Accused of Sexual Assault

[StressedNE]

Hi all,

A few weeks ago I was arrested for sexual assault.

The accuser is an acquaintance of mine who I have a long history of flirting with. We were drinking with another friend at my house, the other friend went home, the accuser got into my bed and fell asleep and I sat up for another 4 or 5 hours drinking.

When I got into bed the accuser was cuddled up to me. I wasn't sure if she was giving me the come on so I shook her awake and asked her very clearly for consent, more than once, which she gave, more than once. We had a kiss and a cuddle, I put my hand down her pants, she told me to stop, I stopped immediately, she got up, put her shoes and coat on and went home. She has a BF so I assumed she was feeling guilty.

The next day I found out that she'd said she was asleep and had woken up to me touching her sexually and was considering going to the police. I then texted her and outlined what I've said above about consent and asked her to at least hear my side before going to the police. She ignored that and the police turned up. I was arrested, swabbed, interviewed with a solicitor present and bailed without charge.

I'm currently waiting for the police to finish their investigation and for the CPS to make a decision. She has said to the police in her second interview that she 'doesn't want to press charges'. She also said when she initially reported the alleged offense that she 'didn't want me arrested'. She seems to know very little about the legal system and is very naive as to what she has gotten started. Since then she has apparently had a massive change of heart and wants them to drop the hammer on me. She's not the most stable of people and does seem to be very prone to mood swings.

My solicitor is the duty solicitor who was working at the time. He specialises in sexual offences and seems to know what he's doing. He's very confident that it will be NFA'd and has been saying that it might be resolved in a couple of weeks, rather than several months, as there's been no dispute as to what sexual activity took place and the forensics are therefore not really necessary. God, I hope he's right! The police don't seem to be out for blood either, I don't want to read too much into their general manner and so on but they've been very relaxed in imposing bail conditions and so on. I live on the same street as the accuser which makes things difficult but I've been I have never been in trouble with the police before.

Naturally, being on bail has been an absolute mindf**k so far. I have a long history of mental health problems and that obviously doesn't help. I just hope this gets resolved so I can get on with my life.

Not sure why I'm posting this really. It just feels good to share with people in similar situations. Any advice, insights or opinions would be greatly appreciated.


*Mods: If you think I've gone into too much detail please go ahead and edit.*

[StressedNE]

The accuser was flirting with me on the night. She had been sat on my lap and so on. The third party witnessed this.

The police have my phone and are aware of the texts I sent to her the following morning. My solicitor believes that this supports my side of the story.

[StressedNE]

When I say that I 'shook her awake', I mean that I shook her to ensure that she was definitely awake before asking for consent and before any sexual touching of any sort occurred.

[jittery]

hi

When I say that I 'shook her awake', I mean that I shook her to ensure that she was definitely awake before asking for consent and before any sexual touching of any sort occurred.

Well good luck! The police've told me that they would regard lovey dovey texts (unofficially) as weakening the case against the accused. I don't think it's up to the accuser to stop the process once it's started, but I could be wrong and I'm sure her views will be taken into account if things go further,

Hoping all works out well, stay strong!

[StressedNE]

Thanks. I have to say, reading some of the horror stories on this board hasn't really helped! I now feel as though my solicitor knows f**k all and I'm going to be kept on bail for the next 6 months before being charged and sent to the crown court!

It's the constant feeling of having this weight pressing down on you. Chronic stress headaches. Feeling vaguely sick a lot of the time.

I'm taking comfort from what my solicitor has said. He thinks in no uncertain terms that it's bulls**t and would get laughed out of court (his words). But what if he's wrong? I also get the impression from the police that they think it's bulls**t too and are slightly p***ed off at having to investigate it, though I don't want to read too much into that as I could be wrong on that one too. Though the OIC did refer to me as an 'ordinary decent member of the public' which was quite reassuring.

It's the reading into everything as well isn't it? Stupid brain. If it wasn't for work and computer games keeping my mind busy I'd be going completely mad!

