Huge public shaming, how to deal

[Gaaaaaa]

It seems my story is familiar reading a lot of other posts. but i am having a hell of a time right now. I am a man and my best friend of two years, a girl, decided to accuse me of rape.

The incident happened three years ago. We were best friends and we fooled around all the time. This one night we went out dancing together, fooled around all night and went back to her friends apartment and had sex. The next morning we had sex again but i could tell she wasn't into it so i stopped. I didn't think anything of it because we had sex before and she was my good pal so we could take the awkwardness.

She sends me an email a couple months ago (three years later) that i had nonconsentual sex with her that morning, and i informed her that we had sex the night beofre which she didn't remember. So she has basically been thinking i "Jumped" her as she tells the story for three years. Rather than seeing the sex the night before as a logical explanation of why i would have sex with her in the morning she decided to really rally her freinds and radical feminist around her to obliterate me.

Before she sent me the email she announced the "assault" it all over facebook and as part of the community group where women in my community got together and told thier stories of sexual abuse. It was supposed to be annonomous but everybody knew me and knows her so it was obvious who she was talking about. Then becuase i am such a flirt, other women were able to agree and say yes, "he danced with me and it make me uncomfortable etc", so she got a lot of support. I became the scapegoat in that room that day ( i was babysitting my nieces) and have been ever since, i represent all that is bad in the world for a certain group of people.

So she has not stopped talking to everyone she can telling this "rape" story and i have been trying desperately to meet with her and talk. Meanwhile my life here is kind of ruined. I have been hearing the most horrible things from people i call my best freinds. WE are in a culture right now where women should be believed no matter what the circumstances so i just feel so lost. Luckily a few kind intelligent people are asking me what happened but it doesn't matter because she controls the narrative.

This hasn't gone to court and it hasn't ruined my career so in some ways I'm lucky.

This is some kind of torture, I am moving out of my neighbourhood and renting my house, but i feel so destroyed by this i can't work, i can't think i even have trouble making love to my girlfreind.

[StressedNE]

I sympathise with your situation. It's similar to mine in that it's a friend who you've fooled around with previously that's accusing you. To be honest, I'd just be thankful she hasn't gone to the police. Your true friends will stick by you and realise that there are two sides to every story. Otherwise I don't think there's very much you can do.

[Gaaaaaa]

I sympathise with your situation. It's similar to mine in that it's a friend who you've fooled around with previously that's accusing you. To be honest, I'd just be thankful she hasn't gone to the police. Your true friends will stick by you and realise that there are two sides to every story. Otherwise I don't think there's very much you can do.

Thanks StressedNE. This is my first reaching out because i am a bit at a boiling point. I think the hardest part is everybody feeling like it's ok to educate you, just telling you the most obvious things in the world. Calling into question how much you respect women all this crazy stuff. It like this kind of thing being called "Assault" or "Rape" it is so weird. I mean between best friends i would call it an act of love, closeness, it's amazing that the Exact same physical interaction can be an expression of love or the worst crime you could do to another person just by the definition by the people involved. In this case a spiteful RADFEM looking for some political power.

She got a whole bunch of people to defriend me on Facebook, so it became very clear to me who my freinds are and are not in that way. The freinds that are left are suggesting i get therapy or my oldest and best freinds think it is total bull****. It's funny walking around and not knowing where you stand.

I wonder are there people out there who got enlightened by this experience? I have had to get very zen about not caring what ANYBODY thinks of me, and sometimes i think i might find a silver lining.

[Rights Fighter]

I'm thinking that the friendship ended before the allegation was made. Think back as to how/why the friendship ended - there may be some sort of motive to make the allegation from that.

[Gaaaaaa]

absolutely

I'm thinking that the friendship ended before the allegation was made. Think back as to how/why the friendship ended - there may be some sort of motive to make the allegation from that.

Yes i totally know what happened. She was insulted about a few things i said which really made up the bulk of the email. I had made some remark about menopause and she is really worried about that. But we had a big fight about her radical feminism. She is constantly talking about how awful men are, and she is kind of a leader of this man hating crew of women, i thought i was safe enough to debate with her, then she decided i was some kind of mens right activist. She said in all the emails to me, and your an MRA! this is absurd, I strongly believe you should not make gender political, it is a bad idea and problems don't get solved that way.

[Gaaaaaa]

Biggest mistake i ever made

being critical of feminism. I

[Rights Fighter]

There really ARE some awful men out there. There are also some really awful women out there. End of.

[Gaaaaaa]

yes i agree, awful people are evenly distributed between race class and gender. My friend isn't even a bad person, I understand where she is coming from having forgotten the night before but i think social media has made her act without empathy. She is behind this wall of FB and twitter, reading about horror stories all day long and she is fearful. It seems nobody can see that there are two people in this situation with Agency, the default view is female - must be the victim. And she talks about that a lot. But she is not being honest about her own aggressive behavior.

[Rights Fighter]

And maybe she is a tad skint...... all that "compensation" must appear very attractive to anybody embarking on false allegations

[YearsOfHell]

Compensation

And maybe she is a tad skint...... all that "compensation" must appear very attractive to anybody embarking on false allegations

RF - can compensation be paid out in historical cases of alleged rape? Is there a time limit at all.
I read it was 2 years from incident unless very good reason, for other criminal compensation.
Is it the same for rape cases?

[Rights Fighter]

If they claim that they suffered physical / mental aftereffects of the alleged abuse and have medical evidence to support that (reporting to the GP / psychiatrist) and this is reported to CICA within two years of the allegations being made officially to the police, then yes.

Otherwise why can sue the defendant himself, and/or the council or whatever authority. If the council (or whatever authority) pays out to the complainant, the council will then go after the defendant in prison for reimbursement. I've got one of those right now and trying to find legal assistance for him.