Accused of attempted rape and sexual assault

[johnsmith]

Hello,
I met my wife in the late 90's after she had separated from her husband. She has 2 daughters from that marriage, they were below the age of 10 when we met.
She went through a messy divorce and her ex was a director of a well established business. She didn't want any settlement from him just a divorce so in order to get this done quickly she agreed to adultery on the divorce papers. Some time after the divorce she moved into my house with her 2 daughters and there father said he didn't want anything to do with them as he wanted to get his life back on track. He contributed very little towards them frantically. In fact the amount was a joke.
In the early days I encouraged them to see their father but he was not interested.
My wife and I married some years ago and have had 2 girls which we hoped would make us a complete family.
My step daughters called my brother uncle and my parents nanny and grandad.
We have since moved to a new town.
Both her daughters did well at school, got good GCSE's and A levels. We did everything as a family, eating out holidays the lot. I was strict on all 4 of them as I didn't want them to mess up their education like I did. I didn't want them going out at night and hanging around on the streets.
My oldest step daughter who is now in her 20's went to uni got a masters degree and is now in full time employment.
My wife's younger daughter a couple of years back found the divorce papers from my wife's marriage and brought this up with her older sister and started to blame me for her parents split, but never to my face.
I work abroad and while away my wife saw a decline in her behaviour, often asking my wife when is she going to leave me.
She moved out a year ago after a family disagreement and moved in with her boyfriend. She only came to the house when I was working abroad and was quite hysterical towards my wife and I have had no contact with her since she moved out after initially trying to message her but with no replies. We found out that she had gone back to see her natural father after no contact for half her life. He has remarried and has children with his now wife.
I was arrested at our home last month on allegations of attempted rape and sexual assault on her when she was 16. This hit us for 6. I was taken to the police station and charged and on bail. She has accused me of plying her full of alcohol on family get togethers and attempting these allegations while she was in her bed. She cannot remember dates or times only that she was 16 and said that it happened twice. My wife does not drink much and never gets drunk, our bedroom was close to hers so how I managed to carry out these allegations is beyond us. They are absurd allegations, all I have done since knowing her is supported her financially and emotionally. My wife and I have done everything we could for her as well as my side of the family. She said that she had confided in her mother and older sister of what I had apparently done, they have both denied to the police that this took place and that she had never said anything to them.
I have needless to say been bailed and have a date to go back to the station. The police were actually very supportive. They saw that it was a massive blow on myself, my wife and my oldest step daughter who was visiting. Before they let me leave the station on bail they called my wife to come and collect me. The conditions of my bail refused me to see my young daughters. They had taken my phone, computer and passport as she said in her allegation that I had taken photos of her while carrying out these acts, but there is nothing of that nature on my laptop or phone. They gave me back my passport on leaving the station and said that I was free to work abroad. Social services went to our home to speak to our daughters and my oldest step daughter. He asked my oldest step daughter if anything like this had been done to her and she told him never and that her sister had always tried to split my wife and I. They agreed that I was able to see my daughters on certain days with my wife present but not at our home. So at least I am able to see them but it's never the same being told by someone you don't know that you can see your own children.
I am now back abroad working. I cannot sleep and am having problems emotionally, I am extremely depressed I am struggling to continue on with my work.
My wife, oldest step daughter, and family have been very, very supportive to me and know how I only tried to look after her and see she got a good start in life. I am now starting to blame myself or meeting my wife as if I hadn't I would never have been accused of this but then I think of our daughters and my oldest step daughter has told me that I am her father and have steered her straight and she wouldn't be where she is if wasn't for me.
Please can someone give me some advise as I don't know what to think do or what is going to happen to me? I do not know the legal system. I have never been arrested before.
Thank you for reading this.

[Dave]

OK, sorry for earlier I was overly melodramatic.

This is a horrible situation for you to be in but it will be over eventually and you will be exonerated.
The fact that all the rest of the family are standing by you and denying all the accusations is a very positive thing.
A huge amount of support and excellent advice will be along soon, its a Saturday night so may be a while but in 24 hours or so you will have been advised thoroughly. Read the previous threads but do not become overly worried by what you read, I think you are in a better position than many that are unfortunate enough to find themselves here.

Stay strong, I know you feel awful, only those who have been FA'd can know quite how awful, this will end.

[Casehardened]

I was taken to the police station and charged and on bail.

There is usually a pattern of offending and of course the police and PF are well aware of this so the fact that the older stepdaughter and your two daughters have all vouched for you is very significant; nevertheless the accusation has been made so an investigation must take place no matter how distressing is is for you and your family.

