Head is so messed up and Scared

[Tomscared1]

Hi there,

I am in shock. I can't even believe I am writing in this forum for some advice.

Last week after a night of drinking with a close friend who trusted and liked and who knew I was Bi-Sexual who I had experimented with ( Not sex but lighter stuff ) had accused me of rape.

I was arrested the next day and was brought to a police station. They said at the start the police it was Rape but then it changed to attempted rape. I was held in a police cell for one hour and then questioned.

I gave them everything they asked, and some cloths however the police did NOT take all the cloths I had and seemed not to be bothered as of yet. I had to give DNA and swaps and cloths however my cloths were in the wash as I was my cloths every night. I also found his shirt in my bag that I handed over to the police * unwashed and not sure how it got there *

The night before the arrest I had my nightly baths ( I get bathed everynight before bed ) so my mind has been racing wondering with worry as they might try and accuse me more?

My friend who I trusted who has mental issues sometimes has accused me when he had been drinking. He gave a verbal statement against me when he had drink in him ( Drunk ).

He as far as I know hasn't given a statement ( official one ) nor has been tested or examined.

His whole family have been in shock however have shown support to me because he is always out and in of court.

I haven't been charged however I remain on bail to next month. I have given the police everything they asked and my interview took around 3 hours because I could not stop crying. The head officer of the station he wanted me interviewed and out and home.

I am all confused, worried, scared and in the dark. My lawyer has heard nothing and as far as I have been told his mother has begged him to not take it further.

I am so camp, small and he's strong and very manly. He said he passed out ( He didn't ) and he woke up with myself on top ( Not true however when we had oral we both did things similar ) ( Sorry for TMI )

I haven't took part in other sexual stuff however he claims that I tried too when I told him at the time I wasn't interested.

His family are all behind me, and my family are keen and hoping it won't go further. He hasn't gave a statement sober YET but it's been nearly 7 days from when he claimed this and he's still walking around the local town.

I am worried, concerned as I have a good job and if it goes further I fear I will lose everything.

I can't sleep, my anxiety is high and everytime I hear a car or a knock I go into panic attack mode. Is there any advice anyone can give me? Bear in mind I have helped this friend who I have known for 5 years through a lot. I am so disappointed and shocked he did this to me. My friend who happens to be a cousin of his has said he's told his mother it wasn't true and he had been drinking and didn't know what he did on why he would accuse me but I am not sure what is true and what is not.

I am in tears every night and I can't get over the worry of what might of happened. I told the police every detail and the truth. Nothing has came back nor have I heard anything. My lawyer said if he goes to give a statement he would hear straight away however nothing.

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

There is some general advice in this link which may answer some of your concerns:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Tomscared1]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

There is some general advice in this link which may answer some of your concerns:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Thank you.

If anyone else has any advice or anything to add please do. Still shocked and upset

[jittery]

hi

Hi there,

I am in shock. I can't even believe I am writing in this forum for some advice.

Last week after a night of drinking with a close friend who trusted and liked and who knew I was Bi-Sexual who I had experimented with ( Not sex but lighter stuff ) had accused me of rape.

I was arrested the next day and was brought to a police station. They said at the start the police it was Rape but then it changed to attempted rape. I was held in a police cell for one hour and then questioned.

I gave them everything they asked, and some cloths however the police did NOT take all the cloths I had and seemed not to be bothered as of yet. I had to give DNA and swaps and cloths however my cloths were in the wash as I was my cloths every night. I also found his shirt in my bag that I handed over to the police * unwashed and not sure how it got there *

The night before the arrest I had my nightly baths ( I get bathed everynight before bed ) so my mind has been racing wondering with worry as they might try and accuse me more?

My friend who I trusted who has mental issues sometimes has accused me when he had been drinking. He gave a verbal statement against me when he had drink in him ( Drunk ).

He as far as I know hasn't given a statement ( official one ) nor has been tested or examined.

His whole family have been in shock however have shown support to me because he is always out and in of court.

I haven't been charged however I remain on bail to next month. I have given the police everything they asked and my interview took around 3 hours because I could not stop crying. The head officer of the station he wanted me interviewed and out and home.

I am all confused, worried, scared and in the dark. My lawyer has heard nothing and as far as I have been told his mother has begged him to not take it further.

I am so camp, small and he's strong and very manly. He said he passed out ( He didn't ) and he woke up with myself on top ( Not true however when we had oral we both did things similar ) ( Sorry for TMI )

I haven't took part in other sexual stuff however he claims that I tried too when I told him at the time I wasn't interested.

His family are all behind me, and my family are keen and hoping it won't go further. He hasn't gave a statement sober YET but it's been nearly 7 days from when he claimed this and he's still walking around the local town.

I am worried, concerned as I have a good job and if it goes further I fear I will lose everything.