[jittery]

know the feeling

Thanks. I have to say, reading some of the horror stories on this board hasn't really helped! I now feel as though my solicitor knows f**k all and I'm going to be kept on bail for the next 6 months before being charged and sent to the crown court!

It's the constant feeling of having this weight pressing down on you. Chronic stress headaches. Feeling vaguely sick a lot of the time.

I'm taking comfort from what my solicitor has said. He thinks in no uncertain terms that it's bulls**t and would get laughed out of court (his words). But what if he's wrong? I also get the impression from the police that they think it's bulls**t too and are slightly p***ed off at having to investigate it, though I don't want to read too much into that as I could be wrong on that one too. Though the OIC did refer to me as an 'ordinary decent member of the public' which was quite reassuring.

It's the reading into everything as well isn't it? Stupid brain. If it wasn't for work and computer games keeping my mind busy I'd be going completely mad!

well, I don't know what to say! Sounds like a page out of my diary almost! I'm not suffering as much as you, as I work with live electricity, I probably run a 10% chance of killing myself everyday. Either brave or stupid, never worked out which, but I do have strong nerves.

It's easy to look for good signs, gods know I've done it myself. My OIC isn't very re-assuring, but I think he is just a hard nosed character- least I hope that's all it is!
What can I say? Just waiting now and hoping they make the right descision! As I said, just remember that you ARE innocent and keep that thought with you.

[StressedNE]

I know in my heart that I'm innocent of any wrongdoing but you can't help but think the worst. A lot of the stories I've read on here regarding the police, solicitors and the CPS have been so different from my own experiences so far that I can't help but wonder if I'm in for a nasty surprise! I've found that I've even started doing research into local prisons, sentencing guidelines and so on. More out of curiosity than anything else. I'm a youngish guy and I reckon I could bounce back should the worst happen and there's a miscarriage of justice but that's not something that I want to have to find out.

One day at a time.

[YearsOfHell]

Keep going!

I know in my heart that I'm innocent of any wrongdoing but you can't help but think the worst. A lot of the stories I've read on here regarding the police, solicitors and the CPS have been so different from my own experiences so far that I can't help but wonder if I'm in for a nasty surprise! I've found that I've even started doing research into local prisons, sentencing guidelines and so on. More out of curiosity than anything else. I'm a youngish guy and I reckon I could bounce back should the worst happen and there's a miscarriage of justice but that's not something that I want to have to find out.

One day at a time.

It's ok.
We have all be there in one way or another. It's been nearly 3 months since my other half was interviewed and he's heard nothing since. We've done all you're doing now, research, worse case scenarios but it really does get easier.
At first he was physically sick, ill, stressed out. But after a while you realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change things, just keep going!
Until you're charged (and there's a chance you won't be) then there's nothing you can do about the case.
Try and concentrate on the here and now, avoid things that are negative and remember the good things that happen. It's hard and the black cloud is always lurking but please try!
Keep talking on here. It's a huge help just to talk about it.
As you say one day at a time! If you can keep your mind of it for at least part of every day then you'll do better!
Whatever happens this forum knows what to do!
Positive thoughts guys!

[jittery]

Hi again

I know in my heart that I'm innocent of any wrongdoing but you can't help but think the worst. A lot of the stories I've read on here regarding the police, solicitors and the CPS have been so different from my own experiences so far that I can't help but wonder if I'm in for a nasty surprise! I've found that I've even started doing research into local prisons, sentencing guidelines and so on. More out of curiosity than anything else. I'm a youngish guy and I reckon I could bounce back should the worst happen and there's a miscarriage of justice but that's not something that I want to have to find out.

One day at a time.

Are you sure you're not me gone back in time 9 weeks That's exactly how I felt at the start of all this. All I can say is what RF said to me: it's early days yet, try to keep away from negative press stories. I know it's hard, I occasionally do it myself- can't help it, but try.

Even if the worst comes to the worst, it's not how others feel about you, it's how you feel about yourself that counts. Bit arty farty I know, but that, together with the loved ones and close friends who WILL stand by you because they believe in your innocence will be what counts.