You come across as a good husband and father; I'm sure your friends and acquaintances will realise the absurdity of this accusation and so help you endure it.

I suspect the younger stepdaughter has resented the arrival of your two daughters and this may be the motive for trying split the family again.

[johnsmith]

The police have yet to speak to my oldest step daughter. Only social services have spoken to her. I implored them to speak to her as well as my close friends who were at mine when I was arrested so they could help explain the changes we had been seeing in her during and prior to her moving out. They were blown away by the accusations as they have been very much a part of her life while she was growing up. There are countless friends and family that have seen us as a family and are prepared to speak to the police to help me.
I still cannot get my head around this and do not know what I have done to deserve it.

[tiger mum]

hi - glad to see you still posting for help with this. When the accusations against my son broke in mid November 2013 he was feeling the same - hopeless, victimised and plagued by the questions "why?" and "why me?". His solicitor gave us some good advice, which has been echoed on posts in response to our story. She maybe motivated by many things, anger her life isn't working out and she wants to blame someone else, money (apparently she may get compensation), maybe she is being manipulated by people who are currently influencing her life? But whatever her motivation to fabricate these allegations against you, right now is not the time to get obsessed by that question. IF this goes to trial it your job to explain all your opinions and theories to your defence team who will discredit her allegations by explaining them to the court. Write down your thoughts and questions about her motives and keep them private.

You must feel very low - but there are things which will help you get through this and things that won't. Try not to drink/smoke/take drugs (including anti-depressants and sleeping pills). It is natural that you are stressed and anxious - these chemicals just mask the obvious emotions less painful, but only indulge if you genuinely can't cope - you will have more problems to face later if you develop dependencies on them. Try and exercise and eat healthy - if you are fit get rid of the adrenaline release triggered by stress by running, playing squash, boxercise - anything which gets you sweaty and lets of this negative steam in you.

Talk - but only to those who have the stamina to support you. Since October my partner has been an absolute star - but he has had a lot to cope with coping with me and the boys! I lost my brother to cancer in October 2013, my best friend won her battle against breast cancer this year but she needed a lot of my time, and his mum is currently having intensive chemo! What strikes me is that your lot is total **** - but your poor wife! Her daughter is accusing her husband - she needs her own support to cope with this. Do you have independent friends who can be there for just her/just you? She needs some help too as she must be equally worried and devastated. Maybe only tell your lawyer everything - if inadvertently your family tell your step daughter things that she can incorporate into her stories to the police you need to be careful with the facts of your defence.

You also need to work - work hard and earn money to pay for the best defence you can afford. Are you the main bread winner? If so your self esteem and life style will plummet if you lose this position in your family. Don't give your employer the "poor me" line - give them the "having a total **** time - you need to cut me some slack whilst I sort it out, but if you can support me now I'll continue to do my best for you".

Be brave, stay strong, try and get some sleep by wearing out your body not just your mind. Take care of your loved ones by not overburdening them with worry about you and your mental health - talk to professionals and strangers (like on here) for support - you know your wife has your back - this may tear you apart unless you keep it together x

[lawlessone2009]

Good old Scotland where the Police charge and worry about the details later.

Welcome to the forum.

I would encourage you to stay away from the Police. Don't give them any fresh lines of inquiry. Keep every piece of information between you and your solicitor. If possible keep notes as you process your thoughts, best to get it all down on paper.

I am assuming that you will be aware that from the day you were charged they have 11 months to serve an indictment and hold a preliminary hearing. They are then supposed to begin the trial within 12 months.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1995/46/contents

65 Prevention of delay in trials.

(1)Subject to subsections (2) and (3) below, an accused shall not be tried on indictment for any offence unless

[F1(a)where an indictment has been served on the accused in respect of the High Court, a preliminary hearing is commenced within the period of 11 months; and

(b)in any case, the trial is commenced within the period of 12 months,

of the first appearance of the accused on petition in respect of the offence.F1]


Keep calendar watching on this! If it goes over then it begins to get difficult for the prosecution to start never mind succeed, I know because it happened in my case and I have the High Court judgement showing the judges disgust at the prosecutions incompetence.

[johnsmith]

Hi, no we live in England.

[Casehardened]

Hi, no we live in England.

My apologies, I have misread your earlier deleted post (sorry for the confusion L1; I will now amend my post #3 in this thread)

Have you then in fact already been been charged with attempted rape? (or arrested and interviewed on suspicion of.....)

It is quite an important distinction as the procedures (and therefore advice offered by members) will be different before and after charge.

