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My nightmare started on Monday 23rd February 2015
My partner and I live together, but we also work together in his business. I met him 11 years ago, and we have lived together for the last ten years. I started working for his successful business when I moved in with him
I was fully aware of his womanising and his history – he was honest and told me about his three previous wives etc – And I was married when I met him. I guess a leopard never changes its spots……
Anyway – we have had a good ten years together, interspersed with the odd hiccup, but we have survived. We both work very hard, and have a reasonably good life style.
On Monday 23rd – we were both in the office ( we employ four others in the business) – we had been to a trade show the weekend before, and I was trying to catch up on all the orders we had taken, and sort out the paper work. A man and a lady walked into the reception and spoke to our receptionist – They asked if she was Theresa (assuming she was me) That is NOT my name, so she said no, T is over there. They walked over to my desk, and said they wanted to speak to my partner, and where was he. I asked who they were, and they showed me their ID cards, from the local constabulary.
I got up and walked into the Bosses office, and just light heartedly said – Plod is here to see you, and then left and went back to my desk.
A few minutes later another lady walked in, and did exactly the same. Assumed Chris was me, AND got my name wrong. She said she was with the others, and would like a quiet word with me, WHEN they had finished with my partner (who I shall call Boss) – She tried to pass the time of day with me with idle chat, asking what I was doing and had I had a good weekend etc. By now, I was finding it all rather frustrating, and I had NO idea what was going on. She kept hovering between the doors, and eventually said, could we go into Boss office and have a chat.
She sat me down in his chair, and pulled up another chair. She introduced her-self, and then went on to ask me questions. She got very short answers, and I was very upset, cross and annoyed. She asked if Boss and I were all right, and that she was there to protect me!!! She then asked if he had ever been violent, or had I ever had any worries at all? She also asked me if we had ever had sex in his work van. By this time I still had no idea what was going on, or where Boss had been taken. She refused to tell me, other than I would not be told anything , but I had to ask Boss when I saw him next, and it was down to him to let me know.
She told me there had been a serious sexual allegation made against boss, and asked did I know anything about it? How the heck would I know? I told her
1/ I had no problem with Boss AT ALL.
2/ WE had no problems
3/ Yes we had sexual fun in the van, and NO I had no idea when the last time was or the time frame.
She asked if I would be willing to make a statement, and my reply to her was Yes I would, but ONLY if it helped Boss – she did not take any notes at all during this time. She did not take a statement from me either.
She then suggested I carry on as normal, and that Boss had been taken away. The other two officers would be in to see me shortly.
Eventually the two other police officers returned and “My Carer !” left. They told me Boss had been taken away for questioning, they were going to search our office. Did Boss have access to any other computers etc?
The short version, of the remainder of that horrid day
They took his work computer
They frisked him in our car park in front of staff
They did a forensic search of his van.
They took his mobile phone (that he had told them about as it was in his briefcase)
Thank goodness they turned up in plain cars, and no uniform.
They came to speak to me, and advised me they would need to come home, and I would have to accompany them. I left work in an utter daze and drove the short distance home. They followed, and proceeded to park in the drive and block me in. They came into our home.
We have a four bedroom detached home, with a separate study, kitchen and lounge/diner. They only searched the study. They took our home PC, however my two laptops and IPad which were in clear view were not taken. Neither were the external back up hard drives that I have.
The male policeman asked about the laptop – and I told him it was mine (it was) and that Boss did not touch it. He asked about the Ipad and if there were any other mobiles, SD Cards or digital storage. I told him all the techie stuff was mine, and Boss did not touch any of them. I asked if they knew how long they would have the computer for, and the look on my face must have said it all. My daughter is in Australia, and I love photography. ALL my photos are on the PC – he did say, if you would like to, I will let you copy some of them. But I was so upset, I told him No Thanks – just take it away, and I left them to it, and sat in my kitchen. They only took the main PC, and they left everything else. He even looked at my cameras, and back up CD’s in the draw – asked if they were mine, as he thought it looked like a womans handwriting. Paid me a compliment on my photography and said I had a good eye!! Flippin cheek.
