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Hi everyone, I am a new member here [46yr old male].
I came across this excellent forum whilst looking for help and information regarding the traumatic event which occurred in my & family life a few weeks ago. I have read a few posts and understand that many people are or have been going through similar difficult situations which have had a devastating impact on their lives. Similarly, I feel pretty much being cut adrift and alone even from my closest friends as I feel very humiliated and ashamed of the criminal allegation that I am facing to even talk about it. I also feel that my life is in the hands of the police and being left totally in the dark about the well-being of my children and what can happen about the whole case. I’ll try to provide here a brief resume of the allegation without going into confidential areas and I would very much appreciate any info [even negative, better than nothing like at the moment].
I and my ex lived together for over 20yrs. We have 2 children together who are 17 & 12yrs old respectively. We separated around 3yrs ago due to us drifting apart mainly due to me working full time whilst my partner stayed at home with the children since the birth of our first daughter. The separation was at first traumatic and acrimonious due to a third party involved who was in contact through social media sites. My ex kept custody of the children though my eldest daughter stayed with me at times. Over the years post-separation, I maintained regular visits to my ex’s house mainly helping out with DIY jobs and even going for days out. They also visited my house over the weekends. We both stayed single since the separation. These visits became more frequent recently with me spending a few hours on a daily basis which consisted of socialising with my whole family and walking ‘our’ pet dog regularly.
On Saturday 12th September 2015, I returned home late in the evening after staying at a work’s friend’s house the night before. I noticed an answer phone message from the Police from the area where my ex-partner and children lives. I was already a bit worried as there was no response to the few texts I sent over the days before then. My last visit was on the Monday 7th September 2015. I rang my ex and my eldest daughter but again there was no answer. So in a bit of panic and being worried, I drove to my ex’s house but I was surprised to notice that they were in-doors but refused to answer the door. Whilst I was sitting in my car, a police van turned up and after the police officers talked to my ex, I was informed of the harrowing fact that I was being arrested for allegation of sexual assault on my youngest daughter [12yrs old]. I still have not got over this huge shock since that day. I denied that allegation whilst they were arresting me but they kept me in a police station cell overnight and I was interviewed by an officer from the Public Protection department the next day. I was cautioned and bailed to return on the 11/10/2015.
I was informed by the police that they left messages for me to get in touch to come in for an interview under caution originally after the allegation was made by my ex on the Friday 11/09/2015 but because I attended their house that night [as I was not aware of any allegation then], I got myself arrested instead. I was informed of the nature of the allegation whilst a duty solicitor was provided to me, which was that I touched my daughter’s breast on the Monday 7th September 2015 [which was on my last visit to their house] whilst sitting on the couch and after being questioned by the police, my daughter apparently stated that I put my hands inside her top on another two occasions whilst we were watching TV in my house.
This is naturally a horrendous accusation which I do not think that I’ll ever come to terms with. I have completely denied the allegation and maintained that I have never sexually touched my daughter in any way and just cannot understand this whole nightmare. I mentioned in my audio-taped interview that I was shocked to discover that my youngest daughter self-harmed a couple of weeks before the day of that allegation was made. She had in fact slashed her arms and legs after a disagreement with her mother which I noticed when I turned up at their house. I was shocked and appalled by that with my eldest daughter also telling me that she has also done that before to seek attention. I have always been very close to both my daughters and admitted during my interview that I was upset following the self-harming episode and has been tactile, stroking especially where she cut herself but never in a sexual way. I stated that I stroke her face, shoulders and neck areas but I did not sexually molest or fondle her breasts. I have always been affectionate as a father but never harmed any of my daughters whether physically, emotionally or sexually.
I apologise for rambling on but I am probably trying to find explanations for the terrible nature of the allegation. Again, the primary allegation is that I apparently fondled my youngest daughter’s breast whilst sitting on the couch in between my two daughters. My ex-partner stated that she gave me a “look” at that time and that I then withdrew my hand. I confirmed to the police that I did notice her looking at me but both of us were talking about important issues affecting my daughter in her early teenage years and we carried on talking afterwards. I honestly never thought anything of it at the time. After I left that night, my ex also rang me to ask for help about completing a college bursary form for my eldest daughter, we talked normally and she never mentioned a hint of concern at that time. However, in her statement, my ex talked about her leaving the house prematurely [which she did not] and that she was “angry” with me.
I also have photos and a video on my phone of my two daughters whilst walking the dog and me play-fight [as we always do], laughing about and hugging that same evening. I left that night giving my daughters a hug as always and they were smiling and seemingly happy.
Again I am sorry for rambling on & on, probably due to the fact that I do not know what else to do. As I work in a health setting, social services were notified and I have also been suspended from all duties. My main concern is though I remain totally distraught that my daughter of 12yrs old feels that I have hurt her in such a way and I have not been able to see, hear or read about her and my eldest one since my bail conditions prohibit me to contact them in anyway.
The day before my bail date, the police rang me to say that the matter is with CPS who’s yet to make a decision. I was notified that I was being re-bailed until the 18/11/2015, which will be an absolute eternity for me. All I have left at the moment is a million of mental thoughts and they are all very negative. I understand and appreciate that there are many others in worse predicament than myself but not knowing anything about your children when you have been seeing them practically every day since they were born is pure torture. Due to the nature of the allegation what has obviously been done cannot be undone and it is a bit of a grieving process I am going through right now as I feel I have lost my children and that I will always be cast as an evil person/paedophile.
Thanks for reading and any feedback from people suffering similar difficult circumstances or anyone will be greatly appreciated.
