Please Help me and my Boy - 17

[SoWorried]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, I am very grateful and just wish this nightmare would end, however I will remain strong and positive in front of him, thats my job, I'm very cross at the moment and the the injustice of it all is making me sick to core. I will of course calm down and move on I have absolute faith in my son, the only thing that is keeping me bright is I do believe what goes around comes around. Unfortunately they were some facebook messages that proved she is lying however the stupid boy deleted them as he was at that stage trying to protect her, stupidity, which I am sure is not a crime or most of the new world would be locked up.

I do come and read everyones news and nightmares however Im not brave enough to post, Thank you again, coming on here makes me feel like I'm doing something at least.

RF will email you an update when I get home from work.

[Rights Fighter]

...................................d. Unfortunately they were some facebook messages that proved she is lying however the stupid boy deleted them as he was at that stage trying to protect her, stupidity, which I am sure is not a crime or most of the new world would be locked up.

When you delete Facebook messages they are usually archived, not deleted. Go into the message section

Top left you see Inbox ..... Other....... and More

Click on More and you will see "Archived". They should be there.

[SoWorried]

Thanks RF, we have still not even heard from the Police if and when they want to talk to him. Had a little break through with him yesterday, when I got home from work, he asked to come with me to collect his sister and then we went for food, and sat out in the garden, and he seemed to relax and laugh with us, it was nice to see and I think it may have lifted his mood a little, fingers crossed we may have turned a little corner. Chris Saltrese is on board....

[Rights Fighter]

Great stuff. If you need any help or another chat email me

[tiger mum]

Hi SoWorried - I think this sounds like a corner turned too. The more he sees that him being relaxed and open with you makes you feel better, the more he will do that. I'm sure he feels really bad he's brought all this trouble and worry to the family - just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time and making a poor decision.

I think these FAs are hard for anyone to deal with, but teenagers can't possibly have the maturity to deal with it all - its a tough time for them anyway - without being accused of something as vile as rape.

Is your lad still on social media? My lad excluded himself from it for a while - which was isolating but I think it helped to rely on REAL conversations with people he could rely on. I didn't want to tell him to come off it - but I think it can play with their minds and its influence can be really sinister - it helped him to switch it off.

Your boy must be worried about college - I know you said he was suspended. What happens in September?

I'd rather have a private conversation with you about some advice I can give you regarding social services and the school/college inclusion/exclusion options - we went through all this last year and dealing with the education side was as difficult as the police!

I can't send you a private message yet, let me know if you even thinking about all that and I can give you some pointers.

Keep your chin up, you're doing great x

[Rights Fighter]

Every case is different and across the UK SS agencies have their own ways of dealing with these cases. Some are overbearing and assume all allegations are true and others can be more understanding.

There are a few SS focused support groups and forums out there.

This one seems to be helping a lot of people and certainly they have folk on there are know what they are doing.

http://www.fassit.co.uk/

Give them a try hon.

[SoWorried]

Thank you RF, not sure where we stand with S/S as they called on the phone 3 weeks ago to make an appt, then I've not heard from them since so? I am guessing he will not be able to go back to college as they said he could come back when it was sorted and it's not, 3 weeks no news at all xx TM if you pm me with your email I can reply to you directly xx

[Rights Fighter]

I emailed you after I posted this up hon. Did you get it?

[whatsgoingon?]

I am guessing he will not be able to go back to college as they said he could come back when it was sorted and it's not, 3 weeks no news at all

It's probably worth finding out how he can carry on with his education at distance over the holiday so that he's all set up in case it takes a little while to be sorted. I'd be worth liaising with someone at the college on this point.
You need to anticipate and minimize the damage as much as possible. My son would have accepted that he had 'failed' his degree and left uni completely had we not contacted the Director and the Commercial Director (not sure what the correct titles are) and got him re-instated. He had to do an extra year but he got his degree.

What ever else happens, this mustn't wreck his chances in the future and you'd be amazed how young people can bounce back.

[Rights Fighter]

I think that schools have to offer alternative education so he could have private tuition at home or elsewhere. Look into it.

I have answered your email SW

[SoWorried]

Police have been in touch sadly, and My boy has to attend a voluntary interview on Friday, I have a solicitor that is going to attend, and he has written down exactly what happened, they have already spoken to the other boy and we don't know what was said, but this is a odd thing the Police mentioned that the girl has not reported it and they have spoken to her - again this gets more weird xx

[Rights Fighter]

He has to attend a voluntary interview?!!

If you need some company while you wait at plod shop let me know.

[SoWorried]

Well he attended the interview, and Police indicated at the end of it, that he will have nothing to answer to, that him and other boys statements are the same and girls very different, also that they had message etc in their favour, she had also lied about other things..... What actually astounded me was they had consensual sex, but the lies she made up were like something from a horror film pure evil, why why why why would someone do that, what about people that this really happens to??? They have said they will be in touch in the next 2 weeks. So still waiting but slightly more hopeful.....

Is there anything we can do legally to this person when this is over??? The mental cost is so huge on him, the stress has nearly killed us, but what about her life ? but also the financial cost to me days off travel etc, does she get to just walk away?

Feel so ill today and tired beyond sleep, moving house and terminally ill MIL with only weeks and waiting exam results.... What else could possibly come up

[o my god]

I'm sorry but there is nothing you can unless she admits she lied, having been in court today all of 5mins do not trust anything and I mean anything the cops or cps do or say, do not give them anything that could help him,

[can it get worse]

So pleased for you all that this is not going any further. I understand how you feel - after the speedy NG at my partner's trial, we are still traumatised by the whole experience. Obviously, it is good news for you but it really does take time to get over it.

I am continuously going over things in my mind - examining why our case went so far based upon what was such weak evidence (i.e one person's word - whose lies were so unsubstantiated and not plausible) I feel that I desperately need to take the authorities to task and hate the thought that we have to just accept what has happened and allow police, CPS to continue to take action against people when surely they know it's a pack of lies.

I wish your family all the best and hope your son will fully recover from this experience and can resume hi life which he so deserves.

Best Wishes.