They asked me all kinds of personal questions re details of Boss previous wives, names and contact details. His daughter, her name and his grand daughter and her name and contact details. What other family did he have and where were they.
The woman police officer then told me they would interview Boss, and they would give me a call, I could then go and collect him later that afternoon. They expected him to be out by 2.30 ish. I could return to work, and they would let me know.
I returned to work, and was like a zombie. I had no idea where Boss was, or what was happening to him. Or what to tell the staff who had witnessed this happening.
At 3.00 I received a phone call to say there had been delays, and they would let me know later. At five I told all the staff to go home, and I stayed at work on my own.
At 5.30 I got another call telling me they still had no idea when he would be free, but they would let me know. I remained at work.
AT 6.55 I eventually received a call. They had finished interviewing Boss and I could go and collect him. The police station was closed (They close at 6.00) – he had no money and no phone, so they advised me to collect him from the local supermarket as that’s where they had told him to walk.
I left and went and got him. I have never seen such a broken man.
He got into the car, and told me “Its not good, its not good at all” all I said was I am taking you home, and we can talk when we get there.
And now for his side……..
The Charge Sheet:
1/ Rape of a woman 16 years of age or over – SOA 2003 23/02/2015
2/ Sexual Assault on a female 23/02/2015
3/ Possess indecent photograph / pseudo-photograph of a child 23/02/2015
4/ Rape of a woman 16 years of age or over SOA 2003 23/02/2015
5/ Administer substance with intent to stupefy / overpower to allow sexual activity 23/02/2015
He was bailed 1st June
Rebailed 21st August
Rebailed 22nd October
The short story
He met through her husband.
Husband died
She met Boss again (bumped into him)
She told him husband died, and sob story re large debts, threatening letters and bailiffs.
He started to meet occasionally and helped her sort all her paperwork out, paid £700 court fees so she could get a Voluntary Bust (or whatever the technical term is)
They continued to meet and he got a PAYG mobile
He took her away on business trips (totally unknown to me) he goes away around twice a month and stays overnight – Has done for years, and does long distance deliveries and also sees customers.
He told me she has two daughters, and lives on an estate around 2/3 miles from home. She has a “Biker” neighbour, who she also did sexual favours for ( a polite description) This biker neighbour is a nasty piece of work. Biker is married. Biker wife called police on at least one occasion as daughters had not been seen and she was worried mother had harmed them – FA is around my age, 57 – and has two daughters whose ages I don’t know, but guess in late 20’s early 30’s , all live together at home.
FA would go out with Biker to town, and one day even called Boss to say Biker had been arrested whilst she was out with him shop lifting, and what should she do?
Boss maintains all the time they were together she never knew where his business was. Van is plain, but there would have been paperwork, but he says he was always very careful and she never saw any paperwork. But it also means she knew all the delivery addresses of our larger customers.
This has been ongoing for around two years. He maintains all the time, that he tried to stop it on several occasions but she always managed to get him back with sob stories. Once her dog was ill and she had no money to take it to the vet. She even threatened to kill me, when he tried to break up with her. I know all this is hearsay, but I believe him. I know what he has been like, and what he is like now.
Please don’t get me wrong, I know he has done wrong in having an affair. But I put myself in the FA shoes and look at FA shoes. I look at Boss life, and I imagine what it would be like to be with him all the time. I put myself in FA shoes, and imagine what she thinks MY life is like, and what it would be like to be me.
And I also know that if I was the FA, I would know what Boss name was (in full!) and I would make darn sure I knew where his business was, what he did, and where he lived. AND I would find out over a period of two years. He says she never knew where work was, or his full name.
The photographs on his phone, were “illegal” and ones she had taken, and she had sent him. They were of her and her dog. I will not say anymore with regards to those.
She accused Boss of sending her links to Kiddy Porn, and saying that he always fancied having sex with his Granddaughter – she will be 9 on Monday. He assured me he had never e-mailed her, and certainly never ever mentioned his grand daughter to her at all in any sexual kind of way.
