Need some advice :/

[Cookie Monster]

Whatsgoingon? Thank you for your valuable knowledge, I will try to talk to him about getting a specialist solicitor- the link is really useful. It seems such a strange thing for her to come up with- they have always seemed quite close the whole time I've known him and she's always coming in his room to ask for advice. With the character reference thing- it's hard for him to choose someone because he is trying not to tell anyone, he doesn't even want my mum knowing which I've kept my promise and not told her. It's easier talking on here because its completely confidential. Thanks again for the support and advice xx

[tiger mum]

Hi Cookie Monster - I'm not judging you at all. Babies come when it's their time and all they need is love. I had my first 17 years ago at 27 and was labelled a geriatric mum by the ante natal unit! Now many of my friends have 10 year olds in their fifties. There isn't a wrong time to have a baby who is wanted.

I hope you've got some resolution to this situation by sept - but whatever happens your baby is coming and you"ll amaze yourself with how well you can cope - whatever happens. As long as you stay healthy and strong in yourself your all he/she will need. My ex unexpectedly left us when my eldest was 2 and my youngest (the falsely accused) was 2 days old. We have the strongest bond and we are all fine - I'm not saying it might be tough and the roses might not be round the door - but they rarely are. It will be ok - as long as you are xx

[Cookie Monster]

Tiger mum thank you so much, it's really nice to know there are kind and supportive people out there, makes me feel so much better. I'm hoping this is all resolved as soon as possible. My boyfriend has to go back to the police station and court on the 15th April, it's going to come round so quickly. The judge should see that my boyfriend is innocent and hopefully that will be the end of it, well the end of some of it, I know this will effect his whole life and right now I just want to make sure he knows there are people who love him and am trying to make the next 2 weeks as smooth as possible for him. He is doing so well and he will only come out stronger from all of this. Thank you to everyone who has offered their advice xx

[tiger mum]

Hi Cookie Monster - good to hear you so optimistic. The mantra seems to be "prepare for the worst and hope for the best". Although your boyfriend is the victim of a very damaging FA, don't forget that he is not the only one who needs help and support - you need some too. Unfortunately people will find out - but I don't think the papers can comment as the FA is so young. If you need the support of your mum, explain to him that you owe it to her to give her the news yourself. I think the both of you will need all the help you can get - as a mum I'd be hurt to think one of my son's didn't tell me as all I'd want to do is be there for them - just because his mum is compromised by the position she is in it doesn't mean your mum is. Soon he's going to be her grandchild's dad - I'm sure she'd want to help you both.

Saying that though - my son was really worried about his grandparents knowing - he felt he was letting us all down and causing trouble and worry. Obviously I told him that was rubbish as his FA was the one causing the worry - making up these accusations against him. He felt so guilty and wanted to protect me from the worry of it all - but I just told him random s**t happens - he didn't cause this anymore than he caused any of the stuff I worry about as a parent. He was just unlucky.

As he was drunk when the alleged rape was meant to have happened, in the beginning he was thinking - well I must have done it if she can remember and I can't. Maybe your boyfriend's anguish is similar? Like you say - how could anybody be so cruel as to make something like this up? But despite the police believe little girls are all sugar and spice - they often aren't and sometimes these liars convince themselves their **** is true - that's why they are so plausible. As its her word against his your boyfriend's defence needs to bring up all the things which might make the jury doubt her story. Make a big list of them now.

In my son's case no one thought he was capable of what she accused him of and he didn't receive any hostility or negative comments from people he knew, just some **** from people he didn't know who were gossiping. In your case there's the added dimension that his sister is accusing him of something he was meant to have done as an 11 year old - and remembering the circumstances of that 7 years on. IF this goes all the way to trial I can't see how the prosecution are going to prove it to a jury beyond reasonable doubt that what she says happened did - but obviously the CPS have decided to give it a go - but it doesn't mean they have a case. But getting to a Not Guilty outcome is going to have such a toll on all of you.

One bit of advice I've picked up along the way - under no circumstances should your boyfriend consider admitting he did in the interest of a plea-bargain. The consequences of having such a thing on his record is debilitating in terms of his future, as an employee and a parent.

