Is this for real...

[Owl Matron]

Firstly, thanks for being there! My son was arrested and taken into custody on a false rape claim that was supposed to have happened 6 or 7 years ago! I simply have to let something out of my head right now as the shock and incredulity have left me bewildered. There is no protection for innocent people it seems. He is the boy therefore he has had his freedom taken away, his property removed and his livelihood threatened, all because of one person making a rather stupid allegation. As a Freelance technician, he has work mapped and planned within his computer which has been taken, he has all of his work contacts on his phone taken, he is left desperately afraid of such a serious threat looming over his life today and somehow we have to get him through it. False accusation, however loose it is in appearance is a tragedy that has taken my breath away, because as soon as it is said, then something is changed that cannot ever be the same again. It is clear to us all that it is a vindictive act from an insecure person wanting to affect his life because of jealousy, but we have no say. We will all say that our own son is special, but for me, his kindness and drive for FairPlay and honesty makes him humble, he always ttys to find the best in everyone, therefore he is ripped apart right now. He needs professional counselling support so if anyone can offer any advice in that direction, please let me know. We have found him the right solicitor, we can now only offer him all the support that we can... sad times and so very cruel.

[phoenix2014]

Hi and welcome although sorry to see yet another mother and son being put through this hell.
His GP should be able to arrange counselling and in my and other peoples experience they have been really understanding and it's not an easy thing to talk about.

You should find this forum invaluable for support and advice and someone will always try to answer any questions you have.

Stay strong and best of luck to your son.

[lawlessone2009]

Hi and welcome,

Sorry you find yourself here but welcome on board.

Your son sounds, from your description, an absolutely perfect target for anyone with an agenda. Unfortunately he has been targeted.

Has the computer/phone being basically his 'work' been highlighted to the Police? Does the solicitor make any recommendations?

Do you KNOW that the solicitor is the 'right' one. Have you researched their background and specialities? I've met many a nice solicitor but I wouldn't put my life in their hands and that is exactly what your boy is doing. Innocence does, generally, win the day but only if a competent solicitor/barrister is putting that innocence to the court and also asking the right questions of the false accuser.

As for counselling. You're correct, he will need it. It's going to be a long journey unfortunately so I would be of the opinion that seeking help just now will be beneficial and could potentially thwart some of the more serious issues which could arise later on when coping mechanisms are over-run and the lasting damage is done.

It could be worth asking the GP for some medication in the short term just to take the 'edge' off of things. Don't use it as a long term solution as it is not. Both you and him, if you're also being overcome.

It could be that a fitness regime or a new hobby/expansion of an existing hobby would be good for him just now to distract his mind and physically tire him before mental tiredness has a chance to bite. Encourage whatever you deem necessary.

Remember and spend some time with him. Don't go on and on and on and certainly do not become the central pillar for him to lean on, it will damage your relationship in the long term. Be there 110% but make sure that he has more than just you for comfort as if things go wrong you'll need to deal with your own feelings and also all of his. Don't tell others about what's going on without first asking his opinion.

I could type more but we'll let you get settled first and I'm also really tired, mentally. I never sought expert assistance when I should have done, make sure your boy doesn't make that mistake.

[Owl Matron]

Thank you...

Responses have helped hugely!
Firstly we have found a recommended Solicitor who is meeting son next week. His computer and phone are his life and work, therefore as a Freelance he is reliant on them, hopefully new Sol will be able to offer more advice there.
It appears he is not dwelling and just trying to keep busy, but finding the balance of addressing it enough and not being consumed with it is taking its toll. I sincerely appreciate the guidance advice from you here and will be looking into guiding him towards the GP for counselling advice. He is terribly worried about all the cost that is involved and I guess there will be no relief from this whatever happens. This is a terribly sad time, more unfair than anything anyone can imagine, the system should be there to protect the innocent, will be fighting his corner all the way, but he is hesitant about telling anyone else, difficult when he will need pillars, but also very understandable.

[can it get worse]

So very sorry to read of your experience. There's not much more to add to what has already been said but I feel I must highlight again the importance of a good solicitor. And preferably one who has experience in historic sexual offences. Unfortunately, it boils down to the word of one person and our whole lives are turned upside down.

In our case we found it beneficial to tell people and as a consequence received support from everyone. However, I acknowledge that we are all different and may not want to share this experience with others. I guess you need to be guided by your son's wishes. However, he and you may find comfort and a lot of support from those around him/you.

Please take care, and remember there is always someone on here who an offer you some guidance and support.

[inhell]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear your all going through hell I'm in similar situation messy divorce then step daughter accused me of rape and sexual assault. I've lost everything including my sons.my parents are v ill over it were all worried sick although my step daughters best friend admitted that they lied on one of the accusations. I'm in councilling it does help me little and I'm on meds too. you have to try and carry on with life best you can I know its hard I have my down days I been bailed 4 times now till november. there's some good information here and friendly people that some are going through same thing and came out the other side. I don't have any faith in police don't tell them anything they will lie and try have an excuse for everything. My biggest mistake. Gather as much info as you can and keep it safe hidden.look after yourselves you must eat and try live each day best you can. I went downhill badly and ended up in hospital I've learnt to fight now. Try remain strong

[Owl Matron]

And breathe...

Hello all and thank you to the kind responders who gave time in thoughts and advice, you have helped HUGELY and have set me up to make all the best decisions in helping my son move forward. His innocence has made him strong and pragmatic in his approach, his sol has confirmed that strong clear honest recording is his essential best asset. The lingering monster that fills each waking moment with horror, is finally settling into the dust for the moment and I have hours at a time now without being swamped. Realising that one cannot spend every waking moment immersed in the misery of this, therefore distraction and busyness help take the edge off the deep anger and frustration of this human disease. How incredible that some people are content to use lies and environmental media to damage others. Meanwhile, we step forward with the aim to clear this away though the stain will remain along with the troublesome memory of the accusation, said out loud as the police walked through my home to search my sons room.

