nightmare

[sjl79]

I'm currently struggling and don't know where to turn. I'm not really one for forums or message boards as I like to keep myself to myself mainly.
However I have been arrested and charged with rape falsely ( feb 2015) and am currently on bail awaiting trial in december.

the allegation was made by a friend (former friend) who I had started an affair with behind my partners back. We had been intimate and had sexual relations for about a month regulary (6 or 7 times over 3 -4 weeks).

One evening she came round at midnight just for a chat and got into bed with me. She'd been on a date and said it had gone well. I was happy for my friend. Inevitably though, being us, we fell into our immoral routine (we'd both expressed guilt over my partner but were happy it was just a sexual thing with no emotions attached). We started having consensual sex then she asked me stop, which I immediately did. We then had a chat and a cigarette together and aranged to meet in a couple of days for a coffee.

After she left I sent her a messsage along the lines of saying sorry if it was awkward (stopping during sex tends to make it a little awkward).

The following day I texted her as normal to see how she was and she was acting funny, saying she couldn't talk to me anymore and we couldn't be friends. In hindsight I should have left it there. Instead (fearing she'd tell my girlfriend or that I had somehow upset her I was very apologetic and expressed guilt over our affair).

I feel I must add that at the time of these messages I was in my weekly intensive therapy group which ran all day and that id been in for over two years and had finally told them of the affair and was extremely aggitated and emotionally overwhelmed. So I was generally responding to messages in a state with no comprehension of what was subtly being levelled at me.

I have had a very, very long history with mental health problems and she knew where I was and what I'd be like.
I explained the situation to my therapy group (90% women, who, ironically 90% were rape victims) and they calmed me down. I had the impressipn my accuser was unhappy with me but as yet had no concrete idea of why she thought so.

I came home that evening calmed but also weary of her perception of the previous nights events (part of my diagnosis is parnoia so it is not unusual for me to imagine all sorts on any given situation) the police arrived later that night and arrested me much to my shock.

I was kept the maximum extended time they could keep me, I spent two nights in my cell, as I stated that I was suicidal and had to be assessed by a CPN.
I was taken straight to magistrates court and bailed untill trial in December due to no previous troubles whatsoever and my vulnerable nature.

My bail conditions however mean I cannot go home to the town I have always lived in for the last 35 years and that was my safe bubble as I struggled with the unfamiliar and going out.

I am currently in a rented flat in the next nig town over away from all my family and my girlfriend (now my fiancée) who has amazingly stood by me as she knows I'm innocent.

the cdown allowed me to go on a pre booked holiday to turkey for two weeks and as such there are no curfew or limitations to my bail.
however, my therapy course has now ended and although my barrister seems wonderful my solicitor seems indiferent or at the least less than confident.

I have attempted suicide 3 times in my life and althougn I have no intention of doing so again due to my good therapy work i am currently really struggling being in a starnge place on my own.

I struggle sleeping and try not to obsess over prison stories or negative outcomes but its hard.

I found this site and though I don't usually decided to share my tale and if I'm honest, like the whole of this mess it makes me feel exposed and uncomfortable.
sometimes I just feel that that no one to talk to though

sorry if this a ramble, I just don't know anyone else who has been through anything remotely similar to offer advice

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

Many members have either been in your situation or are supporting partners or relatives who are, so will have some understanding of your feelings at this time.

Hopefully you will have already discussed your defence strategy with your legal team but I wonder if you still have your phone or whether it was seized by the police as it seems that the texts will indicate that you were in an existing consensual sexual relationship with your friend at the time of the accusation.

[AmandaF]

Hello and sorry you had to find us. I was never one for these things either but I've found most people supportive on here as unfortunately we belong, sadly, to an exclusive club where only us can perhaps understand what we are all going through.

I can't help with any legal stuff but there are folk on here with expert advice-
the rest of us just offer support and there are a lot of people in a similar situation.

I would suggest that you find some kind of therapeutic support as this can be a long and arduous road to travel.

And DON'T keep reading about other cases , especially those in the media as they are hardly likely to mention people who are "no further actioned". You will just become more despondent!

Keep posting, keep us posted

[sjl79]

Thanks for the responses.

the police do have my phone so my legal team can view previous messages and even pictures she sent. I'm not entirely confident in my team though........at my last meeting they said thwy had yet to view the messages exchanged on facebook, so I showed them to them on my new phone.

Their response was to to say, 'ooh, we may have to take that phone so we can access the messages'. I had to explain that the messages weren't on my phone but stored on the facebook server and could be accessed from anywhere. It was almost comical but didn't really fill me with confidence.

I've read a few other posts on this site (very helpful) and it has raised a question in my mind;

There was some information regarding someones defence and prepping the questions they would be asked by their barrister should they have to take the stand. Now, at my last meeting, which was my plea in june (always at crown court, never in their offices, which isn't fun) I rather inncocently asked how often we would meet to go over my case and stategy and questions etc, to be told that the next time they would see me would be at my trial. I must have had a panicked look of confusion on my face as they went on to explain to me that, legally, they could offer no advice or 'coaching' as they put it.

I was then told to go and enjoy the next 6 months and try not to think about it. Now, I realise they do this everyday so maybe they are immune to the effects but I thought that was a rather trite thing to tell me. In fact the only advuce I got was try not to think about it at all or read over the notes and statements as it may well look rehearsed if I'm called to give evidence and I should appear natural and spontaneous. I don't know about anyone else but since this has happened it's generally always on my mind!

Anyway, I guess I wanted to know if it's normal to just be left for months on end until trial with no 'coaching' as they put it

[Rights Fighter]

I can't read this properly as it is mainly in a block of text (wonky eye syndrome - too many hours in front of computer monitors!)

CPS prep the complainants and their witnesses. Defence are not allowed to coach but some will "role play", not as defence to defendant, but as though they are being x-examined by prosecution. They can't give you the answers but will give you an idea of what to expect.

So you need to ask yourself what awkward questions might they ask you, that could put you on the back foot and therefore make an ar*e of yourself in front of the jury.

I can't tell you what the questions would be as I haven't see any paperwork and can't see everything you've written as words and lines merge after a few seconds of trying to read.

[Casehardened]

I can't read this properly as it is mainly in a block of text (wonky eye syndrome - too many hours in front of computer monitors!)

Spacing added now.... x

[Arsenal12]

Sorry

Sorry to hear your difficult times Sj,I'm going through similar if not worse.... the really terrible thing in these types of cases is that these women go unpunished and get away scotfree...because for us victims of these false malicious allegations the damage has already been done...ie reputation, job,access to kids,financially.. Etc....I hope all goes well for u buddy....my bail date is in December.... Turn the pain into power....buddy