16 yo falsely accused

[anothermum]

My son has been falsely accused of rape. He is 16 (year 11) and the girl in the year below so is underage. He admits having sex but says it was consensual - in fact she approached him and supplied him with the condom. Thoughtless I'll accept but not a rapist!

He has been arrested and interviewed and is on police bail for 8 weeks.

He was in custody for 12 hours, had an adult present and a duty solicitor. He agreed to them examining him and taking samples. He found the whole thing really distressing

I have a few questons that I'm hoping you can help me with

1. Is it ever likely the police would vary the conditions of bail - he has a curfew between 8pm and 7am - His father does not know about this (we're divorced) and he doesn't want to tell him - what do I do if he wants to have him overnight at Easter - he's not living locally? Also getting away from here for a few days would be good!
2. the police have siezed is mobile phone - can I ask for it back because a) it worries me when I can't contact him, b) there may be evidence on it in his defense
3. Is the fact that she is underage likely to effect whether they charge him because she's below the age of consent and he isn't?

I've heard nothing more and its been a week - should I contact the police directly for an update or go through the duty solicitor (I realise that he doesn't get legal aid if he hasn't been charged though)

I'm so worried, his GCSEs are approaching, he doesn't want to go to school and he's really depressed ( as am I). I've read some of the other posts and realise that it is highly unlikely they would prosecute her for WPT although it seems that she may have done this before with another lad (not sure whether she actually went to the police though or just threatened to)

Please help

[tiger mum]

sorry sorry to hear of another mum in this hell

Hi - sorry to hear you are at the start of the nightmare which is dealing with a false accusation. We have an No Further Action conclusion to our trauma - my lad was similarly accused last November at 14 - but I can totally relate to what you are going through with your son.

Re bail - we managed to avoid arrest however so bail conditions weren't imposed on my lad, however the police could have arrested him at any time so we did consider the impact this would have. My solicitor explained that a family trip skiing was very likely to have been allowed by the police if bail conditions had been imposed - therefore I can only assume they will allow him contact with his dad. I'm sure bail exists to prevent reoffending and protect the "victim" so him being away with another parent I suspect would be deemed a good thing.

Re his dad finding out - I attended the station with him and he didn't want to talk to his dad about it at all. Even now 3 months on they haven't discussed the night (when he was in his dad's care - or meant to be). I know every situation is different, but I felt compelled to let his dad know, I told him face to face and explained what my son had said to me about his fear of his reaction. To be fair my lad had read the situation spot on and I left that meeting fuming - when his dad had calmed down and considered things logically he still was unable to provide support - but he does love his son - he's just not very practical in the way he shows it. What I couldn't risk is someone else telling his dad - the FA had a massive impact on all of us - including his brother - it wasn't feasible to keep it a secret - even though I have a very low opinion of his dad, he is his dad. I'd tell him but protect your lad from the fall out - if it would do him good to get away at Easter give his dad the opportunity to step up and do the right thing and support him.

I managed to avoid giving the police my lad's phone as the two times we met I made sure I didn't have it with me and although they said they might seize it his solicitor and I intended to give the police his face book log in as that's where the conversations were held. From what people say on here I wouldn't expect the phone to be returned anytime soon. If there are texts and calls make a log from memory so your defence know what to look for when they get their hands on it. The advice on here is to copy all defence worthy material before the police grab the electronic items. You can log on to other social media through computers - we pulled together many texts/messages/twitter feeds to and from the girl and my lad and the girl and her friends/social group. All incriminating her and demonstrating my lad's innocence - it might be ages before you need this but by the time you do it will be forgotten/lost if you don't act now.

I'd get him a cheap 'pay as you go' phone - it will give you peace of mind that you can stay in touch and he won't feel as isolated. However my lad totally switched off for about a month. Didn't contact friends, stayed off school - he still won't go "out" to parties etc. His social confidence has really shrunk - but who blames him when this happens?

With the Xmas holidays my lad missed 7 weeks of school. I bought him all the revision guides and he studied a couple of hours a day - they are really useful with tests in the back. My lad's grades went up! By now they should have covered most of the syllabus and be revising anyway - tell him he MUST maintain his grades - if he fails she has won.

