_3178]

My only advice especially as someone who is pregnant, is seek some support, for example counselling to help you through this period.

I would normally err on the positive but I think having multiple complaints it is best to consider the worst.

I also think it worth remembering that in your situation we often want to 'help' but there are some things we cant control and I dont think there is a lot you can do…except look after yourself and begin think forwards

Im not sure the delay in charging is much of an indication of anything, the police use time (too much time) to gather information and make the case strong and the CPS will take time too.

[Kittykat23]

My only advice especially as someone who is pregnant, is seek some support, for example counselling to help you through this period.

I would normally err on the positive but I think having multiple complaints it is best to consider the worst.

I also think it worth remembering that in your situation we often want to 'help' but there are some things we cant control and I dont think there is a lot you can do…except look after yourself and begin think forwards

Im not sure the delay in charging is much of an indication of anything, the police use time (too much time) to gather information and make the case strong and the CPS will take time too.

I've got some support but counselling I can't do because I've got a 15 month old son so makes it hard for childcare but I think I'm doing alright at the moment just hard as I need to prepare for what my sons future is going to involve and if they'll ever see they're dad again.

I have been told that if their was multiple complaints then he would be on remand not bail not sure if it's true or not but I'm looking at it both ways that I hope for a positive but having to think of the worst as well but then again if it goes to court they'll be a lot of cross examining and I think that's the time he can put his fight on so not looking at it as a bad thing.

I'm not really doing anything just getting advice at the moment and whatever I get told I'm recording it because might be beneficial but keeping it to myself and will use it if needed at the right time but I don't say nothing to the police as have heard they go to the accuser and they can change there stories.

Yeah I've heard that which is so annoying but I have heard apparently cases involving children are solved quicker than adults if that's true yet again I don't know just taking things I get told on the chin and having to wait and see what the outcome of everything is going to be but I don't believe anything that comes out of his families mouth as they say too many lies about everyone and anyone so going to wait to see what evidence if any is found because that will then be proof instead of hearsay

[AmandaF]

I've only skim read this thread but she just sounds like a desperate , spiteful female.

Not content with making allegations against your OH she starts on you??

It's only natural to have moments of doubt. i hope all works out ok

[Kittykat23]

I've only skim read this thread but she just sounds like a desperate , spiteful female.

Not content with making allegations against your OH she starts on you??

It's only natural to have moments of doubt. i hope all works out ok

She is her whole family are the same love drama but have no idea what they're doing or who they're making suffer that's why I hate every single one of them I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth unless evidence gets proven that's when I'll be paying attention but till then I still think his innocent.

I don't care what she has to say about my past because not relevant to this case and only reason she knows is because her mum and dad told her when we were going through child protection conferences and stuff.

Thank you and yeah I did last week but I think it was more shock of what she said but it's only hearsay so I'm not paying attention to it because everything they say people listen too but till evidence backs that it's only going to be hearsay.

[hello88]

i honestly feel that you need to tell OIC or Solicitor directly otherwise if they've heard it through mum then they may only class it as hearsay...

when i read about you not being able to go to counselling i felt like finding out where you live to offer to babysit (but that would probably just be a bit weird) but i know how it is when you've already asked so much of friends/family and then the children are bad behaved because they don't know what's going on.... despite being ill many times, i only been the doctors twice (in 10 months) because i felt like i couldn't ask any more of my family and i have friends who don't know what's going on, (they just presumed me and OH have split) - but it is important to take time for yourself. Maybe speak to other mums on like netmums/mumsnet or something. Even just writing in a diary how you feel.

Or, do you know,it sounds awful (hangs head in shame) but i read on the 'serious' forums of netmums ect and see what hell other people are going through and it puts things in a bit or perspective.. if that makes sense???

Keep Strong xxxxx

[jittery]

hi

She is her whole family are the same love drama but have no idea what they're doing or who they're making suffer that's why I hate every single one of them I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth unless evidence gets proven that's when I'll be paying attention but till then I still think his innocent.

I don't care what she has to say about my past because not relevant to this case and only reason she knows is because her mum and dad told her when we were going through child protection conferences and stuff.

Thank you and yeah I did last week but I think it was more shock of what she said but it's only hearsay so I'm not paying attention to it because everything they say people listen too but till evidence backs that it's only going to be hearsay.

