Accused of marital rape

[MikeD]

Im currently engaged in a custody battle with my ex wife for my 2 year old son. She is happy for me to see him but only once a week at a contact centre. She got a non molestation order on me accusing me of domestic violence (physical and financial). At the hearing the judge upheld the order but in regards to her allegations made no findings of facts. My ex is a lawyer and is claiming DV since the day she met me.

Anyway, at the first custody hearing my ex once again brought up the DV allegations. She was offered a fact finding hearing to get to the bottom of these allegations. At the hearing we'll be both cross exanined and the judge will make a decesion based on probablity. Long story short, she turned down this fact finding hearing saying she cant afford it (shes not on legal aid).

Since she rejected the fact finding they proposed something called a section 7 report, where we are both interviewed by an organisation called CAFCAAS who represent children during custody battles. They file a report that asseses both our suitability as parents and send it to the judge.

Anyway at her interview, in addition to the DV allegations, she made a fresh allegation of one instance of marital rape. She is basically alleging that the conception of our son was a rape. I obviously denied this. The interviewer said she'll lump in my ex latest allegation with the rest and file a report on my suitability as a dad.

My ex has never mentioned this rape allegation in any of the previous court hearing. Its obviously frabicated to cause a hurdle and prevent me from getting overnight.

She hasnt gone to the police but she trully terrifies me and if things dont go her way during the custody hearing she might call the cops and get me arrested. Once that happens ill have no chance of seeing my son.

She is trying to scare and bully me into accepting the one day a week contact she is offering. Im innocent and i will fight for custody but if she calls the cops, the whole investigation process will add to my stress: ill have to go on bail, maybe lose my job, fees for lawyers etc

Ill be found innocent im sure but by that time ill be penniless and probably lose the house. Then she'll use that against me saying i cant have my son since im now homeless. I earn £32k a year so i dont thi k ill get legal aid for criminal cases.

The latter part is speculation but im scared of what ifs

[MikeD]

Cant sleep. Im genuinely terrified of my ex. She is consumed with making sure i have minimal contact and will do and say anything.


She hasnt called the police yet but she might one day. Im innocent buts being subjected to the entire investigation process that scares me. The fear that they'll believe her lies

[AmandaF]

Sadly for most of us on here we are tormented by speculation and "What ifs" as initially that's all we have.
Easy to say, but really try to keep some normality . It is a stressful situation which unless you experience it, you can't know how soul-destroying it is.
To state your boy is a product of rape is appalling!
Do anything you can think of to help you feel as though you have some control, make notes of anything relevant.

Hoping for the best!

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum

A difficult situation, if your ex makes a formal accusation of rape this will need to be determined before the custody issue can be sorted and she is obviously aware of this. And of course alleging rape will cost your ex nothing in legal fees!

Without wishing to add to your woes there is a possibility that the CAFCAAS rep may consider it their duty to report the rape allegation; in this case it will need to be investigated regardless of hers or your wishes, though from what you say it is unlikely to be taken seriously. Nevertheless it will add to the delay in sorting access.

[MikeD]

Is that true? CAFCAAS are duty bound to report all rape allegations even though the accuser hasnt gone to the police...are you saying this based on other cases or what you think?

When we discussed the allegation the CAFCAAS officer said that she'll just lump it in with the other allegations and then file a report to the family court about her recommendations about my suitability as a dad.

The interview was on wed. If cafcaas did report it wouldnt i have been contacted by the police by now or at least received a letter. Or the cafcaas wouldve told me on the day

[Casehardened]

Is that true? CAFCAAS are duty bound to report all rape allegations even though the accuser hasnt gone to the police...are you saying this based on other cases or what you think?

When we discussed the allegation the CAFCAAS officer said that she'll just lump it in with the other allegations and then file a report to the family court about her recommendations about my suitability as a dad.

The interview was on wed. If cafcaas did report it wouldnt i have been contacted by the police by now or at least received a letter. Or the cafcaas wouldve told me on the day

They would be obliged to report any allegations concerning minors but I don't know what the policy is regarding adults.

Hopefully if they have 'lumped all the allegations together' this new one will also be disregarded.

Didn't want to panic you, just a heads up as to what the possibilities are as it is best to be mentally prepared.

[Rights Fighter]

CH is right. When a serious allegation is made to a public authority they have to report it.

You may be eligible for legal aid but would have to contribute. If you are charged and found not guilty you should get it all, or most of it, back.

Choice of a solicitor after charge is of paramount importance. What did you think of the duty solicitor? Did he/she inspire you with confidence?

[Rights Fighter]

Mike, if you tweak your settings you will be able to allow people to email you via this site. If you do this, I'll contact you direct.

You will then need to disable that facility. This is a public forum and it may be possible for complete strangers who mean you harm to make direct contact.

[MikeD]

CH is right. When a serious allegation is made to a public authority they have to report it.

You may be eligible for legal aid but would have to contribute. If you are charged and found not guilty you should get it all, or most of it, back.

Choice of a solicitor after charge is of paramount importance. What did you think of the duty solicitor? Did he/she inspire you with confidence?

Duty solicitor? She hasnt gone to the police she just mentioned it to the CAFCAAS lady who was interviewing her for the section 7 report.

If the CAFCAAS rep did report it wouldnt the police have contacted me by now?

Ill edit my settings

[Rights Fighter]

Sorry hon I am doing half a different things at once.....

[Rights Fighter]

I've emailed you. Check your spam or junk folders.

I'd disable the facility now if I were you as you never know who else might email (with less than good intentions).

[MikeD]

Sorry hon I am doing half a different things at once.....

Confused. Can you clarify what you posted and how its related to my case?

The interview with cafcass was on wed and if she is duty bound wouldnt she have told me she was going to the police with what my ex told her? I havent heard anything from the police.

All she said was that she'll add the latest allegation to the rest and write a report on my suitability to have contact. Ex is happy for me to have contact thoufh, but just one day

[MikeD]

I've emailed you. Check your spam or junk folders.

I'd disable the facility now if I were you as you never know who else might email (with less than good intentions).

Havent recived it.

Can you advise here?

[Rights Fighter]

I help out on here and other forums and Facebook groups. I am switching between these forums/groups and my eyes need a rest from the screen. For some reason I thought she had reported you to the police but obviously not.

It is very strange though, that given she alleges that all this is supposed to have been ongoing from early on in the relationship, that she's never reported it to the police and/or she hasn't taken prohibited steps to stop you seeing the child until now.

I am surprised the rape allegation has not made its way to the police, unless of course, they waited until the outcome of the finding of fact hearing before making a decision.

[MikeD]

I help out on here and other forums and Facebook groups. I am switching between these forums/groups and my eyes need a rest from the screen. For some reason I thought she had reported you to the police but obviously not.

It is very strange though, that given she alleges that all this is supposed to have been ongoing from early on in the relationship, that she's never reported it to the police and/or she hasn't taken prohibited steps to stop you seeing the child until now.

I am surprised the rape allegation has not made its way to the police, unless of course, they waited until the outcome of the finding of fact hearing before making a decision.

She was offered a finding of fact at the first hearing to address the DV allegations. She turned it down, so the magistrates ordered a section 7 report by CAFCAAS (an organisation that represent kids during custody hearings).

It was during her CaFcaas interview she mentioned the rape allegation. Cafcaas then told me what she alleged during my interview and asked me why she was making it. Told the agent that she is just trying to delay contact and stop me from getting overnights. The cafcaas agent said she'll just put it in with the other allegations, consider both our stories and file a report to the family courts