His daughter lives around 120 miles away – and this is not something you can talk about on the phone. He wanted to go and see her, but was unable to until the weekend. On Wednesday she called me, extremely angry and upset as Social Services had contacted her personally. Asked if she was likely to see her dad at all this weekend, and was he ever allowed to have C on his own? This was an absolute bolt out of the blue, and she and I spent an hour on the phone sobbing together. She had no doubts at all about Boss, and told Social in no uncertain circumstances they were not coming anywhere near her daughter and she did not believe any of what they were saying or accusing him of.
Boss has not seen his grand daughter since Christmas 2014 as he has been too scared to see her and be accused of anything at all. He has only seen his daughter on very brief occasions, even though she fully supports him and myself as well.
After two bail meetings were cancelled and no news, we have tried to carry on with our lives, but putting measures in place for an extra manager to come in. The cost of this both monetary and emotional will never be recovered. We now have an extra member of managerial staff, we had to buy two new computers and also a new smart phone. The emotional side has been horrendous, but I have to thank all my close friends who have supported both of us through this really bad time.
Thursday 22nd October I drove Boss over to the police station and walked up the road to the entrance holding his hand. His solicitor was outside and came to meet us, he kissed me, and walked away. At that time my hear was broken seeing him walk away with no idea of what was then going to happen.
I waited inside the car and tried to read, I went for a walk, and tried to stay calm.
Thirty minutes later he was out, and smiling. No further Action. A result. He has received a caution for receiving the photos. The OIC is off sick, so we have no idea how quickly we can have our computers and phone back.
Our solicitor was amazed that we got this result as he had not heard anything and especially with the OIC off. But we are so relieved now. I feel all this is still happening to A N Other and not to me, almost as if I am watching a drama on the TV or a play. My step daughter asked if I had cried eight month of tears when I knew. I haven’t cried yet or celebrated. Celebrating seems wrong, and I am just waiting for the emotions to kick in
Our solicitor mentioned that the FA may well have also received a caution, as making and distributing porn is far more serious an offence than receiving, however he also said that Plod might still see her as a “Victim” and they may just leave her alone. I would love to know, but I can’t see anyway of finding out, and have to just walk away and look to our future.
I found this forum like everyone else, in the depths of despair. My future is back now, however, I intend to remain as a member and give my support as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
My partner and I live together, but we also work together in his business. I met him 11 years ago, and we have lived together for the last ten years. I started working for his successful business when I moved in with him
I was fully aware of his womanising and his history – he was honest and told me about his three previous wives etc – And I was married when I met him. I guess a leopard never changes its spots……
Anyway – we have had a good ten years together, interspersed with the odd hiccup, but we have survived. We both work very hard, and have a reasonably good life style.
On Monday 23rd – we were both in the office ( we employ four others in the business) – we had been to a trade show the weekend before, and I was trying to catch up on all the orders we had taken, and sort out the paper work. A man and a lady walked into the reception and spoke to our receptionist – They asked if she was Theresa (assuming she was me) That is NOT my name, so she said no, T is over there. They walked over to my desk, and said they wanted to speak to my partner, and where was he. I asked who they were, and they showed me their ID cards, from the local constabulary.
I got up and walked into the Bosses office, and just light heartedly said – Plod is here to see you, and then left and went back to my desk.
A few minutes later another lady walked in, and did exactly the same. Assumed Chris was me, AND got my name wrong. She said she was with the others, and would like a quiet word with me, WHEN they had finished with my partner (who I shall call Boss) – She tried to pass the time of day with me with idle chat, asking what I was doing and had I had a good weekend etc. By now, I was finding it all rather frustrating, and I had NO idea what was going on. She kept hovering between the doors, and eventually said, could we go into Boss office and have a chat.
She sat me down in his chair, and pulled up another chair. She introduced her-self, and then went on to ask me questions. She got very short answers, and I was very upset, cross and annoyed. She asked if Boss and I were all right, and that she was there to protect me!!! She then asked if he had ever been violent, or had I ever had any worries at all? She also asked me if we had ever had sex in his work van. By this time I still had no idea what was going on, or where Boss had been taken. She refused to tell me, other than I would not be told anything , but I had to ask Boss when I saw him next, and it was down to him to let me know.
She told me there had been a serious sexual allegation made against boss, and asked did I know anything about it? How the heck would I know? I told her
1/ I had no problem with Boss AT ALL.
