Scared of Trial Outcome

[MMM72]

Hi, I am new on here and also worrying about the affect of a trial on my children. My partners father is in court in a few weeks time on trial for historic sex offences with a minor. He was first arrested in 2006 on 6 charges all of which were thrown out by the CPS due to lack of evidence. Then out of the blue last year he was re-arrested and a further 6, more serious charges were presented. This time the CPS decided to prosecute and the full trial starts in 2 weeks. I have lived in the same house with him for over 20 years and never been concerned. I now have 2 young children (girl and boy) and he is absolutely brilliant with them. We have never been seen by SS so really worried about the affect this could have on my children. I am also worried what will happen when the trial starts. Will the press report the trial from day 1? Until now we have been trying to carry on as normal for the sake of our children but I know that this could change in an instant if he is found guilty.

[Rights Fighter]

MMM72 maybe you could start your own thread, so people can see it more easily

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

In relation to the reporting of the trial, two questions as you mentioned 'partner' rather than husband....

Do the children have the same surname as his father?

Is his (the fathers) address the same as yours?

(If the answers to the second query is 'no' then this might explain why SS have not got involved)

There are quite a few members in similar circumstances to yourself and they will undoubtedly be able to offer practical advice on protecting the children from the publicity.

[Casehardened]

MMM72 maybe you could start your own thread, so people can see it more easily

Thanks for suggestion, have now done this!

[MMM72]

Thank you, we live in the same house. I moved in when I was 18 and apart from a 3 1/2 year gap when my partner and I bought a flat together I have lived there ever since. I am now 43! I have 2 children with my partner who does have the same surname as his dad, as do our children. We were in the house on the morning he was first arrested in 2006. It was awful. The police were so heavy handed and aggressive. I have never been in trouble with the police, nor my partner so it was really upsetting. The case was dismissed 6 months later due to lack of evidence. This was 2 years before our daughter was born in 2008 (my son was born in 2013). My partners father was rearrested in 2014 on 6 further sexual abuse claims (including one of rape) and subsequently charged on 12 counts (6 were from the first arrest in 2006 which had been dismissed due to lack of evidence). Some more serious than others but all were alleged to have taken place with the same girl as a minor. Apparently she was too ashamed to mention these 7/8 years earlier. We knew this girl and her mother and knew them well enough to know that it was all fabricated. The week before the original charges in 2006 he had a row with the FA about her drinking alcohol (she was 16 and very challenging). We believe she did this to get him into trouble but also to get her mums attention (their relationship was troubled). In the 26 years I have known my partners father he has never done anything inappropriate and is a brilliant grampy. The problem is he did everything for this family, babysitting, running FA to after school clubs even looking after her when her parents took a 2 week holiday without her etc. It will effectively come down to his word against hers and I know the mother will do everything in her power to bring him down.

[YearsOfHell]

Feeling your hurt!

Oh I feel your pain so much!
We too are in a similar situation, the accusations come from someone we knew and spent time with.
After all we do for these people and this is what they do!
I'm finding it all so hard to think through. What DO we do when there's a charge and a court case?
How do the children cope with it at school if it all goes in the paper?
The only help I can give you is to say that you're not alone and we know what you're going through.
We can support one another and tell each other our experiences.
I try not to think what might happen, but it comes into my brain all the time.
Good days and bad days will be inevitable.
Please make the good days count. There are nice things happening in life if you look for it!
My children make me smile every single day, despite the situation.
Even a visit from SS didn't phase them!
Let's try and get through it and come out the other side so much stronger!
Sending hugs through cyber space
YoH

[Casehardened]

Thank you, we live in the same house. I moved in when I was 18 and apart from a 3 1/2 year gap when my partner and I bought a flat together I have lived there ever since.

I think that in this instance you would have been well aware if there was any substance in the allegations!

It may be possible for you to be a character witness at the trial as the jury would take note of you as a teenager and a mother having no concerns over residing in the same house for this length of time, but do check with his solicitor if this would be advisable.

[MMM72]

Thank YoH, it is very difficult. I am so worried about the impact this could have on my kids, especially my daughter. She adores her grampy, I have no idea what we will say to her if he is found guilty.

[MMM72]

Case hardened, I have already made a statement and think I will most likely be called to give evidence. I'm absolutely terrified of standing up in court, but will support him 100%.

I actually started dating my partner when I was 16 and staying over at weekends, so have known his dad since then. He has several people willing to stand as character witnesses for him. It's down to the solicitor now how they want to play it I guess. I just feel so helpless, your whole life and future is dependant on the decisions made by others, through no fault of your own. It's so cruel.

[YearsOfHell]

Thank YoH, it is very difficult. I am so worried about the impact this could have on my kids, especially my daughter. She adores her grampy, I have no idea what we will say to her if he is found guilty.

Try not to think about that yet, it may never happen.
But if it does, the best way is to be honest with her with what's happened.
Children are surprisingly resilient and accepting.
If she's of an age that she can be told why this has happened then tell her.
If she's young then just keep it simple and straight.
Other than that there's not much you can do to shield them from these things.
Always best to be honest with kids tho.
Keep strong Hun
Big hugs

[Casehardened]

Case hardened, I have already made a statement and think I will most likely be called to give evidence. I'm absolutely terrified of standing up in court, but will support him 100%.

I actually started dating my partner when I was 16 and staying over at weekends, so have known his dad since then. He has several people willing to stand as character witnesses for him. It's down to the solicitor now how they want to play it I guess. I just feel so helpless, your whole life and future is dependant on the decisions made by others, through no fault of your own. It's so cruel.

Of course you will be nervous, it's a completely new experience for all of you; however what you will in effect be doing is to explain your thoughts about the accusation to a group of unconnected people, much like you have already done on here, who will draw a conclusion from the facts, much like we have done.

Don't have a go at the accuser, we don't want any sympathy engendered for her, just the accusation, but emphasise any motives for making the accusation that you and the solicitor can think of.

If the prosecuting barrister is not very good at his job he will try to put you down and rubbish your statement; if this happens and you feel genuine emotion don't be afraid to show it, for better or worse the whole procedure is like a stage play (or an episode of the JK show!) and the better actors will get the attention of the audience aka the jury and they will get their evidence over to them.

[MMM72]

Thank you, that's good sound advice. I am hopeless at keeping my emotions in check at the best of times. Cry at adverts, it's pathetic! I do worry that I will find it all overwhelming. The one thing in my favour I guess is that I have been in court before. I served on a jury when I was 21, and gave evidence on a case (work related) a few years after that. So at least I know a little bit about the inside of a court room. That said it's a whole different ball game when it's someone you care very much about being accused of something like this. I have to stay as strong as I can.

[AmandaF]

Children discern the truth for themselves, (unless, as in our case, they WERE the false accusers).
If your daughter has a good relationship with him I'm sure this will continue as she will see this as the most important factor.

The hardest part for me was trying to explain to my grandson why people do these terrible things, and destroy others with their lies. At 10 years old it was very difficult for him to come to terms with, especially when he and my OH's defence- friends, family etc were all deemed to be the ones who were lying.

He has never ever questioned my OH's innocence.

At the time we lived in a small village but nobody was ever unpleasant to any of us, apart from our FA's- we still have support from a few people who live there as they themselves know what the truth is