I would agree with hello88, I would take all this evidence to your oh's sol. You can't just produce things on the day, lovely if you could, be nice to surprise them. My oic said my fa and myself could change our tales, but they would be viewed suspiciously if they departed too much from the original story. Be aware though that's what west mids police think, other forces may have a different take on it.
Stay strong

[Kittykat23]

i honestly feel that you need to tell OIC or Solicitor directly otherwise if they've heard it through mum then they may only class it as hearsay...

when i read about you not being able to go to counselling i felt like finding out where you live to offer to babysit (but that would probably just be a bit weird) but i know how it is when you've already asked so much of friends/family and then the children are bad behaved because they don't know what's going on.... despite being ill many times, i only been the doctors twice (in 10 months) because i felt like i couldn't ask any more of my family and i have friends who don't know what's going on, (they just presumed me and OH have split) - but it is important to take time for yourself. Maybe speak to other mums on like netmums/mumsnet or something. Even just writing in a diary how you feel.

Or, do you know,it sounds awful (hangs head in shame) but i read on the 'serious' forums of netmums ect and see what hell other people are going through and it puts things in a bit or perspective.. if that makes sense???



Keep Strong xxxxx

How do you go about telling the OIC as I would but have no numbers of his solicitor and don't know the crime reference number so a bit confused on who I tell the information too as I think it definitely needs to be mentioned.

Good news it's not with cps so still under police investigation and my oh has been told he can attend the child protection conference so I'm guessing that's good news but will find out Wednesday why my children are going back on child protection after being put on child in need I don't know as no concerns have been risen about me just my oh of the allegations and his mental health but the boys are in my care.

Finding care is so hard but I have a lot of support with a key worker and family support worker which has been really helpful through all this counselling I might start up again when and if I can but at the moment I'm staying strong minded and talking to those that I can when and if I need too just so confusing but if what his sister was saying was true he would be on remand not bail so I've gone with my gut feeling that I had all along that his innocent till proven guilty and that his family are liars till evidence backs them up and with thinking like that seems to be helping me day by day.

No one but my family and my best friend know what's going on at the moment people just think we've broken up because of his mental health and that's how I'm going to keep it but I do know his family are talking as people are now saying things but they have no idea apart from what they get told so Chinese whispers but as long as I keep myself and my sons safe that's all that matters and away from negative people.

Keeping strong xxx

[Bene]

I saw my partners sister today she came up to me and said that their is proof that he did rape her and her sister and that the medical examination they both went through that will show that, also I got told that her brothers have now made claims of sexual assault so that's 5 of them all saying they've been wronged by my partner and that he will get re-bailed on Tuesday but will be getting interviewed Thursday or Friday now would she know that? Wouldn't he get charged by now if their is evidence or is she lying I just have no idea I'm in shock to have even seen her let alone been told all that now I just don't know what to believe no matter what happens my partner will never have contact with his sons again that's been confirmed so our relationship is over I just don't know how to feel after hearing all that I really thought he was innocent but I just don't know how all this works and they all lie so hard to know what to believe :'( feel heartbroken and feel really sorry for my 2 sons :'(

Dear Kitty Kat,

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this crappy mess.

From my experience medical evidence takes some time to be assessed, so if there is any like his sister Has said it will come to light. But in the mean time please focus on yourself, you are pregnant and have a small child to care for. Your wellbeing should come first Hun.

people do stupid and crazy things when they feel justified, desparete, wronged or angry. By your ex partner's sister approaching you while being pregnant might seem extreme to others but perhaps she felt justified.

Like the others have said collect as much evidence/ information and pass it on to the Qic.

Please take care of yourself most importantly
X

[Question.everything.32]

Always trust your gut that's what's it's there for millions of years of human evolution can't be wrong.

Lots of people find them self's in horrible situations that they don't know how to get out of trust me I know.

But while you take care of the oh remember to take care of yourself and your baby (his included)

I really hope all your family are OK and you pull through this together.

So much love x

[Lilyput]

First of all big big hugs!! Secondly because FA's are such are touchy subject those of us who are victims of FA's or supporting victims will tend to feel his sister is lying and those victims of rape will likely think she is telling the truth. But in reality we don't know this family and cannot make that judgement.

I agree with above that you need to go with your gut, has this sister lied about things in other circumstances? You also don't have to consider it all right now as it's so so huge. Just focus on you and your babies until any evidence comes to light (or doesn't) if it does not exist. Unfortunately you may not know all the facts (or lack of them) until there is a charge and he gets the paperwork or if there is NFA then you can probably assume this evidence is fabricated.

Lastly guilty or innocent she wasn't justified in coming to you with anything the police should be notified ASAP as you would be in a lot of trouble if it was the other way around. Anybody who thinks it's okay to accost a heavily pregnant woman about a situation she is now removed from is not firing on all cylinders on my humble opinion, so ignore that comment hun.

[AmandaF]

Even the police will tell you untrue things in the hope that you'll pass on information- it's tactics that they, the accuser etc will use to brow beat you.

Stay strong, it's ****