Advice please

[rjames86]

In october 2013 i was arrested at my home address and i was detained on rape, i was kept in custody for around 6 hours and released pending further investigation, during my detention i was interviewed, before that i consulted with a solicitor who's advice was to say nothing and i will be released, at that time i was telling my solicitor i would like to just tell the truth as i have done nothing wrong and wanted to give evidence but he strongly disagreed. So going with his advice i said nothing and was released, he also said he has looked at evidence and there is nothing but the female version.

During interview she claims there was sex taken place while she was sleeping and woken up to this happening. It happened on Friday/Saturday early hours and was reported on Sunday. She claims she didn't consent to this.

My version is that i was out with my friend for night out, we got drunk and met a girl outside of nightclub who had lost her friends and phone. she came back to drink with us, where we all had a lot to drink and took cocaine.After a while Another female friend came up to mine, during this time my friend met her at taxi downstairs of my flat and said to her " thank god you to here as there having sex on couch" i heard my friend come in and me and the girl went to bedroom and continued. The following morning she got up, me and my male friend and female friend are all present in the living room where she joined us, she got up used my computer as she had lost her fone to fb someone, i offered her food etc and drink she was fine. I also had to give her money to get home. My friend the girl who was there offered to walk her to the train station however she wanted me to walk her. So after some time i walked her to train station, but on way i dropped money and had to run back to my place to get it, about 5mins away, she waited on me coming back and walked rest away to train station, she had lost her phone so she gave me her email address to keep in touch, i thought nothing of this and went back home. So to my shock when the police around 8 of them come to my door and i was in total shock. So i was arrested.

I am falsely accused, i have no history of this,the police interviewed my friends too who i have spoke to and gave the same statement of above and couldn't believe the girl has done this, we tried to go threw our heads together why she would do this, and thought perhaps she had boyfriend, or because she lost her keys and phone and made up some story to her parents and was forced to the police station,

i don't get why in her mind if this did happen she stay the rest of the night, why she would want me to walk her to train station, why when i lost my money and run back for it she didn't just keep walking and ask someone where to go, why she gave me her real email address? Perhaps it was the cocaine, she also told me walking down she was so drug last night and doesn't remember anything, also she was linking into me walking down to train station. I constantly ask these questions and think maybe it was the drugs and drinks and she doesn't remember, only she can answer these but its made my life hell living with that over my head.

I apologise my grammar isn't that great, texting has ruined my English. Anyway after i was released i sigh of relief as i feel ive done nothing wrong, my friends who where in the house also cant believe it either, they say stuff if that actually happened how could she sit in morning with us like nothing had happen and want me to walk her down. My female friend also told police that she knows me and i would never do anything like this and that the girl was behaving normally and didnt seem upset and was wanting me to walk her to train station,Loads things run threw my head and its effected my life, i no longer drink or go clubbing, i have gained 2stone, i feel depressed, i told the police id rather be charged and prove my innocent because im not guilty and i asked the police can she get in trouble for falsey accuse and i was told no.

Also the female police officers gave me a lift home and told me im not going to jail and word of advice don't take drunk girls home, we know guys your age are out for good time and fun. Im also concerned that if this is procedure for actual real rapes happening that they allow release for this length time pending further enquires. That these monsters are just walking around for months until the evidence is produced.

So i probably have went on, and all over the place with this, it just plays on my mind from time to time and makes me not able to sleep, i have contacted the officers and they keep saying call back in months time, and i call back and there is nothing to report, also the pf have no incident report either.

I have two children who i love very much, i am great dad and even though i know im innocent, my friends who where there no im innocent it still plays on my mind and i dont know how to get rid of it. So thats why i have wrote this post just for some advice or anything to maybe put my mind at rest, i just want to go to court prove my innocence and get rid of this hanging over my head.

[rjames86]

Adding stuff from previous post

Also like to add my male friend told my female friend that there having sex on couch, she told the police this when interviewed, also when I call for update police tell me they know it's horrible thing to go threw and have my friends statements which help, police woman says when giving me a lift home your not going to jail and word of advice don't take drunk girls home, however I was hammered myself I was very drunk,in nightclub was pretty much a bluff and taxi journey I don't remember much of that , I do remember going in to mine and 3 of us being there until my girl friend joined to drink with is, I've been reading a lot on forum and i think madee think more, she saying she didn't consent to sex but she was kissing me, she had sex on couch and my friend was about. She wants to go to my bedroom she walked threw herself with me, and claims she was penetrated in her sleep and woke up to it.

I only think about it when it come to time I have to call police again for update, I'm in Scotland and I'm not on bail.

