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Hi internet,
Been a while since I've posted in a forum of any kind, but need to vent.
In January of 2014 I was on a night out at my old Student Union, where I saw my ex from early 2013. We didn't split on particularly bad terms (more on this later, suffice to say I was quite glad to be out of the relationship), and we in fact had casual sex around November 2013. She had since acquired a new boyfriend though, so we were just having casual chat on the night out. Eventually the chat extends to being invited back to my ex's apartment along with 2 of her friends. We all continue drinking and having a laugh until around 4am, at which point her 2 friends decide it's time to leave to their halls of residence. After this I make the (poor) decision of staying in my ex's bed, with no intention of trying to progress anything sexually. At this point she is trying to basically force herself on me, but I'm declining in knowledge of her new boyfriend. She then says that she split up with her boyfriend recently (which I have backed up evidence of), so I give in to the temptation and we have a few minutes of drunken fooling around (sex included) before passing out.
We had sex again in the morning, promptly after finishing she is saying things like "Damn it, I've just cheated on my boyfriend!" To which I'm thinking "wut? You told me last night that you were single!"
That's right, she had lied to me the previous night in order to force the sexual encounter. After this point I'm kind of unsure on what to say; I just felt bad for the guy who had just been cheated on. I put my clothes back on and leave fairly soon after. It's important to note that she messaged me the day after the encounter, saying things such as "I had fun last night I think, I had a lot of fun" and "Did we use condoms?" etc. It's also important to note that she messaged me of her own accord later that year, asking if I'm OK etc. I gave fairly brief answers, as I have nothing but bad memories of our actual relationship. At some point over that Summer she removes me from facebook; I think nothing of it.
Fast forward to October 2014, I am again enjoying a night at the Student Union. As I'm leaving, I receive a facebook message from her new boyfriend, essentially saying:
"I know what you did to X. You raped her. If I see you around here again, you're dead. You will get a phone call off some very nasty people."
Naturally I message the guy back (in as calm a manner as possible) saying I don't really know what he's talking about and that something has been lost in translation somewhere along the line. Eventually, in a somewhat ballsy move, I manage to arrange a meeting with him so that we can both discuss what happened. He mentioned during this conversation that X had spoken to other men during the time I was with her; I didn't care so much because I was just happy to be out of that relationship by the end of it. Anyways, here's the version that this guy had been told by X:
I "followed" X and her 2 friends back to her apartment. Why X would have let me in at this point if this was the case, I do not know. After a couple of hours of hanging out, I start "pushing" X's friends out of the apartment. Why they would not raise any alarm or attempt to stop this, I do not know. I then take advantage of X in her drunk state, and then again in the morning while she was asleep (despite the fact that she was conscious in the morning and we did multiple positions. I'm also not the smallest guy, so if she genuinely managed to sleep through that then it's just a testament to how cavernous her vagina actually is. I digress.) She "wakes up" just as I'm finishing, after which she throws my clothes at me and tells me to leave.
By the end of my conversation with the guy, he actually seems to be on my side. The only hitch for him was that he and X had bought a place together and were planning an engagement (after approx half a year of relationship, good ****ing job dude). Did I mention that he told me that X had tried to cheat on him in the early stages of their relationship, AND lost him his job during one of her alcoholic stints? I sure wish I recorded the conversation.
Despite being on my side, the guy wants to speak to the 2 friends that came back to the apartment with myself and X to hear their version of what happened. Big trouble. He later emails me to say that their version of the story aligns with the "pushing them out of the apartment" version that X told. The cheeky ***** had managed to corroborate with them at some point to put this version across. The guy then tells me to never contact himself or X again; to me this seems like a sign that he doesn't want to listen to logic because he's in too deep with this bag of crazy, what with buying a place and planning an engagement and all. He also says that he encouraged her to take me to court, but apparently I'm "not worth it". Bull****, she just knows that she won't get a conviction in a million years because it didn't happen like that.
I should mention at this point that during the time I was with X I met her foster father: a frankly frightening gentleman who wasted no time in saying that if I ever messed with X he would "find me", a point that he took great joy in repeating multiple times during that meeting. I have no evidence of this, and it is pretty much the thing stopping me from taking X to court for slandering my name (she has been telling her friends this version of events). It would bring me some comfort to also take X's boyfriend to court for the written death threat he sent me (which I have backed up evidence of), but I don't feel it's worth risking my life over. Another couple of things to note about X: when I tried to initially break up with her she said she "might do something stupid" if I did. She also had a phase of alcoholism for a while. All told, a very manipulative girl indeed.
Fast forward to present day: I have recently ended a relationship because I found it difficult to connect on an intimate level. Each night I go out, I am extremely wary of any female attention I get. My sex life is basically in tatters due to this mental block I now have from the whole experience. I don't know what to do about it; I have recently applied for student counselling. We'll see if that helps. I still want to take X and her boyfriend to court for what they have done, but with what is essentially 2 death threats (one of which I don't have evidence for), I'm not confident in this. I'm less worried about the boyfriend's death threat because frankly the guy seems to be full of bluster, but the one from her dad has more currency to it, I feel.
