mum of teenage boy with mental health issues accused of oral rape

[mitchell03]

Hi all my son is 17 and has moderate learning difficulties and tourette syndrome he's very shy and quiet never bothers with anyone and stays at home in his room constantly he can't deal with the outdoors and has very little social skills he never goes out on the one time hes left the house this year he's been accused of supposedly forcing a young girl of 14 to perform oral sex this girl is well known to the police as a trouble maker anyway I wnt go into the full version as yet I just wanted to ask how long are they allowed to keep him on bail he was removed from home by social services and placed with my parents because he's now deemed a risk to underage girls how pathetic I have two daughters at home one was newborn at the time of the arrest she's not allowed around her brother this is extremely distressing for us all he was arrested in Feb was bailed to appear at station yesterday we've had no calls or contact from solicitor or police or anyone when we went he was rebailed till end June because they are still waiting on his phone coming back the duty solicitor didnt even turn up or ring to say why how is it legal to keep us all in limbo my poor boy is so withdrawn he can't eat he's terrified of what's going to happen and he denies these allegations and obviously I belive him he's a lovley boy who loves kids and wdnt hurt a fly I feel sick with worry and im battling post natal depression I don't no what to do do I find a good lawyer now or wait to see if he's charged I can't cope and neither can he he is at risk of harming himself with all this stress and im worried for the outcome and how this is gna affect my girls too im living in fear that social services will just turn up and take my girls I hate what this has dne to the family and I may add that none of the witnesses who are defending my boy have been interviewed yet the police had since beginning of Feb to do this it would seem all that's needed is this girls account and nothing else my boys been treated like **** by the police I just want my family back together

[mitchell03]

Has no one any words of wisdom anything that will make me feel like I'm not alone ? I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown

[AmandaF]

All of us on here have been affected in one way or another by issues like this. As we have all said, it is a very lonely road we all have to walk down with the destination unknown when the journey begins. I cannot say anything much about the legal process here as our cases were brought in Scotland which is completely different. All I can say is take each day at a time, get as much support as you can, GP, even the samaritans if things get too bad. You will find support on here too. Keep us posted

[YearsOfHell]

You're not alone

Has no one any words of wisdom anything that will make me feel like I'm not alone ? I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown

You're most definitely not alone! There's lots of others who have been affected by false allegations.
I don't have any experience of your particular case but I can assure you we know how you're feeling.
My husband was faced with allegations back in February and we are in the waiting game stage. He has not yet been charged so we're still hopeful for an NFA (no further action) .
However we have recovered slightly from the initial shock and have time to reflect!
My best advice is don't panic!
A solicitor cannot really help unless there is a charge but some basic questions he can answer.
I don't know how to attach a link but most new members get a link sent in a reply for what happens next.
Someone will be along with that link.
Try writing everything he can remember about the time around the alledged assault even things that are not obviously relevant. It may be useful down the line should it come to that.
Be strong! You will get through this!
YOH

[YearsOfHell]

Found the link!

I think I've done this right!

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[jittery]

hi

Hi all my son is 17 and has moderate learning difficulties and tourette syndrome he's very shy and quiet never bothers with anyone and stays at home in his room constantly he can't deal with the outdoors and has very little social skills he never goes out on the one time hes left the house this year he's been accused of supposedly forcing a young girl of 14 to perform oral sex this girl is well known to the police as a trouble maker anyway I wnt go into the full version as yet I just wanted to ask how long are they allowed to keep him on bail he was removed from home by social services and placed with my parents because he's now deemed a risk to underage girls how pathetic I have two daughters at home one was newborn at the time of the arrest she's not allowed around her brother this is extremely distressing for us all he was arrested in Feb was bailed to appear at station yesterday we've had no calls or contact from solicitor or police or anyone when we went he was rebailed till end June because they are still waiting on his phone coming back the duty solicitor didnt even turn up or ring to say why how is it legal to keep us all in limbo my poor boy is so withdrawn he can't eat he's terrified of what's going to happen and he denies these allegations and obviously I belive him he's a lovley boy who loves kids and wdnt hurt a fly I feel sick with worry and im battling post natal depression I don't no what to do do I find a good lawyer now or wait to see if he's charged I can't cope and neither can he he is at risk of harming himself with all this stress and im worried for the outcome and how this is gna affect my girls too im living in fear that social services will just turn up and take my girls I hate what this has dne to the family and I may add that none of the witnesses who are defending my boy have been interviewed yet the police had since beginning of Feb to do this it would seem all that's needed is this girls account and nothing else my boys been treated like **** by the police I just want my family back together

