Accused of raping my wife for last 3.5 years

[psalms]

Hi all, I could really do with some advice.

I've been married to my wife for just over 10 years. She had me arrested last week for GBH & rape. I know this isn't the right forum to discuss the GBH, but in a nutshell we had a row about 3.5 years ago. It resulted in her kicking me and me reacting an kicking her back. It was the only time in 10 years of marriage that I've ever been violent and I am deeply ashamed of it and regretted it the moment it occurred. I spend the next month apologizing to her. It was not the first time that she had been violent to me. She had once threatened me with a kitchen knife, and once punched me in the stomach (both those events were in 2006). The bottom line is that I am still guilty of some form of assault here in my view and will have to take my medicine.

What I'm really scared of (and what I couldn't believe when I was accused of this by the police) was the rape allegation. Let me be categorical here: I have NEVER raped my wife, or come within a million miles of doing so.

From what the police said in the interview, she is not alleging that I ever used any physical force to have sex with her, more that she is some kind of down trodden woman who has lost her ability to stand up for herself and say no. So effectively whenever we had sex from 2012 onward I was raping her. It's absolute nonsense on so many levels, but I'm still petrified of being charged and possibly ending up in prison for something I haven't done.

I was assigned a paralegal clark at the police station for my interview, but I think I now need to get an expert in this area to help defend me. Can anyone recommend a good solicitor in this instance?

Also, I'm currently on police bail and am having to stay with my parents, which is nowhere near the police station where I was arrested. Should I get a solicitor near where I live, or near the police station carrying out the investigation?

Thanks for any advice,
Psalms

P.S. I have never been in any trouble with the law before I my life.

[Surrey1]

Hi Psalms;

Another story on this blog about raping their wives in less than a day!...

I too was accused of this same thing, last year, and was on Police bail for over 10 months; Re-bailed 6 times...and during this time was also stopped from all communication with my 3 boys (by Surrey Police) for 6 whole months!...Before finally being NFA'd

Your comment about "standing up for herself" is the exact comment my ex-wife used about herself. All very narcisstic!...& she was definitely suffering from some kind of BP Disorder!

My advice to you is to read the other blogs on here, including mine & "bide your time" and "busy yourself" & start building up that "time-line" & any evidence against her/ inconsistencies in her stories etc. & keep this info. safe on your PC & make sure you have it backed up.
DO NOT LET THE POLICE HAVE THIS INFO!
Also; From a financial position...Forget persuing a divorce / Selling the house etc. until all of this is sorted out.
I didnt do this & went through over £40,000 in solicitor bills and nearly £10,000 in Barristers...when I could have just waited until all of it was "sorted" & NFA'd...and then just done a quick divorce at the end. You wont be able to get a mortgage whilst on Bail...Your Divorce cannot be done until this is all sorted...so just put it all on hold & let this process / Police Bial go its normnal course...and THEN...and ONLY THEN, if it goes to court...get back on here & source yourself the BEST SOLICITOR / BARRISTER money can buy.

As for your solicitor...I just used the duty solictor (free) & on my memorable, final Re-Bail, was instructed by him to answer "no comment" for the whole interview which lasted nearly 3 hours at Surrey custody suite,last April 2014. This was because they had absolutely no eveidence i had raped my wife and my solictor wanted the DC to "spill the beans" on what he had against me, if anything?
There were alot of lies & things to goad me in the interview...and I had to calmly say "No comment" to every question, whilst my brief furiously wrote down every question aimed at me by the DC, so we had all the info & could work on this, if it went to court...which gladly it didnt!

You are innocent (genuinely) and we all believe you & we are, Or were, all in the same boat as yourself..

Sadly; As you will see when reading the posts on here (again, inc. mine) the Police are just out for a charge (Targets!) & dont care whether you are innocent or not. Its all about budgets & showing results.
I do now wonder how many totally innocent people are banged up in prison?
Its disgusting really and i have been so tempted to tell my story to the national press (for free) to highlight this wrong, which seem to be getting more & more common with wives who want you out of their lives, like mine (as she had statrted her 3rd affair after 21 years of marriage). I ,also like you, loved my wife & would never hurt her etc. etc.