Keep posting - especially if its your only route to info/support. x

[Cookie Monster]

Tiger mum- thank you for the advice, it really does help coming on the forum and seeing that people are trying to offer support and advice. I would tell my mum but I don't want to break the trust me and my boyfriend have together, I know he'd be so hurt if I let her know. He is exactly the same about not wanting his grandparents to find out- he is living with his grandfather at the moment and he hates that they had to find out. He doesn't want anyone judging him. I think the hard part is that the family obviously know him and his sister very well so it's hard for any family member to say anything.
My boyfriend knows he hasn't done the accusation but his sister is addimant that he has, one thing I have found out is that there has been a similar case with two of his other family members a while back and that she could have a mental problem like them. The police say she can't be offered help for that because it could change her story- what a load of rubbish!
I'm hoping his parents back him up 100 percent and ill obviously do what I can aswel to help back him up if I can. We won't give up on this or him.
One point that you did say about me needing support aswel- I know I do, but I feel selfish when my boyfriend is having such a hard time compared to me.
I'll let him know about the interest of plea thing and not to do it

Thanks again tiger mum xx

[tiger mum]

That's okay - you're welcome. I got a lot of support on here when we were in the thick of it so its good to pass it on. What you must do is get some proper legal advice - once the police have a sex offence reported they a) believe it b) find evidence to prove it c) pass THAT evidence to the CPS.

If you have told the police evidence which supports the defence don't assume the police will have passed it to the CPS - they are the crime PROSECUTION service, not interested in justice just conviction targets. The police investigating the allegation against my son looked me in the eye and denied they had been given any evidence pointing to his innocence - but I knew from the kids that had been interviewed what they had said - i.e. she was making it up and showed police facebook evidence. In our case it turned out well as the police didn't even pass the case to the CPS - but they are meant to look for evidence to show the crime did not happen as well as it did - they don't they ignore evidence that doesn't support the crime.

The girl's mother had given the police edited facebook conversations between the girl and my son, obviously I printed off the full version and gave it to his solicitor. Wouldn't you have thought the police would have asked for the full conversation between them? This would have exposed the girl as the little liar she was but that would have been after the trauma of a trial.

So what I'm saying is don't take for granted that anything you tell the police doesn't need passing on to your boyfriend's defence, and make sure you take copies of everything important and make sure the lawyer and the barrister prepare - don't give them your only copies of anything! Some solicitors are brill and some are rubbish - just like any professional really.

[Cookie Monster]

Tiger mum- thank you ill bear that in mind. The justice system seems so corrupt. The innocent are given are harder time than the guilty. I know my boyfriend and his dad are trying to find a solicitor but I'm not sure whether they have or not- I never know whether to ask questions or try to keep his mind of things.
I think it's very wrong that someone's opinion could make or break what will happen, it seems like depending on which judge you get depends on the verdict. I also know that the social worker has a lot to do with what's happened, her report she made a few weeks ago depended on what happened now which wasn't really fair as she was working for his sister and only spoke to my boyfriend once properly.
I can't even imagine what his parents are going through- they must feel split down the middle, but they believe my boyfriend so I'm not really sure how they are coping.
Because his sister has said this happened so long ago there isn't any Facebook messages or anything which makes this so frustrating. The police need to ask someone who has lived in the household and knows how they act with each other.
In a way I feel a bit in denial, I'm trying my best to pretend this isn't happening but the 15th April is drawing further and further and I'm dreading the worst possible outcome which would be my boyfriend in prison- do you think that could happen?

[tiger mum]

Hi Cookie Monster - I have no idea about the possible sentence if your boyfriend is found guilty. I'd have thought that if a solicitor is assigned to the case he/she might know - or maybe someone on here might? Although others might think you're better crossing that bridge if/when you come to it, if that's your greatest fear then you might get some reassurance right now if you are told its not a possibility. I suspect it will be in the hands of the judge and there will be some minimum/maximum guidelines for them to follow.

Only my opinion - but for what its worth - it would seem crazy that IF this is the one and only offence he is accused of and it relates to his actions as a 10 year old, locking him up to punish him or to protect the public 7 years on is bonkers. But I've learnt that the system is bonkers so you're better seeking out proper legal advice.

It must be difficult if you are not directly involved with the process and I understand what you mean about not wanting to bringing it up. Providing support is such a draining process as sometimes you can't do right for wrong and as the closest person to your boyfriend you are probably on the receiving end of his frustration and fear.

Hang on in there and don't forget you have every right to be stressed and need to understand the situation. You are carrying your fair share of the worry regarding the process, and his future is wrapped up in yours.