It is unfair. I hear time and again of witnesses not being questioned by the police. Their job I'm afraid is to see if they can make a case that will stand up in court. Witnesses are important if god forbid it goes further.

I wasn't contacted by anyone untill I got a letter telling me I didn't have to attend my rebail.

If you click on one of Rights Fighter's replies, underneath you'll see Chris Saltrese's name. I contacted him just before I was told I didn't have to attend, and he was brilliant, gets back in touch straight away.

Hopefully this'll be dealt with fairly quickly as it's not a historical accusation. Wishing you all the best. Stay strong!

[mitchell03]

Thank you all so much for your replies it just feels like a never ending road and we dnt no which ways up he's just a Lil boy in himself still altho he's 17 he isn't 17 mental age he's so trusting and dsnt understand why it's happening at all his friends have said nothing has happened so it would seem the only account that matters is hers just maidens me that had he stayed home like every other day this wdnt be happening and we'd still be a family hopefuly the police will decide not to pursue but as ive learned from other thread this will stay on his record as it's a sexual offence accusation is that true ??

[jittery]

hi

Thank you all so much for your replies it just feels like a never ending road and we dnt no which ways up he's just a Lil boy in himself still altho he's 17 he isn't 17 mental age he's so trusting and dsnt understand why it's happening at all his friends have said nothing has happened so it would seem the only account that matters is hers just maidens me that had he stayed home like every other day this wdnt be happening and we'd still be a family hopefuly the police will decide not to pursue but as ive learned from other thread this will stay on his record as it's a sexual offence accusation is that true ??

Know the feeling if I'd spent the night with the woman who accused me as she wanted, she wouldn't've done what she did (at least, not that night).

If your son has the charges dropped, it won't go on his record, but it will stay on file. The way the police will look at it is that there was simply not enough evidence to take matters further, not that your son is innocent.

Sounds unfair on the face of it I know, but if there is not enough evidence to prove he is guilty, there is not enough evidence to prove he is innocent. His record (provided he is not charged will be clean).

Hope you'll get the news you're waiting for soon

[mitchell03]

Years of hell thank you that link was very useful I feel a little bit more in the know and not so blind thank you to others that have replied I have researched good solicitors and have a shortlist one happens to be a family friend but not sure whether that is a good idea or not ?? We are still no further forward with any correspondence I am hovering around the letterbox in vain waiting and hoping for a letter stating nfa to arrive I suppose we will just have to live in limbo in the meantime were do we stand on my son going on a break away with his aunt and uncle he realy needs some time away he's so depressed but as he's been bailed to my parents adress would this be perceived as a breach of bail conditions if he goes away to a caravan site ? I realy don't know we're we stand on being able to live as normal a life as possible or is it a case of under lock and key and must not have a life meanwhile the accuser is able to go about her normal business without restriction .

[jittery]

hi

Years of hell thank you that link was very useful I feel a little bit more in the know and not so blind thank you to others that have replied I have researched good solicitors and have a shortlist one happens to be a family friend but not sure whether that is a good idea or not ?? We are still no further forward with any correspondence I am hovering around the letterbox in vain waiting and hoping for a letter stating nfa to arrive I suppose we will just have to live in limbo in the meantime were do we stand on my son going on a break away with his aunt and uncle he realy needs some time away he's so depressed but as he's been bailed to my parents adress would this be perceived as a breach of bail conditions if he goes away to a caravan site ? I realy don't know we're we stand on being able to live as normal a life as possible or is it a case of under lock and key and must not have a life meanwhile the accuser is able to go about her normal business without restriction .