When, hopefully, you are NFA'd like i were, the Police wont go chasing her for wrongful accusations as they dont want that message going out to "genuine victims", as they wont come forward if they have been genuinely raped etc.

Keep reading the blogs on here daily (like i did) & keep us all posted ..
BUT.. Dont say anything too much on here, as I understand the Police look on this site & may use this against you, if god-forbid it goes to court.


As a footnote to my last postings...I managed to buy back the family home...have my eldest boy living with me permantently and see my other 2 younger boys every other week. I have also met someone esle...and just starting to live & enjoy myself again.

Best Regards, Surrey1
"When youre going through hell....Keep going!" - Winston Churchill

[psalms]

Hi Surrey1,

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to hear your story as I am completely doing my nut. I genuinely wonder if my wife realizes how cruel she is being.

I keep reading not to tell the police anything, but my view in the interview was to tell the truth as I had nothing to hide and I'd spent about 14 hours in a police cell with no chance to give my version of events. Now I'm starting to regret not going down the "no comment" route and keeping crucial information to myself without alerting them to it.

I have remembered quite a lot of other things after the interview that I was kicking myself for not remembering before, but perhaps that's actually a blessing in disguise! But they kept pointing out to me that my defense might be harmed if I don't mention something that I later rely on in court. Certainly the paralegal clark that was assigned to me didn't advise me to "no comment" the interview.

Anyway, I'm about to get myself a solicitor to guide me here onwards.

Will keep you updated.

Thanks,
Psalms.

[Casehardened]

Anyway, I'm about to get myself a solicitor to guide me here onwards.

There are recommendations for specialist solicitors in this thread from members who have used them; NB some will take legally aided cases & some won't.

It's better to get a solicitor who is based in the area where the alleged offences are supposed to have occurred (just in case it does go any further)

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

[Rights Fighter]

There are some fab legal aid solicitors and some not so good

One such LA solicitor I always recommend in the London and south east area is http://www.ebrattridge.com/index.php...-mcdonald.html. You would need to contact him direct as opposed to via the practice website.

There are some fab private client solicitors and some not so good, and who are only interested in the money.

We can guide you to the most appropriate one either via the link CH has provided or from personal experiences of members.

[Incredulous]

You were in shock and vulnerable. Of course you would tell the truth. If you were hiding something you would have kept things close to your chest. I feel for you with your journey ahead

[Rights Fighter]

Hi Surrey1,

.............................Now I'm starting to regret not going down the "no comment" route and keeping crucial information to myself without alerting them to it.

I have remembered quite a lot of other things after the interview that I was kicking myself for not remembering before, but perhaps that's actually a blessing in disguise! But they kept pointing out to me that my defense might be harmed if I don't mention something that I later rely on in court. Certainly the paralegal clark that was assigned to me didn't advise me to "no comment" the interview.

Anyway, I'm about to get myself a solicitor to guide me here onwards.

Will keep you updated.

Thanks,
Psalms.

Going no comment can go against you at trial as the Crown would say that you did that to avoid "telling the truth" even if you had been legally advised to do so.

People who are hauled into the police station and then made to wait hours before interview, with no chance to talk to any one are going to be in a complete state of panic and confusion, as you were.

It can only be expected that you might forget to say something at the time of the interview. At trial Crown might ask you why you didn't mention "such and such" and will suggest that you are wriggling out of it now.

Your response would be quite honestly: "I was woken up at 5am (or whatever time) and taken down to the police station. After being told that I had been accused of a terrible crime my head just swam and I couldn't even think, let alone think straight".

Any jury would understand that. What they would not understand is "I don't know".

[browndown777]

Hi psalms

I totally reiterate what surrey1 has said, keep strong and try and do things that take you mind off what's happening.

I too was accused of raping my wife of 20 years....so know the pain and disbelief that your going through, it might not seem it now but it does get more bearable as time goes on.

[Surrey1]

Psalms;

Just to be clear here about "No comment"...
The "No comment route" should only be adopted after you've done a few interviews, like i did (& yourself), and there is absolutely nothing more to say?. I, too, was held in custody for 18 hours when i was first arrested...and there are a few things you forget to say as you are tired,scared etc.
However; After the 1st initial interviews, you should have covered everything and i am suggesting that "The no comment route" should be used only when recommended by your solicitor OR if you ask him privately what he thinks?, before you enter the Police interview suite again.

