very worried

[bootandsuit]

Hi all any advise would be greatly received as I am currently in the darkest place I have ever been. Up until a week ago I had it all great friends great job regular access to my little boy and within 72 hours everything has been taken away from me I have been suspended from my career and told to hand my notice in ....the mother of my child has got wind of these accusations and stoped my access it's all so crazy.

Last Saturday I went out for a few drinks on my own as I had a very busy week and as my friends were busy I thought I deserved it..... in the second bar I was approached by a girl who asked me to join her and her friend ...how I wish I had refused ....however I accepted pulled a chair up and joined them. They were so happy and seemed so keen to get to know me. One of the girls lets call her A was very friendly commenting on how good I looked ect. I was asked by them to join them for the evening by this stage we all had a few drinks so I joined them and had a really good evening with them. By 12pm A`s friend left with a man and left me with A at a later stage she kissed me all of this will be caught on CCTV. We carried on having a good evening and at along 3am A got into a taxi with me and came back to my apartment we kissed lots and one thing lead to another. We ended up in bed and after some foreplay she helped me pull her trousers down. We began having sex and after only a minute or so she filled screaming at me hitting me crying historical. I tried to calm her down several times asked her to put her clothes on and even offered to get her a taxi. She was crying so loudly is opened my front door where she laid down in the hallway and called the police with her clothes next to her.

I have never experienced anything like this I have been put in a dry cell for 20 hours had swabs and bloods taken and released on bail for 6 weeks with all this hanging over my head I have been suspended so am Sat her thinking and thinking it's doing my head in.

Any advise would be great

Many Thanks

[myhome]

Hi bootandsuit - sorry you have had to find us - but just offering a quick welcome for now....immediate advice is to write down every single detail you can remember about that evening including who was there and what everybody said. Store this somewhere where plod can't get it as they are likely to take your pc/tablet/phone etc.
You are at the beginning of what can be a long emotional journey (though sometimes these can be over relatively quickly in some cases). You may like to confide in your GP for some medical support.
others will be along with more advice shortly
keep strong MH

[bootandsuit]

Thank you for the advice. I have had my phone seized I have made pages and pages of notes regarding the entire evening so hopefully that will aid me.

I have just seen a email from my employer terminating my employment with immediate effect ..... can't believe it

[Casehardened]

I have just seen a email from my employer terminating my employment with immediate effect ..... can't believe it

This is concerning as you haven't been charged, only arrested and questioned. Most members in your situation have the choice of whether to inform their employer or not (unless in an occupation involving children or vulnerable adults, in which case they are usually suspended until their case is determined)

Please don't disclose details as this might identify you on this open forum, but presumably you are in a 'sensitive' occupation working for the home office in some capacity or other? A private employer would open themselves to legal retribution for taking this action if your case is NFA'd.

[bootandsuit]

I know it is very concerning I don't work with any sort of sensitive people a neighbour of mine heard this girl crying and saw her being taken away by the police. She knows where I work as she has a friend that work there too and told him.

I have been googling my rights regarding this and I would appear as I have only been there a year and a half I don't have any

So also now need to worry about money

[Casehardened]

I have been googling my rights regarding this and I would appear as I have only been there a year and a half I don't have any

Hopefully someone who knows about employment law will be able to advise you but it doesn't sound right.....instant dismissal with no notice or opportunity to put your side of the story would surely have to written specifically into your contract of employment.

This is the last thing you need on top of the accusation....

[bootandsuit]

It really is I was offered a meeting yesterday it was all rushed and I said I wanted to seek advice before I attended .....my boss said that was fine then sends this email ......everything is being taken away I have worked so hard for I've got to hand in my company car today

[myhome]

I'm fairly certain you cannot be instantly dismissed (although maybe for gross professional misconduct - but that would have to relate to your workplace). Your Contract of Employment will have a Dismissal Policy which will set out reasons why employees can be dismissed and the procedure which has to be followed in this instance. Also, if you are invited to any meeting regarding your employment you are entitled to have someone - colleague or Union Rep - to attend with you and your company has to wait for a date that is convenient to all of you. If you are in a Union I would seek their guidance as soon as possible. A

Have a look at this link.... http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/englan...e_of_dismissal it's from the Citizens' Advice Bureau.