Keep posting on here - when you are a full member we can communicate privately. It is a complete nightmare which will put a fog of worry on everything. But keep strong for your lad - my boy still randomly says "thanks mum" - he doesn't need to say what for as I really don't know what he would have done without constant support, un-waivering belief he was telling the truth and someone who understood his despair. The outcome of it all - he's gone back to being very reliant on me and my partner and more distant from his dad - he and his brother seem a lot closer though. You will both be okay - you've just got to believe/hope. S**t happens - sometimes it gets you full on - he didn't do anything that other teenagers aren't doing - he was unlucky and was chosen by one of these crazy girls who think this is all good fun to make these accusations. Check her facebook posts straight after the alleged rape happened - my lad's FA's were priceless - NOT in line with a rape victim at all - its unlikely she is very clever.

[tigertiger]

Hi sorry your now having to go through this ordeal.

You could ask the Officer in charge if its possible that curfew could be removed (dont speak to them about anything else) or speak to a solicitor to get it changed but that may mean it needs to be changed by a judge. A curfew like that is very unfair but not uncommon.

You cannot get his phone back while the case is on going. They may conduct forensic tests on it and keep it for several months. You will get a chance for access to it should the case go further or if they find nothing on it and they may give it you back.

The underage side is not likely to be cause for alarm it is the rape allegation which is the most worrying. Yes its technically underage but with them both being just months apart in age I would say its not likely to be in the public interest to prosecute over that alone.

The next thing for you to do now is find a specialist solicitor and have him on stand by ready to take the case on should there be a charge.

The process: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Specialist solicitors: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

[anothermum]

Wow, thanks for the quick response.

My son's Dad sounds much like yours, Tigermum. I'm not sure it's just about his Dad but the extended family who are quite narrow-minded and judgemental. He got in some trouble (not serious) when he was 14 (he has ADHD and some mild autistic traits) and they refused to let him have any contact with the family for ages.

I'm hoping he'll talk to his sister though who is away at Uni at the moment.

I'll get a PAYG phone although he's only communicating with a few of his friends at the moment and sticking to the curfew. The last thing I want is for him to get into trouble for breaking the curfew when he is innocent of the accusations!

The school are being fairly helpful and sympathetic - he went in yesterday but I couldn't get him to go today - he feels everyone is judging him - only a few more weeks until study leave and GCSEs.

He's already had so many problems with school, ADHD and anxiety attacks - He was just getting on track and now this.

He wouldn't thank me for saying so but, in a lot of ways, he's quite naive and vulnerable - I feel he is the real victim in this

[tiger mum]

They're just kids - they are all naïve and vulnerable. I'm pleased your school is supportive, I suspect my son's FA's parents were unhappy when my son returned. We had tried to move schools to give him a fresh start - but the upheaval and trying to establish himself without friends was too much - her parents didn't want him back at the school she was at - luckily I'd asked school to consider our position if they tried to have him excluded so they were given short shrift. After causing such distress she withdrew her allegation anyway!

Its such a difficult age to navigate without these stupid girls making things up. Although I thought everyone would be judging him - ironically its her that has been judged and his friend group has stayed loyal and close knit. Prior to this he hadn't been in trouble - so I can imagine if your lad has struggled you'll worry the mud will stick.

The problem is "innocent until proven guilty" doesn't seem to apply - not all girls tell the truth and not all boys are capable of rape! The approach of the police is so sexist - even if there is consenting sex between minors they blame the boy. I'm not saying rape victims shouldn't be given support - but they shouldn't be treating boys like adult sex offenders - it needs to be more fair handed and someone's 'word' is not evidence. Good luck with it - I know you won't rest until its over so its no good saying "it will be okay" - you need the police to confirm they won't take it any further and nothing else will do. You've probably got a few months to wait for that.

[anothermum]

My son is back at school now, albeit in their unit for kids that find mainstream school hard. It was his choice, not theirs to go in there. He seems fairly calm about the situation, considering - as far as he's concerned he's not guilty, she's lying, he's telling the truth and it will all be resolved. He's keeping to the curfew as well although he's been pretty close to 8pm a couple of times and he's still pretty angry about the whole thing.

