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**sooty** · 11 March 2014, 11:46 PM

Proof

Well. If you both have nothing to hide then the CPS would have to provide proof in a Court that you do.
If you do have something to hide then the duration of your torment could be lessened by coming clean if there is a case to answer.
My comments of course are not what you really want to be reading but you and your husband will be acutely aware of the facts and the possible fiction.
You are on the receiving end of some allegations and it is for you and your husband to either refute them or to face the music sooner or later.

**RFLH** · 12 March 2014, 12:09 AM

Sooty - your reply is unhelpful in the extreme. Unless you have something that is - I suggest you just post on your own thread and stop frightening people who have come here for help.

**tigertiger** · 12 March 2014, 12:10 AM

Hi ScaredCouple

Please ignore the first trolling comment. Sooty this is a forum for falsly accused please take your comments elsewhere.

ScaredCouple I wish like you someone could just say its all going to be OK but waiting in limbo on bail for an answer is torture isnt it. If only we could hibernate or fast forward to the bail dates hey, You will find many here in the same boat. Doubly sorry that you have to live without your children now too

There will be an end to this keep strong especially to get your family back.

Have either of you spoken to a councillor or seen a GP to help your way through there is no shame in this.

Do you have a specialist solicitor on stand by should you be charged?

**ScaredCouple** · 12 March 2014, 12:23 AM

Sad and hurt

Sooty I'm not sure what to say. I am sad and hurt by your post. We have been defending ourselves against these allegations for almost 6 months. My husband and I have nothing to hide, like I said in my first post we haven't done anything. The FAs statement is all fiction and to us seems to be part of a vendetta against us because I refused to take parenting advise from the FA (a 19 year old that doesn't have any children!) and she has always thought that she knows better than me. We have lost everything because of this and we are looking for support just like most others on here. Sorry if I have taken your post wrong and I think I understand what you are saying but I did say that we haven't done anything.

**ScaredCouple** · 12 March 2014, 12:36 AM

Thank you tiger tiger and rflh for the support. It is torture, the last 6 months have been a bit of a blur but every morning I wake up and feel like I have been stabbed when I realise that this nightmare is real. Fast forwarding a couple of weeks would be lovely but in other ways I am dreading it and I don't want it to come at all.
I am seeing my GP and am on anti-depressants. I am trying to stay strong for my family but after speaking to my 4 year old today I have completely fallen apart, she is convinced if I just tell the police that I want her back she can move back with me. Every time she says that I have to break her heart and tell her it can't happen. I wish it was as easy as she thinks it is because I would without a second thought.
My husband has been looking through all of the specialist solicitors and I think he has chosen one but hasn't spoken to anyone.

**RFLH** · 12 March 2014, 01:00 AM

you'll find that there are others in the same position as you on here and hopefully they will see your post and give you support too.

There is a sticky thread listing solicitors that others have used and found them to be very good.

You must keep strong and fight this whilst looking after yourselves. Try to get out each day if only for a short time and use your GP when you feel you need a little extra help.

Please ignore posters like Sooty - fortunately they are few and far between. Each person who joins this forum is presumed to be innocent and are treated as such.

**tigertiger** · 12 March 2014, 01:05 AM

Sadly this all too common, a few lies can turn lives upside down. I'm with you there trying to count down to the day you dont actually want to appear.
I'm glad you have spoken to the GP hopefully this has taken the edge of a little.

Bless her, try and use that hurt into determination to fighting this and getting your life back on track. The bail dates being extended are very common here, try see it more as a possitive that they dont have enough evidence evidence to charge.

Hes on the right track then, others will be on later who can offer advice on to the family situation as to how they got back on track and handle SS etc while in this process.

**edinguy** · 12 March 2014, 09:26 AM

What unnecessary comments from Sooty, does no one on this forum any good. Please think before posting.

As for ScaredCouple please stay strong, these acusations are horrible but after the initial shock you will get some anger and try to channel that into your determination to prove this alegation is nothing more than a vile lie.

It will be hard but you will find superb support on these forums and already some posters have gave you excellent info regarding what you are facing.

Take care and keep us updated.

