Incredibly Angry. Need advice.

[Freddyk]

Firstly, thank you for your time and advice.

I was accused of abusing a girls drunken state a few months ago and need support more than anything.

The context:

A couple of terms ago I met a girl in a nightclub, we got along very well. She wasn't drunk at this time and we had a one night stand. She liked me alot, kissing me in the morning and being smitten in general. I enjoyed her company alot, and even walked her back to campus because I am always very respectful and am a kind person in general.

We exchanged numbers and were texting everyday over summer, although I did not see her in person. She was basically messaging me saying how much she liked me.

We met up the first week of term after Summer. She came to mine to listen to music and relax. She stayed the night but we didn't have sex. I found out that she did drugs, namely MDMA. About 5am she wakes up and starts to say that she: "doesn't know where I am and I don't like it." It wad well weird but I told her to relax she was with me and to just go to sleep. At 6am she insisted on leaving which was weird but I said fine ok.

We carried on texting etc and one night she texts me asking to cone round saying that she "promises it'll be fun." I said ok. She came round, we were on my bed, she made the first move,wrapping her legs around me, I started to kiss her neck but she said I was "scaring her." Needless to say I said I didn't want to have sex with her after that I said to her you don't seem that into it. She said "maybe in the morning because I don't know if I only want to have sex because I'm drunk."

That morning she leaves my room, freshens up and jumps on top of me, but I was having wood problens because it had all got pretty weird. She got angry and started saying that "this was my only chance." Instead of proper sex I gave her oral and she left a bit later. A couple of days later I go to her place to watch a film and she said she wanted to be "just friends" but in a very smarmy, patronising tone. At the time I said fine but I decided to cut her off.

She text me the next day in the morning saying: "wake up sleepy." I ignored it. Within a few hours she freaks out and starts saying that I can't cut her out of my life and it really hurts! It was not stop begging. I cracked and replied askinv for a couple of days to think about it. She said ok but that I couldn't just cut her out.

I went to a nightclub that night and she started texting me, saying she missed me all reafy and to come round and **** her. Then I saw her in the club, I avoided her at first but thought that was an immature way to behave, so I went over there to say hi. She didn't say anything, just grabbed this guy and started dancing with him, grinning at me. I decided to leave. I sent her a text saying I didn't want to **** her, or talk to her, or have anything to do with her.

Then she calls me on my phone! I ignored it at first but she called again, I answered and she asked me to come back into town, which I did. I rang a cab to go back to hers and whilst waiting she said that she loved me, which was weird I just ignored it. Then when we were in the cab she grabs my hand and puts it down her knickers. I didn't do anything I mean we werw in someone's taxi for God's sake.

We get back to hers and we talk to her friend for about 45mins, then I go upstairs with her to her room. I asked her if she had condoms, she went downstairs to get sone off of her friend and then she put music on. She didn't engage in any foreplay, I said to her: "will you give me a blowjob?" She said no. Then I said: "will you give me a handjob?" She said no. I went to take the cobdom off to go to sleep because I felt I wasn't going to enjoy the sex. She said "no keep the condom on." Eventually we had sex. We had sex in the morning as well. She staryed saying "why can't we just be friends?" I said: "we're not just friends though are we?" Then she s
Got angry and started saying: "you're probably just a loser who only ****s once a year." I ignored it. I went to leave but then she asks me to stay, she makes me breakfast. I stayed till 13:00 then when I wanted to leave she said: "no stay." But I really had to go.

A couple of days later she starts texting me saying that I took advantage of her and abused her drunken state! And that she didn't remember it. I said: "come on you were drunk but not that drunk you we're telling me you wanted to doggy then missionary and you had sex with me in the morning." She said: "I was still wasted in the morning." I mean come on she was making me breakfast an hour after we had sex in the morning. She said it was bad because we "I knew she wanted to be just friends and we had never had sex before that!" I said what are you talking about we had sex the first night we met. She just said: "we didn't have sex before that."

I was so scared. She stopped talking to me but I pleaded with her saying I wanted to her friend. I'm so angry that I did that but I was terrified. I even said that I loved and really cared I don't know why I was so upset and I felt worthless. I thought: maybe I'm so sick and twisted that I am a rapist and I don't even know it.

