OH suspected of historic sexual abuse

[hello88]

Hi, I can't believe during my months of googling I haven't come across this forum before but I am so glad I'm here and its been comforting (strangely) reading about so many others in similar situations.

So.... in may this year we had a falling out with a druggy neighbour as we simply told him we cannot give him lifts anymore as we suspect its for drugs and that we don't want that involved in our family, their first response was "now we know its you that phoned the social services on us (no where did I say or indicate that)... anyway they became so aggressive that day that I had to call the police out and he threatened saying he is going to make us loose everything, kids family home ect... previously he consoled in my OH and said that he got done for sleeping with a 13yo and that he lost his son and gf, home and everything and if you want to ruin someones life then that's the way to do it.

Anyway, 3 weeks after that get knock on door by child protection officer and social worker informing me and OH that my husbands been accused of historic sexual assault and after a week of waiting we finally discover that its someone who we were neighbours with, we use to babysit the accuser and surprise surprise its someone who this neighbour is good friends and in 'drug' business with.

My OH was given a 6 month bail date and here we are just over 4 weeks away from that bail date. I get a phonecall from the new investigating officer 2 days ago who is unaware of the messages that the neighbour had sent, the first threat and another message he sent to our friend looking like he is persuading someone else to make an allegation... we was told a several months ago that the only reason its taking to December is beause they have a back log of other cases. So I get the impression they did a bit of work in the beginning and just picked up the file to work on it two days ago. The officer is out of office until Tuesday so there leaving it till 4 weeks before the bail date??? Is this normal?? Is this a good sign??? And what is lkikely to be the next step afterwards as I have been given no advice or guidance on what actually happens in these scenarieos and I get the impression that our solicitor isn't concerned about us.

Sorry for long post but any advice would be greatly appreciated, I fell like i'm running a marathon and though I have kept strong the last 5 months I'm wearing and need to get an idea of what might happen

Thank you xxx

[YearsOfHell]

Welcome

Hi and welcome to the forum.
Sorry that you too have found yourselves here.
You're a little way into the process now so I'm feeling you may have recovered somewhat from the initial shock and panic!
We are in a similar position in that someone we've upset has got someone to make an allegation.
Unfortunately in our case there are now two complainants (who know each other)
We are also preparing for another bail date in a few weeks.
All I can say is don't to and second guess or you'll drive yourself round the twist!
There's no hard and fast rules for these cases.
Some go to trial on no evidence, some are NFAd.
It seems a bit of a lottery.
Hang in there.
We are supporting each other as best we can on this emotional roller coaster!!
YoH

[hello88]

Aww thank you for replying so quickly, I cannot believe that someone would do that as a favour! Yes the initial shock is horrendous, not just for oh and me but our 3 kids who at time the allegation was made were 10mnth 4 years and 6 years, oh wasn't alowed to say goodbye (being truthful he wasn't in the state to) 3 weeks no contact and now supervised access 2 days a week, they still wake during the night shouting and crying for daddy, sorry rambling on just great to contact other people who know what were going through, and don't even get me started on having too see the family with the vendetta at school gate everyday (and being neighbours seeing them at weekend to. Arghh just so nervous as don't know what to expect in 4 and half weeks time, just want to be able to tell my kids daddy is coming home �� how soon did your second allegation happen as our neighbour sent a message stupidly showing him trying to persuade someone else we know to "make him loose his kids and family" yet again thank you x
Oh and forgot to mention that the neighbour and allegation persons mum (the main one who made report) both have babies 10mnth old, just wrong, its all wrong xx

[YearsOfHell]

The person we upset gave the police the names of the two people who they wanted them to speak to and they both were spoken to within days of each other, but the allegations themselves are a few years apart.
Everyone we know knows what's been alledged and it's hard to carry on as normal.
I can't put too much detail on here as it's an open forum and anyone can read the threads.
But we have told the police that it is malicious and that this person is trying to hurt us. Whether they believe us or them is what it all boils down to.
Be strong, it's a long road ahead and you will need to keep going.
YoH

[Lilyput]

Must be so so heart broken luckily SS have not yet been involved in our case i dont know how youve managed to stay so strong for five months big hugs to you. I hope its not too long for you to have to wait big big hugs sorry i have no advice except to say i admire you tremendously!! X

[wakingnightmare]

Hello

I'm so sorry you've ended up here.

I only found this forum a few days ago but I've found it really supportive. I've drawn comfort from knowing others are going through similar hopefully you will too.

I'm afraid I've nothing useful to add as we're only at start of this journey. I admire your strength to get this far.

x

[AmandaF]

This is so appalling and unfair!!

There is no guarantee what will happen- it seems to vary between different areas. We were accused in Scotland and were arrested and charged the same day, then "investigated" but trust me- there doesn't seem to be much of that happening in these cases.