I was lucky enough to be in a position to pay for some timely legal advice for my son - I used Tim Walker of Sonn Macmillan Walker on 020 7377 8889 www.criminal solicitor.co.uk the firm is based in London but does work nationally, they advertise they do legal aid but I'm not sure how this works. He explained to me that he does act as a duty solicitor and gets called out to police stations etc - but I needed him to travel a long way so maybe that's why I had to pay. I had 2 hours to sort something out before my son was arrested so I didn't ask many questions! I will dig out his client care letter which informs you what happens and how it works and post it on the forum - keep meaning to do this.

[Cookie Monster]

Tiger mum- I see where your coming from and I probably should just wait to see what happens rather than worry about things that may never happen, today I've done quite a lot of thinking and I don't know if I'm getting my hopes up with this but my mums ex husband sexually abused me as a child not to the extent of rape but he admitted to it, there was evidence and he didn't get a jail sentence or anything so I highly doubt in my opinion that they could charge my boyfriend with anything or sentence him to jail without evidence and when he is innocent- that was just a thought but this could be different.
His sister has said he only did things to her when he was 11, therefor I agree with you- she hasn't said he's done anything since so hopefully that will also go to help the situation.
He tried getting a solicitor today but there was no answer- he's going to try again tomorrow and phone them at an earlier time. It's only 2 weeks until he goes to court so he really needs to find one.
I'm really trying to stay positive not only to help myself but also to help my boyfriend- me worrying loads isn't going to make him feel better and with what he's going through the last thing I want to do is make the situation worse.
I have to say though he is coping amazingly- I honestly don't know how him and his parents do it but they are doing so well and I really do look up to them for that, his uncle and grandad who he is living with are supporting him aswel which is so nice to see. It doesn't make the situation any better but it does make it that little bit easier to cope with.
It must have been so hard for you at the time of your sons allegations- I really hope things are settled now. You sound so strong and must have been such a fantastic support for him.
Ill let you know of any progress xx

[Cookie Monster]

Hi all, thought I would update you as I had a lot of support from this site. Today I had an awful phone call from social services. They don't even want my boyfriend at my house (I live with my mum and younger siblings) they are going to do a risk assessment and the worst part is how they feel this is going to affect my unborn child, they are going to do risk assessments and decide what he will be able to do when our baby is born. It seems so unfair, there is no evidence and his sister has lied so many times in the past. Makes me so sad how the system seems so wrong. My boyfriend is the victim seeing him break down is so hard, I'm trying to stay strong and positive but it's getting a lot harder :/ any support is much appreciated, just knowing someone is there to talk to means so much

[is there justice?]

This is the last thing you needed to happen. I haven't been in this situation but I'm sure others have and may be able to offer advice.
Concentrate on your baby bump and keeping healthy. Time, and a good legal team, might sort it out.
It is an awful ordeal for all concerned but hopefully you will get the right verdict x

[Justice4tommymoody]

I am new to this site how do i post about my son

[QUOTE=Cookie Monster;47364]My boyfriends younger sister has falsely accused him of sexual assult and rape. She has said this happened 6-7 years ago. He is 18 now and we have a baby on the way. He was accused in September '13. It is now march and got a lot more serious. He is not allowed to even visit his home where his mum, dad and younger sister who is now 15 live. I never thought it would get this far. In 3 weeks he has to go to court. I would like to know what is likely to happen to him. He is in pieces and I just wish this nightmare would end. Is anything likely to happen with no evidence?

[is there justice?]

Hi and sorry you have had to find us

You can make a new post in this section and/or in the 'introduce yourself' section. There is a small button that says Post New Thread under the main banner in each section.

[Cookie Monster]

Hi everyone, after a bad week I finally have some good news! My boyfriends sister went to the police station yesterday to say she doesn't want anything else to happen, no court or anything. The person she needed to talk to wasn't in but she still managed to tell someone. This must show them that she's lying, hopefully this horrible mess will end soon x

[tiger mum]

Hi Cookie Monster - that is good news. This is what happened with my son and the police decided to take no further action. However - if she has accused him of a serious offence they can decide to prosecute in the interests of the public. It was a month between us hearing gossip my son's accuser had requested the police to drop the case against my son and us having official confirmation this was the situation. Obviously you may get to know more through his parents.

What power these girls wield! What is her explanation?