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Hello
Well, I was all in favour of this part of the board, but now I am here, I am not sure where to start. I suppose it would make sense to tell you a bit about myself and the circumstances that led me here.
I am 34 years old married mother of two. I work as a recruitment consultant full time which, combined with motherhood duties is pretty stressful! Until 3 years ago, my husband had a very successful career, and our hopes were that I would soon be able to give up work and be a stay at home mum to our (then our only) son. I suppose we were happy in our own fashion, but having been married for a while, were not as close as we had been.
In September 2003 my sister got married. My husband was an usher, I was the only bridesmaid, and our son was the pageboy. It was very much a family affair, and we did all the food and party arrangements ourselves in a huge marquee in my parent's grounds.
2 days before the wedding, I was expecting him home from a business trip (he spent at least 2 nights a week away) at about 7pm. By midnight he was still not home, and I was frantic with worry. His mobile phone was off. Finally at gone midnight he called me and said there had been an incident at the hotel he was staying at, and that he was "helping the police with their enquiries". I asked him if he had been arrested, and he said yes. I asked him what for, but he said he had to go. I was horrified and furious. Neither of us had ever been in trouble with the police, and for this to happen 2 days before my sister's wedding was unthinkable. My guess was that there had been a drunken fight in the bar of the hotel he was staying in (he was there with a number of colleagues, and I knew they would all be in the beers)
He made it home at about 4am. I was so angry i wouldn't speak to him. He told me all charges had beeen dropped, and that my guess of a drunken fight was right.
The wedding came, we all enjoyed ourselves, but I noticed he was quite distant. I put this down to his brush with the law.
About October 2003, I noticed that my husband was not spending as much time working as he used to. Previously he would spend 2 or 3 night a week away on business, but this had not been the case. We had just returned from a holiday, and when I asked him why he wasn't spending as much time away as usual, he said it was because he was finding it hard to get back into the usual routine after our holiday. I felt the same way, so I accepted his word.
However, as the end of November approached, I noticed that he was usually still in bed when I got up to go to work, he wasn't spending any nights away from home, and that he was generally very lethargic. I asked him about it again, and he reassured me that he was fine.
In December, I finally told him that I didn't believe him, and that I wanted to know what was going on. I thought he was having an affair, and suspected that he had lost this job. (my husband is a very proud man, and it would not have suprised me if he had pretended to go to work in order to maintain the illusion that he was working.) As it happens, I was spot on and dead wrong all at the same time.
He wasn't having an affair. He wasn't working either. He was getting up and pretending to go to work each day. He had been accused of raping a female colleague. He admitted that there had been sexual contact between them, but swore she had invited him into her bed, and that he had left when she tried to instigate sex. he had been suspended from his job, and had been suicidal. On the day I confronted him, he had made a reservation at a hotel where he planned to take an overdose of prescribed sleeping pills, and fall asleep with a plastic bag over his head.He was self-harming alarmingly, using a stanley blade.
I won't go into the awful scenes that followed. I totally supported him, but at the same time i was ragingly furious at what he had done, even though I believed 100% that he was innocent.
I wont explain the legal side if it either, as it is well-documented elsewhere on this site. All I will say is that, behind her screen, she lied and lied and lied and lied. Who are the jury likely to believe - the poor girl sobbing behind the screen, "too frightened" to even be seen by the public gallery? or the man in the dock, guarded by a uniformed offficer? There is an automatic inference of victim status and guilt there.
My husband pleaded not guilty, but was convicted of indecent assault. The "victim" had telephoned the the police a week after she made the initial allegation, and said that she hadnt actually been raped after all. However, my husband had admitted sexual contact, so they charged him with indecent assault.
He was sentenced to 12 months in prison, but was not put on the sex offenders register. (I have since been told that this is extremely rare - convicted of a sex crime, but not put on the SOR - what does that tell you???). He was sent to a jail 240 miles away from our home. We didn't tell our son who was 4 at the time, we just told him Daddy had gone away for his work. He was distraught, as was I. My son and I clung to each other for 6 months until my husband came home.
After his sentencing, it was all over the local press..."boss jailed". Apparently he "pounced" on his victim while she slept. ..they published our name and our address. Our garage was broken into and trashed one night while he was in prison. my son woke up when the police rang the doorbell. it was awful, indescribable. I don't mean the garage being broken into, just the terrible, raging sense of injustice, the anger, and the broken heart.
He is now home. He served 6 months, and was approved for a home leave period halfway through his sentence. For anyone who knows anything about the prison system, this is also really rare, especially for sex offenders.
we have set to work putting all this behind us. it is incredibly hard....he has been turned down for countless jobs because he has to declare the conviction, and he is still treated like a criminal by some. the "no smoke without fire" brigade are out in full force. However he now has full-time work, although it is a far cry from his previous job. I am SO proud of him for his dignity and doggedness.
In May this year we had our second child, a daughter this time. It is a measure of how far we have come...we are really blessed with our children. We have a happy, well-adjusted son, and a healthy, vocal 4 month old!
Finally, I would like to say that I am incredibly proud of myself too, for finding reserves of strength that I never knew I had. Triumph through adversity; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; Don't let the *******s grind you down; the best form of revenge is survival.
One day I would like to find the girl who did this to us, and ask her why. Until then I will content myself with the fact that my life is better than I hoped it could be.