2/ WE had no problems
3/ Yes we had sexual fun in the van, and NO I had no idea when the last time was or the time frame.
She asked if I would be willing to make a statement, and my reply to her was Yes I would, but ONLY if it helped Boss – she did not take any notes at all during this time. She did not take a statement from me either.
She then suggested I carry on as normal, and that Boss had been taken away. The other two officers would be in to see me shortly.
Eventually the two other police officers returned and “My Carer !” left. They told me Boss had been taken away for questioning, they were going to search our office. Did Boss have access to any other computers etc?
The short version, of the remainder of that horrid day
They took his work computer
They frisked him in our car park in front of staff
They did a forensic search of his van.
They took his mobile phone (that he had told them about as it was in his briefcase)
Thank goodness they turned up in plain cars, and no uniform.
They came to speak to me, and advised me they would need to come home, and I would have to accompany them. I left work in an utter daze and drove the short distance home. They followed, and proceeded to park in the drive and block me in. They came into our home.
We have a four bedroom detached home, with a separate study, kitchen and lounge/diner. They only searched the study. They took our home PC, however my two laptops and IPad which were in clear view were not taken. Neither were the external back up hard drives that I have.
The male policeman asked about the laptop – and I told him it was mine (it was) and that Boss did not touch it. He asked about the Ipad and if there were any other mobiles, SD Cards or digital storage. I told him all the techie stuff was mine, and Boss did not touch any of them. I asked if they knew how long they would have the computer for, and the look on my face must have said it all. My daughter is in Australia, and I love photography. ALL my photos are on the PC – he did say, if you would like to, I will let you copy some of them. But I was so upset, I told him No Thanks – just take it away, and I left them to it, and sat in my kitchen. They only took the main PC, and they left everything else. He even looked at my cameras, and back up CD’s in the draw – asked if they were mine, as he thought it looked like a womans handwriting. Paid me a compliment on my photography and said I had a good eye!! Flippin cheek.
They asked me all kinds of personal questions re details of Boss previous wives, names and contact details. His daughter, her name and his grand daughter and her name and contact details. What other family did he have and where were they.
The woman police officer then told me they would interview Boss, and they would give me a call, I could then go and collect him later that afternoon. They expected him to be out by 2.30 ish. I could return to work, and they would let me know.
I returned to work, and was like a zombie. I had no idea where Boss was, or what was happening to him. Or what to tell the staff who had witnessed this happening.
At 3.00 I received a phone call to say there had been delays, and they would let me know later. At five I told all the staff to go home, and I stayed at work on my own.
At 5.30 I got another call telling me they still had no idea when he would be free, but they would let me know. I remained at work.
AT 6.55 I eventually received a call. They had finished interviewing Boss and I could go and collect him. The police station was closed (They close at 6.00) – he had no money and no phone, so they advised me to collect him from the local supermarket as that’s where they had told him to walk.
I left and went and got him. I have never seen such a broken man.
He got into the car, and told me “Its not good, its not good at all” all I said was I am taking you home, and we can talk when we get there.
And now for his side……..
The Charge Sheet:
1/ Rape of a woman 16 years of age or over – SOA 2003 23/02/2015
2/ Sexual Assault on a female 23/02/2015
3/ Possess indecent photograph / pseudo-photograph of a child 23/02/2015
4/ Rape of a woman 16 years of age or over SOA 2003 23/02/2015
5/ Administer substance with intent to stupefy / overpower to allow sexual activity 23/02/2015
He was bailed 1st June
Rebailed 21st August
Rebailed 22nd October
The short story
He met through her husband.
Husband died
She met Boss again (bumped into him)
She told him husband died, and sob story re large debts, threatening letters and bailiffs.
He started to meet occasionally and helped her sort all her paperwork out, paid £700 court fees so she could get a Voluntary Bust (or whatever the technical term is)
They continued to meet and he got a PAYG mobile
He took her away on business trips (totally unknown to me) he goes away around twice a month and stays overnight – Has done for years, and does long distance deliveries and also sees customers.
