NFA - A different story

[scubasam]

Hello gents,

I recently came across this site after being falsely accused in September and wanted to share my story with you all. First of all, I need to start by saying that I know I am luckier than most of you. Firstly, because I have an NFA (which I'm getting changed to NC, but more on that later) and secondly because my accuser PARTLY retracted her story the very next day after making her allegation.

The other reason that my story is different is because my accuser is my (estranged) WIFE!!

Ok, some background information:

Me and my wife separated in May of this year, we have twin boys together. The biggest reason for our breakup was because I discovered that while I was away working she was bringing other men to the house and taking drugs. That is a discussion for another time.

Fast forward to September, me and the boys are on the sofa watching Thomas The Tank Engine and two plain clothes CID officers knock on the door and... BOOM! You're under arrest on the suspicion of rape. I had never been in trouble with the law in my life. You all know the process by now I'm sure. Searched, DNA, fingerprints, kept in a cell etc. Then comes the interview. At this point I assumed my accuser was some girl I slept with years ago, or an ex of mine that was a bit unstable. Maybe she wanted to get back at me because I left her for my wife etc. My head was spinning when they said it was my wife, whom I had last slept with MONTHS earlier!

It turns out that she had gone to the station to accuse me of 'harassment' - I had been trying to contact her for days regarding me seeing the boys and other things to do with me and her, she would not answer or respond to emails etc. At some point a female officer at the station gave her a sheet with tick boxes on it. If you tick a box to do with controlling behavior in the bedroom... boom! That man is a rapist and must be arrested and put through hell.

Apparently she was not accusing me of forcing myself onto her or holding her down etc (ie - rape). But that there were times that she was not 100% up for it but we had sex anyway. This was news to me. However, since talking to a couple of close friends (ladies) they both said that often aren't really up for it but go ahead with it to keep the guy happy. The whole thing was a bit of a farce but luckily the police were very good about it and the duty solicitor was very experienced and gave excellent advice. I was bailed on the condition that I have no contact with her whatsoever and they gave me a lift home.

The very next day, after learning that I was arrested for rape, my wife attended the station and retracted her allegation. BUT! not fully. She formally stated that I didn't rape her (ie hold her down, force myself onto her etc) but still maintains that she sometimes felt controlled in the bedroom.

Despite this, the case still had to go through the CPS. It has taken me THREE MONTHS to get my phone back. I found out from my legal representative that I had been NFA'd the other day and my bail, and all conditions, had been scrapped.

So am I happy? No, not really. I knew I'd be NFA'd since there was no rape and she partly retracted her allegation but so, so annoyed at what she'd done. My phone had been removed from me for three months, I had been arrested for a terrible crime and had a huge stigma against me, I nearly lost my job and now I have a dirty stain on my record (I need an enhanced DBS for work that I will now have to keep explaining for the rest of my life).

I'm in the process of getting this changed to NC but this is not guaranteed. There was initially no information on this, it was if no one had ever tried to get an NC before. I first had to write (an actual letter) to the OIC, then he had to speak to the Information Compliance people, who then wrote to me to say that I had to write to another department... but it does seem as though things are moving on this now. Hang in there and, unless you're convicted, definitely go for it! Still no word yet on if I will get the NC but I'm going to fight it for as long as it takes. I'm just a normal bloke, I'm certainly not a rapist.

Feel free to comment guys. Like I said, I know I'm luckier than a lot of you. I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for listening!

[Rights Fighter]

We've had many guys on here accused of rape by wives and ex wives - not at all unusual. Also, in law rape without consent (by coercion - "oh go on, I know you aren't up to it but let's have a bit anyway") can be classed as rape.

It's great you were NFA'd but many others in the same situation, and who were completely innocent, let alone 'having had persuaded sex', have still be charged and some have been convicted when absolutely nothing at all happened, let alone sex with persuasion.

Good luck with the no-crime. Let us know how you get on

[Surrey1]

Hi Scubasam;

I read your story with interest as its similar to my experiences, this year (It was the 1 year anniversary, yesterday, when i found out my wife was having yet ANOTHER affair, which subseqently led my wife phoning the Police 1 day before NYE and having me arrested for Rape!...after being together for over 21years! with no previous convictions / warnings / hard working & loving, doting father and husband).

As you can read on my previous forum entry; I ended up on Bail for over 10 months!....and as there was no evidence whatsoever! (as it had NEVER happened!), the Police were clearly wanting a "charge" me for their Target count and i believe my wife was then presssurised by them into accusing me of ABH and child assault (swearing in front of my 3 boys). I was then susequently re-arrested and stopped from seeing and making any contact with my children (whatsoever!) for 6 whole months!! (April to October)....which i still find hard to understand and come to terms with. My youngest is only 7years old and it was so hard having NO contact all summer.
(Just scratch the surface in the UK ...and you will realise we live in a Police state.)