I wish I shared his confidence - I feel unimaginably stressed, I can't sleep and I'm having bad nightmares. I work full time in a responsible job and, although work takes my mind off it, I am getting really tired and finding concentration hard

The duty solicitor firm haven't returned any of my calls so I'm still in the dark on how they assess the situation. I know there's no legal aid as he hasn't been charged but I'll need a solicitor if he is and they aren't inspiring me much! Are the police likely to tell me anything if I contact them? I'm not aware that anyone has been interiewed about this case apart from the girl, my son and a female witness (I'm not sure what she witnessed but he seems fairly confident that she'll tell the truth). He's not too forthcoming with details but I don't want to push him as he seems to be coping well. There doesn't seem to be much investigating going on - is this good or bad? Is it worth paying for a solicitor to help find out what's going on or is there nothing I can do but wait?

[myhome]

I feel unimaginably stressed, I can't sleep and I'm having bad nightmares. I work full time in a responsible job and, although work takes my mind off it, I am getting really tired and finding concentration hard

Have you got anyone supporting you? often when the focus is on the central person, the ones doing the supporting are a bit on the sideline... you may find your GP very supportive and understanding and s/he can refer you on to a trained counsellor...

The duty solicitor firm haven't returned any of my calls so I'm still in the dark on how they assess the situation. I know there's no legal aid as he hasn't been charged but I'll need a solicitor if he is and they aren't inspiring me much!

solicitors can't generally do anything unless your son is charged. You don't have to stay with the duty solicitor if this happens. So you could start researching solicitors in your area now - it's so very important to get a recommended one - look at the specialist sols thread TT has highlighted for you. With regard to assessing the situation - because an allegation has been made, the police have to investigate - which they will do with varying degrees of thoroughness. this can include interviewing witnesses; examining your son's electronic devices; looking on social media sites etc. They probably won't tell the duty solicitor what they are doing.

Are the police likely to tell me anything if I contact them?

They could - or they may not. It depends on the individual officer. If you do decide to talk to them, don't offer them any further information.

He's not too forthcoming with details but I don't want to push him as he seems to be coping well.

Everyone has their own way of coping/dealing with this extremely stressful situation. Perhaps you can just let him know that you are there for him whenever he wants to talk.

There doesn't seem to be much investigating going on - is this good or bad? Is it worth paying for a solicitor to help find out what's going on or is there nothing I can do but wait?

It's sometimes not possible to know what is or isn't going on and impossible to second guess the significance of this either way. Every investigation team is different as is every case so it's very difficult to draw comparisons. Many solicitor firms will give a free initial half hour consultation, so you could find a good criminal defence firm in your town and use one of those sessions to ask their advice. Generally this is a waiting game of varying lengths. I know of someone who got "No Crime" in 5 days; I've been waiting 16 months and only heard anything yesterday; others have been longer than that.....

I'm really sorry I cannot reassure you any more than this, or give you the answers you so desperately want to hear. This is a truly awful time for you all but you will get so much support on here......

[anothermum]

Spoke too soon about my son coping - he's refusing to go to school tomorrow. I said that he was letting this girl destroy his life but he just told me to go away. His teachers are hassling me by email to get him to finish GCSE coursework (the individual teachers don't know the situation) or he'll fail his exam.

I've been fighting for years to get his conditions recognised and to keep him in school - I was so close to getting him to his GCSE's and now it is all destroyed.

[o my god]

See how your son feels in the morning, try explaining that sat at home will not help him coz all he will do is sit there and fink about it.

[is there justice?]

Poor lad, my own husband can't cope very well and he is in his 50s so how on earth can a youngster make sense of it all when they've barely been touched by life.

He may feel better in the morning. If not, can school send him some work to be getting on with so he doesn't fall too far behind or could you possibly afford a few sessions with a private tutor who can help him finish his coursework?

[edinguy]

There was nothing more I wanted to do than sit in the house alone when all of this was going on but family and friends made me keep up a normal existance for the two years and tbh I think that got me through it.

The only days off were for the weeks trial and a preliminary hearing.

