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It's 4 am and this is ****ing exhausting.
So I'm 18 and I was falsely accused of rape twice. This hell began months ago, and because of it I was kicked out of my dream school and I feel like each time I begin to breathe it gets worst. Without getting into detail I drunkly hooked up with someone with complete consent one night and things were completely okay. We talked about it in the morning, but by the end of the week I felt like the whole campus knew about her being upset about this before I did. Then that friday she told me she was going to the school about it. Fast forward to about a month later I'm pulled out of my class and told there was a second complaint, someone who I hooked up with earlier in the year heard the rumor and decided that I had taken advantage of. What makes her story more tricky is that halfway through sex she decided that she didn't want to, which was fine by me she she said no stop, we stopped. I let her go leave we talked about it in the morning. Things were fine between us we talked and had normal conversations after, and now she decides to report it. so I was kicked out of the school, I'd also like to mention that I was hundreds of miles away from home on a different coast and pretty much homeless.
Anyways fast forward to now. I get a lawyer and we have the title IX meeting about the first girl who went to the school and her story is as holey as swiss cheese and it pisses me off because I felt like they weren't being fair about it at all. One of my biggest problems is that she claims she doesn't remember but remembers how many times we had sex and I just feel like the whole thing was basis and her story is evidently flawed. It also doesn't help that all her witnesses are on her side and have had time to talk about this over, what they were going to say etc. The meeting was hell like all I did was sit back and listen to a ton of people who felt like I was guilty talk and they weren't even taking what my lawyer was saying into account. It pisses me off.
So they determined I was expelled, that's cool and fine by me. But I got another email about the meeting about the second girl and I can't do it. That again it's just too emotionally taxing it feels like hell I hate it I don't want to talk to them again I'm already expelled form the school. So why can't they just please drop it I'm not going to give another statement so just leave me alone. I don't want another meeting.
This is the most traumatic thing to even happen to me and I'm trying to be strong but it's ****ing hard I didn't even get to finish a semester of college. My campus was super small too so I watched most if not all my friends switch sides like rubix cubes. And I ****ing hate it. Watching everything you do or did get recontextualized and misconstrued turning you into some creepy villian-esque character. What I hate the most is that for lack of a better term I'm a moderately internet famous person and I feel so anxious on social media now, like I'm scared that one moment I'll log on and see all this **** throw in my face and watch this story get blown around social circles. Before all this social media was my safe haven but I feel so terrified to even like an instagram photo. I'm terrified of the city this happened in, like yes the city is dense and there's millions of people there but at the same time it's small but I'm so scared of running into my old classmates and it sucks because that city is a great place but I'm so scared of it. I lost all my friends up there because of this and I hate it. I'm scared to even go back to any college at all, this situation makes me feel so anxious around people I'm so scared this will catch up with me at this new college and ruin it for me there. I hate it I hate this. This is petrifying.
I want to move on with my life, but I'm scared to do anything permeant because while this was happening I was trying to go on with my life but like i said before each time I breathe and I start to feel safe the rug gets pulled from under me. Like i was doing that there and it just kept getting worst like I had things set in stone for me and opportunities and I had to abandon that and come home.
This is the scariest part I really want to be a musician I want to make music for the rest of my life, I want to win grammies and tour the world and I'm terrified that this has runined my dream before I even got a chance to really chase it and because of that I honestly don't really see a point. I know that's morbid but when the only thing you've every wanted in life get's destroyed it's just really hard.
So I'm 18 and I was falsely accused of rape twice. This hell began months ago, and because of it I was kicked out of my dream school and I feel like each time I begin to breathe it gets worst. Without getting into detail I drunkly hooked up with someone with complete consent one night and things were completely okay. We talked about it in the morning, but by the end of the week I felt like the whole campus knew about her being upset about this before I did. Then that friday she told me she was going to the school about it. Fast forward to about a month later I'm pulled out of my class and told there was a second complaint, someone who I hooked up with earlier in the year heard the rumor and decided that I had taken advantage of. What makes her story more tricky is that halfway through sex she decided that she didn't want to, which was fine by me she she said no stop, we stopped. I let her go leave we talked about it in the morning. Things were fine between us we talked and had normal conversations after, and now she decides to report it. so I was kicked out of the school, I'd also like to mention that I was hundreds of miles away from home on a different coast and pretty much homeless.
Anyways fast forward to now. I get a lawyer and we have the title IX meeting about the first girl who went to the school and her story is as holey as swiss cheese and it pisses me off because I felt like they weren't being fair about it at all. One of my biggest problems is that she claims she doesn't remember but remembers how many times we had sex and I just feel like the whole thing was basis and her story is evidently flawed. It also doesn't help that all her witnesses are on her side and have had time to talk about this over, what they were going to say etc. The meeting was hell like all I did was sit back and listen to a ton of people who felt like I was guilty talk and they weren't even taking what my lawyer was saying into account. It pisses me off.
So they determined I was expelled, that's cool and fine by me. But I got another email about the meeting about the second girl and I can't do it. That again it's just too emotionally taxing it feels like hell I hate it I don't want to talk to them again I'm already expelled form the school. So why can't they just please drop it I'm not going to give another statement so just leave me alone. I don't want another meeting.
This is the most traumatic thing to even happen to me and I'm trying to be strong but it's ****ing hard I didn't even get to finish a semester of college. My campus was super small too so I watched most if not all my friends switch sides like rubix cubes. And I ****ing hate it. Watching everything you do or did get recontextualized and misconstrued turning you into some creepy villian-esque character. What I hate the most is that for lack of a better term I'm a moderately internet famous person and I feel so anxious on social media now, like I'm scared that one moment I'll log on and see all this **** throw in my face and watch this story get blown around social circles. Before all this social media was my safe haven but I feel so terrified to even like an instagram photo. I'm terrified of the city this happened in, like yes the city is dense and there's millions of people there but at the same time it's small but I'm so scared of running into my old classmates and it sucks because that city is a great place but I'm so scared of it. I lost all my friends up there because of this and I hate it. I'm scared to even go back to any college at all, this situation makes me feel so anxious around people I'm so scared this will catch up with me at this new college and ruin it for me there. I hate it I hate this. This is petrifying.
I want to move on with my life, but I'm scared to do anything permeant because while this was happening I was trying to go on with my life but like i said before each time I breathe and I start to feel safe the rug gets pulled from under me. Like i was doing that there and it just kept getting worst like I had things set in stone for me and opportunities and I had to abandon that and come home.
This is the scariest part I really want to be a musician I want to make music for the rest of my life, I want to win grammies and tour the world and I'm terrified that this has runined my dream before I even got a chance to really chase it and because of that I honestly don't really see a point. I know that's morbid but when the only thing you've every wanted in life get's destroyed it's just really hard.
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