Tweet
I've done it.
With the help of everyone supporting me and especially my girlfriend it's all over. 20 months of hell. People ask me this weekend how did you get through it and people will come on here looking for that answer. There is no answer. You just will. Trust me. You are strong no matter what you think and at the end (there will be an end no matter what) you won't know how you made it through but the important thing is you will make it. You're not dead. If you're on bail you're probably not looking at life in prison. I know the repercussions and it is life changing to everyone involved. But you don't live in a third world country and you Won't be hung or executed in public with no trial. Despite how much you feel you are up against it, you just need to fight.
It was no doubt the hardest week of my life. I couldnt read the jury. The prosecution seemed to have days and complete freedom to give their side. It came to my defence and i seemed to get barely a day, I would use words like 'assume' that I was sure I had heard other wirnesses use time after time and be told off by the judge. I said my goodbyes and walked into the dock with my toiletries looking at a minimum of 4 years, my girlfriend is 21 for God's sake. She held on to me in burst of teats and refused to let me enter the court room, these people think they are protecting this other girl but do they realise the damage they have done to the females in my life? The prosecution had spun and manipulated it so bad that I was by the end of a gruelling 5 day trial 100% I was going to jail for something I hadn't done. although the security in the dock gave me sympathy and remarked quietly "same old story" after prosecution witnesses. But no one else in the court room seemed to do so. Even the judge seemed greatly against me and talked down to me. Despite that my barrister kept telling me how fair he was being, I'd hate to hear him being unfair.
My point is be prepared for a hard week, it might not seem a fair trial that this nation prides itself on, you might feel guilty before proven innocent and it might feel like the burden is on you not the prosecution. And it is. So be calm, collected but firm. Don't get angry or aggressive but remember you're fighting for your freedom here, this is the time to stand up and make it count. All them sleepless nights thinking, all the depression and anxiety. Use it. Channel it and stand up there and show the jury you are innocent. When I stood up to give evidence I looked around and I crumbled, I didn't think I could do it, my barrister asked about my partner I looked at her and she was in tears as she was most of the week. I teared up then I pulled myself together and I did what I needed to do. I gave my account and the day ended, the prosecution barrister had all night to diet everything I said, make every honest innocent thing I had done look like something it wasn't and try and trip me up. He came prepared the next morning with about 20 sheets to try and pick me apart and teat me down. He called me a lier. He didn't beat around the bush. They were his words. "You are lying aren't you" I looked at the jury and answered everyone of his questions. He didn't deserve answers. They needed them. I needed to show them I would never do such a thing. It must have been 2 hours of attacking me but I wouldn't let him bully me.
The jury of 10 women and 2 men, which I was dubious about but has now reinstalled my faith in females even more so, delivered a unanimous decision after just over an hour of deliberating. My jury were mature. 9 of them females at least 50 years old. 1 a younger girl. 1 a mature man and one a young man. My case involved a night out and interaction with a girl. I was worried their generation would be out of touch and not aware of how a girl might behave and think there was no way a girl would do such a thing and therefore find me guilty. The judge asked them to draw on their combined experience of life in all different walks. They all looked the same though. Very prim and proper. I really thought they would get the wrong picture. But I was wrong and I have learnt not to judge people in such a way.
NOT GUILTY ON BOTH COUNTS
The courtroom filled with my supporters burst into tears. Its effected them as much as me and many of them have needed counselling and medication. I never needed any of that. I was never scared about myself, and never for 1 second worried about the normal fears people would have of being in jail for their own safety. The only thing i was scared about is that I wouldnt be there to protect my mum and my girlfriend and tell them everything is Ok. I managed to mumble a thank you to the jury between my tears. Even my barrister came out and she hugged me and had to walk straight off to stop crying. And I'm sure being 15 years into her career she is a pretty hard lady.
It's done now and as a 23 year old with a 21 year old girlfriend of 4 years apart from the 1 month when the CONSENSUAL incident happened can finally plan a life together. We have been through more than some people will do in their whole life and we are ready to take on the world and have a bright future.
I still feel stressed, I spent all week in fight or die mode and now it's over it's settling in how hard that week actually was. Intense, degrading, embarrassing and upsetting. But I stood up there and under hours of cross examining stood my ground, kept my cool and tried to engage with the jury. I had one chance to profess my innocence to the 12 people that would dictate my future, the case was going to come down to whether they thought I was telling the truth or not and it was my time to show that and stand up to the bullying prosecuting barrister. I wasn't going to lose my cool but if he thought I would stand there and roll over to his manipulations of evidence he had another thing coming.
Now I hope through rossendales (sp) and legal aid I can claim my legal aid contribution back and go back to work after being on leave since I was charged. They have stuck by me all the way. I appreciate the things in life that matter now and if I can take anything away from this terrible situation is that it's made me and my partner strong as we could possibly be. It actually brought us back together as at the time we had split up, I realised my error and how much I needed her at the time, she even picked me up from the police station when it happened. How many 21 year old girls would do that and voluntarily put themselves through 2 years of hell following and then stand up in court as a character witness to the jury what I'm really like despite what the prosecution tried to portray me as. I've never been one to think like that but I really believe we were meant to be and if this is what it took to get us back together then so be it.
I plan on keeping up with this page to see if there's anything I can help with and if anyone wants to ask me any questions or pm me please do. Even if you just have no family or friends to help you through this like I so luckily did please message me for a chat.
