Charged

[itsover]

hello.

firstly, this site has been invaluable since my arrest at the end of summer last year. Please remember that whilst only some people post, many others like me are reading and learning.

After my arrest, I appointed a solicitor and barrister to help me through the pre-charge phase and get my side across. I don't want to get into detail as I guess the police read these posts too, but the long and the short of it is that after months on bail the CPS have now recommended charging me.

From the day I was arrested I said that if I was charged I would take my life. I have always felt that would be better than putting my wife and two beautiful children through a trial. If justice can miscarry this far, whats to stop it convicting me next? By being charged I will lose my job, house, family and everything.

I may not be the most moral person, but I am not a rapist. Being unfaithful is one thing and I deserve to be divorced, but to be accused of such a horrific crime. I would rather be accused of murder than this.

I dont know if I can face the shame to come. I need to make a decision. But doing that makes me look guilty when I swear to God I am not. And it will destroy everyone who loves me and has stood by me. I am a ****ing mess right now.

[lazy lass]

Please do not lose hope. This is your time to fight and tell your side of events. Nothing is worth leaving your loved ones, you will get support and help from others on here. It must be a nightmare for you but somehow you will cope and get inner strength from somewhere to carry on. Please don't give up, your voice has still to be heard. Keep strong.

[hello88]

from a wife of someone who has been falsely accused, i beg you do not end your life. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day my husband will be back, i don't know when, but that hope is what keeps me going. If you end your life your wife will have no hope. I can't even mention the effect it would have on your children!! (after having a meeting 2 days ago about the effect mentally our accusation has had on my children i cant imagine how awful it would be if my husband committed suicide.) I have read so many times on here that saying being charged is when your fighting starts. You will have your day in court to say the truth, this is where things are looked at from both sides, this really is your time to fight. Don't give up because all you would be doing is leaving your wife to fight on her own, with 2 kids. Put it like this... i'd rather stand beside my husband for 100 court case trials and accusations then go to his funeral. If you wife is still standing by you through what you've been so far then i'm certain she will be thinking the same.

Keep strong xxxxxxx

[xHatx]

indeed -your never know what gonna happened next, may be tomorrow will be brighter,
last step you can take in any day- so why- harry?

and you can 't tell what will destroy your family more
let them deside on whose side they are ,don't take the chance to help you from them

I am happy that my son shared with me his problems, and that was not easy for him to start speak
I am with him -no matter what, and we not going give up
and you are

[itsover]

Thank you all. I am not giving up, just offloading and just very, very scared. I've never had an issue with the police ever and now I feel like the whole system is out to get me.

[lazy lass]

I know you must feel desperate, but please don't do anything to harm yourself, use all your anger to get through this and come out fighting. Your wife and children need you as much as you need them. Keep posting on here doesn't matter what you want to say or how you say it,we will all help you through this difficult time, your not on your own.

[Scaredlad]

Things will get better mate, its hell I know but those that know you will know the truth. I'm bricking myself at the moment but looking forward to it being over as know who my true friends are now. Focus on what you can take from it once your cleared of all charges.

[itsover]

Thank you. Does anyone know what the likelihood of remand is when being charged? I can't imagine not coming out when I go in next week. I haven't breached any of my bail conditions.

Absolutely guilty until proved innocent- its all so wrong. This forum shouldnt need to exist, but just having people to talk to tonight is a godsend. Thank you so much.

[Absolute_Innocent]

Itsover - if you were originally questioned in the summer of last year, it seems inevitable that you will be allowed out on remand. I'm sure if you were that much "of a risk" then they would have caught up with you a long time ago. As people have said, it's now flight or fight; I know what I will be choosing!

You'll soon get all the paperwork and no doubt the elaborated story, you'll find holes in it and that will make you more positive. Stay strong. AI

[itsover]

Thanks, AI. I guess I have to fight and I know I am innocent. I might lose everything in the process, but if that's the way this works then so be it.

[Absolute_Innocent]

Unfortunately buddy, in the current climate: that's exactly what it is. Just like you, pre-charge I've also instructed a partner at a firm. Now is the time to research their background and just work out if you're happy with them at the relationship you have with them.

The more and more NG's we get at court will hopefully mean that the less cases are taken to trial and the less taxpayers money is spent. We are all going to be behind you.

Have you worked out the timeline, motives, etc? I had no doubt for a minute that you would not fight this, ending things now would make it look like you are guilty - we know you aren't so we are all behind you to fight this. AI x

[itsover]

Thank you so much. Really, my evening has turned around because of you guys.

I still don't understand the motive behind the accusation. I don't want to go into detail on here as I guess bad people as well as good read these posts, but it was a 'fun' night out and then wham, police at my door a couple of days after. I have gone over and over why someone could do this and I still can't be sure but a lot of people talk about compensation, even when someone is found not guilty- how can that be?

[Malkie]

Who knows why we get accused? Revenge? Pure evil intentions? Money?

When I was arrested at 5.15am on a Sunday, I had NO IDEA what was going on. I spent the next 7 or 8 hours in a police cell without speaking to anyone. During that time, I had my suicide all neatly worked out.

Its only the thought of what it would do to my loved ones that keeps me from ending it all. That, and others will say well he MUST be guilty. I'm in the raw state of mind at present - 7 weeks out of prison now, and I feel worse than I did when I was inside. But I HAVE to believe things will get better, as they will for you itsover. There ain't no quick fix or magic bullet, unfortunately. I hope you're able to cope in the weeks to come.

[itsover]

Thanks, Malkie and sorry you are feeling rough. Even sorrier you ended up in prison. That still doesnt even feel possible that in this day and age innocent people can be charged, let alone be sent down. I hope it settles down soon.

[Purgatory]

Sorry itsover about the charge and I hope you keep strong as only you can win this torrid battle with the right support of course. I am in exactly the same position as I have just been charged at the start of the week. The immediate feeling of emptiness and utter dejection was very painful and exacerbated by the fact I cut myself off from my friends too. I have started to come out of this black hole a bit at the moment after seeing a couple of good friends and receiving a bit of support which can be an absolute blessing in this difficult situation. Your immediate feeling about putting your children through this resonate with me also as my two daughters will too and in fact have already been going through this whole mess. At times I have been feeling that I have already been found guilty without even setting one foot in court [a situation I have never experienced also] as I will probably lose my job, maybe forced to sell my house and more importantly being prevented to see my daughters who I have always cared for practically on a daily basis, well before any trial.

As others have stated, its indeed very wise not to reveal too much. I was desperate when I was first accused as I just did not know what to do, so I posted a bit too much about my case on here. I thought that the accusation was so frivolous and false so much that I wanted to tell the world about it and that the CPS would throw it away but here I am with a charge of SA! I have kept somewhat busy over the last few days by jotting down everything about the whole thing, enough to write a book at the moment! I am also busy looking for a good legal representation, preferably based in my area. I have and must stand up for myself as simply no one else is going to do this for me.

It won't be a nice feeling when they ask you to put your signatures on the charge sheet but at the end of the day it's only a piece of paper which does not imply guilt or a jail sentence. I know exactly that it's very difficult not to feel scared right now and also over the coming months but I have to at least be prepared and fight. And that's what I am gonna do. I am sure you will also.