What will the consequences be if i let him stay over :/

[emmapig]

Please does anyone know what will happen ... it just seems very unfair if its a false allegation! which I totally believe it is - he had sex with her but then made it clear he wasn't interested in pursing anything further sooooooo My boyfriend has been accused of rape. The alleged incident happened on Saturday. He handed himself in on Monday and was bailed the same day to live in another county. He lived with me. I have been told that he can visit me but as I have an 11 yr old daughter who stays with me twice a week he isn't allowed to stay over. What are the consequences should I let him?

[Bene]

Please does anyone know what will happen ... it just seems very unfair if its a false allegation! which I totally believe it is - he had sex with her but then made it clear he wasn't interested in pursing anything further sooooooo My boyfriend has been accused of rape. The alleged incident happened on Saturday. He handed himself in on Monday and was bailed the same day to live in another county. He lived with me. I have been told that he can visit me but as I have an 11 yr old daughter who stays with me twice a week he isn't allowed to stay over. What are the consequences should I let him?

Dear Emma,
I'm very sorry you have found yourself here.
I can't offer you much advice as I've not been falsely accused myself, but the other members who have. Would be a great help to you.
Hopefully for your sake your boyfriend didn't do it and his innocent.

But your daughter should come first before any man. His not her father) So as you only have her twice a week. Perhaps don't have him stay over when you have your daughter. Till the investigation comes to some sort of conclusion.

Stay strong and god bless you

X

[emmapig]

But the officer implied that it was regardless of if she was there or not :/ they also said social services would be in touch ! its lunacy and will cause me no end of bother if her father finds out ....actually he will probably stop her coming at all ! she's in private education so my time with her is very important and of course she will always come first ! But i just cant get my head around it all Thank you for your reply

[Bene]

But the officer implied that it was regardless of if she was there or not :/ they also said social services would be in touch ! its lunacy and will cause me no end of bother if her father finds out ....actually he will probably stop her coming at all ! she's in private education so my time with her is very important and of course she will always come first ! But i just cant get my head around it all Thank you for your reply

Dear Emma your welcome,

I honestly don't know what to say, I'm not a victim of false accusation, but was a victim of rape.
Please try not to panic and remain calm. I know this can be a total shock and you must feel like your whole is falling apart. I've been there trust me.

Firstly how would the detective know every time when your boyfriend comes over?
Unless they are monitoring him with an electronic tag.
So he won't have any idea when he comes over.

Regarding social services, those annoying buggers get involve over everything, your child can't sneeze without social services being called.
From my personal experience, social services were called with me, I was attacked in my home by a guy I was involved with and my younger siblings where in the house sleeping upstairs. I was absolutely terrified, as my mum didn't know what happened and would of killed me knowing I invited a boy over and was sleeping with him in her house.

But the social worker lady was nice, she didn't tell my mum what happened, after couple of sessions and meetings with her she closed the case.

My point is try not to worry, if social services get involve.


May I ask how long have you been with this guy?

Instead of him coming over your house, in the meantime you can make over arrangements.

Please try not to worry.

[emmapig]

I've known him 2 yrs - he's lived at mine for 5 mths .. And he's been forced to move 1 1/2 hrs drive away This "incident" happened nearly 5 days ago now and I've not been asked to go and give a statement or anything yet :/ I would have thought that I would be key in the investigation as he spent time just before and after it allegedly happened :/ Should I take this as a good sign (I have had zero dealings with the police) or not? Do social service write to you to arrange to come and see you or do they ring or just turn up ? This is just madness !!! I've done nothing wrong ... I believe he's done nothing more than hurt a girls feelings and all this from that im sickened by it .... truly sickened ! and very very sad

[Bene]

I've known him 2 yrs - he's lived at mine for 5 mths .. And he's been forced to move 1 1/2 hrs drive away This "incident" happened nearly 5 days ago now and I've not been asked to go and give a statement or anything yet :/ I would have thought that I would be key in the investigation as he spent time just before and after it allegedly happened :/ Should I take this as a good sign (I have had zero dealings with the police) or not? Do social service write to you to arrange to come and see you or do they ring or just turn up ? This is just madness !!! I've done nothing wrong ... I believe he's done nothing more than hurt a girls feelings and all this from that im sickened by it .... truly sickened ! and very very sad

Dear Emma,

If it's been 5 days and the police have not yet asked you to make a statement, than you can call the detective yourself and offer to arrange a time when you can make a statement.
5 days is not that long, either the police are very busy dealing with other cases or they're not taking this one seriously enough.

Have you got any family or close friends that you can confined in?
You usually be dealing with all of this yourself. It's not your fault!! And you shouldn't be dealing with someone else's mistake.

Social service they would call you and arrange an appointment with you. They might like to speak with your daughter and do a risk assessment. But that I'd only if they get involve.

You've only been together for 5 months.
Perhaps you can press pause on the romantic side with this guy for the time being. You can still offer him emotional support and be there for him. But you don't want to drive yourself mad over someone else actions.

It's totally up to you Hun.