With the help of everyone supporting me and especially my girlfriend it's all over. 20 months of hell. People ask me this weekend how did you get through it and people will come on here looking for that answer. There is no answer. You just will. Trust me. You are strong no matter what you think and at the end (there will be an end no matter what) you won't know how you made it through but the important thing is you will make it. You're not dead. If you're on bail you're probably not looking at life in prison. I know the repercussions and it is life changing to everyone involved. But you don't live in a third world country and you Won't be hung or executed in public with no trial. Despite how much you feel you are up against it, you just need to fight.
It was no doubt the hardest week of my life. I couldnt read the jury. The prosecution seemed to have days and complete freedom to give their side. It came to my defence and i seemed to get barely a day, I would use words like 'assume' that I was sure I had heard other wirnesses use time after time and be told off by the judge. I said my goodbyes and walked into the dock with my toiletries looking at a minimum of 4 years, my girlfriend is 21 for God's sake. She held on to me in burst of teats and refused to let me enter the court room, these people think they are protecting this other girl but do they realise the damage they have done to the females in my life? The prosecution had spun and manipulated it so bad that I was by the end of a gruelling 5 day trial 100% I was going to jail for something I hadn't done. although the security in the dock gave me sympathy and remarked quietly "same old story" after prosecution witnesses. But no one else in the court room seemed to do so. Even the judge seemed greatly against me and talked down to me. Despite that my barrister kept telling me how fair he was being, I'd hate to hear him being unfair.
My point is be prepared for a hard week, it might not seem a fair trial that this nation prides itself on, you might feel guilty before proven innocent and it might feel like the burden is on you not the prosecution. And it is. So be calm, collected but firm. Don't get angry or aggressive but remember you're fighting for your freedom here, this is the time to stand up and make it count. All them sleepless nights thinking, all the depression and anxiety. Use it. Channel it and stand up there and show the jury you are innocent. When I stood up to give evidence I looked around and I crumbled, I didn't think I could do it, my barrister asked about my partner I looked at her and she was in tears as she was most of the week. I teared up then I pulled myself together and I did what I needed to do. I gave my account and the day ended, the prosecution barrister had all night to diet everything I said, make every honest innocent thing I had done look like something it wasn't and try and trip me up. He came prepared the next morning with about 20 sheets to try and pick me apart and teat me down. He called me a lier. He didn't beat around the bush. They were his words. "You are lying aren't you" I looked at the jury and answered everyone of his questions. He didn't deserve answers. They needed them. I needed to show them I would never do such a thing. It must have been 2 hours of attacking me but I wouldn't let him bully me.
The jury of 10 women and 2 men, which I was dubious about but has now reinstalled my faith in females even more so, delivered a unanimous decision after just over an hour of deliberating. My jury were mature. 9 of them females at least 50 years old. 1 a younger girl. 1 a mature man and one a young man. My case involved a night out and interaction with a girl. I was worried their generation would be out of touch and not aware of how a girl might behave and think there was no way a girl would do such a thing and therefore find me guilty. The judge asked them to draw on their combined experience of life in all different walks. They all looked the same though. Very prim and proper. I really thought they would get the wrong picture. But I was wrong and I have learnt not to judge people in such a way.
NOT GUILTY ON BOTH COUNTS
The courtroom filled with my supporters burst into tears. Its effected them as much as me and many of them have needed counselling and medication. I never needed any of that. I was never scared about myself, and never for 1 second worried about the normal fears people would have of being in jail for their own safety. The only thing i was scared about is that I wouldnt be there to protect my mum and my girlfriend and tell them everything is Ok. I managed to mumble a thank you to the jury between my tears. Even my barrister came out and she hugged me and had to walk straight off to stop crying. And I'm sure being 15 years into her career she is a pretty hard lady.
It's done now and as a 23 year old with a 21 year old girlfriend of 4 years apart from the 1 month when the CONSENSUAL incident happened can finally plan a life together. We have been through more than some people will do in their whole life and we are ready to take on the world and have a bright future.
I still feel stressed, I spent all week in fight or die mode and now it's over it's settling in how hard that week actually was. Intense, degrading, embarrassing and upsetting. But I stood up there and under hours of cross examining stood my ground, kept my cool and tried to engage with the jury. I had one chance to profess my innocence to the 12 people that would dictate my future, the case was going to come down to whether they thought I was telling the truth or not and it was my time to show that and stand up to the bullying prosecuting barrister. I wasn't going to lose my cool but if he thought I would stand there and roll over to his manipulations of evidence he had another thing coming.
Now I hope through rossendales (sp) and legal aid I can claim my legal aid contribution back and go back to work after being on leave since I was charged. They have stuck by me all the way. I appreciate the things in life that matter now and if I can take anything away from this terrible situation is that it's made me and my partner strong as we could possibly be. It actually brought us back together as at the time we had split up, I realised my error and how much I needed her at the time, she even picked me up from the police station when it happened. How many 21 year old girls would do that and voluntarily put themselves through 2 years of hell following and then stand up in court as a character witness to the jury what I'm really like despite what the prosecution tried to portray me as. I've never been one to think like that but I really believe we were meant to be and if this is what it took to get us back together then so be it.
I plan on keeping up with this page to see if there's anything I can help with and if anyone wants to ask me any questions or pm me please do. Even if you just have no family or friends to help you through this like I so luckily did please message me for a chat.
Comment