Our world is upside down

[Eebygolly]

I'm extremely lucky in that my OH believes my version of what has happened and has stuck by me from the start even though it meant her losing the grand children.

I had a rock thrown through the window the other week and have no doubt it was FA daughter or her brother who did it. The attending officer said if FA thinks that helps her case she is wildly off beam.

In the meanwhile I have been typing up what I can remember over the time involved and the more I type the more confident I am that if it does go to court my barrister should be able to wipe the floor with her. It's a shame I can't put my musings here as I am sure it would give others confidence.

The waiting is indeed the hard part but I am finding that as time goes by I am thinking less and less about the case and have gone into a 'do your damndest' phase.

I have an appointment for the doctor next week but what on earth I tell him I don't know.

[hello88]

@heartbreaking - i am so so sorry, things sound horrendus for you at the moment. Like many have said on this forum this is your time for you and OH to fight, can't really offer advice as not at that stage (yet) but just to say i really do admire you're strength xxx

@Eebygolly OH told the doctor the truth from beginning to end and she was not at all judgemental and actually very nice about it, she then contacted me to see how i and the kids were coping

h xxxx

[lazy lass]

Hi

It's a very traumatic time for you all, the waiting game is horrendous. My son went through a FA, he was just 18 years old, I went to the doctors with him and he told the doctor the truth, he was brilliant with him, he listened didn't pass judgement, didn't hurry us out of the door, he was very understanding my son,my daughter and I were all in tears when my son was talking to the doctor,it felt like a relief that my son could get it off his chest. You have told the truth all the way through this so you don't need to change it when talking to your doctor, let it all out and get the help you need and that is there.

[heartbreaking]

I've seen a doctor..I was put on medication but I can't allow the time for the side affectso to wear off..I'm a single mum of 3 and I work 10 hour shifts.

I'm okay I cry I write I send my ex OH thoughts about the case. Bits he's told me and how they don't add up etc.

I think once it's over either way I'll need therapy.

I still cannot get over this happening

[wakingnightmare]

No one expects you to get over it x

You've done a fantastic job to get this far, please remember that.

Are your family close by? Is there someone who could have the kids for the weekend or just a few hours so you can have a break. Ive been a single parent for years and know how hard it is without the added stress you're facing.

Are the side effects really so bad? Could you be prescribed something else? I understand you're under immense pressure and don't feel able to stop but perhaps if you don't start the medication you'll be forced to stop anyway through sheer exhaustion.

You said you felt your ex OH was coping better have you discussed the coping strategies he's using.

I heard an interview with a psychologist yesterday talking about resilience and how people can cope with far more than they imagined and how strong the human spirit can be.

If you wanna tell me to shut up feel free, realise I'm going on a bit

[heartbreaking]

Stay strong could you message me a number he could contact you on. Your inbox is full. Thank you

[WhyUs]

Hi. Sorry to hear your news. It is devastating when it happens. We were told by my OH solicitor about the charges, number and what they were for, but it didnt prepare us to have to actually see them on a piece of paper. As others have said, once you have been to magistrates, which is a very quick hearing, you will start to get papers disclosed. We actually were given some at the hearing itself.

Give yourself time for all of this to sink in then channel your anger, frustration, whatever it is, in fighting this. My real advice is, read, read and read again. It is amazing what you pick up. Write every little discrepancy down, no matter how small or inconsquencial they may seem. It could be the one piece that unravels everything. Compare statements / information against each other, look for those discrepancies, also compare it to any timeline that you OH has written.

I wont lie, sometimes its really too hard to do, sometimes you just want to curl up and forget it all. And it is ok to feel like this. Dont spend every waking hour doing it, instead set aside time, i.e. a Saturday morning, when you dediate yourself to it. We did this and when time was up, it went back in its box for the following week. I did still think about, my shower in the morning was always a good time for me, and I would write down anything that came to mind that needed to be questioned / looked at, ready for the following week. Top tip, keep a note pad handy for just those times, otherwise you will forget as you brain is working overtime.

With regard to medication, it is hard to get through the side effects when you are own your own with kids. Have you tried taking them just before you go to bed? I found that this helped me with the worst of the symptons,

[innocentson]

Hi :
You will get through this and all the advice and support on here will help

You've got everything to gain from fighting this : just remember your family and truth is the goal


One of the things we found useful when cross checking evidence was to create a spreadsheet of the evidence and all inconsistencies we found .... It made it easier for tracking and referencing quickly... That plus a timeline

Sending you best wishes and hugs

[heartbreaking]

So not guilty given at court.
He's in crown on the 12th... is this the trial???

[Staystrong1]

Court

Hi hope you are ok. So,you mean he has given his plea in magistrates court as Not guilty. 1st hearing is usually for charges to be read out at Magistrates and the case submitted to Crown. He wont have had prosecution papers yet i wouldnt think so he can dissect the case against him and do his timeline and obtain any evidence to prove discrepancies but it may be PCMH at Crown court. Thats plea And case management. Try not to panic.x

[heartbreaking]

Thank you.

I thought it was very soon for a trial
The sistersame had their statements videoed so we have to wait for those.

[Staystrong1]

Prosecution papers will have the prosecution case against him, but they dont always disclose everything. Disclosure can come right up to amd even during trial. Once you have main papers he should be able to dissect it and build defence with solicitor. Keep positivex

[Rights Fighter]

So not guilty given at court.
He's in crown on the 12th... is this the trial???

First hearing at Crown Court is usually for PCMH - Plea and Case Management hearing. This is where he gives his plea to each count on the Indictment. Usually lasts about 20 minutes. No evidence given at this point although there may be legal arguments with regard to any disclosure / evidence the defence should have received.......

Sometimes there are other hearings before the trial for instance PTR - Pre Trial Review where there might be further legal arguments about lack of disclosure from the CPS

[heartbreaking]

Ok thank you.
He has literally said some of the charges are from when he was a child 1991 so I've really pushed him to speak to his solicitor about that law with regards to him being under 14

[Rights Fighter]

The legal term is "Doli Incapax"