Don't know where to turn.

[jittery]

hi

I don't often reach out to others for help, not quite sure how to do it so just feel like I am being a pain lol.

I have changed my email address for the site and applied to join the PAFAA with SOFAP Facebook group

Hello mate, cup of virtual tea here, drink up! Not a good time, don't despair yet about not having a duty solicitor with you, some of us didn't and the case was dropped. Don't worry about being a pain, we've all been there!

Stay strong!

[VincentV35]

Thank you for your kind words and virtual tea Jittery, very much appreciated

Today has been a good day for me personally, the initial anger and disgust has subsided so have been thinking very rationally rather than letting the dark thoughts seep in. Hopefully the good days will outnumber the bad in the coming weeks while I sit in limbo waiting for word. I truly hope that others in this situation have been having their fair share of good days, much like depression it seems that those are key to survival of this.

[YearsOfHell]

Thank you for your kind words and virtual tea Jittery, very much appreciated

Today has been a good day for me personally, the initial anger and disgust has subsided so have been thinking very rationally rather than letting the dark thoughts seep in. Hopefully the good days will outnumber the bad in the coming weeks while I sit in limbo waiting for word. I truly hope that others in this situation have been having their fair share of good days, much like depression it seems that those are key to survival of this.

Definitely gets easier after the initial shock has subsided.
Don't be surprised if a bad day pops up with a vengeance! But in between you'll find there are good days to be had.
It is a "sitting in limbo" feeling which you do kinda get used to in a way.
That sick feeling in your stomach is always lurking, and things bring it all back.
I had the misfortune to bump into one of my husbands FAs family members last week.
I nearly passed out!
We know he is innocent but obviously they all believe her lies.
Make the good days count and enjoy them.
Feel free to vent to us on here and we will return the favour!!
Best of luck
YoH

[jittery]

hi

Thank you for your kind words and virtual tea Jittery, very much appreciated

Today has been a good day for me personally, the initial anger and disgust has subsided so have been thinking very rationally rather than letting the dark thoughts seep in. Hopefully the good days will outnumber the bad in the coming weeks while I sit in limbo waiting for word. I truly hope that others in this situation have been having their fair share of good days, much like depression it seems that those are key to survival of this.

glad you're having better days now , that's the way it goes, I had more good days than bad, the only really bad days I had were when I trawled the net for encouragement :-0 ! Don't do that for gawd's sake!

Stay positive, stay strong!

[VincentV35]

Just a quick check in, just in case anybody began to worry. This last week has been pretty tough but thankfully I am at least sleeping again so have a lot more willpower to get over the low days, sadly have broken my year of giving up smoking but given the circumstances I doubt many would hold it against me lol.

We have decided to redecorate the flat, give us both something to take our mind off it all, because we have just found out when her dad's next court date is and she is taking it pretty hard. Likely against my better judgement I have decided to attend court in her place to allow her to go to work in order to not drive herself mad with worry.

Hope everyone is well and coping themselves with their situations!

[YearsOfHell]

Just a quick check in, just in case anybody began to worry. This last week has been pretty tough but thankfully I am at least sleeping again so have a lot more willpower to get over the low days, sadly have broken my year of giving up smoking but given the circumstances I doubt many would hold it against me lol.

We have decided to redecorate the flat, give us both something to take our mind off it all, because we have just found out when her dad's next court date is and she is taking it pretty hard. Likely against my better judgement I have decided to attend court in her place to allow her to go to work in order to not drive herself mad with worry.

Hope everyone is well and coping themselves with their situations!

I tend to take people's silence as a good sign, we usually jump in when we're not doing so well.
Really glad you've been able to keep busy.
It really is the best way to deal with it. We're slowly getting used to this new kind of "normal" too.
Still no charge, no news, no moving on.
In the meantime we also try and keep busy.
DIY is great therapy!
Thanks for checking in.
Good luck
YoH

[jittery]

hi

Just a quick check in, just in case anybody began to worry. This last week has been pretty tough but thankfully I am at least sleeping again so have a lot more willpower to get over the low days, sadly have broken my year of giving up smoking but given the circumstances I doubt many would hold it against me lol.

