Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[tiger mum]

Thanks for your kind words and support - it really does help coming on here because its a way to "rant" without scaring your kids - the very people you need to support! I'm quite good at dealing with negative experience and moving on. But one things which has come out of this, I've told my son about my own teenage trauma. I'd not talked about it until now because I saw no purpose to it and I felt it would have raked up old emotions and it may have been difficult for him to hear and understand. Telling him now has meant he knows I know how scared he is - I'm not imagining his fear - I'm remembering it. When they wanted to arrest him we were called to the same police station I was 26 years ago. I swear it was the same blummin interview room they used! His dad KNEW this and said he'd rather not come down and he thought I would be able to handle it okay - actually that was exactly his attitude when I was 17 and he was 23! As my son really didn't want him there and he wanted me in with him as "the appropriate adult" we thought it best to leave him out of it as things were stressful enough without sitting waiting looking at him for 6 hours! Wild horses wouldn't have dragged me from my son's side that awful day - but the memory of what a useless bloke his dad is will scar him more than the police tried to do. To be fair my whole family were pretty useless when I was 17 - and they're being pretty useless now - as is my son's dad. But his brother, my partner and my son's friends have been absolutely brill. So have some of his teachers (the one's he respects) and his fantastic solicitor has been a total rock. When we picked him up from the station he told us we won't understand everything, and some of what will happen to my son will be unfair and make him mad, but he told us he showed us he was an expert, he was experienced, and ALL he had on his agenda was my son. Every bit of advice we would get would be in HIS best interests, he was client and our battle was now his. Can't say fairer than that can you?

[DeamonsRun]

Re- help and support tiger mum

Thank you very much for your kind words.
since what happened to me and the breakdown I had after, I have sought to help others and give advice where I can.
After all the best advice comes from thoughs who have been in that situation.
Since the accusation against me I had real difficulty with relationships and still do to this day but I hope with all the support your son is getting this wont be the case for him.
At the time I wasn't given any outside support or treatment for what I was going through (PTSD) would better describe it.
I only seek to help others so that they don't have to suffer my fate and every time I'm reminded of what happened to me spears me further to change the way the system works.
In that I mean custodial sentences for thoughs who wrongfully and knowingly accuse a man of Rape.
I believe that only with this we could get on the road to preventing more cases like your sons and build a future that if a girl does think about crying wolf and destroying someones life that they will think several times and hopefully wont knowing the consequences that they will pay for it at the cost of their own freedom by being sent to prison.
I hope that if you ever need any advice or further support you can feel happy to msg me.
Best of luck and remember the truth will out.

[Dave]

After all these years and the hurt I suffered at the hands and warped mind of a silly girl, I would be lying if I said I hadn't had thoughts of revenge. All thoughs times I thought about violent revenge Ive lost count but at the end of the day it is easy to seek revenge but its hard to forgive. I have done just that forgive them for what they have done, everyone has to answer for what they have done at some point either call it God, Karma, Fate ect, the one thing I have learned is that all things are met with the same response. as for the girl who accused me she wasn't believed by anyone and even her own mother defended me and in her statement told the police her daughter was lying. since then her parents have split up and she is forever known now by the people of the town I live in as a lying, crazy ***** and her life is going no-were. Karma or God, basically long story short. What goes around comes around in the end
So why seek physical revenge on them when at the end of it all their own lies will come back to haunt them.

Fair point, well made and glad you have come through this but forgive, never ever ever, not in a million years.

[Casehardened]

Hi TM,

I just wanted to thank you (on your own thread) for the invaluable support you are giving to other members on the forum.

Reading your posts it seems that you have accelerated from 0 > 100% in no time at all in your understanding of the issues surrounding false and malicious accusations and (to introduce some levity into a very serious situation) I do feel a little bit sorry for the police who are dealing with the investigation into the accusation into your son; I bet they dread your phone calls

[tiger mum]

Thanks - but not sure how supportive I'm being. Feel like I'm getting far more than I'm giving. Just ranting on really - I worry everyone is getting fed up with it - at least the audience on here aren't compelled to log on. Even my son and I keep saying "change the record" to each other - (I don't think he knows what a record is though). Time usually flies for me but January 2014 has chugged along a 2 miles a hour. We thought with all the kids being so young the police might have jollied things along. Got parents evening this week - can't see us going along to rub shoulders with the lying little cow and her parents! This site is scary - but at least it makes you realise you're not alone and to be thankful for what you do have - like a son in his own bed every night not in some cell! Also I'd rather have my beautiful, wise falsely accused boy than a stupid, scheming half wit for a daughter. Yeah the police should be scared, very scared ..... ha ha. My son's solicitor provided some really good notes re what the process is post interview/arrest etc. - should I post them online? Might help people understand what to expect....

