past it thank god

[pastitthankgod]

Hi everybody, as the name suggests I am no longer in what can only be descibed as hell. I had a awful FA impact my life last year. Thankfully it never went to trial. And I got support here and I'm extremely sorry for those of you in the midst of a FA.

Two points really:

The first I find myself once a month or so reading through this forum. I am not knowledgeable in the legal process. Nor am I a big comforter. But I have so much empathy for all the posters. I'm through the horrible life changing experience. But I read and I know how it all feels. The fear the dispair. I suppose I'm asking are there others out there who read but don't post? I don't know why I read as my ordeal is over....sometimes I wish I could help people but there is nothing I can do.

Second point is a bit iffy. It does cross my mind when I am reading - what if there are guilty people amongst the posters? How can you tell? There is no way of knowing....ppl are very helpful here but they could be hellping guilty ppl. I'm not condemning what is done here- it helpedx me no end and hundeds of others no doubt. Its just a wee niggling thought I have.

Possibly posted this in wrong forum its just my thoughts and hope I've not offended anybody

[Rights Fighter]

Thank you for contributing even though you are now hopefully out of it.

Yes we do sometimes have the guilty hiding among the innocent here. Of course we do. But usually members tend to sort out the "wheat from the chaff".

You say there is nothing that you can do. Actually, yes there is!

Some people are in such depths of despair that when a complete stranger types a message on their thread, even if it is along the lines of, "I cannot offer practical help, but I read your story and I really can relate to it. I am thinking about you and I do hope it turns out ok" - can be the difference between life and death - literally.

A kind word from a stranger can work miracles......

[pastitthankgod]

You are right. I remember following a thread of someone in a very similar situation to myself and it helped no end. It was sometimes scary though as that thread eventually went to trial. But NG in the end hurrah. Its just awful awful experience words cannot describe. But other people understanding is wow when you are in it.

Guilty thing is still a sticky point for me and not one that crossed my mind when in middle of FA. But what to do eh.

[Soul2soul]

@ pastitthankgod

How ignorant?
Have you ever thought thera some NFa'd who are actually guilty?

I dont think its right to generalise like that, i never for once imagined being accused of this. I am very confident around woman but i messed with some low lifer one night, i am charged , i havent shared my story yet. Look at the posts here consider yourself lucky but do not throw negativity around cause i believe and as i have this forum is for people needing help, whichever way.

Theres other sections here i think you should have posted, its 1am and i am still awake reading your comments. Do the math!

[lawlessone2009]

The action against me was brought to a close on 2nd of August 2013...

I'm still up at 1am...

Probably 2 am too...

Everyone is different. I will in the next wee while find time to update my thread. It doesn't come to an end when there's no further action or the court case is over. It's merely the beginning of another chapter in life. Sometimes the chapter isn't a great one.

Thank you for sharing your outcome with us.

Your reference to 'the guilty' is something that most members are only too aware off. We have to take every single member at their face value, we cannot pre-judge. I would struggle to understand what benefit a guilty individual would gain from being on here. I'm not referring to someone that has maybe gotten themselves into a situation which is questionable but someone who is truly guilty. This forum is as much about 'support' as it is about 'self help'.

We're not giving away information (because it doesn't exist!) about 'loopholes' or 'how to escape justice', we're a bunch of folks that, for whatever reasons, have found ourselves in a situation whereby we need help and support. If we've to somehow pass judgement on folks or consider them in varying lights then what is the conclusion?

There may be those amongst us who are guilty. Equally, there are many who have been found guilty who are completely innocent. The forum is not a courtroom. You are entirely welcome to your opinions, however... The forum is for support, varying degrees of assistance, finding information and being able to understand/deal with your own issues. This forum is not for expressing your opinions with regards to guilt. Communications online often fail to truly convey the actual 'person' and the 'circumstances', the reader is left to form their image/opinion/view/whatever from a grouping of words. Members communicating their position often fail to make it clear and concise, this can be due to pressure/anxiety/stress/depression/limitations. I have yet to read a single thread on this forum where I could honestly say that the poster is guilty, I have read many where the poster is well in over their heads (I was one of those people!).

We cannot tell who is guilty. We cannot tell who is innocent. We can merely assist and support.

[Soul2soul]

@ Lawlessness
well said
Might have came out wrong on my end but i am not attacking jus was tryn to put a point accross.

I have 2 kids, 1 on the way in 2 weeks and court in 3 months. After some 3 minute fun which i will live to regret i struggle gettin up for work or anything, so what i was trying to say is people be conscious because we all here for help.

Thanks

[innocentson]

Only support I can find ....

Well said lawless one

This group site and its many contributors are my only source of support.

I can't post to many details of my sons case for fear of cps eyes, the Fa eyes / ears etc ; but just reading other similar cases & especially accounts of what to expect .

in court from their experience

And that their innocence won through this grotesque experience, keeps me sane.