Its NOT about hiding information...But after saying everything consistently, its over to the Police to decide from the info you have given them / before being passed onto the CPS?

As said; I was Re-Bailed 6 times over the 10months. It was after my 4th interview that my solicitor THEN SAID they had nothing on me and that I had told them everything & it was all consistent & they were just "fishing" for any charge they could get on me or letting me get confused,tongue-tied & and say the wrong thing! (Hence why they went back to my Ex to see if there was anything else they could pin against me & I was re-arrested when i turned up for my 4th Re-Bail with ABH & Child assault...Again MORE lies made against me by my Ex!).


NB: I did note you said you about kicking your wife in retaliation to her assault on you?. Do the Police know about this?.
If nothing was done about this last time & you have said nothing about this in any interview?...I would keep quiet, as if there is no Rape charge, then i guarentee they'll charge you with assault or something similar.

As said earlier; Its ALL about getting their targets...and why i have no respect for the Police and dont trust them anymore.
All the best

Regards, Surrey1

[Rights Fighter]

I will repeat - going no comment should only be a last resort and only after legal advice, otherwise it will be used against you by the prosecution at trial.

There will be times you will be asked the same question again; this would be to check whether you are telling the truth. People who lie tend to change their stories, those who don't, tend to stick to the same path.

If the questions are asked over and over again the duty sol should put a stop to that, as that would be haranguing.

[AmandaF]

My other half was told by duty solicitor to repeat "No comment" saying that the cops aren't looking to help the accused, but to find something that they can in fact use against them.
I was never ever interviewed after arrest so wasn't an option for me

[Rights Fighter]

I think that was in Scotland AmandaF so things might be slightly different there? Plus of course this was legal advice so it's his choice whether to follow the legal advice.

[AmandaF]

I just assumed everyone was told that- logic to me would be to answer as honestly as possible though

[Rights Fighter]

I've sat through too many trials where the jury have been told that as the def had gone no comment, even on legal advice, that they did that as they had something to hide.......

Best to go no comment ONLY when there is no disclosure at all and the police are on a fishing trip.....

[psalms]

Thanks to all for your continued advice.

So far I've only been interviewed the once (during the initial 17 hours at the police station). I told them everything I could remember, including about the assault. The only problem is that in the interview I couldn't remember what the argument was about that the lead up to my wife and I kicking each other. The police then recanted her account of the events (which of course made her look like an innocent & oppressed cowering victim) and all I could say was that I couldn't remember. (I knew her account was wrong because it was never the way she described between us).

It was actually about 4:30am 2 days after I was released that I did remember the argument. In truth it turns out that had never actually forgotten the argument itself, just that that particular argument was what lead to the kicking (I hope that makes sense). Looking at my work diary for January 2012 and seeing some of the entries in it suddenly caused the penny to drop and for me to be able to put the argument to the kicking. Anyway, I'm now of the opinion that I should go back to the police and make another statement to give my version of events that night, however, I'm hopefully seeing a solicitor on Monday morning and so will put this to him and take advice of course.

On the subject of solicitors, the first couple I've tried have basically said that it's too soon for them to get involved. Because I've not been charged with anything yet, and because the first police bail isn't until end of August they've told me to ring them back in a few weeks without me even having a chance to explain anything about the case. Anyway, I do now have a recommendation which has given me an appointment on Monday morning, so assuming he doesn't cancel, I'll take if from there.

You know, the bizarre thing about all this is that my wife tells me that she was abused as a child by her father, and that her mother was completely broken and destroyed as a women & a person by her oppressive husband. Maybe I've got this all wrong and this is just about divorcing me and cleaning me out in to the bargain, but effectively her allegations against me of coercive rape just seem like she is projecting her father's on to me. I'm such a mess though I don't know what to think, or if I can trust my own logic of judgement. I have panic attacks, I am having problems sleeping, I'm don't have much appetite most of the time. On the plus side there are some people around me who are quite literally "Godsends" and are sustaining me with wisdom and encouragement in some of my lowest moments.

Thanks to all. I will continue to update (whenever there is something to report!)

Psalms