Falsely accused, not easy to talk about- don't trust ANYBODY

[ADHDguy]

Hi.

I wrote an in-depth overview of my situation but my computer suddenly reset and I lost it all. To be honest I nearly hit my computer screen. This is the first time I have ever come looking for support

I have been falsely accused by Child Protection of abusing a girl, I don't even know the specifics, I just know that it has been "confirmed" by Child Protection. I am lucky that at this stage no criminal charges have been laid- so far. Although I had a weird experience where I suspect I was being followed by undercover police. It was truly bizarre but it could be coincidental and a misinterpretation.

All the various people in my life that i loved have been ripped away.

I cannot have any contact with my best friend, who is a female. They have told her if she contacts me at all they will take her children away in effect. They physically examined her daughter and forensically interviewed her, and found NO evidence of abuse, but still will not let me have contact with her because of the original historical allegation of abuse. I have a VERY close bond to her and her daughter, we were very close, family to each other. They have even forced the mother to delete and remove ALL photos of me that the daughter had access to including photos of us all together.

I have certainly, and I will only say this once, I have NEVER in any way ever abused a child, and I certainly know what abuse is. I have absolutely zero sympathy for true abusers of women or children, I absolutely believe they should suffer extensive, long terms of imprisonment.

As I am on a low income and cannot afford legal support I have come to realize that there is no real way I can fight Child Protection, and I basically have to avoid being close to anybody that happens to have children lest they come in and threaten them as well. Most of my friends are poor and disadvantaged and don't have the money to fight in court, but who is going to want to risk their children being taken away for associating with me?

I am very fortunate, in that even though I can't contact my best friend I know she 100% believes in me and wishes she could see me. I also have the support of various other people including the entire family of the girl I have been "convicted" (by Child Protection) of abusing.

I guess my story is not as bad as some peoples- not yet. I have never been charged with any offence, but I have lost the people I consider family, and the whole matter of being alleged to be a sexual abuser of children, has had a horrendous effect on me mentally. I constantly have bad dreams and night mares, and I sort of obsessed and unable to stop thinking about the matter.I have gone through ALL the various types of emotions. I am suffering from serious mental trauma.

I am here not just for myself but to offer empathy and support for ANYONE else falsely accused of a sex crime, and I will presume your innocence on here, unless I am given very good reason to think otherwise.

Nobody really understands what I am going through, I can't talk to people about it, people ASSUME the worst and have no empathy if you even bring up the matter. And I have no idea who to explain it to people, because the situation is extraordinarily complex.

We all know we are guilty until proven innocent.

I have only lost my reputation and everything that brings happiness and meaning to my life, and they have hurt the people I love. At least I have my freedom though.

I am trying, on my own, to fight this, I find going into it in detail though has a very negative effect on my mental health. I have to keep focusing on the matter, when I very much need to purge it out of my head.

Take care everyone. i will be sticking around to offer support. I have not offered very much specific information, as I am terrified of being persecuted further by Child Protection or perhaps even the police.

I have really lost faith in society and humanity, and if I had the money and means I would leave my country forever and renounce my citizenship. I said this to someone and they said this would make me look guilty if I got up and left. However I very much wish to live somewhere where the government does not have the power to do this to me, based on secret evidence, and secret witnesses, and a whole process where I cannot defend myself.

I understand the need the protect children from abuse, but there has to be a better way than utterly destroying the lives and emotional well being of people who are entirely innocent.

Bye

[anonsteve]

Yeah, your situation is not that different to mine. My allegations were made throughout 2009, 2010, and even most of 2011. Each time they were escalated and added more. In a way that was helpful, because as they started to include multiple murders and terrorist offences the pure weight of the allegations undermined them. I was ok-ish, until the child-based ones were made. That turned my head. Now my accuser faces perjury charges.

So, I want to just address your title "don't trust ANYBODY". If my experience is anything to go by, that is a wise position. I'm sorry to say that, but that is my experience. With the following exceptions:

I now get help from the mental health authority of the local health authority. My doctor was of course there throughout. This is where I have trust, and they are pretty much the only locations for my trust.

I wish I had gone to the mental health help earlier. But I was too afraid that that very contact would be held against me, and sometimes it is. WHen police first addressed the High Court's direction to investigate perjury, when they found out I had mental health help, they immediately defined me as "one of them nutters". However, that has not lasted.

