A good result, but doesn't feel like a victory... Why?

[steve22]

Hi everyone,

Firstly- I want to offer a massive apology. My last post doesn't even feel like that long ago, but i guess in the grand scheme of things 18 months is a long time...

It should be a cause for celebrating but still doesn't feel like it. Briefly before my second bail appearance my solicitor emailed me to let me know that the whole case was being dropped against me. Speechless I gave the news to my family, all in tears of course and just so relieved it was over.

Lack of evidence (NFA) they called it rather than not guilty. Police offered an insensitive response to my queries about an investigation the other way with "we just cant prove you did it"

Luckily I found a new job and been there since last year. New girlfriend who knows everything and understands- actually my longest friend who ive always had an attraction to (i know.. How "cute") and i moved which seemed to stop the panic attacks, waking up in the night unable to breathe thinking there were another half a dozen of her majesty's finest hammering on the door.. I swear some nights I could hear it.

Yet here I am.. Obviously grateful for everything I have but nothings really been the same. Its 1am and i spend most nights struggling to get to sleep wondering how the system let me down. How i ended up sacked from my job, in a bad place for 6 months with no real justice for the ones that had actually caused the suffering.


Surprisingly its never revenge of a sort I think of. I wouldnt dare go near or speak to any of them and if i saw them id walk the opposite way. But I wonder why there is nothing in place to ensure that adequate work was done to prove they were all in on it.. Why the local law enforcement managed to completely discredit and destroy my character by divulging the situation to everyone id ever been in touch with. How i ended up worse off and still awake till the early hours, 18 months on, tormented I suppose by the ordeal.

To be honest, I don't know what I expect from this.. Is anyone else still struggling to deal with the aftermath mknths or years later even though its over? What else can I do...

Appreciate the time.

Steve

[phoenix2014]

I think what you are feeling is not uncommon at all,even with a not guilty verdict,society makes you feel you 'got away with it' and no matter what,your life won't be the same again.

Hope you can get over this somewhat and get on with your life,don't let what happened continue to drag you down,they already have enough satisfaction.
Well done on your result,may not seem like a victory but at least it's over.

[Rights Fighter]

Steve22

What you are feeling is perfectly normal for the abnormal situation you are in. One of our members was found not guilty in 2012 and he is still struggling.

The person who got me into the 'business' was freed on appeal in 2001. He's still struggling and is still to this day trying to get the Chief Constable at the time, convicted for something or other. The longer he keeps fighting the worse his life will become. He refuses to let it go.

At some point, you will need to lean on family and friends and also your GP, to help you through this. Please don't let it eat your life up, as it has my friend's.

Keep posting.

[safedave]

Ive not slept since my arrest

I have PTSD from the abuse suffered by the hands of my FA

my illness is getting worse as stress is the worst for it


I have proof that its all a LIE

Yet im fighting for my life, while the FA , will simply walk away scott free.

Im not sure I will ever get over this, and thats only if I can make sure everyone else can see the lies , if it goes the other way, well, I simply wouldnt be able to cope.

and yet, the FA will get away scott free

Justice? really?

[myhome]

Hi and although really pleased your case was dropped I'm sorry to read that the "after effects" are still with you. Another member on here (who is now a friend) who was found 2 lots of NG in Feb 2013 has told me he's only just getting over the worst of the flashbacks and nightmares....

I would suggest that you talk to your GP re counselling or one of the other "talking therapies" or perhaps some therapy related to PTSD....

I had NFA 2 weeks ago and after 10 days or so floating amongst the Planets I'm now back on Earth, getting very angry about what's happened, and other fears and emotions are starting to return too.

It would be very unusual for anyone to got through what we've been through and not be emotionally and mentally scarred by it. Just as an enduring physical battering or trauma takes a long time to recover from, so does a mental one....
keep posting on here and we'll help all we can

[lonley place]

Hi All, Its a long time since I have posted but I have been hovering around.
For us, once our case was over like MH we hovered on a cloud of euphoria, and then down to earth with a bang.
The emotions don't just go away and you don't just get on with life as if nothing happened.
Problem is once the FA is dropped a lot of us drift away from support groups like this, I certainly felt bad that so many were still in the nightmare of FA and we were "free", . Those who have come out the other end drift away and then think they are the only ones fighting to recover. Perhaps it would be more help to others it we share the feelings we have but.....
As time passes it does get easier and there is help out there if you ask.
At some point for sanities sake you have to let it go and move on with life. LP

[Boys don't cry]

A good result,but doesn't feel like a victory...