Since I was finally NFA'd on all 3 accusations in mid- October...I now see my 3 boys every weekend and have also managed to secure a mortgage to buy back the family home and will be hopefully moving back in February,next year.
My eldest son will also be living with me permanently.

The divorce and consent Order has also now been signed and the joint cost in solicitors costs, for both us, I estimate at approx £65,000!!! (My solicitor costs, alone, were inexcess of £36,000...with barristers costs ontop!). However; I am now slowly re-building my life....and looking forward to 2015 and a NEW fresh start!! (I stongly feel my wife is Bi-Polar...but cannot prove this unless she voluntarily gets tested).

The reason I drop a brief note to you is a) To congratulate you on your "result"....
But , b) I ALSO wasnt to get my NFA "REDUCED" to a NC (No charge).

This is partly; To prove I was totally innocent of all accusations made by my wife...but also for the "future" (If it ever came up on a Job application / VISA etc.)
Please let us all know here how you get on.

I was so determined to sue the OIC for depriving me off not seeing my 3 boys, simply on what my wife had said....
However; Now i see them..."The fire in my belly" has dimmed somewhat and I just want to move on from this nighmare year!...But I would still like to get the NFA dropped for good!

So; Keep us all posted on how you get on / succeed - Thanks.

It remains for me to say...Have a good Christmas and Happy New Year,to you,and all on Daftmoo.... This site has been such a support to me...Thankyou.

And my thoughts with all the members on here, who are currently going through absolute hell!.
Please have faith, if you are inncocent, and you will be proved right in the end (but it may take some time)....
And NEVER, EVER! trust the Police! (Unless this ridiculous "Looking for easy Targets" approach is dropped completely..and a more sensible "Old fashioned Policing" is adopted - Which is unlikely, i know!)

Kind Regards, Surrey1

[wings]

I asked for my NFA to be changed to NC but It didn't happen, I also require an enhanced DBS for my job and it took a month after the NFA for me to be allowed back to work, but the DBS was fully clear, have you spoke to your OIC about the DBS yet?

[helpp]

Hello gents,

I recently came across this site after being falsely accused in September and wanted to share my story with you all. First of all, I need to start by saying that I know I am luckier than most of you. Firstly, because I have an NFA (which I'm getting changed to NC, but more on that later) and secondly because my accuser PARTLY retracted her story the very next day after making her allegation.

The other reason that my story is different is because my accuser is my (estranged) WIFE!!

Ok, some background information:

Me and my wife separated in May of this year, we have twin boys together. The biggest reason for our breakup was because I discovered that while I was away working she was bringing other men to the house and taking drugs. That is a discussion for another time.

Fast forward to September, me and the boys are on the sofa watching Thomas The Tank Engine and two plain clothes CID officers knock on the door and... BOOM! You're under arrest on the suspicion of rape. I had never been in trouble with the law in my life. You all know the process by now I'm sure. Searched, DNA, fingerprints, kept in a cell etc. Then comes the interview. At this point I assumed my accuser was some girl I slept with years ago, or an ex of mine that was a bit unstable. Maybe she wanted to get back at me because I left her for my wife etc. My head was spinning when they said it was my wife, whom I had last slept with MONTHS earlier!

It turns out that she had gone to the station to accuse me of 'harassment' - I had been trying to contact her for days regarding me seeing the boys and other things to do with me and her, she would not answer or respond to emails etc. At some point a female officer at the station gave her a sheet with tick boxes on it. If you tick a box to do with controlling behavior in the bedroom... boom! That man is a rapist and must be arrested and put through hell.

Apparently she was not accusing me of forcing myself onto her or holding her down etc (ie - rape). But that there were times that she was not 100% up for it but we had sex anyway. This was news to me. However, since talking to a couple of close friends (ladies) they both said that often aren't really up for it but go ahead with it to keep the guy happy. The whole thing was a bit of a farce but luckily the police were very good about it and the duty solicitor was very experienced and gave excellent advice. I was bailed on the condition that I have no contact with her whatsoever and they gave me a lift home.

The very next day, after learning that I was arrested for rape, my wife attended the station and retracted her allegation. BUT! not fully. She formally stated that I didn't rape her (ie hold her down, force myself onto her etc) but still maintains that she sometimes felt controlled in the bedroom.

Despite this, the case still had to go through the CPS. It has taken me THREE MONTHS to get my phone back. I found out from my legal representative that I had been NFA'd the other day and my bail, and all conditions, had been scrapped.

So am I happy? No, not really. I knew I'd be NFA'd since there was no rape and she partly retracted her allegation but so, so annoyed at what she'd done. My phone had been removed from me for three months, I had been arrested for a terrible crime and had a huge stigma against me, I nearly lost my job and now I have a dirty stain on my record (I need an enhanced DBS for work that I will now have to keep explaining for the rest of my life).

