And so the fight begins .....

[WhyUs]

well after months of waiting and hoping, the nightmare has become a devastating reality and we now have the fight of our lives on our hands.

I dont want to post up too many details in an open forum, but my husband has now been charged with FA's of historical sexual abuse and rape. He has been bailed to appear at a magistrates court in the new year, when I assume we will discover, what they think they have against him.

We are feeling totally numb, shocked and in a state of disbelief, that anyone can lie about something like this. We havent slept for days and hardly eaten, because the thought of eating just makes us feel sick.. although we know this is not going to do us any good.

Unfortuantly he was one of a number of people that went into his initial interview without a solicitor, thinking they would listen to what he said, realise it is all lies and drop the case... how naive he feels now as it is clear that he has used what he has said to make sure that they dont use any flaky accusations. I used to hold the police in high regard, but not any more, I thought they were out to find the truth, now I realise that they are only interested in what convictions they can get to meet their targets, and have no remorse over the lives of the people they chew up and spit put in the meantime. Never again will I trust the police.

Our whole lives have been turned upside down, but I know that I need to be strong and help him fight this ...

Any words of wsidom, help would be grateful

[inhell]

Hi sorry to hear that news I know its hard for you both. I have been told I should find out next week if the cps will charge me or nfa its a very worrying time. I did same as you told police things I shouldn't of thinking it help but in reality they would just change her story to get round my info. I just like everybody else on here knows your pain but dig deep try be strong and fight. If your accuser knew you were both falling apart she would love that so don't let her win.i get bad days when I want it to end and think silly things but I now say to myself is she really worth taking my life so now I go out hold my head up high. I wish you all the best its v bad timing due to Christmas I suspect either our Christmas will be ruined too next week but it also might be fantastic news. Try and eat don't let them win please.

[WhyUs]

Hi sorry to hear that news I know its hard for you both. I have been told I should find out next week if the cps will charge me or nfa its a very worrying time. I did same as you told police things I shouldn't of thinking it help but in reality they would just change her story to get round my info. I just like everybody else on here knows your pain but dig deep try be strong and fight. If your accuser knew you were both falling apart she would love that so don't let her win.i get bad days when I want it to end and think silly things but I now say to myself is she really worth taking my life so now I go out hold my head up high. I wish you all the best its v bad timing due to Christmas I suspect either our Christmas will be ruined too next week but it also might be fantastic news. Try and eat don't let them win please.

Thanks inhell. Timing is awful, not that anytime is a good time for this sort of news. We will fight, but I think we just need a few days for this to sink in and get our heads round it. We will be strong and we are lucky we have such a strong marriage and all of our family and the friends that know are right behind us supporting every step of the way.

Its awful that the one person you should be able to rely on in life, the police, turn out to be working against you and that there automatic presumption is that you are guilty.

Glad to hear that you are holding your head up and realised that you are better than her. I hope all goes well next week and you get the right result

[Casehardened]

So sorry to read this, what a shock to you both.

On the other hand you can take heart from the fact that the police and CPS are presently pushing through cases which they would previously have rejected, on the basis that if the jury makes the decision to throw it out, the CPS don't then get any flack for not prosecuting.

The Magistrates appearance will just be a formality to hear his plea and send the case to Crown Court but his solicitor should now start getting paperwork including the accuser's statement which you can then carefully study and pull to pieces!

[WhyUs]

So sorry to read this, what a shock to you both.

On the other hand you can take heart from the fact that the police and CPS are presently pushing through cases which they would previously have rejected, on the basis that if the jury makes the decision to throw it out, the CPS don't then get any flack for not prosecuting.

The Magistrates appearance will just be a formality to hear his plea and send the case to Crown Court but his solicitor should now start getting paperwork including the accuser's statement which you can then carefully study and pull to pieces!

Thanks Casehardened.

I didnt realise they were pushing through more cases now so that has given us a little more glimmer of hope. We have been told our solicitor will get the paperwork when he appears at magistrates. Once we have digested what she has said we can then start pulling it apart. Its not quite what I had planned for 2015 ....

[WhyUs]

So today we are both feeling slightly more normal. We both slept better which is good.

For my husband, it is going to be a tough day as this is the first time he will be alone since we found out he was being charged. I need to go into work this morning, but hopefully should be home mid afternoon. Hopefully I have left enough things for him to do to keep him busy. I do feel guilty heading off and leaving him, but we both realise that we need to keep going and carry on as normal as much as possible, as it is going to be a long process and we dont want it to eat us up.

[Chigirl]

Really really sorry to hear this. You must feel totally let down by the system, we feel the same. It's like your guilty util you prove yourself innocent! All you can both do now is stay strong and fish this. have your time in court and prove them to be the liars they are.