When I read your post a few days ago I thought life can still be beautiful after being NFA or not guilty.
You now have moved on ,settle in a job since a year and in a relationship with someone who understands you.
I believe this is your victory.

In my case (I'll make it short) I was arrested in 2011,became homeless,received the divorce paper only a week after.
Sleepless nights but still working.Had the motorbike accident.Been in the local newspapers and on the net accused of...

2012:Crown Court verdict:Not guilty.The weight had gone from my shoulders thanks to hard work and perseverance for my defence.
My mother,my ex bosses,old school Daftmoo members,my son and my fa's sister.

Then I fought another year to see my son and only last month the financial dispute ended.
If I had been to jail I would have been out at the same time,coincidence?
Three years and five months of fight.

I work hard to buy a flat so don't really have the time to think about what happened to me and I suppose it is better like this.
Life is passing by,being free is my victory even though freedom is not a state that you should win or fight for (especially when you are falsely accused)as we are born free.

If you want to have a chat do not hesitate to pm me.
Take care of yourself.

[can it get worse]

Good news for you but I totally understand your feelings.

You have already received good support and advise from other members.

Unfortunately, in the aftermath for us, I have no advice! I can only commiserate with you and understand the way you are feeling.

My partner received a NG recently and the euphoria was short lasting.

We are struggling now with the trauma of 2 years of hell.

I feel guilty with still feeling like this, I feel sadness that other people are just starting their journey (arrest), I feel preoccupied by the unfairness of the justice system. Extreme annoyance with SS and their inefficiencies. The list is never ending.

I can acknowledge that we are now free and should be living every day in happiness but just not able to push myself to being able to do this.

But really there is no one but ourselves who can take the bull by the horns and throw this baggage away. I'm going to try to make steps towards this with more determination. I have found it easy to wallow. But only I/we can change this and hope it comes SOON.

You owe it to yourself to fight thru this and resign ourselves that we are not going to fight with the authorities and win.

This is bit of a struggle at the moment but slowly I am sure it will happen. We have to let go.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi vinniox .. welcome to the forum and well done for being so brave and telling your story. However.... it might be best to start a new thread for you. Hang on a tick I'll holler and see what happens....

Moderator..... could you please move this onto a new thread if it's appropriate to do so?

[Casehardened]

Moderator..... could you please move this onto a new thread if it's appropriate to do so?

WGO, I was moving the post while you were replying, that's why your reply got left behind

however will leave it here in case the OP wonders what happened (have titled his thread "Still recovering from false accusation")

[whatsgoingon?]

Thanks CH - you're brilliant!

[Casehardened]

Thanks CH - you're brilliant!

[edinguy]

Well I can relate to this.

I was found not guilty in court back in April 2013 and after an initial few months of feeling on a high things started to slide for me and my mental state I guess. I often find myself awake at night thinking about what could have been and that I was only a few peoples opinion away from being caged away from everyone and everything I held dear.

Only a handful of people know what happened to me over those 2 years (accusation to trial) so to everyone else my worries about my health (seem to have become very health anxious since everything) and issues like convinced my headaches were serious so paying privately for all sorts of scans ect seemed out of character and quite extreme.

I didn’t think at the time of the not guilty verdict that those 2 years have changed my life forever in many ways including the negative stuff. I always think something really bad is around the corner for me and I can’t praise my family and wife enough for putting up with me because I know all of this has had it’s effect on them too.

Something I find after this ordeal is whenever I hear about a rape case or sexual assault in the news I don’t act like I did before this happened to me instead I think in the back of my mind that maybe someone is facing what I was facing in the knowledge they have done nothing wrong.

I think most people not in our shoes think we should be grateful we were found innocent in the end but the stigma of this will never leave us, those years will never be given back and I know for me personally that I’ll never be the same person I was before this all happened both in a positive and negative way.

I can’t thank the site, mod’s and members of this forum enough because reading about others in the same situation and coming out of it still kicking and innocent gives us hope, it certainly gave me some. I wish I could give more and post more often like I promised myself I would do after everything but it really is emotionally draining.

All of you going through this are in my thoughts, you are not alone going through this.

[edinashed]

I can't imagine that it's a time for elation after the nightmare you have been through. I think it was on here that I read about a not guilty verdict where the judge had said "you can leave this courtroom with your dignity in tact" he had obviously not taken into account the fact that often your sex life and sexual preferences(and pecadilloes in some cases) have been aired and scrutinised in a public forum which must be utterly humiliating.