**ScaredCouple** · 12 March 2014, 10:59 AM

RFLH, I very rarely leave my house as one if the conditions of my bail is no unsupervised contact with children under 16 and supervision has to be by my parents. We are part of a close community and all of my neighbours and friends have children under 16. Only 2 people where I live know the real reason we were arrested and that was only because they arrested us at 6am and my children were here so I asked one neighbour to come and sit with them until my mum got here. The other only found out 2 weeks ago as I finally found the strength to tell her. They are both very supportive but everyone around here knows we were arrested and our children don't live here anymore. To make it worse our little nephew lives a few doors away and we saw him a lot but my husbands brother doesn't want to tell our nephews mum which means we can't see him as the mother must know the bail conditions etc according to ss. It's all a massive mess really. I am determined and I will fight this for my children's sake. They don't deserve this and I don't think the FA realised the damage she would do to them.
I found this site when the bail dates were changed. As far as we know the case has gone to the cps and the extension was because of a 6 week wait for the cps. We were told this by our social worker. Ss have already told me that should I not be charged I am allowed to move in with my parents and the children, there will be an assessment but as there is no care order against the children stopping me I can take them anywhere to live with me. That is all good it's just the waiting to hear what the police are doing that's killing me now. My husband is not talking to me only to insult me and indirectly blame me by reminding me it's my cousin. If I could divorce my cousin I would as she is no longer part of my family. Even my nan has disowned my aunt and cousin for this. Sorry babbling again. Thanks for the advice you are all fantastic.

**whatsgoingon?** · 12 March 2014, 11:26 AM

Hi Scared cople - I'm so sorry you find yourself in this predicament. A couple of really positive things you can be doing while your waiting to hear is to look for a really good specialised solicitor who has tried and tested experience in historic allegations. There is a thread for this 'Specialised solicitors' under General information.

Next -write down any motives the girl might have - jealousy? Then anything you can think of to show that her allegations are fictitious.

As far as you and your hubby go, it's bound to cause friction. Even when one person is being falsely accused and others in the family circle are supporting them it can be a very touchy subject. It would be good if you could agree to work together on this so that you provide a united front. A counsellor maybe to help you both get on a bit better. If you don't know of any your GP might be able to help or an organisation such as 'Relate'

http://www.relate.org.uk/

Speaking to someone trained would also help you to get things into perspective as far as other members of your family and your close environment go and help you focus on the most important issues.

Stay strong, try and relax in whatever way possible, even if it's staying in and watching a funny film or having a luxurious bath or shower - water has incredible powers to sooth.

Take care

**is there justice?** · 12 March 2014, 12:16 PM

Oh ScaredCouple, how absolutely devastating for you both and your children and families.

There are some very wicked people in this world and your FA is one of them.

There is so much support and excellent advice on here and you can come on to here as much as you need to. In particular there are a number of people who have young children and will have some good insight into social services etc.

You have your wonderful children to keep you both going and fighting. Think of the day you will all be reunited. I can't imagine anything harder to cope with but your family are what will make you strong.

An excellent, experienced legal team is vital! There are lots of other snippets you can pick up on here like keeping an eye on her Facebook etc.

**frightened spouse** · 12 March 2014, 06:31 PM

HI scared couple

Your situation has many parallels with mine and my hubby's current plight, although it's my daughter that's told the vicious lies , but on many occasions my husband has blamed me, so I can empathise.

The waiting is awful and if you are charged it feels as if you've taken another huge dip, then a lot more waiting until you get the paperwork through, but it does get better I promise you. Our trial is a few months away and I no longer feel afraid, just angry and exasperated at the way things are handled by the police and CPS.

If you haven't already started to write down a timeline of events ie. your relationship with this cousin over the years/ motives for telling such appalling lies, I would recommend doing so as it will give you a sense of more control and will help you greatly if you are unfortunately charged.

I'm afraid I haven't posted much over the last few months as I often feel exhausted but if you wanted to get in touch I would be happy to talk to you. I also have experience of the nightmare SS intervention they just follow the police like nodding dogs often with very little or no knowledge of the so called "evidence" against you.

Best wishes

FS

**Dave** · 12 March 2014, 08:24 PM

I cannot add much to this but just to say IGNORE sooty, who is just another typically sad internet troll.

Try to put it all into perspective and note everything that the FA has previously accused you of, you speak of a disagreement, this is your starting point. Stay strong together, your partner is having a bad time of it whether he will admit it or not, it wont be easy but try your best not to blame him (and hopefully he will do the same), the feeling of being pushed away is common, some of us blokes just arent very good at dealing with stuff.

I wish you all the very best.

**myhome** · 12 March 2014, 10:26 PM

hhi and welcome to the forum but so sad and sorry to read what you are going through. You have been given great advice by everyone so far except Sooty

please ignore his/her comments as this is a support forum not a "put up or shut up" forum.....

You are on a very rocky rollercoaster of emotions and the swings from very highs to very lows is almost unbearable. It is something we have all experienced or are experiencing and professional support for you both is essential. Please have a look at this thread...

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

there are several recommended solicitors there and also those to avoid. It cannot be emphasised enough how important it is to get a legal team which specialises in historical allegations.....

You are not alone on here and we can help all we can as long as you keep posting and asking questions....if it helps, I too am a woman accused of historical allegations........keep strong....MH

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