I had the same thing, one of my bail conditions was that I had to sleep in my own house every night, I asked (as a lot of the jobs I was applying for involved overnight stays) if bail conditions could be relaxed, but they wouldn't. I think your solicitor might be able to ask.

It is a horrible wait, but hopefully as it's a current case then you shouldn't have to wait too long for an answer. Stay strong!

[mitchell03]

Ahh my god how awful they realy dont care about the disruption and havoc there conditions put on people do they ! I'm scared to ring the solicitor incase he says it's not allowed I checked my boys bail form and it says nothing about not being allowed out just not allowed any unsupervised contact with his little sisters I was hoping someone on here could give me a definate answer without me having to ask the solicitor or police i can imagine the oic would say no just to be a ***** she treated him with utter contempt at the interview .

[YearsOfHell]

Ahh my god how awful they realy dont care about the disruption and havoc there conditions put on people do they ! I'm scared to ring the solicitor incase he says it's not allowed I checked my boys bail form and it says nothing about not being allowed out just not allowed any unsupervised contact with his little sisters I was hoping someone on here could give me a definate answer without me having to ask the solicitor or police i can imagine the oic would say no just to be a ***** she treated him with utter contempt at the interview .

I know it's hard to ask these questions but you need to know one way or another. I'm afraid my faith in police is completely shattered so I'm inclined to go through the solicitor. Others here have been able to talk to their OIC during their cases and got the answers they need. If he's been bailed to an address that is just where he has to be "resident". A holiday doesn't count as a change of "residence" as its a temporary issue. Also, he is not leaving the country! The OIC will be able to say whether they are happy to authorise it. At least you will know one way or another. Can you email the officer? Always good to get a written reply if possible. I'm a stickler for having things in writing!!
Be brave! You need to know!
Best of luck

[jittery]

hi

Ahh my god how awful they realy dont care about the disruption and havoc there conditions put on people do they ! I'm scared to ring the solicitor incase he says it's not allowed I checked my boys bail form and it says nothing about not being allowed out just not allowed any unsupervised contact with his little sisters I was hoping someone on here could give me a definate answer without me having to ask the solicitor or police i can imagine the oic would say no just to be a ***** she treated him with utter contempt at the interview .

It's so difficult. All the police I ever spoke to were great, but in all honestly I got the impression that they knew from the word go I had been falsely accused (easy to say now, but I always felt that, especially with the wpcs- they were great). I rang my OIC a few times and always found him to be very helpful. That said, they are only there to see if a case can be made: that's the extent of their involvement.

The only thing you can do is to ring someone and ask. I never said openly on this forum (but I suspect everybody guessed), a couple of times when I rang my OIC my heart was in my mouth. You never know with OICs, you don't know who they've just put the phone down to before they take your call- it's not a pleasant job and it may not be personal.

Try and be strong Mitchell, they can only say no. Be strong and give them a call, you may be surprised.

[mitchell03]

Well it was a big fat no followed by another visit from social services to remind me of the contract I signed to say he must stay at my parents and to sign another we have yet to be allocated a social worker (there so busy ) and to undergo a risk assessment although we've already had an initial one I just no there gna go through my life with a fine tooth comb look for dirt I have a daughter who's at certain points has been in trouble at school for bullying (not true ) that will be down to my parenting of course being a single mum is a hard enough job without all this stress I find myself unravelling by the time evening comes and I lay in bed going over all the things that could happen should this go to court I hate my life and the only thing keeping me partialy sane is my baby

[AmandaF]

We all know how horrible these situations are- it's as though your whole life is out of control with all these authorities pulling the strings. And be very careful about signing anything- when I was "interviewed" by child protection officers I was alone and they could have written anything. There's always talking to a family lawyer about your rights- not sure whether it would help- it's not a road I've been down- yet.
I think the thing is the SS have been so seriously criticised in the past (think Baby P et al) they don't take ANY chances and are totally out of touch with reality.
Stay as strong as you can as your boy will need you when this is over