Take heart. My solicitor tells me that if things do go further; and there's every chance they won't, that the jury normally get it right

[jittery]

hi yearsof hell

It's ok.
We have all be there in one way or another. It's been nearly 3 months since my other half was interviewed and he's heard nothing since. We've done all you're doing now, research, worse case scenarios but it really does get easier.
At first he was physically sick, ill, stressed out. But after a while you realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change things, just keep going!
Until you're charged (and there's a chance you won't be) then there's nothing you can do about the case.
Try and concentrate on the here and now, avoid things that are negative and remember the good things that happen. It's hard and the black cloud is always lurking but please try!
Keep talking on here. It's a huge help just to talk about it.
As you say one day at a time! If you can keep your mind of it for at least part of every day then you'll do better!
Whatever happens this forum knows what to do!
Positive thoughts guys!

Nice post yearsofhell

Still wishing all the best for you all, glad things are a little better(?)

Stay strong. Sure it 'll work out

[StressedNE]

Thankyou both for the supportive words.

It's mad how a person saying something can have such a devastating impact on one's life. It's too easy to falsely accuse someone. Though I realise that the laws have to be as they are or the guilty would never come to justice. It's just such a travesty that there are innocent people who fall through the cracks in the system. It's not something that will ever really be resolved I don't think, though as you say, a jury usually gets it right. I'm just hoping it doesn't come to that in my case. I think on balance of probability it's unlikely this will go to trial but one has to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Just hope the bail process doesn't take too long. It's absolute madness that there are people on here who have been on bail without charge for two years. There's something that desperately needs to be addressed but you try finding a politician that will back that one!

[jittery]

Agreed

Thankyou both for the supportive words.

It's mad how a person saying something can have such a devastating impact on one's life. It's too easy to falsely accuse someone. Though I realise that the laws have to be as they are or the guilty would never come to justice. It's just such a travesty that there are innocent people who fall through the cracks in the system. It's not something that will ever really be resolved I don't think, though as you say, a jury usually gets it right. I'm just hoping it doesn't come to that in my case. I think on balance of probability it's unlikely this will go to trial but one has to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Just hope the bail process doesn't take too long. It's absolute madness that there are people on here who have been on bail without charge for two years. There's something that desperately needs to be addressed but you try finding a politician that will back that one!

The same thoughts went through my head almost to the word- I'm gonna copyright earlier posts!

That's the problem, in this world of political correctness getting anyone to admit on record that a lot of allegations are false is impossible. Don't be discouraged though, off record quite a few do, so hopefully our cases will be seen for what they are!

[StressedNE]

Not coping at all well today. Had a letter from my solicitors confirming what happened at the police station three weeks ago. It really brought it all back. I'm so scared. Even though I know I haven't done anything wrong I feel like I'm going to be one of those people who falls through the cracks.

Can anyone recommend a specialist solicitor in north east England please? I looked up Gill Rutherford as per the recommendations thread but couldn't find where she's currently working. I think I qualify for legal aid but could raise money to employ someone privately if necessary.

[jittery]

hi

Not coping at all well today. Had a letter from my solicitors confirming what happened at the police station three weeks ago. It really brought it all back. I'm so scared. Even though I know I haven't done anything wrong I feel like I'm going to be one of those people who falls through the cracks.

Can anyone recommend a specialist solicitor in north east England please? I looked up Gill Rutherford as per the recommendations thread but couldn't find where she's currently working. I think I qualify for legal aid but could raise money to employ someone privately if necessary.

Don't worry too much at the mo, this is just part of the process. Happened to me too; and yes, everytime something like this happens it does all come back to you. We've all worried at times about being one of the ones that fall through the cracks- and rightly so, after all it does happen.

Wait for Rights Fighter or Casehardened to answer now, they'll give you the advice you need.
Stay strong!

[Rights Fighter]

I too tried to find Gill Rutherford in relation to an appeal that is ongoing. The solicitors she worked for were closed down by the SRA. I looked everywhere, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, even emailed other solicitors called Gill Rutherford in the hope that maybe she had moved to a different area. Sadly not a trace.

Would you be claiming legal aid or paying privately?