TL;DR been informally falsely accused of rape and can't do anything about it due to multiple death threats
Been a while since I've posted in a forum of any kind, but need to vent.
In January of 2014 I was on a night out at my old Student Union, where I saw my ex from early 2013. We didn't split on particularly bad terms (more on this later, suffice to say I was quite glad to be out of the relationship), and we in fact had casual sex around November 2013. She had since acquired a new boyfriend though, so we were just having casual chat on the night out. Eventually the chat extends to being invited back to my ex's apartment along with 2 of her friends. We all continue drinking and having a laugh until around 4am, at which point her 2 friends decide it's time to leave to their halls of residence. After this I make the (poor) decision of staying in my ex's bed, with no intention of trying to progress anything sexually. At this point she is trying to basically force herself on me, but I'm declining in knowledge of her new boyfriend. She then says that she split up with her boyfriend recently (which I have backed up evidence of), so I give in to the temptation and we have a few minutes of drunken fooling around (sex included) before passing out.
We had sex again in the morning, promptly after finishing she is saying things like "Damn it, I've just cheated on my boyfriend!" To which I'm thinking "wut? You told me last night that you were single!"
That's right, she had lied to me the previous night in order to force the sexual encounter. After this point I'm kind of unsure on what to say; I just felt bad for the guy who had just been cheated on. I put my clothes back on and leave fairly soon after. It's important to note that she messaged me the day after the encounter, saying things such as "I had fun last night I think, I had a lot of fun" and "Did we use condoms?" etc. It's also important to note that she messaged me of her own accord later that year, asking if I'm OK etc. I gave fairly brief answers, as I have nothing but bad memories of our actual relationship. At some point over that Summer she removes me from facebook; I think nothing of it.
Fast forward to October 2014, I am again enjoying a night at the Student Union. As I'm leaving, I receive a facebook message from her new boyfriend, essentially saying:
"I know what you did to X. You raped her. If I see you around here again, you're dead. You will get a phone call off some very nasty people."
Naturally I message the guy back (in as calm a manner as possible) saying I don't really know what he's talking about and that something has been lost in translation somewhere along the line. Eventually, in a somewhat ballsy move, I manage to arrange a meeting with him so that we can both discuss what happened. He mentioned during this conversation that X had spoken to other men during the time I was with her; I didn't care so much because I was just happy to be out of that relationship by the end of it. Anyways, here's the version that this guy had been told by X:
I "followed" X and her 2 friends back to her apartment. Why X would have let me in at this point if this was the case, I do not know. After a couple of hours of hanging out, I start "pushing" X's friends out of the apartment. Why they would not raise any alarm or attempt to stop this, I do not know. I then take advantage of X in her drunk state, and then again in the morning while she was asleep (despite the fact that she was conscious in the morning and we did multiple positions. I'm also not the smallest guy, so if she genuinely managed to sleep through that then it's just a testament to how cavernous her vagina actually is. I digress.) She "wakes up" just as I'm finishing, after which she throws my clothes at me and tells me to leave.
By the end of my conversation with the guy, he actually seems to be on my side. The only hitch for him was that he and X had bought a place together and were planning an engagement (after approx half a year of relationship, good ****ing job dude). Did I mention that he told me that X had tried to cheat on him in the early stages of their relationship, AND lost him his job during one of her alcoholic stints? I sure wish I recorded the conversation.
Despite being on my side, the guy wants to speak to the 2 friends that came back to the apartment with myself and X to hear their version of what happened. Big trouble. He later emails me to say that their version of the story aligns with the "pushing them out of the apartment" version that X told. The cheeky ***** had managed to corroborate with them at some point to put this version across. The guy then tells me to never contact himself or X again; to me this seems like a sign that he doesn't want to listen to logic because he's in too deep with this bag of crazy, what with buying a place and planning an engagement and all. He also says that he encouraged her to take me to court, but apparently I'm "not worth it". Bull****, she just knows that she won't get a conviction in a million years because it didn't happen like that.
I should mention at this point that during the time I was with X I met her foster father: a frankly frightening gentleman who wasted no time in saying that if I ever messed with X he would "find me", a point that he took great joy in repeating multiple times during that meeting. I have no evidence of this, and it is pretty much the thing stopping me from taking X to court for slandering my name (she has been telling her friends this version of events). It would bring me some comfort to also take X's boyfriend to court for the written death threat he sent me (which I have backed up evidence of), but I don't feel it's worth risking my life over. Another couple of things to note about X: when I tried to initially break up with her she said she "might do something stupid" if I did. She also had a phase of alcoholism for a while. All told, a very manipulative girl indeed.
Fast forward to present day: I have recently ended a relationship because I found it difficult to connect on an intimate level. Each night I go out, I am extremely wary of any female attention I get. My sex life is basically in tatters due to this mental block I now have from the whole experience. I don't know what to do about it; I have recently applied for student counselling. We'll see if that helps. I still want to take X and her boyfriend to court for what they have done, but with what is essentially 2 death threats (one of which I don't have evidence for), I'm not confident in this. I'm less worried about the boyfriend's death threat because frankly the guy seems to be full of bluster, but the one from her dad has more currency to it, I feel.
TL;DR been informally falsely accused of rape and can't do anything about it due to multiple death threats
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