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I've never shared this with anyone but family before, but I feel I'm coming to the end of my rope.
I live in a small college town in Texas, I've been here for the last 3 1/2 years. When I was a sophomore in college my recently ex-girlfriend who I'll call J accused me of raping her. We were friends with all the same people, I even lived in the same house as her new boyfriend until I could move.
The night in question we had both had a good amount to drink, so the next morning things were a little fuzzy for both of us. When she left I still remember the look in her eyes, like it was my fault she couldn't remember things. So she left and then our relationship fell apart. She had a best friend I'll call B that she immediately ran to. This friend of hers is male and was one of my best friends before everything went down.
So about 2 weeks go by and I get a text from B saying that he wanted a bike wheel that my ex had given me because she had told him she regretted giving it to me and not him. So he shows up at my house and demands the wheel. I refuse and tell him he cant bully me out of something that's mine but then he goes off on a tangent about how I raped J and how I was such a piece of **** because of what I did and I was being a piece of **** for refusing to give him my stuff. I immediately tell him to get lost and then text J.
I told J that B was saying I raped her and that she needed to control him because he was trying to intimidate me and harassing me with false rape claims. This is all word of mouth mind you, no one has brought any kind of legal action against me. J responded to me saying something like she didn't know what he was talking about and didn't know why he would think that. I was living in the house with her new boyfriend and her other best friends at the time so I confronted them about it. I asked them if they had heard anything and they told me that basically she had told B and my roommates that the night we both nearly blacked out from drinking I had violated her while she slept. In all my following conversations with her she adimately denied she had said any such thing.
But it was too late. I was a rapist to my roomates to the people who I thought were practically my family. I was now just a rapist to them.
About 3 years go by and I'm still in the same town, I'm a total shut in because everywhere I go I see these people from my past. They work at the bike shop. They're friends with my boss and co-workers they are at every art or music show I show my face at and they always treat me the same, like scum.
Now I'm making minimum wage being a cook in a town where it feels like everyone hates me. Most of my life I've had really severe social anxiety and depression, but the last 3 years have just been brutal. I'm constantly meeting people just to find out they're friends with my old group and have them reject me. I feel that my social anxiety is quickly becoming insurmountable. And my depression is approaching critical levels of intensity.
I feel like if I could just get out of this place, to somewhere I still had some friends I could move past this part of my life finally. But as a cook earning $7.25 an hour It's just not possible for me to move on my own. I'm trapped.
So that's why I'm including this link http://www.gofundme.com/exodustexadus
I'm trying to raise enough to get from Texas to Colorado and rent an apartment. Your help would literally be saving my life. Thank you for listening.
I live in a small college town in Texas, I've been here for the last 3 1/2 years. When I was a sophomore in college my recently ex-girlfriend who I'll call J accused me of raping her. We were friends with all the same people, I even lived in the same house as her new boyfriend until I could move.
The night in question we had both had a good amount to drink, so the next morning things were a little fuzzy for both of us. When she left I still remember the look in her eyes, like it was my fault she couldn't remember things. So she left and then our relationship fell apart. She had a best friend I'll call B that she immediately ran to. This friend of hers is male and was one of my best friends before everything went down.
So about 2 weeks go by and I get a text from B saying that he wanted a bike wheel that my ex had given me because she had told him she regretted giving it to me and not him. So he shows up at my house and demands the wheel. I refuse and tell him he cant bully me out of something that's mine but then he goes off on a tangent about how I raped J and how I was such a piece of **** because of what I did and I was being a piece of **** for refusing to give him my stuff. I immediately tell him to get lost and then text J.
I told J that B was saying I raped her and that she needed to control him because he was trying to intimidate me and harassing me with false rape claims. This is all word of mouth mind you, no one has brought any kind of legal action against me. J responded to me saying something like she didn't know what he was talking about and didn't know why he would think that. I was living in the house with her new boyfriend and her other best friends at the time so I confronted them about it. I asked them if they had heard anything and they told me that basically she had told B and my roommates that the night we both nearly blacked out from drinking I had violated her while she slept. In all my following conversations with her she adimately denied she had said any such thing.
But it was too late. I was a rapist to my roomates to the people who I thought were practically my family. I was now just a rapist to them.
About 3 years go by and I'm still in the same town, I'm a total shut in because everywhere I go I see these people from my past. They work at the bike shop. They're friends with my boss and co-workers they are at every art or music show I show my face at and they always treat me the same, like scum.
Now I'm making minimum wage being a cook in a town where it feels like everyone hates me. Most of my life I've had really severe social anxiety and depression, but the last 3 years have just been brutal. I'm constantly meeting people just to find out they're friends with my old group and have them reject me. I feel that my social anxiety is quickly becoming insurmountable. And my depression is approaching critical levels of intensity.
I feel like if I could just get out of this place, to somewhere I still had some friends I could move past this part of my life finally. But as a cook earning $7.25 an hour It's just not possible for me to move on my own. I'm trapped.
So that's why I'm including this link http://www.gofundme.com/exodustexadus
I'm trying to raise enough to get from Texas to Colorado and rent an apartment. Your help would literally be saving my life. Thank you for listening.
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