I'm in the process of getting this changed to NC but this is not guaranteed. There was initially no information on this, it was if no one had ever tried to get an NC before. I first had to write (an actual letter) to the OIC, then he had to speak to the Information Compliance people, who then wrote to me to say that I had to write to another department... but it does seem as though things are moving on this now. Hang in there and, unless you're convicted, definitely go for it! Still no word yet on if I will get the NC but I'm going to fight it for as long as it takes. I'm just a normal bloke, I'm certainly not a rapist.

Feel free to comment guys. Like I said, I know I'm luckier than a lot of you. I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for listening!

Hey, first of all wanted to say congrats on getting the truth on what happen. I wanted to comment on this because I feel like my problem is ghe same as yours buy its just a girl I met in a dating site, I have witness that she was not saying no or anything and that she seemed do plenty fine after but I am very happy reading what your saying, it is so crazy how people can get in such a rough life over somthing they did not do happy new year very happy for you

[scubasam]

Thanks guys.

Wings, could you please go into more detail on your NC refusal? Ommitting anything identifiable or unwilling to state.

i.e. what were the grounds for refusal?
And why would your NFA not come up on your DBS? As I understand it an enhanced DBS must show all arrests, not just convictions.

Looks like me, Surrey1 and probably 1000 other blokes on here are all interested

Thanks very much.

[wings]

Thanks guys.

Wings, could you please go into more detail on your NC refusal? Ommitting anything identifiable or unwilling to state.

i.e. what were the grounds for refusal?
And why would your NFA not come up on your DBS? As I understand it an enhanced DBS must show all arrests, not just convictions.

Looks like me, Surrey1 and probably 1000 other blokes on here are all interested

Thanks very much.

No problem I asked the OIC for it to be changed to NC and she said no, but didn't go into detail, then I asked my lawyer (legal aid) if anything could be done but they weren't too bothered (can't blame them, they'd been paid already).

I explained to them from the beginning my Job role and why having a clear DBS was imperative and when I was NFA'd I asked the OIC who gave it to me in writing that nothing at all was going on it, as there was no further action and I hadn't been charged with anything. I didn't do anything special but the OIC in my case was quite good to me to be honest.

[scubasam]

No problem I asked the OIC for it to be changed to NC and she said no, but didn't go into detail, then I asked my lawyer (legal aid) if anything could be done but they weren't too bothered (can't blame them, they'd been paid already).

I explained to them from the beginning my Job role and why having a clear DBS was imperative and when I was NFA'd I asked the OIC who gave it to me in writing that nothing at all was going on it, as there was no further action and I hadn't been charged with anything. I didn't do anything special but the OIC in my case was quite good to me to be honest.

Thanks for the reply, I'm curious though as to how the OIC was able to tell you outright - in writing nonetheless! - that this would not appear on your DBS... as I understand it only a very senior officer can decide what will and won't appear on it (a minimum of senior Inspector) and the OIC (usually just a Detective Constable) wouldn't have anywhere near that jurisdiction.

[Lookingforhope]

Thanks for the reply, I'm curious though as to how the OIC was able to tell you outright - in writing nonetheless! - that this would not appear on your DBS... as I understand it only a very senior officer can decide what will and won't appear on it (a minimum of senior Inspector) and the OIC (usually just a Detective Constable) wouldn't have anywhere near that jurisdiction.

I also required a Enhanced DBS disclosure for my current job role. My greatest fear was having this false allegation on my DBS certificate which would represent a 'Killer blow' to my career. Whilst I recognise the importance of protecting children and other vulnerable groups, it almost seems overkill to destroy someone life based on a single unsubstantiated lie.

I wrote a letter to the CC of the police force in question highlighting that the allegation was completely false, nothing to do with my work or any person from work and it would be extremely disproportionate to disclosure the arrest and NFA. This would in essence make me unemployable as a professional.

The reply stated that the arrest and investigation details would be retained on the PNC/local records etc but no disclosure would appear on the certificate. Whilst this not completely what I asked, I can get on with my life.

[scubasam]

I also required a Enhanced DBS disclosure for my current job role. My greatest fear was having this false allegation on my DBS certificate which would represent a 'Killer blow' to my career. Whilst I recognise the importance of protecting children and other vulnerable groups, it almost seems overkill to destroy someone life based on a single unsubstantiated lie.

I wrote a letter to the CC of the police force in question highlighting that the allegation was completely false, nothing to do with my work or any person from work and it would be extremely disproportionate to disclosure the arrest and NFA. This would in essence make me unemployable as a professional.

The reply stated that the arrest and investigation details would be retained on the PNC/local records etc but no disclosure would appear on the certificate. Whilst this not completely what I asked, I can get on with my life.

Thank you for this excellent information. As you said, although it's not an NC or an acknowledgement of innocence it at least doesn't show up on your Enhanced DBS. If I can't get an NC this would be the next best thing. I will email my OIC again and see what he says.

Thanks

[Rights Fighter]

If a conversation with your OIC doesn't work, ask your MP to support you in a letter to your local Chief Constable, to request that all reference to the allegation is removed from your DBS. Doesn't mean it will work but it's a good way of trying.