I'm Scottish, always lived here, I'm an outgoing friendly person, if people where to describe me non of the words strange or weird or creepy would come into, I also have never had problems pulling females, I'm attractive not that this matters, but this play on my mind I just want to prove my innocence, I haven't told any of my friends or family apart from the two where there, police also told me not to tell people, my solicitor said it could go on 6 months and never hear anything,

I know I'm not guilty, I know I didn't commit in crime, but because I was drunk and she was drunk does that mean we both are in a non fit state to consent, I did see solicitor and he listened to my story and knows my friends both gave statements to same effect and said he doesn't think anything will come of this, but I just want it to be ended with and not on my mind so I can move on, I do forget about it for week at time and something on tv will remind me of it.

[Casehardened]

I only think about it when it come to time I have to call police again for update, I'm in Scotland and I'm not on bail.

Hi,

We do have Scottish members who know more about the different legal procedures there but from what I've gleaned from them it seems that if the Scottish police had taken the accusation against you seriously you would have been charged before release?

Still a huge worry for you when you've done nothing wrong (except not understanding women)

[tiger mum]

Hi rjames86 - what a mess these false accusations make of lives. My son is in a similar boat - although he is much younger than you he also has been caught up with a girl who has decided a rape occurred - although there is a lot of evidence she initiated sexual activity and acted quite normally afterwards. I'm not a professional legal person and I'm quite new to all this too, but I can give some advice and totally understand your despair. We are also in England not Scotland so things may be a bit different.

My son had a specialist solicitor present at the police station and he was advised to answer no comment as you were. The reasons we were given was that he had drunk a lot and genuinely couldn't remember much about the night in question. As he couldn't remember having sex, let alone whether it was consenting, he could answer some questions the police wanted answers to but NOT the critical ones. I heard all the questions the police wanted answers to as I was there as an appropriate adult - he was told to answer "no comment" to all of them. This is very frustrating as some of the answers he had would given would have genuinely helped prove his innocence. So we are left in the same position as yourself, wanting someone to understand the truth of what happened, but relying on others to explain the truth as when my son had his opportunity to do this he was advised "no comment" was the best way of protecting himself in the event of a trial. I think because of the drink and the drugs (which I presume you supplied as they were at your place) this is the best way of you not incriminating yourself too.

I think you need to be very wary of the police - they were also very friendly to me and I think they were trying to get our guard down and see what I would tell them. They used evidence I provided to support my son against him - they really are biased and sexist. They have been told to believe the girl and not the falsely accused. Its not them who decide whether to charge you - its the CPS and no one knows how they come to decisions. They have guidelines regarding bringing prosecutions but they don't follow them. Like you I want to know what the police are doing and wish I could ring them weekly for updates, but my son's solicitor is very keen that I don't wind them up and presume they are taking their time because they are doing a good thorough investigation. Its like we have to store up all our questions and theories and unleash our knowledge at the right time. All your evidence about how the girl behaved AFTER the alleged rape, and the fact your friends can verify this is really important. If you are charged and this goes to trial your defence will rely on these inconsistencies and ask the question - if this didn't happen why is this girl saying it did? She will have her reasons - maybe she was plotting this before she met you, maybe she felt ashamed of her behaviour and it was easier to fabricate a rape story than get over it and move on. Like you say maybe a boyfriend or parents had been up all night worrying about her and she needed to deflect their angst onto someone else? Whatever was going on in her tiny mind you'll send yourself potty trying to work it out - you don't know this girl, all you can do is guess at her motives. If your friends are still going out and they are meeting up with people who know her get them to ask questions, ask them to keep an eye on her and check her facebook/social sites etc. You may never need this evidence to give your solicitor, but if you can't keep this out of your head at least being prepared for the worst and hoping for the best may keep you sane. If this does go to trial she will be questioned about her behaviour before and after the alleged incident.

I know how being the victim of a false allegation can turn your life upside down. Its hard just to function and its been a rude awakening for us on many fronts. How I'm looking at it is "**** happens" - that night you could have been punched in the face by a drunk, taken some dodgy drugs, been run over by a taxi, slipped on a the dance floor and cracked your head open etc etc. What actually happened is you hooked up with an unknown girl who happened to be a fruit loop. Random consequence of going out without being fully aware of what you were doing. If you had been sober maybe your 6th sense would have told you that sex with this stranger wasn't a good idea - I've not judging you - we were all young once! Don't let this nutter ruin your life, peace of mind and self esteem. Make sure your friends who were there that night understand you appreciate their support and try and function as normally as possible. I know that this is easier said than done, I am also finding it difficult to sleep and work and carry on normally, but I have to for my lad as his ONLY option is to carry on with school and face his FA every day.