My sons case is a historic, one night stand as a student .... It feels like it's the police driving this one and coaching the FA .... Their cps barrister told blatant lies at the original bail hearing relating to his current circumstances e.g "taken x years to bring him to justice" .... No one knew anything about it & it was a case closed as the Fa withdrew her complaint within a week originally!

Just surviving day to day is our aim for now, but reading others cases calms me.

Not sure where to start on building defence - awaiting guidance from our legal team.

Most nights awake and reading .... Please keep putting positives forward
Thank you all

[WhyUs]

Again well said lawless one.

It's my husband that has been accused, and this forum is a massive source of support. it may not be me that is due in the dock in 3 months time, but this forum is a big help and I have had lots of support from day one. I have taken lots of advice from here, and also through my own experience offered advice, especially to those, who like me, are supporting a loved one.

There probably are a odd few that are guilty that try to hide amongst us, but usually they are found out fairly quickly, and like ll1 I am not sure what they would gain from this forum. As it is open to anyone, very little details are given, it's more for help and finding information, like the best solicitor. It's also a comfort knowing you are not the only one going through similar

[Rights Fighter]

We have had people on here who are screamingly guilty. One joined two or three times with different usernames, hoping to get some advice about the trial process, or basically to hide.

One such person that stands out was a guy who was charged with the rape of a homeless girl. The weather was awful, he said he would give her a roof over her head if she had sex with him. She refused but he still went ahead. He thought that that condition of taking her in from the storm meant he could do what he wanted with her.

Another one (had several usernames) had typed out notes for young boys to contact him. The police caught him while he was busy putting them in public phone boxes from what I remember, and he threw the rest over a wall. He had a long winded defence that the reason his fingerprints were on the notes, was that "the other man" (who was never found!) was wearing gloves and had told him to gather the notes together after they were printed....... he joined PAFAA before I realised and also another public forum, using names that were similar to the one he was using, and when he was sussed, re-registered in another name that was similar!

There have been others.

Great to see you back LL!! About time too!

[lawlessone2009]

Hey, I'm merely hoping to make it clear that we're here for information and support. Not wanting anyone to draw negatives or think that I'm having a go at them. I'm sorry if it comes across that way.

RF... I'm in a 'quiet zone' at the moment. Still not 'well' but a little more sorted.

[lawlessone2009]

PS: I've never experienced a guilty person on here...

I would advise anyone who does not feel comfortable with someone else, just don't reply.

If you are feeling completely at unease or have concerns then feel free to contact myself or Casehardened or maybe even another Senior Member. We're here as a family of folks that are experiencing, or have experienced, similar issues. There are so many different scenarios and a mind boggling array of 'stages' within the process that we cannot possibly know everything but if we pull on the power of numbers then there is always someone that is able to provide the answer.

[pastitthankgod]

I've never read a post and thought 'they're guilty'.
And by the same token there have been lots of posts I have thot they are NOT guilty for sure.
It is just a niggle, a slight unease that you can never know for sure as we don't know each other persnally.

I'm writing as someone who is past my fa. The above thoughts never entered my head when I was in the midst of the fa. I'm not an online person. This is thew only forum I have ever posted on. I don't chat, online dating nothing. I think maybe I'm not used to this online malarky. But I was just kind of asking does anyone else have these niggles. To which nobody has really said yes. Which I find strange. But I'm writing as someone who reads but never posts. And I'm sure there are lots more like me. Maybe the more involved and more active members, this wouldn't cross their mind as it didn't when I was in the midst of my fa.

But I'm not wrong for admitting it crosses my mind

[YearsOfHell]

I must admit I have occasionally read a thread and thought "hmmmmm?!?!"
But like LL1 says, just don't reply to the thread if you're not sure.
Sometimes it's simply how I have read the story and it turns out its me that's wrong! Oops!
But I'm sure this forum couldn't really help someone who has committed the crime, there's no advice on how to cope with that!
I'm have also skimmed over some threads because I think I can't relate to their particular situation but I think we're all here to help each other through the worst time in our lives.
So no matter what the circumstances a quick reply can make all the difference.
That is the voice of experience guys!
Big hugs all
YoH

[Arsenal12]

I've never read a post and thought 'they're guilty'.
And by the same token there have been lots of posts I have thot they are NOT guilty for sure.
It is just a niggle, a slight unease that you can never know for sure as we don't know each other persnally.

I'm writing as someone who is past my fa. The above thoughts never entered my head when I was in the midst of the fa. I'm not an online person. This is thew only forum I have ever posted on. I don't chat, online dating nothing. I think maybe I'm not used to this online malarky. But I was just kind of asking does anyone else have these niggles. To which nobody has really said yes. Which I find strange. But I'm writing as someone who reads but never posts. And I'm sure there are lots more like me. Maybe the more involved and more active members, this wouldn't cross their mind as it didn't when I was in the midst of my fa.

But I'm not wrong for admitting it crosses my mind

Good evening...

Sorry but what are you trying to insinuate? Are you implying that some of the people on here you think are guilty??

[pastitthankgod]

I think you shoud re read the thread