[o my god]

hi tm that's what this site is for having agood rant and know you are not the only one goin though this hell

[Casehardened]

My son's solicitor provided some really good notes re what the process is post interview/arrest etc. - should I post them online? Might help people understand what to expect....

Yes sounds good, if you could think of an appropriate title and collate them, the 'Useful Information' section is probably the best place to post them; they then won't get lost in the back pages of threads.

[tiger mum]

Maybe not everyone shares my sense of humour, but its a bit rusty at the moment .....

Hi - sorry for any offense caused by my satirical rant against the police who have been instructed to BELIEVE everything a false accuser tells them on face value then investigate every avenue to find some evidence to back it up. My rant was at the police and the system in general - I was referencing the famous white haired DJ, the Care Home system in Ireland and the Catholic Priests who were clearly involved with long term systematic sex offenses. As it is becoming apparent that the police were complicit in ignoring reports of abuse or covering up for those in positions of influence, my rant was a stab at an institution which HAS allowed this to go unchecked and is now under orders to believe the accuser, then look for evidence she/he is telling the truth before using any common sense or making an unbiased assessment of the facts before destroying innocent lives.

To quote myself - "So over the years police ignored the calls for help from kids in care, or in hospital, or at sunday school because their sick abusers were deemed to be famous or powerful." Does not mean I think that anyone in power who is accused of abuse is guilty, it just means I think the pendulum has swung too far the opposite way and the innocent are being persecuted too readily. I'm taking advice from Kevin Webster's barrister to ensure he hasn't got pearls of wisdom to share which may avoid my son going to trial - i.e. if he were involved earlier could he have done anything to stop the police prosecution in its tracks? For anyone with a poor view of Barristers he has emailed me some advice, (free of charge) - they don't all want the court gravy train to keep chugging!!! (That comment was meant to be funny and I do not mean to offend any barristers reading this - I know they are overworked, underpaid and very nice people )

[o my god]

this is only to true, the quote from the police is we will believe you! so what about the falsely accused will you believe them?

[tiger mum]

Latest news - feedback please?

Hi all - been finding it increasingly difficult to get on without this worry overwhelming me - but yesterday I got some good news which has left me with mixed emotions. The investigating police officer finally returned my son's solicitor's calls and told him the girl had decided not to pursue her allegation. We knew something had happened two weeks ago as the girls at school were gossiping, but the police wouldn't disclose what had happened to me.

My son's solicitor thinks this is excellent as it means with no DNA evidence, no confession from my son, plus the girl asking the police not to press charges and be a uncooperative witness - it is unlikely to go further. The police officer has told my son's solicitor she has to write a report for her Inspector (which will take a couple more weeks for her to fit it in with her workload) and he will decide whether to refer to the CPS.

It's no surprise to me that the lying little cow has changed her story - here we go again - she told umpteen versions of what happened that night to anyone who would listen and it changed on an hourly basis (all recorded on facebook/twitter/instagram etc). But I KNEW she was making it all up as the only version which made sense was that sex/rape did NOT occur. Everyone could see that there was no case and she would be totally humiliated by a trial - but my son who hadn't done anything except have an illegal drink and go in a room with her would be an excellent witness as all he had to do was tell the truth. She had drink/drugs/multiple partners of both sexes - all whilst doing the poor little innocent victim routine with her parents and the police. The witnesses who were there told the police exactly what they saw/heard that night - I know this as my friends were with their sons whilst interviewed as appropriate adults.

But it feels like the ONLY person who is seeing all this as a gross miscarriage of justice is me! To be fair my son is so sick of it all, trying to dodge her at school, having this hanging over him, all he wants is it to be over. I'm sooooo relieved he may not have to face a trial, but for gods sake! This was all evidence BEFORE she even spoke to the police - I took my complaint about her accusations, and evidence she was lying to the police before she made the allegations to them that my son raped her - but they still progressed taking her complaint seriously. The police resources wasted on this is ridiculous - surely they have proper criminals to chase who have actually committed crimes. I don't have daughters but and please don't tell me if I had one I'd want to have a rape allegation from her taken seriously - of course I would - but this scheming little vixen has a track record of inventing stories for attention - do her parents not know her? Do they not realise the angst this has caused an innocent child?