We have decided to redecorate the flat, give us both something to take our mind off it all, because we have just found out when her dad's next court date is and she is taking it pretty hard. Likely against my better judgement I have decided to attend court in her place to allow her to go to work in order to not drive herself mad with worry.

Hope everyone is well and coping themselves with their situations!

Good to hear you sounding more resilient, I think some of us may have been starting to worry! Hope it continues. Stay strong!

[VincentV35]

Thanks Jittery,

Yes I am feeling somewhat more resilient at the moment, I have confided in a friend (who also happens to be my editor for my sideline/hobby of video game reviewing) and he has been absolutely fantastic, even going to the lengths of providing me with more reviews to do in my own time to keep my mind off things. The few people that myself and my partner have confided in have been incredibly supportive but not pushing the point on anything which is great as most of the time I just don't want to even think about it.

Unfortunately things are being made all the more difficult with the other case going on in our lives becoming increasingly muddied and kicking up a lot of issues, particularly for my partner.

That being said, come what may at the end of July (my first reporting for bail, and the potential resolution of the other case) myself and my partner have promised ourselves a holiday to take a little break and be away from it all, so that is something to look forward to regardless of the news.

The main thing that is concerning me right now is the fact I live in a fairly small area and the road I live on is only made up of a few houses, and if I do happen to get charged it will end up in the local paper and I will become a potential victim of misguided vigilantism. But as much as that scares the **** out of me, I guess it is a bridge to cross when we come to it.

The worst thing all in all is the realisation that it has been less than a month since this all started, I have been on an emotional roller-coaster and time has mostly crawled to a standstill without me fully noticing it yet I still have at least another 6 weeks of the limbo. I totally understand that for some this sick horror has been going on for months, if not years and I wish knowing that I could just snap my brain into thinking this is just the beginning and is nothing on what many have had to deal with, but I cannot

[VincentV35]

Whoops, totally missed your post there YoH, many apologies!

Yes, I am also glad that I have the opportunities to stay busy, kinda helps a bit emotionally that our cats also sense I am distressed so they often "check up" on me throughout the day and sleep next to me at night.

DIY is the best therapy for the bad days, there have been many items dragged out that have needed disposing of, which have become ideal targets to vent my frustration on. Had a low moment yesterday and was sent off to put my foot through some old kitchen cabinet doors. I am not one prone to or enjoy violent acts but I was in a much better mood after I can tell you, poor cabinet doors though lol.

Sadly the most therapeutic trance like DIY is off limits to me, my partner is a qualified painter & decorator so I am not trusted to do the painting to her high standards.

Thanks for your kind words and I will do my best to check in more often, even if there is no news to tell.

[Rights Fighter]

VincentV35 why don't you post in the PAFAA forums too? Just to get a little more support. You'll also find a lot of really helpful information on there with regards to pre charge, after charge etc. We also have a lady who is fab with problems with SS and CAFCASS

[jittery]

hi

Thanks Jittery,

Yes I am feeling somewhat more resilient at the moment, I have confided in a friend (who also happens to be my editor for my sideline/hobby of video game reviewing) and he has been absolutely fantastic, even going to the lengths of providing me with more reviews to do in my own time to keep my mind off things. The few people that myself and my partner have confided in have been incredibly supportive but not pushing the point on anything which is great as most of the time I just don't want to even think about it.

Unfortunately things are being made all the more difficult with the other case going on in our lives becoming increasingly muddied and kicking up a lot of issues, particularly for my partner.

That being said, come what may at the end of July (my first reporting for bail, and the potential resolution of the other case) myself and my partner have promised ourselves a holiday to take a little break and be away from it all, so that is something to look forward to regardless of the news.

The main thing that is concerning me right now is the fact I live in a fairly small area and the road I live on is only made up of a few houses, and if I do happen to get charged it will end up in the local paper and I will become a potential victim of misguided vigilantism. But as much as that scares the **** out of me, I guess it is a bridge to cross when we come to it.

