A wife of a husband falsely accused ....

[Megane2015]

if you don't want people to snap at you, then it might be a good idea to cease and desist from making your usual nasty comments the way you do. I am astounded you are back.

If your life is still a mess then maybe get help, join other forums more suited to you and your ilk, and leave those who are looking for genuine help alone.

Well said Rights Fighter 👍😄

[Rights Fighter]

I have posted a link to another support forum elsewhere, but here it is again

http://www.accused.me.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=19

I didn't want to do this, but I have Admin permissions on there and if she appeared she would be booted off with no yellow card and 2nd chances.

KM81, please do keep posting. If you find that you cannot due to the nasty member, please try the accused.me forums. I would hate to think that you are left on your own worried about what is happening to you at the moment.

Hold on in there

[Franticwithworry]

Hi again km81. I too have stewed quietly, wondering how best to offer support without hijacking your thread. Please don't be put off by one person's issues. There is often one person, sometimes more than one, on a forum like this who is so wrapped up in themselves and their own issues that they can do nothing but reflect everything back on themselves and their own prejudices. Please try your hardest to ignore that.


You ARE in a VERY good place here. If you cruise the boards a bit you will find lots of people who have received a NFA (no further action) letter. They tend not to come back much as they need to focus on getting on with their lives, but read their stories, they are heartening.

Then there are lots more people who have had to endure a trial but come out the other side with a Not Guilty verdict. That's another kind of journey, but for many, many people, if not most, truth does out and that is a thing that it is essential to hang on to.

Finally, there is the waiting time. You are just at the beginning of that, and there are plenty of people you can talk to if you want to who will buoy you up and not try to bring you down.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best is a good maxim, know that it's the biggest emotional roller-coaster ride that you and your husband have ever experienced, and a great source for finding legal advice if you need it - and if you need it it MUST be a specialist.

And please be assured that you have friends here.

You do. You really do.

[KB19]

Hi KM81

A Warm welcome to you and you definitely in the right place I myself am a OH of a on bail ( due to answer bail in next few days ) married for 22 years but together a lot longer . We are totally devastated in the accusation made against him - nearly 6 ago he is scared and struggles most days but trying not to show it. We had to leave our house and business and my other job too and all caused by someone who who just loves attention as we cannot think she is put up to it - or maybe we can time will tell , in the meantime we are trying to have at least one positive thing a day even something small - we don't socialise with anyone ( other than our family who are a godsend) and have almost cut ourselves off the world we once knew - so many things have happened and if course them ( police) only interested in complainant may as well be there own solicitor . I rang to say after an incident to be told by OIC ( what do you want expect me to do about it ) how professional I was genuinely scared dont think would ever dial 999 ) . Have absolutely no faith in them.

So just to add as others you are among friends all who either have experiences to share and others with really excellent advice . Hope you are doing ok and your OH too it takes so long to go through all this process so do post or even PM me if you wish

[km81]

Thanks for your replies everyone ...

OH was arrested in October, interviewed and bailed until Jan, was then re bailed and case sent to CPS and now bail time approaching in next couple weeks. OH accused by his daughter from a previous marriage. Our children are now under SS who have been good in a lot of ways but awful in others, they have said they have no concerns regarding the children which is a relief. OH is obviously not allowed to stay at home with us, and has supervised contact with our children weekly. I never imagined I would go through all 3 children's birthdays, Christmas, my birthday, my child having an operation and now easter in this way.
Everyone who knows what is going on (which is very few) keep saying it's her word against his and there's no evidence but I have read plenty of people have been charged on one word against the other ... I am so worried about what life holds for us next... I have never felt that I had so little control over our future in my life! My emotions are all over the place as are his, some days I can't even be are the thought of him near me and other days i miss him like crazy .

[Franticwithworry]

Thanks for your replies everyone ...

OH was arrested in October, interviewed and bailed until Jan, was then re bailed and case sent to CPS and now bail time approaching in next couple weeks. OH accused by his daughter from a previous marriage. Our children are now under SS who have been good in a lot of ways but awful in others, they have said they have no concerns regarding the children which is a relief. OH is obviously not allowed to stay at home with us, and has supervised contact with our children weekly. I never imagined I would go through all 3 children's birthdays, Christmas, my birthday, my child having an operation and now easter in this way.
Everyone who knows what is going on (which is very few) keep saying it's her word against his and there's no evidence but I have read plenty of people have been charged on one word against the other ... I am so worried about what life holds for us next... I have never felt that I had so little control over our future in my life! My emotions are all over the place as are his, some days I can't even be are the thought of him near me and other days i miss him like crazy .

I don't want to give you false hope for a quick resolution, but if CPS have the file already it sounds as though things are moving and that's a good thing. The less time you spend in this dreadful limbo the better. It's also good to hear that SS have no concerns and have not stopped access for your children altogether. That seems to happen for some people, which is dreadful. Not that your situation isn't dreadful enough.

I'm so sorry to hear that one of your children had an operation recently and your husband's support was limited because of all this. The repercussions are so far reaching. I hope he or she is making a good recovery.

It's understandable that your emotions are everywhere. My man got another 3 months bail recently and I was in pieces for the few days running up to the date. It's also understandable that you feel you have no control because you don't and it's terrifying, but it will change. This will come to an end though, and the net result may be that no matter how angry your husband's daughter was to make her do such a dreadful thing to you both, that you and he will have a stronger relationship because if it. Yes, he may get charged just on her word, but as others have said here, that's not the end of the story, that's the opportunity to defend himself and put his side of the story. You can't control it, so for now, just try to take one day at a time. It's all we can do really.