I know it's hard and a total shock but you will get through this.

[WhyUs]

Thanks Simonsimple and Chigirl. Its a long hard road but we will get there.

Hubby wasnt so good when I got back this afternoon. I think a day on his own with just his thoughts didnt help, but he knows he has to get through this bad period. Just need to take each day as it comes

[WhyUs]

Apologies if this becomes a bit like a blog ... but having somewhere just to write down my feelings helps

So to start with the bad news ... talking to our solicitor today it appears that we wont get any evidence until at least the first trial at Crown, which is likely to be Feb /March. Originally we had hoped that the information would be handed over in the new year .. but apparently that is just a formality for the case to be passed to Crown. It was disappointing to hear this as we have longer with our own thoughts on what the hell they think they have.

On a more positive note my husband is starting to feel better. The weekend was tough, but we tried to keep busy. I went into the office today and he managed to get his head round christmas shopping and other small things. Just need to find more things to keep him busy!

[Rights Fighter]

There is no "first trial" (unless the jury cannot decide and a retrial is ordered). Do you mean pre-trial hearing? If so this is quite usual. CPS are rarely "ready" and Defence often have to go via the judge to request certain bits of evidence/disclosure that they have not already been given.

[WhyUs]

There is no "first trial" (unless the jury cannot decide and a retrial is ordered). Do you mean pre-trial hearing? If so this is quite usual. CPS are rarely "ready" and Defence often have to go via the judge to request certain bits of evidence/disclosure that they have not already been given.

Yes sorry I meant pre-trial hearing

[Rights Fighter]

No need to apologise, just wanted to make sure we are talking about the same thing.

From what you say, it's quite normal although not ideal

[can it get worse]

So sorry to hear of another FA experience. What a calamity they bring.

My partner's case was historical and very weak but nevertheless went to trial. He received a speedy not guilty verdict.

The whole process is a long journey with many sad days.

It is common for CPS to delay in providing the 'evidence'. This could be a game which the play so that they can make it harder to build your defence.

However, once you receive the package, you will gain more strength by finding out what you are up against.

Please place priority on your solicitor/barrister.

Ours were excellent and were experts in historical cases. They had the expertise of ensuring that CPS did not withhold the many areas which would hinder the prosecution.

Try to make details notes of any thing that relates to the time of the alleged events. Small details may become relevant once you get to know what the complainant has said.

Stay strong - there is no other way. We had to remain strong on the outside due to family commitments but inside I felt wrecked.

Take Care.

[WhyUs]

So sorry to hear of another FA experience. What a calamity they bring.

My partner's case was historical and very weak but nevertheless went to trial. He received a speedy not guilty verdict.

The whole process is a long journey with many sad days.

It is common for CPS to delay in providing the 'evidence'. This could be a game which the play so that they can make it harder to build your defence.

However, once you receive the package, you will gain more strength by finding out what you are up against.

Please place priority on your solicitor/barrister.

Ours were excellent and were experts in historical cases. They had the expertise of ensuring that CPS did not withhold the many areas which would hinder the prosecution.

Try to make details notes of any thing that relates to the time of the alleged events. Small details may become relevant once you get to know what the complainant has said.

Stay strong - there is no other way. We had to remain strong on the outside due to family commitments but inside I felt wrecked.

Take Care.

Thank you CIGW.

We know we are in this for the long haul, but no matter how long and dark the days get we have each other for support. I think the hardest part at the moment is that my husband has been charged and we dont know what stories have been told to get it this far. We have gone with one of the highly recommended solicitors on here so are confident we have the right team. We have begun his timeline and every so often another small, seemingly unimportant memory comes back, which I am diligently writing down as I figured that it may be the tiniest, most insignificant piece of information that unravels the prosecution.

We are trying to stay strong, and we are determined to fight this all the way no matter what it takes. However for the sake of the family we need to keep life as normal as possible, although it is hard when inside I am breaking. No one should have to go through this.

[WhyUs]

So, here it is NYE. Really not sure how I feel about this. Like most days I have been awake for hours just thinking and feeling helpless. Thinking that I wish I knew what the next year holds for us and how these lies have shattered our dreams ... helpless because no matter how sad, low, angry I am feeling, my husband must be feeling 100 times worse and there is nothing I can do except stay strong and be there for him.

This time last year we were looking forward to seeing the new year in knowing that it held excitement and new beginnings .. we never envisaged that it would end like this, fighting for our lives. All I know is that I am scared of 2015, of what we have to go through, but there is a small amount of hope inside me ... hope that this time next year we will be celebrating and able to get our lives back on track