Confused and left alone - How can I help him from abroad?

[thisisinsane]

Sometimes I wonder ...do I only encourage hjm to keep going because im living an illusion or is there a real chance.
Today is really bad and I feel like giving up and letting him go. I feel selfish when I tell him he can't kill himself because I need him. Im feeling so low today. I wish he hadn't saved my life years ago then we wouldn't have to go through all this.
Its gonna be on the news everywhere .. papers tv Internet .. my god how could I be so blind and not realise that till now? ???

[edinguy]

Sometimes I wonder ...do I only encourage hjm to keep going because im living an illusion or is there a real chance.
Today is really bad and I feel like giving up and letting him go. I feel selfish when I tell him he can't kill himself because I need him. Im feeling so low today. I wish he hadn't saved my life years ago then we wouldn't have to go through all this.
Its gonna be on the news everywhere .. papers tv Internet .. my god how could I be so blind and not realise that till now? ???

I had the same fears with my trial/charge with regards to my name being all over the media but nothing actually came out but maybe I was just one of the lucky ones (I certainly never felt like it!).

Yes the thoughts of just ending it are obviously a common thought in cases such as this and I myself had some very low moments but my family kept me going and I'm glad they did as I proved my innocence in a court of law and here I am today!

Stay strong.

[thisisinsane]

This is a daughter making accusations ...itd gonna be all over tge news everywhere every funking papet and tv chanel wi have it I their news ..... hes finished sometimes I think it would be the best for him to die peacefully. Guess am having a breakdown

[RFLH]

not very case is reported. If he's high profile or its a particularly 'juicy' case for the red tops they may make the effort. If its the local rag then it'll be in one day and the next it'll be chip paper. To be honest there are so many cases now that people are getting bored reading them - unless its a high profile person.

I think you may have to step back a little from this if you can - if you start panicking and flapping it'll have a knock on effect. You are being a brilliant friend - but this man has to do some of the leg work to help himself - or at the very least his wife should be helping - I presume they're still together?

He can always change GP's - there's nothing to say he has to stick with the one he has - all he has to do is walk into a surgery and ask to join their practice - it doesn't cost anything.

[frightened spouse]

Hi jusy wanted to reassure you that it's unlikely to get media coverage as it's within the family and therefore if he is identified then the "victim" could be identified, at least that's the case with all the family cases I've heard about.

[thisisinsane]

I cant step back I am the only person he has right now. Everybody is afraid the girl might turn on them as well if they help him. His wife isnt allowed to contact him and neither is he.

Im starting to feel slightly better now gonna go sleep and hope everything's ok when i wake up. Will look at other gps in his town later. Thanks for the advice i didnt know that.

[thisisinsane]

Thank you frightened spouse! !! I really hope so

[myhome]

Hi -this is a really rough journey for everyone involved - and maybe more so for the supporters as they often don't get the support they need too...You need support too - you can't do it on your own
RFLH is right - everyone is getting fed up with hearing about allegations. At my work and my sister's, they're running a virtual sweepstake about which celeb is going to be named next...
if your friend does commit suicide everyone will say, "Oh he was guilty then and couldn't live with it." and he'll never ever get the chance to prove his innocence. It is a devastating legacy to leave for his family

[thisisinsane]

Ok one week ago i though of course I can do it on my own and that all i have to do is keep my emotions out of it but ... it doesnt work. I had my first breakdown last weekend and my relationship is going to **** as well so right now im in a very bad state though i have no one to show it to. The only friend i have who knows about it doesn't understand and i can't talk to my family basically. .. everything sucks and we're only at the beginning of this ordeal. Im trying to keep a brave face for my friend but inside me everything feels empty. Im just about to lose everything that mattered to me. And i can't even take a break cause without talking to me he would go crazy and end up .. well who knows what. Im tired

Sorry for me complaining all the time i just feel this is the only place I can be myself

[myhome]

Hi - really sorry to read about how this has affected you but I am not surprised - it is an awful thing to be going through both for the person concerned and the people who are supporting them, especially if you have no-one to turn to. Have you sought medical support? Also - come on here more often and read and post on other people's threads - you will get a much greater sense of belonging and also we can support you much more......

[thisisinsane]

Im online here every day reading other threads. I have thought about seeing my GP but to be honest all they can do is prescribe antidepressants and tell me to seek therapy which I neither have time nor money for - not covered by insurance here unless its a severe case like attempted suicide. As soon as i show the slightest sign of weakness and that I'm not well because all this is affecting me really bad, he wants me to stop spending time with him and starts apologising for ruining my life ...wtf.
Shouldn't he be the one to understand how difficult this is and that some days i need his emotional support?

[myhome]

Shouldn't he be the one to understand how difficult this is and that some days i need his emotional support?

Hon - don't be hard on him. The emotions stresses and strains you are both going through are different to each other's. He could possibly be thinking that you've no idea how he feels cos you're not going through it and facing a possible custodial sentence. It could be that he feels really bad that you are going through this trauma and it's all his fault. It could be that he is so traumatised and upset himself that the only way he can deal with the how you are feeling is to suggest that you remove yourself from the situation. He possibly does understand how difficult it is but that he doesn't know how to give you the emotional support you need.

I hope I am not sounding harsh - I certainly don't mean to be. I'm just trying to show different thoughts that he could be experiencing or how he could be reacting. have you got other people you can turn to for support for you? Do you have The Samaritans in your country?

http://www.samaritans.org/

Keep strong and keep posting and we will help you...

[thisisinsane]

Thank you mh for all the support. There is something similar but i never get through whem i call so i alreadx gave that up. Im feeling ik now its the relationship issue bugging me most

[myhome]

There is something similar {[The Samaritans] but i never get through whem i call so i alreadx gave that up.most

it could be that you've tried calling them at their busiest times - usually after bedtime or the wee small hours when the gremlins are at their most active and people need support.
You could try calling during the day or early evening when they're not as busy - even if you're not in crisis at that time they will still talk to you and you will be able to explain to them the emotions you are going through and you won't be as emotional as when you call if you are really upset....

[thisisinsane]

Hey everyone, i heard it is common that after the date police gives you as the day they will tell you whether they will charge or not, you usually stay on the same bail conditions as before. My friend is worried he will be kept in remand. When would that be the case? His family keeps making him believe he will be kept in remand...
Sorry for putting things in such a complicated way, don't know how all that is called