[km81]

Thank you Frantic with worry your words and kindness are very comforting x

[Staystrong1]

Hi KM81

Can totally understand how you are feeling in the awful limboland that you are in with your OH having a FA made. There is no worse fate other than serious illness that you can find yourself in. My OH found unanimously NG last year following nearly 2 years from the FA being made to,trial. It took many months until charged which caused both uf us to be ill through anxiety. Off work with stress, SS involvement, its the not knowing that is so awful.OH Historic case 20 years ago. Hopefully your case will be NFA but dont lose hope if a charge does come because that is when the real fight begins to,defend himself and CPS will forward disclosure pack with full details of FA. This is where you will be able to find any discrepancies lies and hopefully be able to disprove the FA with the help,of your legal representive team. There are lots of things you can do even in historic cases. Keep strong and you can get through this, you are doing well. We are a few months through it now and life has returned to some sort of normality but i remember exactly how you feel, birthdays, christmas easter you just dont get to celebrate them. Just Take one day at a time and try not to,second guess all the time. Happy to chat if you feel it might help. Finding this forum a couple of months after FA made was a life saver for me x

[hello88]

Thanks for your replies everyone ...

OH was arrested in October, interviewed and bailed until Jan, was then re bailed and case sent to CPS and now bail time approaching in next couple weeks. OH accused by his daughter from a previous marriage. Our children are now under SS who have been good in a lot of ways but awful in others, they have said they have no concerns regarding the children which is a relief. OH is obviously not allowed to stay at home with us, and has supervised contact with our children weekly. I never imagined I would go through all 3 children's birthdays, Christmas, my birthday, my child having an operation and now easter in this way.
Everyone who knows what is going on (which is very few) keep saying it's her word against his and there's no evidence but I have read plenty of people have been charged on one word against the other ... I am so worried about what life holds for us next... I have never felt that I had so little control over our future in my life! My emotions are all over the place as are his, some days I can't even be are the thought of him near me and other days i miss him like crazy .

HELLLOOO!!

even though the allegation sounds different, sounds very similar in how the way ss are dealing with things to us, my OH is allowed supervised contact a couple of times a week (after 3 weeks of no contact, and not allowed to say goodbye, then 3 months of contact once a week) and not allowed to stay at our home, they also have no other concerns regarding the children, have been through our youngest 1st birthday (and a heap of first, such as walking and words ect..), summer holidays, christmas, and easter. My other two childrens birthdays are in a few weeks so if we don't get good news next week (bail date) then it would of tainted all those as well

how do your children cope after contact? i'm having great difficulty with my eldest (6 years old) i think seperation anxiety is an understatement with her (sorry i'm gassing on about my probs here but just really want to let you know you are not alone and to go through all those things (including one of your children having an operation) and keeping so strong is fantastic. Some days are harder than others but someone said to me that "nothing less than true love can survive an ordeal like this" .. so true,

keep strong

@bene - really?????? do you honestly think that any person would go through the ordeal of ss, police, standing by their man through every day of not knowing whats going to happen, through every fear of each bail date, through every 'give up' moment, and months.. months even years..... of this trauma and for some going as far as court trials. Loss of jobs, earning, friends, family!! traumitised kids (and that is no exaggeration) - only a woman would go through that if they knew they were fighting for an innocent man!!!! and breatttthhhhh........ .

[Megane2015]

HELLLOOO!!

even though the allegation sounds different, sounds very similar in how the way ss are dealing with things to us, my OH is allowed supervised contact a couple of times a week (after 3 weeks of no contact, and not allowed to say goodbye, then 3 months of contact once a week) and not allowed to stay at our home, they also have no other concerns regarding the children, have been through our youngest 1st birthday (and a heap of first, such as walking and words ect..), summer holidays, christmas, and easter. My other two childrens birthdays are in a few weeks so if we don't get good news next week (bail date) then it would of tainted all those as well

how do your children cope after contact? i'm having great difficulty with my eldest (6 years old) i think seperation anxiety is an understatement with her (sorry i'm gassing on about my probs here but just really want to let you know you are not alone and to go through all those things (including one of your children having an operation) and keeping so strong is fantastic. Some days are harder than others but someone said to me that "nothing less than true love can survive an ordeal like this" .. so true,

keep strong

@bene - really?????? do you honestly think that any person would go through the ordeal of ss, police, standing by their man through every day of not knowing whats going to happen, through every fear of each bail date, through every 'give up' moment, and months.. months even years..... of this trauma and for some going as far as court trials. Loss of jobs, earning, friends, family!! traumitised kids (and that is no exaggeration) - only a woman would go through that if they knew they were fighting for an innocent man!!!! and breatttthhhhh........ .

My thoughts exactly I wouldn't have gone through all this if I had any doubt at all. I've lost family, friends and money but I won't stop fighting for my man. I'm really proud of my man, always have been always will be. 😊

[km81]

My children are better now they have regular contact and know where they are with seeing their dad. My 14 year old gets very angry over it all and the youngest sometimes has a few tears randomly.

He had a call from the police this evening and has been re bailed until 4th August They said cases are taking 3-4 months to come back from the cps at the moment. His case went off to the cps around 20 Jan so is due back anytime.

Thoughts and emotions are all over the place right now x

[Franticwithworry]

From what I understand, the CPS can send files back to the police with instructions to find/get more information, so they seem to work together and it's not just the CPS making a decision based on what the police send them. If I've got this wrong, I'm sure someone with greater knowledge than I will set things straight, but I wouldn't want you to set your heart on a firm decision in the very near future if that might not happen. Hang in there though, as with so long a bail date, there's plenty of time for the police to get told to do something, do it and still have a decision before August. He can be released from bail at any time, so the OIC told us.

It must be very hard for your 14-year-old too. Younger children can benefit greatly from routine, even when it's outside what should be going on, but your teenager will likely have a very keen sense of the injustice of all this and miss his Dad desperately on that basis.