I came across this excellent forum whilst looking for help and information regarding the traumatic event which occurred in my & family life a few weeks ago. I have read a few posts and understand that many people are or have been going through similar difficult situations which have had a devastating impact on their lives. Similarly, I feel pretty much being cut adrift and alone even from my closest friends as I feel very humiliated and ashamed of the criminal allegation that I am facing to even talk about it. I also feel that my life is in the hands of the police and being left totally in the dark about the well-being of my children and what can happen about the whole case. I’ll try to provide here a brief resume of the allegation without going into confidential areas and I would very much appreciate any info [even negative, better than nothing like at the moment].
I and my ex lived together for over 20yrs. We have 2 children together who are 17 & 12yrs old respectively. We separated around 3yrs ago due to us drifting apart mainly due to me working full time whilst my partner stayed at home with the children since the birth of our first daughter. The separation was at first traumatic and acrimonious due to a third party involved who was in contact through social media sites. My ex kept custody of the children though my eldest daughter stayed with me at times. Over the years post-separation, I maintained regular visits to my ex’s house mainly helping out with DIY jobs and even going for days out. They also visited my house over the weekends. We both stayed single since the separation. These visits became more frequent recently with me spending a few hours on a daily basis which consisted of socialising with my whole family and walking ‘our’ pet dog regularly.
On Saturday 12th September 2015, I returned home late in the evening after staying at a work’s friend’s house the night before. I noticed an answer phone message from the Police from the area where my ex-partner and children lives. I was already a bit worried as there was no response to the few texts I sent over the days before then. My last visit was on the Monday 7th September 2015. I rang my ex and my eldest daughter but again there was no answer. So in a bit of panic and being worried, I drove to my ex’s house but I was surprised to notice that they were in-doors but refused to answer the door. Whilst I was sitting in my car, a police van turned up and after the police officers talked to my ex, I was informed of the harrowing fact that I was being arrested for allegation of sexual assault on my youngest daughter [12yrs old]. I still have not got over this huge shock since that day. I denied that allegation whilst they were arresting me but they kept me in a police station cell overnight and I was interviewed by an officer from the Public Protection department the next day. I was cautioned and bailed to return on the 11/10/2015.
I was informed by the police that they left messages for me to get in touch to come in for an interview under caution originally after the allegation was made by my ex on the Friday 11/09/2015 but because I attended their house that night [as I was not aware of any allegation then], I got myself arrested instead. I was informed of the nature of the allegation whilst a duty solicitor was provided to me, which was that I touched my daughter’s breast on the Monday 7th September 2015 [which was on my last visit to their house] whilst sitting on the couch and after being questioned by the police, my daughter apparently stated that I put my hands inside her top on another two occasions whilst we were watching TV in my house.
This is naturally a horrendous accusation which I do not think that I’ll ever come to terms with. I have completely denied the allegation and maintained that I have never sexually touched my daughter in any way and just cannot understand this whole nightmare. I mentioned in my audio-taped interview that I was shocked to discover that my youngest daughter self-harmed a couple of weeks before the day of that allegation was made. She had in fact slashed her arms and legs after a disagreement with her mother which I noticed when I turned up at their house. I was shocked and appalled by that with my eldest daughter also telling me that she has also done that before to seek attention. I have always been very close to both my daughters and admitted during my interview that I was upset following the self-harming episode and has been tactile, stroking especially where she cut herself but never in a sexual way. I stated that I stroke her face, shoulders and neck areas but I did not sexually molest or fondle her breasts. I have always been affectionate as a father but never harmed any of my daughters whether physically, emotionally or sexually.
I apologise for rambling on but I am probably trying to find explanations for the terrible nature of the allegation. Again, the primary allegation is that I apparently fondled my youngest daughter’s breast whilst sitting on the couch in between my two daughters. My ex-partner stated that she gave me a “look” at that time and that I then withdrew my hand. I confirmed to the police that I did notice her looking at me but both of us were talking about important issues affecting my daughter in her early teenage years and we carried on talking afterwards. I honestly never thought anything of it at the time. After I left that night, my ex also rang me to ask for help about completing a college bursary form for my eldest daughter, we talked normally and she never mentioned a hint of concern at that time. However, in her statement, my ex talked about her leaving the house prematurely [which she did not] and that she was “angry” with me.
I also have photos and a video on my phone of my two daughters whilst walking the dog and me play-fight [as we always do], laughing about and hugging that same evening. I left that night giving my daughters a hug as always and they were smiling and seemingly happy.
Again I am sorry for rambling on & on, probably due to the fact that I do not know what else to do. As I work in a health setting, social services were notified and I have also been suspended from all duties. My main concern is though I remain totally distraught that my daughter of 12yrs old feels that I have hurt her in such a way and I have not been able to see, hear or read about her and my eldest one since my bail conditions prohibit me to contact them in anyway.
The day before my bail date, the police rang me to say that the matter is with CPS who’s yet to make a decision. I was notified that I was being re-bailed until the 18/11/2015, which will be an absolute eternity for me. All I have left at the moment is a million of mental thoughts and they are all very negative. I understand and appreciate that there are many others in worse predicament than myself but not knowing anything about your children when you have been seeing them practically every day since they were born is pure torture. Due to the nature of the allegation what has obviously been done cannot be undone and it is a bit of a grieving process I am going through right now as I feel I have lost my children and that I will always be cast as an evil person/paedophile.
Thanks for reading and any feedback from people suffering similar difficult circumstances or anyone will be greatly appreciated.
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