Its good you have found this site as there is some really knowledgeable people who give their wisdom and support. Rant on - at least most of us know EXACTLY what you are feeling as we are there too. I know you didn't do it as if you had all you would be bothered about is getting away with it - you want to clear your name as the very thought of being classed as a rapist is abhorrent to you. That's going to be your biggest asset - the truth about what you are and what happened that night. Hope you get some good advice and you can soldier on.

[rjames86]

Omg omg omg omg omg

Hi rjames86 - what a mess these false accusations make of lives. My son is in a similar boat - although he is much younger than you he also has been caught up with a girl who has decided a rape occurred - although there is a lot of evidence she initiated sexual activity and acted quite normally afterwards. I'm not a professional legal person and I'm quite new to all this too, but I can give some advice and totally understand your despair. We are also in England not Scotland so things may be a bit different.

My son had a specialist solicitor present at the police station and he was advised to answer no comment as you were. The reasons we were given was that he had drunk a lot and genuinely couldn't remember much about the night in question. As he couldn't remember having sex, let alone whether it was consenting, he could answer some questions the police wanted answers to but NOT the critical ones. I heard all the questions the police wanted answers to as I was there as an appropriate adult - he was told to answer "no comment" to all of them. This is very frustrating as some of the answers he had would given would have genuinely helped prove his innocence. So we are left in the same position as yourself, wanting someone to understand the truth of what happened, but relying on others to explain the truth as when my son had his opportunity to do this he was advised "no comment" was the best way of protecting himself in the event of a trial. I think because of the drink and the drugs (which I presume you supplied as they were at your place) this is the best way of you not incriminating yourself too.

I think you need to be very wary of the police - they were also very friendly to me and I think they were trying to get our guard down and see what I would tell them. They used evidence I provided to support my son against him - they really are biased and sexist. They have been told to believe the girl and not the falsely accused. Its not them who decide whether to charge you - its the CPS and no one knows how they come to decisions. They have guidelines regarding bringing prosecutions but they don't follow them. Like you I want to know what the police are doing and wish I could ring them weekly for updates, but my son's solicitor is very keen that I don't wind them up and presume they are taking their time because they are doing a good thorough investigation. Its like we have to store up all our questions and theories and unleash our knowledge at the right time. All your evidence about how the girl behaved AFTER the alleged rape, and the fact your friends can verify this is really important. If you are charged and this goes to trial your defence will rely on these inconsistencies and ask the question - if this didn't happen why is this girl saying it did? She will have her reasons - maybe she was plotting this before she met you, maybe she felt ashamed of her behaviour and it was easier to fabricate a rape story than get over it and move on. Like you say maybe a boyfriend or parents had been up all night worrying about her and she needed to deflect their angst onto someone else? Whatever was going on in her tiny mind you'll send yourself potty trying to work it out - you don't know this girl, all you can do is guess at her motives. If your friends are still going out and they are meeting up with people who know her get them to ask questions, ask them to keep an eye on her and check her facebook/social sites etc. You may never need this evidence to give your solicitor, but if you can't keep this out of your head at least being prepared for the worst and hoping for the best may keep you sane. If this does go to trial she will be questioned about her behaviour before and after the alleged incident.

I know how being the victim of a false allegation can turn your life upside down. Its hard just to function and its been a rude awakening for us on many fronts. How I'm looking at it is "**** happens" - that night you could have been punched in the face by a drunk, taken some dodgy drugs, been run over by a taxi, slipped on a the dance floor and cracked your head open etc etc. What actually happened is you hooked up with an unknown girl who happened to be a fruit loop. Random consequence of going out without being fully aware of what you were doing. If you had been sober maybe your 6th sense would have told you that sex with this stranger wasn't a good idea - I've not judging you - we were all young once! Don't let this nutter ruin your life, peace of mind and self esteem. Make sure your friends who were there that night understand you appreciate their support and try and function as normally as possible. I know that this is easier said than done, I am also finding it difficult to sleep and work and carry on normally, but I have to for my lad as his ONLY option is to carry on with school and face his FA every day.

Its good you have found this site as there is some really knowledgeable people who give their wisdom and support. Rant on - at least most of us know EXACTLY what you are feeling as we are there too. I know you didn't do it as if you had all you would be bothered about is getting away with it - you want to clear your name as the very thought of being classed as a rapist is abhorrent to you. That's going to be your biggest asset - the truth about what you are and what happened that night. Hope you get some good advice and you can soldier on.