She replied to me, came to my house. I started crying I said I would never do that I never would. Then I started shaking. She just kept saying: "why are you shaking" I told her I was cold. Then she said she was angry about what I had done, but I stood my ground I knew that uf I admitted guilt it would be trouble, plus I didn't do anything wrong! When I stood up to her she broke down, started crying, saying that she "would never hurt me again." Was this her admitting it was all a lie?

Anyway, we argued by text afterwards, to cut a long story short we argued, she said it wasn't healthy and that we couldn'tvtalk anymore but to keep things civil. I sent her some snotty texts, but then apologised and told her I wanted absolutely no contact with her. The next day she reported me to the university! It was absolutely humiliating. She has slandered me to her friends as well they all look at me like I'm some kind if creepy guy who takes advantage of girls who are wasted. It's horrible it's like I have to walk around with a sign that says "rapist" around my neck.

Also, we had sex the time before the accusation, she sent me texts saying that she had had a threesome with two guys, and that she has woken up with a guy she didn't know and didn't know where she was three times!

Did I do anything wrong, I am so unsure of myself and my self esteem is utterly crushed. The worst part is when I see her out she keeps staring at me, it's lije she's obsessed. One time she actually turned and faced me, started smiling and dancing whilst looking right at me!! I mean why?!?! Can some please offer some sort of explanation it's driving me insane!!

Apologies for the graphic nature and length of the post. Thank you for any advice you can offer.

[is there justice?]

It's a bit of a mess, isn't it? You know that you didn't have sex without consent and as far as you could tell, this woman was capable of giving consent. You didn't progress anything when she said she didn't want to.
It sounds like she has some problems and you have become embroiled in them.
Not to put you in a panic and just in case this goes any further, make sure you keep all the texts. I believe if you have deleted them you can sometimes get them back from your phone provider. Someone else will advise.
If the Uni hasn't taken it further, it could be that this isn't the first time she has made such complaints.
Learn from this. I just wish sex education in schools covered safe sex as in how to avoid false allegations.
I know this is old fashioned but try meeting women in daylight in the company of others so you get a better idea of if you are suited before jumping into bed with them.
I hope it all blows over.

[Freddyk]

It certainly is and I certainly have! What I would really like to know is the likelihood of her going to the police and given the context, the chances of me being convicted. Nothing has happened for the past four months so I'm hoping it will blow over. Another person has said to me that she's known for being a psycho, having mood swings and temper tantrums.

A couple of weeks after the FA I saw her out, drunk, throwing herself at random guys on the street. She's lazy and unmotivated at uni. I'm worried that if anything doesn't go her way, such as grades, or if some guy screws her over, she might decide to come after me, given her vindictive nature.

[Casehardened]

It certainly is and I certainly have! What I would really like to know is the likelihood of her going to the police and given the context, the chances of me being convicted. Nothing has happened for the past four months so I'm hoping it will blow over.

Unfortunately time seems to be no constraint in sexual offence cases unlike any other crimes the police investigate. However the elephant in the room will be why she did not initiate a complaint immediately and while the police will have to accept her excuses for this, should it get to trial, a jury do not.

My advice is to keep your head down, try to avoid meeting her and certainly don't parade any other girlfriends in front of her!

[Freddyk]

My advice is to keep your head down, try to avoid meeting her and certainly don't parade any other girlfriends in front of her!

Thank you. This is what I have done. There was a minor incident where a couple of my friends confronted her, she reported them to the university. I told them not to do it again as she is scary, and in my opinion, dangerous. Funnily enough however, she tried flirting with one of them a few weeks ago, but he said he had no desire to talk to her. I'm hoping that she is just immature and doesn't realise the seriousness of what she has done. In which case, I'm pretty sure I'm home free.

I honestly think that when she FA'd me she thought I'd just apologise and we would carry on as before. When I freaked out she obviously decided to get rid of me. It would be funny if it wasn't so terrifying. I've learnt alot though and I am sure that I will never find myself in this situation again.