I can't sleep, my anxiety is high and everytime I hear a car or a knock I go into panic attack mode. Is there any advice anyone can give me? Bear in mind I have helped this friend who I have known for 5 years through a lot. I am so disappointed and shocked he did this to me. My friend who happens to be a cousin of his has said he's told his mother it wasn't true and he had been drinking and didn't know what he did on why he would accuse me but I am not sure what is true and what is not.

I am in tears every night and I can't get over the worry of what might of happened. I told the police every detail and the truth. Nothing has came back nor have I heard anything. My lawyer said if he goes to give a statement he would hear straight away however nothing.

So sorry to hear about your woes. I'm heterosexual, otherwise our situation has similarities. My accuser seems to have mental issues, just before she accused me, she gave me a woeful tale of a life of sexual abuse from family and boyfriends. Does this man have a (or claim to) similar history. I only ask, because from what the woman said earlier, there are a couple of things that do not ring true. My feeling is that she could well be a serial accuser; or she has genuinely been abused by other people and is looking for a head to roll.
Be CONFIDENT in your own INNOCENCE. That is the best advice I can give you. I always tell people to be strong but that's very easy for me to say. I am a strong confident person. But be as STRONG as you can. With all the antipathy directed towards your accuser he may climb down hopefully.
J

[edinashed]

So sorry to hear about your woes. I'm heterosexual, otherwise our situation has similarities. My accuser seems to have mental issues, just before she accused me, she gave me a woeful tale of a life of sexual abuse from family and boyfriends. Does this man have a (or claim to) similar history. I only ask, because from what the woman said earlier, there are a couple of things that do not ring true. My feeling is that she could well be a serial accuser; or she has genuinely been abused by other people and is looking for a head to roll.
Be CONFIDENT in your own INNOCENCE. That is the best advice I can give you. I always tell people to be strong but that's very easy for me to say. I am a strong confident person. But be as STRONG as you can. With all the antipathy directed towards your accuser he may climb down hopefully.
J

This seems to be a recurring theme because the woman who accused me had similar tails which i found dubious from the start as they often didn't match up when repeated.

Of course i have no way of finding out the reason, other than the fact it never happened, as to why the police decided not to take it further. I don't even know if it went to the CPS or not.

[jittery]

hi edinashed

This seems to be a recurring theme because the woman who accused me had similar tails which i found dubious from the start as they often didn't match up when repeated.

Of course i have no way of finding out the reason, other than the fact it never happened, as to why the police decided not to take it further. I don't even know if it went to the CPS or not.

Congats again pal, posted on your site too. I'll never know the reason either. I've told the police in my interview what she told me, so hopefully they'll look into it.

Well, all I can say is something my stepfather told me years ago that I had forgotten. It can be difficult, because this woman initially told me that she had a social worker, who then became a psychiatrist who "just sits in the corner and says nothing". My stepdad said "if ever anyone tells you they've got a psychiatrist, run a mile".

[Tomscared1]

Thanks for everyone's views.

I got some news today but don't want to openly discuss it on here.

If anyone can pm me who may have been through this that may be able to help that would be great.

[Tomscared1]

Update:

I had a phone call today with a guy that the police gave me a number of contact if I had any questions or legal information. He was okay a bit off with me but said by my first bail ( Next month ) check in things will be " Sorted " and " Resolved ". He said he could not tell me a lot because I am the " Suspect "

I am concerned what he could mean?

Could he mean that I should be charged when I next go to bail, or does he mean something else?

My friends seem to think he means that it won't continue but I don't know. Has me a bit worried.

I have forwarded this onto my lawyer also.

[jittery]

hi

Update:

I had a phone call today with a guy that the police gave me a number of contact if I had any questions or legal information. He was okay a bit off with me but said by my first bail ( Next month ) check in things will be " Sorted " and " Resolved ". He said he could not tell me a lot because I am the " Suspect "

I am concerned what he could mean?

Could he mean that I should be charged when I next go to bail, or does he mean something else?

My friends seem to think he means that it won't continue but I don't know. Has me a bit worried.

I have forwarded this onto my lawyer also.

Wish I could help, I really do. I have found that all the wpcs I speak too have been very friendly and supportive, pcs (particularly the OIC) seem to be off hand and sound very hard- it may be an affect of the job, but I can't say my OIC has been unsupportive, because in a lot of respects he has.

Don't forget these days the train of thought is that everyone who reports a rape must be treated as though that is what has in fact happened. In the same boat as you, all I can say is that you can't really read anything into what is said; and you won't really be told anything until there's something to be told.

I was told my phone'd be sent off and everything would be sorted in 6 weeks after forensic analysis. It's 8 1/2 weeks now. They haven't even got the phone back. Then they have to re-interview my fa then probably me, then take a descision. I've come to realise I'm probably months away from a descision. My first bail date is 3 weeks away and I'm expecting to be told bail's being extended as they haven't got the phone back.