And speaking from experience, police investigations take months, mine took 4 months till the police came back and said they weren't going to take it any further. It's a horrible stressful wait and not knowing what the outcome would be. It must be even worst when it's someone you care about is being avoided and their innocent.
You need to look after yourself and your daughter first.

Perhaps you can try talking to your daughters father, about what going on getting his support. It would be better coming from you. Rather than if social services contacted him.
And can I ask you something how can you be so certain your boyfriend is innocent?
Speaking from a different view point I always wanted to understand how some women stand by there partners or husband. Because the truth is no one can never know what really happened. And you can only go by what they tell you and your experience with that person.
Please I hope you don't take offence.

[emmapig]

No offence taken at all thank you for replying - his version of events are incredibly plausible tbh but I wasn't there and I haven't got a clue what went on :/ we've been together 2 yrs not 5 mths. I have a friend who is a social worker that I can trust and will be speaking with her tonight. But yes your right my family comes first! its just such a terrible situation to be in I am wracked with guilt and I always will be As for approaching her father ... 12 years of an abusive relationship with that guy ! not a chance he must ever ever ever find out about this

[Bene]

No offence taken at all thank you for replying - his version of events are incredibly plausible tbh but I wasn't there and I haven't got a clue what went on :/ we've been together 2 yrs not 5 mths. I have a friend who is a social worker that I can trust and will be speaking with her tonight. But yes your right my family comes first! its just such a terrible situation to be in I am wracked with guilt and I always will be As for approaching her father ... 12 years of an abusive relationship with that guy ! not a chance he must ever ever ever find out about this

Dear Emma
Oh okay sorry)

Well I'm glad you have at least 1 person you can talk to. You should not be dealing with all of this on your own. And the forum room is great when it comes to falsely accused. The other members can offer you a lot of emotional support stick around and hopefully someone else's replies and offers you better advice than me lol

It is!! I can only imagine, how horrible it is for you and anyone who has been fasely accused. God knows why these women, men make up these lies!!!

I'll pray that everything works out well for you.
Be strong and put your family first!!
I wish you all the best
Take care
God bless

[AmandaF]

I'm not really sure why you would be asked to make a statement tbh unless you had witnessed something to do with the incident . Even if there was some discrepancy as to time etc the cops don't really investigate .

The SS may well just arrive on your doorstep as maybe child protection but as the accuser is not a minor i would be surprised at this. Until you know for certain, I would not have him stay over. the fact that he has been bailed away from home suggests conditions have been applied and you need to know what they are before making a decision
Supporting falsely accused people is a difficult lonely road to travel and I would ask you to consider this (and I know it might be hurtful).

Would you really want to jeopardise your security and that of your daughter for someone who cheated? Support him if you believe him to be innocent, but you and your daughter's wellbeing is the most important factor in all this.

I'm supporting my wrongly convicted OH and it's a horrible position to be in. The accusers' statements amounted to nothing, he never committed any crime and he never did anything to hurt me throughout our 11 years together. If I had any doubts whatsoever i would not be on this journey with him.

Put yourself first , not in the firing line.
Sorry if this sounds harsh.

[Rights Fighter]

If one of his bail conditions is to not stay over at your place, please do not be tempted to help him to break those conditions. If they state that he is not to stay overnight at all, then he does not stay overnight - AT ALL.

If he breaks his bail conditions then he could be remanded into custody.

If this is SS telling you, the same applies. If he stays over and they find out (they usually do) you could end up with the child on the at risk register - or worse.

The safety of the child is paramount and should be your very first concern, regardless of your belief in his innocence.

Stick to the agreement

[Bene]

I'm not really sure why you would be asked to make a statement tbh unless you had witnessed something to do with the incident . Even if there was some discrepancy as to time etc the cops don't really investigate .

The SS may well just arrive on your doorstep as maybe child protection but as the accuser is not a minor i would be surprised at this. Until you know for certain, I would not have him stay over. the fact that he has been bailed away from home suggests conditions have been applied and you need to know what they are before making a decision
Supporting falsely accused people is a difficult lonely road to travel and I would ask you to consider this (and I know it might be hurtful).

Would you really want to jeopardise your security and that of your daughter for someone who cheated? Support him if you believe him to be innocent, but you and your daughter's wellbeing is the most important factor in all this.

I'm supporting my wrongly convicted OH and it's a horrible position to be in. The accusers' statements amounted to nothing, he never committed any crime and he never did anything to hurt me throughout our 11 years together. If I had any doubts whatsoever i would not be on this journey with him.

Put yourself first , not in the firing line.
Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Emma has stated that she's in an open relationship and therefore her boyfriend didn't cheat on her.

[AmandaF]

Sorry I don't see that on this particular thread?

[AmandaF]

I stand corrected and once again will refrain from further replies as would not want to contribute to any further arguments.

[Rights Fighter]

AmandaF: It's on one of her other threads.

It really does not matter whether they have an open relationship or not. The question is about whether the accused should stay overnight.

[Rights Fighter]

I stand corrected and once again will refrain from further replies as would not want to contribute to any further arguments.

Amanda, please do not let Bene stop you posting. You are better than that. You have contributed in a far more positive way to these forums than she has or is likely too.