This link is from the ACAS website...... http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1797

In setting out company employment policies, a company has to follow Employment Law. If the provisions in the policies are less than the Law sets out, then the Employment Law applies.....it is quite possible that your company is in breach of contract. You will need to read your contract and also the Company Dismissal and Disciplinary Policies....When you have done this you could seek advice from a solicitor who specialises in Employment Law - many will give a first half hour free consultation

Keep the email stored electronically.

[bootandsuit]

Thank you for a great post I will look at those sites this morning. Your help and advice is greatly appreciated in what is a very hard thine at the moment x

[bootandsuit]

Hardest week of my life this is a killer guys heard noting can't carry on like this for the next month. Read stories of hope and of absolute hell seems like such a lottery when it's my word against hers I don't even know if she's made a statement about her lies. To top it all I'm gonna have to seek a new job tomorrow with no transport arrgghhh sorry I live alone and trying not to drown myself with alcohol this evening

[myhome]

Hardest week of my life this is a killer guys heard noting can't carry on like this for the next month.

The early weeks are really the worse and so very hard to cope with and I really feel for you. It is very unusual to hear anything in the first few weeks and there is very little you can do to hurry things along. What you say about, "Can't carry on..." is one we've all said many time through the ordeal. I said it so often; but after a while I asked myself, "So what are you going to do then?" and I came up with this answer. If I can't cope there's only 1 alternative - Giving up - either my ending my life or sitting dribbling in a corner. I didn't like these, So then I changed the question to, "HOW can I carry on with this?" and then set about answering this question - getting support from many different places; trying to carry on my "normal" life; having a plan of things to do for tomorrow before I went to sleep and so on. It was very hard but gradually it worked.

I live alone and trying not to drown myself with alcohol this evening

I too live alone and did (do) the same because it made me believe I didn't care. It's a short term remedy. Have you confided in your GP? S/he can help with medication and pointing you toward counselling/therapy services. There's also 5-HTP, Bach Rescue remedies and various other alternative remedies but always check with your GP if you are taking prescription meds and make sure you get advice from the supplier.

Keep posting and we'll help all we can

[bootandsuit]

Thank you for hour advise actually got 4 hours sleep last night wow ....... I really need to start looking for a job got bills to pay and a son to support all so scary.

Can I please ask do I need to tell any employer of these awful allegations? Fear if I do no one will take me on ....

[icantevensaytheword]

As you have not been charged with any offence, you do not need to disclose an "allegation" Unless you are looking for work which involves children or vulnerable etc

You can imagine the reaction you would get in the interview.

As you have already been advised, this could go on a long time before any charge or NFA. Every case if different.

I was arrested mid July and have my first bail date mid Oct. I relocated back to my home town and have just secured employment which will commence in the next couple of weeks.

I needed the time from the allegation to now to get my head in the right place, but am now really looking forward to settling into a "normal" routine again.

I never have the intense fear or stress of my allegation far from my thoughts, but I have learned to manage it by allocating specific times to dwell/research/stress/cry/talk about it etc.....

This was impossible to do until recently......... have you got a family member or close friend you can confide in ? This really helps get things off your chest.......if not a visit to your GP would help if you are not sleeping and drinking etc....

I was not eating and drinking heavily for the first 2 weeks and this made me ill to the point of collapse, hence why I relocated to be near family. I can say it saved my life.

So good luck with the Job hunting and keep posting on here......it's been a lifeboat for me on a very stormy sea.

[bootandsuit]

Hi many thanks for the advise have lined up a job interview for this week in much the same role that I have just lost all still seems surreal the whole experience.but need to rebuilt an allegation should hold my life back

[marynarz]

Hello

Remember about this one!!!
If you are charged, tell this to solicitor (it looks like it was planned)
Have you told the police about this? If not, then don't tell them
CCTV will be damaged or lost etc.

Sorry that you found yourself in this situation, but this is the best place to be here

By 12pm A`s friend left with a man and left me with A
Many Thanks