Well, I was all in favour of this part of the board, but now I am here, I am not sure where to start. I suppose it would make sense to tell you a bit about myself and the circumstances that led me here.
I am 34 years old married mother of two. I work as a recruitment consultant full time which, combined with motherhood duties is pretty stressful! Until 3 years ago, my husband had a very successful career, and our hopes were that I would soon be able to give up work and be a stay at home mum to our (then our only) son. I suppose we were happy in our own fashion, but having been married for a while, were not as close as we had been.
In September 2003 my sister got married. My husband was an usher, I was the only bridesmaid, and our son was the pageboy. It was very much a family affair, and we did all the food and party arrangements ourselves in a huge marquee in my parent's grounds.
2 days before the wedding, I was expecting him home from a business trip (he spent at least 2 nights a week away) at about 7pm. By midnight he was still not home, and I was frantic with worry. His mobile phone was off. Finally at gone midnight he called me and said there had been an incident at the hotel he was staying at, and that he was "helping the police with their enquiries". I asked him if he had been arrested, and he said yes. I asked him what for, but he said he had to go. I was horrified and furious. Neither of us had ever been in trouble with the police, and for this to happen 2 days before my sister's wedding was unthinkable. My guess was that there had been a drunken fight in the bar of the hotel he was staying in (he was there with a number of colleagues, and I knew they would all be in the beers)
He made it home at about 4am. I was so angry i wouldn't speak to him. He told me all charges had beeen dropped, and that my guess of a drunken fight was right.
The wedding came, we all enjoyed ourselves, but I noticed he was quite distant. I put this down to his brush with the law.
About October 2003, I noticed that my husband was not spending as much time working as he used to. Previously he would spend 2 or 3 night a week away on business, but this had not been the case. We had just returned from a holiday, and when I asked him why he wasn't spending as much time away as usual, he said it was because he was finding it hard to get back into the usual routine after our holiday. I felt the same way, so I accepted his word.
However, as the end of November approached, I noticed that he was usually still in bed when I got up to go to work, he wasn't spending any nights away from home, and that he was generally very lethargic. I asked him about it again, and he reassured me that he was fine.
In December, I finally told him that I didn't believe him, and that I wanted to know what was going on. I thought he was having an affair, and suspected that he had lost this job. (my husband is a very proud man, and it would not have suprised me if he had pretended to go to work in order to maintain the illusion that he was working.) As it happens, I was spot on and dead wrong all at the same time.
He wasn't having an affair. He wasn't working either. He was getting up and pretending to go to work each day. He had been accused of raping a female colleague. He admitted that there had been sexual contact between them, but swore she had invited him into her bed, and that he had left when she tried to instigate sex. he had been suspended from his job, and had been suicidal. On the day I confronted him, he had made a reservation at a hotel where he planned to take an overdose of prescribed sleeping pills, and fall asleep with a plastic bag over his head.He was self-harming alarmingly, using a stanley blade.
I won't go into the awful scenes that followed. I totally supported him, but at the same time i was ragingly furious at what he had done, even though I believed 100% that he was innocent.
I wont explain the legal side if it either, as it is well-documented elsewhere on this site. All I will say is that, behind her screen, she lied and lied and lied and lied. Who are the jury likely to believe - the poor girl sobbing behind the screen, "too frightened" to even be seen by the public gallery? or the man in the dock, guarded by a uniformed offficer? There is an automatic inference of victim status and guilt there.
My husband pleaded not guilty, but was convicted of indecent assault. The "victim" had telephoned the the police a week after she made the initial allegation, and said that she hadnt actually been raped after all. However, my husband had admitted sexual contact, so they charged him with indecent assault.
He was sentenced to 12 months in prison, but was not put on the sex offenders register. (I have since been told that this is extremely rare - convicted of a sex crime, but not put on the SOR - what does that tell you???). He was sent to a jail 240 miles away from our home. We didn't tell our son who was 4 at the time, we just told him Daddy had gone away for his work. He was distraught, as was I. My son and I clung to each other for 6 months until my husband came home.
After his sentencing, it was all over the local press..."boss jailed". Apparently he "pounced" on his victim while she slept. ..they published our name and our address. Our garage was broken into and trashed one night while he was in prison. my son woke up when the police rang the doorbell. it was awful, indescribable. I don't mean the garage being broken into, just the terrible, raging sense of injustice, the anger, and the broken heart.
He is now home. He served 6 months, and was approved for a home leave period halfway through his sentence. For anyone who knows anything about the prison system, this is also really rare, especially for sex offenders.
we have set to work putting all this behind us. it is incredibly hard....he has been turned down for countless jobs because he has to declare the conviction, and he is still treated like a criminal by some. the "no smoke without fire" brigade are out in full force. However he now has full-time work, although it is a far cry from his previous job. I am SO proud of him for his dignity and doggedness.
In May this year we had our second child, a daughter this time. It is a measure of how far we have come...we are really blessed with our children. We have a happy, well-adjusted son, and a healthy, vocal 4 month old!
Finally, I would like to say that I am incredibly proud of myself too, for finding reserves of strength that I never knew I had. Triumph through adversity; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; Don't let the *******s grind you down; the best form of revenge is survival.
One day I would like to find the girl who did this to us, and ask her why. Until then I will content myself with the fact that my life is better than I hoped it could be.
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