Obviously you cannot extrapolate from my case, and that will be true of any advice you get. But I would bear in mind those who are required to be "for you". If you need help, those sources may be of use. If you can't trust anybody else in the face of the type of claim that will automatically isolate you (lets face it, that's what false accusers rely upon), then I think that would be understandable. However, it will also always be the case that you will end up assuming the worst of others, as many others will assume the worst of you. ie, there might well be others you can trust, but it is probably not very easy for you to identify them.

However, even though you may not be able to rely on anyone, there will be those who are likely to, probably quietly, not trust the accuser. And it seems perfectly normal for you to, like me, only see the threat, and not the support. It is normal to focus on threat, evolutionarily advantageous. But its probably worth noting that it is a cognitive bias to assume everyone hates you "for what you have done". Although you cannot rely on the fact, it is also likely to be true that there is more support for you than is openly admitted. In my experience those who doubt the accuser don't want to voice that doubt. That does not mean that those people are not there.

[Rights Fighter]

ADHD, is the person who accused you your best friend's daughter? It's not clear. If it's not I can't see how SS can bar your relationship with your friend.

There's been no charge, you say - and unlikely to be? If so your partner (or you) may be able to get help from one of the new free family law clinics that are springing up.

[ADHDguy]

Hi Everyone.

I am out for most of today, but I will reply to this thread within a day or two.

No the child that I have been accused of abusing is NOT the same as the child of my best friend that has been taken out of my life. They found NO evidence that i have abused the child of my best friend that is no longer in my life.

My best friend's ex-parter assaulted her daughter. She immediately kicked him out, but child protection came rushing in. As soon as they found out I was involved in her life, they told her that if she associated with me ever again that they would take action to have her children removed. And she had to sign something to that effect. They told her this was because i was "confirmed" by them to have abused another child. Basically they have intimidated and coerced her to keep away from me, I have ALSO been told they do NOT have the true power to order her not to associate with me. BUT they are saying if she does, they will take action etc. She is TERRIFIED of losing her kids to them, and that's what they are playing on. They have repeated MANY times the same thing. They have made it very clear she MUST not have any communication with me whatsoever.

Also most of the evidence, as far as I have heard, that has been used against me to "confirm" my guilt is based on psychological interviews NOT forensic grade ones though. That's as far as I know.

My first step is to try and get access to the information they have held on me, and what they actually have on me (I don't specifically know).

Unfortunately I do not know very much about what "evidence" they have to based their conclusions on.

But I am on good terms with the family of the girl who has accused me (she has been a ward of the state long term). She has 2 older sisters and an older brother (they are all adults now). They, and the girls MOTHER do NOT believe the accusations Child Protection has made against me. In fact they COMPLETELY trust me. They have tried to talk to child protection many times to say that the allegations are not true but it has fallen upon 'deaf ears".

Thanks everybody for the responses so far.

I might not be back for a couple of days, but I will be back.

I will just say, I am in a massive tangled up mess, and I can't defend myself until I get more information. As people know Child Protection are VERY secretive and they have NOT been cooperative in any way (I have tried to make various formal complains but they never get back to me etc)

[Rights Fighter]

If the police do not interview helpful witnesses for the defence then you (your solicitor) can interview them and/or ask them to make statements.

I'm thinking that the police have looked at her psychiatric records and therefore her "counselling" notes where she may have referred to the alleged abuse there.

I can't see if you have been charged yet. If not, then the solicitor will not be in receipt of any legal aid so may not be able to assist you at this point.

Hopefully you have gone away for a break for a couple of days. I hope you comeback refreshed with your boxing gloves on!

[ADHDguy]

Not doing too well.

Messed up in the head.

Best wishes to all.

[jittery]

Hi there

Not doing too well.

Messed up in the head.

Best wishes to all.

Read about your case. I'm just here to offer some words of support if I can. I know to an extent what you mean. I told an ex girlfriend of mine about being accused of rape and I don't know whether she has kept it to herself or not. If a neighbour doesn't say hello or walks the other way I've found myself thinking "I wonder if they've heard".
All I can say is try not to let your feelings extend to other people. I know it's easier said than done. I sometimes wonder about the wisdom of closing down psychiatric wards and releasing people into the community, I say this as it turns out my accuser has been heard to say she's asked to be put away and told she's not mad enough. In the interest of saving money and axing a few more jobs I'm beginning to wonder if the whole project hasn't been a mistake.
That aside, I don't think anybody would blame you for being scared witless. It's a frightening situation to be in. Were you not given a list of counselling services? I was. I'm not saying it will help, but at least it may be someone you can speak to.
I'm no expert, but surely if this does go to court and all HER family stand by you her claims won't be taken seriously?
All the best, keep posting and stay strong!