When it comes to dealing with the SS all I can say is play the game without ever letting them think you have any doubts about your OH. I was told that I had been "groomed" by him and other rubbish but what do they know really? I analized every aspect of our 10 years together and came up with nothing. If I thought he was the smallest iota guilty i wouldn't support him and I let SS know I had thoroughly tested the waters, When he was first arrested , before they took all our devices, I went through his laptop, phone, everything I could think of. And found zilch. I hope the SS took on board that I didn't blindly support him.

Sorry- am rambling a bit!!

I was told in the beginning that I had to take a course with them but I refused with no consequences but be very careful in your dealings with them.

I now live in an area where there are officers specially trained to weed out liars- shame not all forces have them.

All you can do is keep plodding through the quagmire- it's so so hard for all concerned.
Keep us posted

[hello88]

aww thank you for all your replies. Yeah i got questioned from ss and always maintained the oh is definatly not like that, i have never had any concerns regarding our children and he's been nothing but supportive and caring throughout our 9 years together, i then got the reply"but they may see it as you're oblivious to him or covering for him" - my reply was "i don't give a s*** what they think, i'm saying the truth!" this was the morning after my world was ripped apart! I have now learnt to let treat social services as client from our business.Work hard to keep them happy, informed and treat them like they are always right even if there not.

I have worked so hard in staying strong over the last 5 months but this week i think has been one of the worse, we were aloud to go on holiday over half term (with someone supervising the whole time and staying in seperate caravans) but it was so amazing and then coming back to reality has been a huge shock and downer, i was told that the person who asked the FA to accuse got arrested for drugs, then someone told me he hadn't, and my nerves for beginning of december are really really really kicking in. I have not touched a drop of alcholol throughout this whol allegation because i know that if i did i would turn into an alcoholic, i was already on anti depressants for post natal deprssion anyway! From what i gather there are three things that might happen beginning of december,1 is charged, 2 is re-bail and 3 is it to go to the cps, i was wondeirng how long does it take for the cps to come back with a decision??? I want to know if there is any chance, albeit small that my oh will be home in time for christmas??

Thanks in advance xxx

[BagOfGas]

Hi,

In my personal experience the whole situation just seems to drag on and on, different curcumstances to what you find yourself in but the police took 9 months to investigate and bring me back for second interview, they passed the case onto cps after second interview and it took 7 months for then to come back with a decision, i know this is probably no help and not what you want to hear.

I hope for all your sakes that he gets NFA'd next month and you can all get your lives back on track, its such a hard and stressful time for all that are involved.

Keep your heads up and together you will all get through it

All the very best

[Lilyput]

Were you finally NFA'd after that whole ordeal?

[BagOfGas]

Unfortunately no, i was charged this week so for now my hell continues

[Lilyput]

So sorry OIC said our had to go to CPS and it would be a 'few more weeks yet' that is inconsistant with everything ive read on this forum. I cant believe it takes so long thats without a doubt the cruelest part of this.


I hope the courts see past this for you and can tell the truth from the lies <3

[Rights Fighter]

So sorry OIC said our had to go to CPS and it would be a 'few more weeks yet' that is inconsistant with everything ive read on this forum. I cant believe it takes so long thats without a doubt the cruelest part of this.


I hope the courts see past this for you and can tell the truth from the lies <3

How is that inconsistent with everything you've read on this forum? Most people who are accused of sexual abuse (rightly or wrongly) usually have to wait for the police to pass it over to the CPS and then it's another wait.

Sometimes the police will NFA it, or if they are not sure that it should go to the CPS, it might go to a "gatekeeper" often ex police, who will make a decision whether it should go to the CPS, or not.

Most times though, it will be sent to the CPS direct from the police, it really depends on the "evidence" they have gathered.

[Aidy]

How is that inconsistent with everything you've read on this forum? Most people who are accused of sexual abuse (rightly or wrongly) usually have to wait for the police to pass it over to the CPS and then it's another wait.

Sometimes the police will NFA it, or if they are not sure that it should go to the CPS, it might go to a "gatekeeper" often ex police, who will make a decision whether it should go to the CPS, or not.

Most times though, it will be sent to the CPS direct from the police, it really depends on the "evidence" they have gathered.

I don't want to question what you said here Rights Fighter, as you come across as well versed on such matters!!!
However someone put some figures on here (maybe yesterday?) about the stats for 2014...and unless I read it wrong, that a lot of cases don't make it to the cps??

Maybe I've read that wrong?

[TotalNightmare]

I don't want to question what you said here Rights Fighter, as you come across as well versed on such matters!!!
However someone put some figures on here (maybe yesterday?) about the stats for 2014...and unless I read it wrong, that a lot of cases don't make it to the cps??

Maybe I've read that wrong?

I posted those stats. In the thread I was mostly quoting figures from a specific geographical area. But yeah, if I am reading it right, in that force only 16.5% of all reports even get passed to the CPS.

In angstman's post he points out in another area 28% are, so I am not sure what the rate is across the country.