Thanks for taking time to reply I was going to wait till the end of the month before contacting the police, I just called them there and been told there is no case. I feel like on top of world, I wish I called yesterday as I always get nervous around time calling them and I'm so happy and just feel like I can move on, and it's all behind me now. I'm so so happy I feel like celebrating, I've asked police officer to give me a call regarding my phone and once I get that I can move on in life. It's such relief, even though I'm innocent and believed all the way if it went to court id come out with my held high. :-)

I really appreciate your response and I can also give my advice on how I went threw things to.


:-) my future are my kids who mean world to me


Cxxxxxcxxx

[tiger mum]

Great News!

That's super! Good to hear the nightmare is over for you - but what a trauma to go through.

When you ring for your phone ask the police what will happen to any fingerprints and/or DNA they took from you - you want it destroyed - my son's solicitor told me they should do this if there is no further action to taken but often they don't. Also ask them if you will have an arrest record? If you are unfortunate enough to hook up with another nut job who makes a rape allegation they might take her more seriously than this one if you do. Also if you ever want to work with kids or emigrate you don't want to have to declare this **** on any forms.

I don't want to sound like your mum - but be careful with yourself - it seems swapping bodily fluids with strangers is a bit like Russian roulette these days - especially if you are half cut. Don't know if your kids or boys or girls but follow the advice you will be giving them when they are old enough and stay safe.

Take care and thanks for sharing your good news - gives us all hope! x

[rjames86]

:-) happy times

That's super! Good to hear the nightmare is over for you - but what a trauma to go through.

When you ring for your phone ask the police what will happen to any fingerprints and/or DNA they took from you - you want it destroyed - my son's solicitor told me they should do this if there is no further action to taken but often they don't. Also ask them if you will have an arrest record? If you are unfortunate enough to hook up with another nut job who makes a rape allegation they might take her more seriously than this one if you do. Also if you ever want to work with kids or emigrate you don't want to have to declare this **** on any forms.

I don't want to sound like your mum - but be careful with yourself - it seems swapping bodily fluids with strangers is a bit like Russian roulette these days - especially if you are half cut. Don't know if your kids or boys or girls but follow the advice you will be giving them when they are old enough and stay safe.

Take care and thanks for sharing your good news - gives us all hope! x

My views are totally changed on drunk girls, I no longer go drinking or would drink on nightclubs again, or be stupid enough to take girls home, I'm actually got back with my child mother and she knows about it and knows I'm such a soft person and great dad and wouldn't harm anyone like that, I'm very protective person and would hate anything like that to my daughter, I'm just glad it's over with that there no case, I was only detained and I actually had criminal disclosure check done recently for my work about 3 weeks ago and it never showed up on my record, I was told by female officer that one of my reasons I suggest before is why female said it, I believe she was interviewed with the facts and broke down, the police can't go into details, I did say she should be punished however I think she learn lesson as I'm not so cold hearted, I would rather it be ended now than drag this out any longer I am over the moon, I just wrote my post and the make phone call to find out best news, it has totally changed my views on nightclubs and getting drunk however I won't be visiting any of these as I'm back in happy relationship.


Thank you so much for replying :-) and I hope everything works out just same for everyone else falsely accused

[tiger mum]

Aww - silver lining for your family then - good luck to you!

[mumpleasehelpme]

Hi Thames,

You were very lucky that the police and CPS did not push for a charge. You, I know are totally innocent and was yet another man, that was naive to what was is going on in this country, regarding sexual offences and rape. My son's case is very much like yours, she was drunk but not too drunk to consent and was the one all the time what was asking for more throughout. Yet, she cried rape after to the police!? My son was totally shocked and thought what is she playing at. She has slept with him numerous times before and wanted a relationship with him, however, he did not want one with her because he has a life-limited condition where most die around 30 years. He as now been charged, unbelievable!!.. He is 21 years old, and is trying to cope as best he can. We feel so sorry for him, as we know as parents he would never do anything like this. He is a calm, gently boy who is so kind and was planning to go uni before all this. I feel so sorry for boys/men in this country. The legal system feels corrupt and although the police are not the ones who prosecute, they are the ones who slyly act all nice and friendly, pretending to be on your side. They really are trying to get as much detail from you to help a prosecution. Personally, if I was a PC special doing this sort of work, I could not do it, knowing deep down they are sending innocent boys to jail. Then they wonder why there is a high suicide rate in prison...why because they are innocent!

So glad you did not get caught in their horrible web of injustice. Keep strong and hey you came out with a scratch, that scratch will help you in life...you will be less worried about those little things that bothered you, when you felt you could not cope in life situations, you are now more resilient!
The ones, like us that have been charged or put in prison have a scar, not a scratch. Yet our scar will help us all fight, become strong, positive and organised. Our innocent boys and men on here will help each other. I wish you well, and please spread the word about this unfair legal system.

[myhome]

great news