It will be hard for your son but sitting alone with your thoughts is doing no good to anyone, the hard part is getting the lad to realise this though.

I hope he pulls through.

[tiger mum]

Hi - my heart goes out to you as this is what my son also did for a few weeks but then he pulled through it - its an awful knock for them to take. However my lad didn't have the bail conditions imposed - but he didn't attend school for 7 weeks - it was just too much for him.

What helped my lad is one really close friend who came over to our house and hung out/stopped over throughout the first few weeks - he was a little star. We also did more as a family - he went to work with my partner or I worked from home - and we went out with my other son (16) and his girlfriend - who were all really supportive of him. I did have a really scary few weeks when he was angry and dismissive about his education and his future - I didn't argue with him - just crossed my fingers he would bounce back and he has.

Does he have any friends who could come over? He's so isolated and you are bearing the brunt of this. Could you or his sister help him with his course work? I'd be tempted to sit and do it with him - its probably motivation he is lacking rather than ability. Its such a shame if you have had to battle to get him this far.

I went to see the police yesterday and even now its over didn't get any information I didn't already know - you've just got to hope their investigation doesn't turn up any evidence against him. I was shocked to hear that the girl's version of events - her word that penetration happened and she had told him she didn't want it to - is seen as evidence which could have led to a charge. Without any witnesses or DNA a similar charge was progressed by the CPS just recently - resulting in a NOT GUILTY - but what a trauma. IF it had gone to trial it would have been a complete nightmare for her as there were so many things she did to contradict this version of events she told the police.

The police said they could sympathise with the impact this has had on my son, but they just blamed the system and the fact a phone call is logged as a sex crime without any qualification - then the system kicks in and the nightmare commences. Although they could confirm that even though the girl decided the trauma of going to court was too much for her (!) they wouldn't have pressed charges - and they didn't know what we know about her behaviour before and after the alleged rape happened. If it is her word against your son's word that the sex was consenting, then it would seem it depends on her ability to convince others what she says happened was true.

I know just what its like with a teenage son - you can only do so much to persuade and cajole. He must be in a very dark place.

Keep posting x

[tiger mum]

Hi another mum - re you comments about finding out what's going on.

We employed a specialist (Tim Walker - details on thread) to attend interview with my son - I'm really pleased we did this as he avoided arrest by offering DNA. Between the police interview and the NFA Tim rang the police about 5 times to chase the OIC for information. She didn't always respond but we were able to track what was happening - but to be fair we learnt more from the kids at school who were being interviewed as witnesses. Tim works in London mainly and explained that the police here gave him a lot more information than the Met would. I didn't feel very patient or polite with the whole process, I think he was more successful than I would have been with the updates.

Looking back I realise how much this took over all my waking thoughts, I think its important that your son sees you as an ally rather being against him. I was the only one my lad felt safe talking to about it all, I'm sure your son feels the same, wanting to put his head in the sand and wish it all away but not being able to think of anything else. Before this my son hadn't had any real challenges in life but it made him consider suicide - they just can't see a way out.

Now we are out the other end I ask if we were all over reacting, should we have been more confident that NFA was coming? Not when I hear the police say its a bit of a lottery and they were surprised the local CPS progressed to trial with a very similar case just recently. I felt better by knowing IF they charged him I had a good defence team and I had lots of information to fight his corner - I even looked at a loan against my house to pay for it all. Getting prepared for the worst but hoping for the best made it more bearable for us.

[anothermum]

The solicitor called yesterday and said he'd arrange to come and see us. He's going to see if we can vary the bail terms - it's not so bad now but, even if he doesn't stay with his dad, it would be great to take some time off and get away from the area for a break.

I want to try and encourage him to confide in his dad who's clearly worried about getting emails from the school about his GCSE progress but doesn't know the reason behind it. He just thinks he's being lazy. I don't know whether to contact him but don't want to betray my son's trust in me

We're going into the school on Monday morning with student support and the head of year to talk about what to do between now and GCSE's. He has a mock exam on Monday as well and says he'll stay after the meeting to do this.

He does have some good supportive friends - they've gone bowling and to the cinema together early so he can be back in time.

[anothermum]

All the course work has to be done in School apparently so I can't help with it