how do you tell your parents??

[downtrodden]

My husband and I have been charged with sexually touching certain Teens who visited our home as friends. the testimony is flawed, but lets not go there, neiher of us would do anything like that.

My main problem is how do I break the news to my 80 year old parents who are dealing wiht an alcoholic son in the process without killing em??

I am living day to day and coping - just

[Saffron]

Oh, poor you, and your other half. I really feel for you.

With regard to telling your parents, you have 3 options as follows:

1) Don't tell them at all, and hope the judge chucks the case out, or the jury return a "not guilty" verdict.

2) tell another relative (a sibling maybe?) and ask them to break the news.

3) tell them yourself.

Personally, i would recommend that you tell them yourself. It is an incredibly tough thing to do, and you will have to be very brave, but it is better that they know, and that they hear it from the horses mouth.

I was terrified about telling my parents and my inlaws about my husband's charges, and to be honest, it was absolutely ghastly while they digested the information. There were lots of tears, shouting, fainting, and a certain amount of abuse, but it was better that they knew. In fact, the main recrimination was that we hadn't told them sooner. (we had been waiting for him to be charged, and then we just kept hoping someone would see sense and call a halt to it all, but that didn't happen) We felt incredibly guilty that we had kept them in the dark for so long. but in the end I was glad we told them, because my husband ended up serving a jail term for a crime he didn't commit: how the heck would I have explained it to them after the trial? "sorry, but R wont be at home for a while...."

I would suggest you sit them down and very calmly explain what has happened. explain why the prosecution's evidence is flawed, and tell them everything you know about the case. They will probably want to attend the trial to support you, and I can't tell you how important it is that you have lots of people there. The jury will see your friends and family gathered to support you, and it makes an incredibly important positive impression.

Good luck. All I can tell you is that I really do understand the horror and injustice of what is happening to you. feel free to Private Message me if there is anything else I can do.

Saffron

[Survivor]

I told my parents straight away as there was no hiding the fact.

I watched my parents age over the 6 month period and it was not nice they are both mid 60's and my Dad went from looking good to starting to look like an OAP they will carry the belief that their sons character has be soiled in some way by the false allegations.

I didnt tell my 85 year old nan and she is none the wiser, due to the age of your parents I would refrain from telling them.

They will never get over it, providing you and your partner can support each other you shouldnt need their worry and support as well.

Good luck

[Rights Fighter]

Telling the parents/family

This is such a difficult one. I've been involved with appeals where the family were not told as the defendant and partner thought "justice will prevail" and it would be thrown out with nobody any the wiser. What is sad in some of those cases is that family members could have given character evidence at trial but can't do so at appeal. And some felt they had lost out in supporting their brother, father, uncle....etc..... at the most important time.

However, these parents are elderly and if not in good health could be made ill by the shock of it all.

I don't envy you your decision. Regards

RF

PS: I think I've seen you on the PAFAA forum haven't I?

[downtrodden]

Not been on other forums, sorry. we got convicted, had discussed it with my parents beforehand thank goodness and thank you to all who gave their good advice. am still in shock 6 days on and taking life one day at a time. I always believed that truth and justice would prevail, but 4 liars can convict 2 innocents.

[Rights Fighter]

So sorry to read your latest post. As you have been convicted but are still posting are you yet to be sentenced or were you given a non-custodial? You can try to appeal this you know.

[downtrodden]

we will be sentenced next tuesday. i'm still in pieces, tryin to cope and failing miserably. the liars won, truth didn't prevail.

[Saffron]

So sorry

So sorry to hear this terrible news. I will b thinking of you on Tuesday.

[Rights Fighter]

You will try to appeal I hope! If the barrister says there are no grounds that doesn't mean that there are none - it could mean they've stuffed up and don't want to be found negligent. I can advise you about an appeal if that's the way you want to go.

[downtrodden]

yes please... any help gratefully received!! Thanks Rightsfigter.