The worst thing all in all is the realisation that it has been less than a month since this all started, I have been on an emotional roller-coaster and time has mostly crawled to a standstill without me fully noticing it yet I still have at least another 6 weeks of the limbo. I totally understand that for some this sick horror has been going on for months, if not years and I wish knowing that I could just snap my brain into thinking this is just the beginning and is nothing on what many have had to deal with, but I cannot

It is difficult, these were things going through my mind at some point. I was told that unless the case does, gods forbid, go to court the fact won't be published and even then it may not- it depends what other cases are there to make the news and whether a reporter is present on the day who thinks it worth reporting on. I'm sure some people in my street will have heard what happened to me, but no one's mentioned it.

For myself, I tried to maintain as public a profile as I always have and did my best to carry on as normal. The few people I told were great, really supportive. The situation generally didn't get me down, but on the days that it did, I would tell myself that I could be an orphaned Iraqi child with nowhere to live and I found that helped. Hopefully the 6 weeks will pass relatively quickly and there will be a positive outcome. Stay strong!

[frightened spouse]

Hi Vincent

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it. I would have thought it unlikely that you would be reported in the papers, when it is a family case there is often no reporting as it may identify the accuser.

The papers are currently so full of allegations of sexual offences that unless you have a public profile , ie a teacher, doctor or something to do with the church, there is very little interest.

The first few months are very very hard, just adjusting from the shock takes some time, so don't expect too much from yourself. It's often best to just take things one day at a time.

Best wishes

[VincentV35]

RF, I have tried joining 3 times. I have yet to get an email granting me access.


Jittery & Frightened Spouse. Unfortunately I live in a small area where the local paper has an "In the Courts" section. They report all magistrate court appearances and when they will go to crown etc. They also quite publicly note the name, bail address, age and the nature of the charge. Had this issue when my partners father was initially charged, the papers reported it (and posted it online) but because his bail address was our address and he was living out of the area it was our address they put in the paper. Fortunately in that case I was able to argue with the editor to at least have the address removed online. Obviously it would have to be a VERY quiet week to come up as the local headline but all the same it will be made public knowledge against my will.

Yeah, it is a matter of day by day, not the best of existences but it is easier. The biggest annoyance overall at this stage is the fact I am not allowed to see my neighbours daughter due to my bail conditions, so she is being told she simply can't come downstairs to see me and is convinced that she has done something to make me angry with her, and me having to pretty much avoid her for the entire summer holidays is going to make that worse for her. The bail condition makes perfect sense given the accusations but it is very inconvenient lol

[Rights Fighter]

Check your spam/junk folders.

[jittery]

hi

RF, I have tried joining 3 times. I have yet to get an email granting me access.


Jittery & Frightened Spouse. Unfortunately I live in a small area where the local paper has an "In the Courts" section. They report all magistrate court appearances and when they will go to crown etc. They also quite publicly note the name, bail address, age and the nature of the charge. Had this issue when my partners father was initially charged, the papers reported it (and posted it online) but because his bail address was our address and he was living out of the area it was our address they put in the paper. Fortunately in that case I was able to argue with the editor to at least have the address removed online. Obviously it would have to be a VERY quiet week to come up as the local headline but all the same it will be made public knowledge against my will.

Yeah, it is a matter of day by day, not the best of existences but it is easier. The biggest annoyance overall at this stage is the fact I am not allowed to see my neighbours daughter due to my bail conditions, so she is being told she simply can't come downstairs to see me and is convinced that she has done something to make me angry with her, and me having to pretty much avoid her for the entire summer holidays is going to make that worse for her. The bail condition makes perfect sense given the accusations but it is very inconvenient lol

Crickey, it might be stating the obvious, but you don't have much luck do you? I sometimes forget how lucky I am. No one's even said anything to me about what's happened and I know people will know allbeit not many, including some living in my road. I'd like to think that's because they're all on my side, but who knows? Stay strong!