[johnsmith]

To be honest I don't remember. My head was such a blur on the arrest day. They cautioned me at home and said I was under arrest and took me to the station. I think it said on my bail slip that I was on bail without charge. Does that sound right? There were conditions of my bail.

[Casehardened]

To be honest I don't remember. My head was such a blur on the arrest day. They cautioned me at home and said I was under arrest and took me to the station. I think it said on my bail slip that I was on bail without charge. Does that sound right? There were conditions of my bail.

Yes this sounds right; with the circumstances you described an immediate charge would have been unlikely (unless of course the allegation was made in Scotland.....sorry again L1!)

The main issue is that unless you are charged a solicitor cannot claim legal aid on your behalf except for attending any further interviews and therefore may not be very interested in offering advice (and to be honest unless you are charged the CPS will not release any documentation so there is little they can do) You could of course pay privately for advice, but again there is not much that can be done in practical terms.

Unfortunately this means that you will be in this horrible limbo for some months as from the CPS viewpoint this is a run-of-the-mill allegation so there will be no pressure on them to expedite matters. It would be nice to be able to suggest that you also forget about it for the time being but of course this is not possible. As this all will be churning round in your mind anyway you could try to keep sane by researching CPS procedures and by formulating a possible defence: listing events, dates, witnesses, motives and so on.

Despite my earlier comments about solicitors you could compile a list of suitable firms and consider the question of legal aid.

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

Finally please continue to post here as necessary, many of us have been in the same situation as yourself or are supporting partners who are.

[johnsmith]

This whole situation is mind blowing that someone can go to the police, make an accusation without any dates, times, proof or witnesses and our whole life has been turned upside down and kicked for six. The whole judicial system is pathetic. I am at an all time low that I haven't done anything wrong and I am being labeled as a potential rapist and am told by a total stranger when I can see my girls.
My wife has told me that the police have been to see my step daughter since my arrest and she has made up a fresh lie about when she was younger. They called my wife to speak about it and she has told them that it's total rubbish and she is constantly making up lies. They were suprised at my wife's comments as my step daughter told them that my wife had know about what she had made up.
I'm hoping that she will trip herself up with the constant lies to the police.
The only thing holding me together is that my family and close friends are behind me 100%.

[johnsmith]

Having read through other posts on here am I right in thinking that when I return to the station next week I will more than likely be re bailed and set another date to go back as having ha my computer and phone taken from me for examination, I read GCHQ is on a 7 to 8 month back log. Therefore they will be waiting for that to come back, see there is nothing on there and then make further decisions. Surely they should have set a later date rather than next month if all I'm doing is going in to be told to come back in 6 months when they have my computer and phone back, or is this too complicated for the police to think like that ?

[Casehardened]

Having read through other posts on here am I right in thinking that when I return to the station next week I will more than likely be re bailed and set another date to go back as having ha my computer and phone taken from me for examination, I read GCHQ is on a 7 to 8 month back log. Therefore they will be waiting for that to come back, see there is nothing on there and then make further decisions. Surely they should have set a later date rather than next month if all I'm doing is going in to be told to come back in 6 months when they have my computer and phone back, or is this too complicated for the police to think like that ?

To be fair to the police the initial bail date is set sooner rather than later as further evidence might have materialised by then (for all sorts of reasons e.g. your DNA produced a match or a further witness came forward) which would warrant an immediate charge and it would be highly inconvenient if you had disappeared for the six months (as you would be quite entitled to do)

My experience regarding further rebails is if you approach the OIC with the correct attitude and explanation (i.e. you are working abroad) they can be flexible with any future dates. I was rebailed by phone with a confirmatory follow-up letter.

[johnsmith]

Yes I understand that they won't take my word for it, that there is nothing on my phone or computer and are needing to look at them before they make any decisions. With regards the DNA, she is alleging that this happened some 4 years ago and has no record of dates so surely DNA is not going to be taken into account.
I am having to console my wife as she is hoping that this will all blow over soon but I am obviously having to look at this realistically and inform her that this is most likely going to be a long process. She is devastated by this and does not want anything further to do with her daughter. She is so upset that she has made this allegation against me and we feel that she has done it to try and get me out of the way and may have already realised that she has no proof and it may not go any further but knows that the whole investigation will take months bare heavy on me. Our main concern is that this is going to be emotional for our older step daughter and our daughters and only hope that it doesn't have a negative affect on them long term.

[Casehardened]

With regards the DNA, she is alleging that this happened some 4 years ago and has no record of dates so surely DNA is not going to be taken into account.

No obviously there is no likelihood of DNA being relevant in this allegation but they do have to dot the i's and cross the t's and your DNA will have been run through the system to see if there is a match with any cold cases.