Thank goodness for you lot here! Without somewhere to share this insane monster, one could go a little crazy and get very distressed. It is far from over, we now have months of waiting, but with honesty and fairness, one can only hope for resolution and return to life beyond vindictive accusation.

[myhome]

Hi OM _ thank you for your very kind words this forum has indeed been a literal lifeline for so many of us. You are at the start of what could be a long journey and it is usually full of huge highs and bottomless depths and emotions that have no name....please keep posting so we can support you throughout this time.....

[Owl Matron]

Yup... still there, it was not just a bad dream!

Hey to you my computer rescuers, all I can say is this is bloody hard going. Not only do I panic, worry and have endless sleepless nights, but my son and I cannot be in the same place or catch each others eye too often as I long to comfort him and he longs for me not to!! He fills life with work and keeping busy and a girlfriend who knows all about it, but I sense he just wants to get away from everyone because keeping it all inside, thought stoical, is also extremely hard work. He would rather not be around anyone close. (girlfriend is less than useful, but without her as companion he would have too much down time, so I do understand why it continues) I have encouraged him to use this platform, maybe he will, but he really needs somewhere to let it out. Seems everything that is any good costs money and takes time, the two most worrying things in his freelance life.

If anyone has any useful tips for a young man who is holding on to all this sadness and worry inside, be it somewhere to vent or a recommendation of someone who will offer the right sort of advice, then please do let me have some opinions. He is not a sport boy, so does not work out, but his work is often very physical. He is also a bit of a single minded person, he does not surround himself with people, his best friend knows, but I believe he will feel less pressure if he can find a way to let go of it a little. He was in a terrible car accident last year, walked away unhurt fortunately, but has psychologically been having help ever since as stress and anxiety have emerged, as a result, indicating Post traumatic stress disorder which is under discussion. He was not at fault but has an ongoing claim going against the other driver who was found guilty of dangerous driving. So you see he already has some underlying worries, is on antidepressants and is not enjoying his room here at home so much since the police raided it, so is now staying away with work as much as possible! I do need to find him some help, as I fear that his depression may escalate, but the harder he tries to hold onto it, the more fearful I become. Any ideas would be most welcome.

[can it get worse]

Hi OM, I read your last post a few days ago and was so touched by your heartfelt and sincerity of your words. I did not reply then because I felt words were not sufficient.
However I feel a need to reply to you.

I do not yet have a son old to be FA'd but I could identify in your feelings towards a very lovely precious son.

It must be so hard seeing your own son in pain and so hard not being able to intercept and put it all right.

You are doing a sterling job.............. communications between you both are not essential. But what is essential for your son is that he has the security of his family.......he has that. Being there for him is the best thing you can do.

[Dave]

If the lad needs to talk to someone there should be plenty of official help out there, via a GP. Or if he just wants to chat over the interweb, this is may be the place to find someone who has been through similarjust ask, or get him to join up and ask the question himself?

[Owl Matron]

The hope of peace to come...

It has been a while since the world started to implode with the horror of all that unknown misery and exploration into My son's most personal life, and I simply could not breath. For the love of my innocent Son, the fear of life changing words, the unknown horrors that unfold, the anxiety and depression that spreads like a disease and this wonderful (if not a little old fashioned) forum was a lifeline of shared hope.

WELL ITS ALL OVER, so I wanted to share with you all that there are stepping stones that you must take, but we are now back to our (almost) freedom and getting on with moving forward again. My Son was difficult to help as he was so proud and ashamed at false accusation, a typical Libra, fair to the core and the distress and pain were at times intolerable. But he did it his way, only exposing the truth in basic form to close family once it was to be heard in court. Within one day, her stories and accusations were torn apart and ripped to shreds, (though why it took two and a half years of torture to get to the point beats me)

So to all here who are suffering, please try and see past the hideousness that is this common disease today, be strong and proud to know you are not guilty of anything more than lies and stand up for justice. It would be a lie to say we are all feeling happy, as we are exhausted and mentally changed forever, but thats what public lies do. I know somewhere that karma will come, you reap what you sew and all those wonderful gems of life but LETTING IT GO is the only thing left to do.

My best advice is to get the best representation possible, we are now faced with a mountain of unwanted debt, but we shall all help my Son to make certain he can get on with his life, that is the whole point. Lies are cruel and so very harmful but unfortunately the public service has no choice but to listen and act, and the more lies, the harder it becomes. I wish you all the same outcome and future life happiness, stay strong and hold on tight, its a hell of a ride, and nothing is ever quite the same, but honesty and freedom will win. Thank you for having this site available when life imploded, it kept me sane!!

[Staystrong1]

must send you the obligatory bananas. Really resonate with your post. Wonderfully put and so pleased that your family and especially your son can now move on with your lives. 2 years since our nightmare was over and you do get past it. You will never forget as it does take over your life. Good advise too that you must get the best possible legal advice especially with historic false allegations. As Barrister said the devil is in the detail, how true that is, Finding this forum was a lifeline for me too so congratulations on the truth being exposed and look after each other

[lazy lass]

Fantastic news, a long time coming.
Hope your son,you and the rest of your family recover from the horrendous nightmare you have all been through.
The future will be a brighter place.

[Casehardened]

Brilliant news but awful that it's been so long. Thanks for coming back to update the forum as this is so encouraging for members who are still going through the process......