He told me she has two daughters, and lives on an estate around 2/3 miles from home. She has a “Biker” neighbour, who she also did sexual favours for ( a polite description) This biker neighbour is a nasty piece of work. Biker is married. Biker wife called police on at least one occasion as daughters had not been seen and she was worried mother had harmed them – FA is around my age, 57 – and has two daughters whose ages I don’t know, but guess in late 20’s early 30’s , all live together at home.
FA would go out with Biker to town, and one day even called Boss to say Biker had been arrested whilst she was out with him shop lifting, and what should she do?
Boss maintains all the time they were together she never knew where his business was. Van is plain, but there would have been paperwork, but he says he was always very careful and she never saw any paperwork. But it also means she knew all the delivery addresses of our larger customers.
This has been ongoing for around two years. He maintains all the time, that he tried to stop it on several occasions but she always managed to get him back with sob stories. Once her dog was ill and she had no money to take it to the vet. She even threatened to kill me, when he tried to break up with her. I know all this is hearsay, but I believe him. I know what he has been like, and what he is like now.
Please don’t get me wrong, I know he has done wrong in having an affair. But I put myself in the FA shoes and look at FA shoes. I look at Boss life, and I imagine what it would be like to be with him all the time. I put myself in FA shoes, and imagine what she thinks MY life is like, and what it would be like to be me.
And I also know that if I was the FA, I would know what Boss name was (in full!) and I would make darn sure I knew where his business was, what he did, and where he lived. AND I would find out over a period of two years. He says she never knew where work was, or his full name.
The photographs on his phone, were “illegal” and ones she had taken, and she had sent him. They were of her and her dog. I will not say anymore with regards to those.
She accused Boss of sending her links to Kiddy Porn, and saying that he always fancied having sex with his Granddaughter – she will be 9 on Monday. He assured me he had never e-mailed her, and certainly never ever mentioned his grand daughter to her at all in any sexual kind of way.
His daughter lives around 120 miles away – and this is not something you can talk about on the phone. He wanted to go and see her, but was unable to until the weekend. On Wednesday she called me, extremely angry and upset as Social Services had contacted her personally. Asked if she was likely to see her dad at all this weekend, and was he ever allowed to have C on his own? This was an absolute bolt out of the blue, and she and I spent an hour on the phone sobbing together. She had no doubts at all about Boss, and told Social in no uncertain circumstances they were not coming anywhere near her daughter and she did not believe any of what they were saying or accusing him of.
Boss has not seen his grand daughter since Christmas 2014 as he has been too scared to see her and be accused of anything at all. He has only seen his daughter on very brief occasions, even though she fully supports him and myself as well.
After two bail meetings were cancelled and no news, we have tried to carry on with our lives, but putting measures in place for an extra manager to come in. The cost of this both monetary and emotional will never be recovered. We now have an extra member of managerial staff, we had to buy two new computers and also a new smart phone. The emotional side has been horrendous, but I have to thank all my close friends who have supported both of us through this really bad time.
Thursday 22nd October I drove Boss over to the police station and walked up the road to the entrance holding his hand. His solicitor was outside and came to meet us, he kissed me, and walked away. At that time my hear was broken seeing him walk away with no idea of what was then going to happen.
I waited inside the car and tried to read, I went for a walk, and tried to stay calm.
Thirty minutes later he was out, and smiling. No further Action. A result. He has received a caution for receiving the photos. The OIC is off sick, so we have no idea how quickly we can have our computers and phone back.
Our solicitor was amazed that we got this result as he had not heard anything and especially with the OIC off. But we are so relieved now. I feel all this is still happening to A N Other and not to me, almost as if I am watching a drama on the TV or a play. My step daughter asked if I had cried eight month of tears when I knew. I haven’t cried yet or celebrated. Celebrating seems wrong, and I am just waiting for the emotions to kick in
Our solicitor mentioned that the FA may well have also received a caution, as making and distributing porn is far more serious an offence than receiving, however he also said that Plod might still see her as a “Victim” and they may just leave her alone. I would love to know, but I can’t see anyway of finding out, and have to just walk away and look to our future.
I found this forum like everyone else, in the depths of despair. My future is back now, however, I intend to remain as a member and give my support as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
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