Now I'm not discounting the need for the police to give support to rape victims and pursue rapists but this was so ridiculous from day 1. I feel like I've been holding my breath for 3 months with every waking thought being about what he faces and how this will impact on his future.

Because my son had a specialist solicitor when they tried to arrest him he won't have an arrest on his record as we volunteered his DNA - but if that had not have happened, and it seems to happen quite rarely - he would have this on his record. There will still be the prospect of this hanging over him - he's only 15 - he is now scared stiff of the opposite sex.

It seems likely that this will be NFA - but what further action can this fuming mum take? Ideas please? My son's solicitor said well lets cross that bridge when we get to it - however that's up to you and your son. Taking on board my son's wishes to put it all behind him (which I totally respect) how do others feel about this? I don't want the relief of getting NFA cloud my judgement as I want some redress - not sure what/how to achieve this (legally). + =

[tiger mum]

sorry think my typing too quick!

Sorry for typos in post - seem to be a lot of duplication - furious fingers going too quick for site to process!

[Casehardened]

Hi TM,

Sounds good news for your son, but I'm not going to risk your wrath by telling you that there's nothing you can do (but the CPS are never going to prosecute a minor for PCJ especially if its a first offence) so I'll just post a relevant link:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...pe-allegations

Why not compose a suitably irate letter to Chris Grayling & copy it to your MP.....

[tigertiger]

Good news indeed. With her withdrawing support this will have damaged the case even further not that there was a case in the first place. With her withdrawing, your son not talking and no real evidence supporting her then it sounds like the police dont have a case. Everything crossed they will see that and not even pass it to the CPS. Obviously your not going to begin to relax until you get the NFA. But this all sounds like a giant positive step forward doesnt it.

Hes very very lucky indeed that you got a specialist on board who managed to save him from arrest. Knowing im forever going to have an arrest for a rape allegation on my record even if it goes to NFA is a pretty tough thing to come to terms with.


Can quite imagine hes now scared stiff and well really I think every man in this country should be, getting involved with anyone new really is playing Russian Roulette with your life.


I can feel your blood boiling and wanting to channel that energy into correcting this wrong. I hope you can find something you can sink your teeth into, helping others maybe to make enough noise to change the system at least (in the event your son decides he really doesnt want you to challenge his particular case).

[tiger mum]

Thanks for the info!

Thanks for responses - but its obvious there isn't much of a chance of the police taking any action when she is so young. However my son is the same age as her the police should feel a duty of care towards him as a victim.

If they do confirm they will not be taking further action, at that point do they disclose anything about their investigation and what reason the girl has given for withdrawing her allegation? Or are we just meant to slope off eternally grateful? I know she is young, but her actions are totally malicious. I business colleague's son went through the same trauma some year's ago - recently the police got back in touch and asked him to be a witness against his FA as she had done it again and they wanted to prosecute for PCJ. He told them to get stuffed as he felt so badly done to first time around and wasn't going to provoke this girl's scary family - he'd had enough with the trauma of it.

But if nothing happens, no caution or telling off, no apology or explanation - what do these girls learn? Its daft.

[can it get worse]

Thanks for responses - but its obvious there isn't much of a chance of the police taking any action when she is so young. However my son is the same age as her the police should feel a duty of care towards him as a victim.

If they do confirm they will not be taking further action, at that point do they disclose anything about their investigation and what reason the girl has given for withdrawing her allegation? Or are we just meant to slope off eternally grateful? I know she is young, but her actions are totally malicious. I business colleague's son went through the same trauma some year's ago - recently the police got back in touch and asked him to be a witness against his FA as she had done it again and they wanted to prosecute for PCJ. He told them to get stuffed as he felt so badly done to first time around and wasn't going to provoke this girl's scary family - he'd had enough with the trauma of it.

But if nothing happens, no caution or telling off, no apology or explanation - what do these girls learn? Its daft.

Firstly, so glad to hear your 'good news'. But disgusted it got this far for your son ....disgusted it gets further than this for many people.

It totally enrages me about the lack of redress afterwards. Your last post in which you talk about a colleague's son is appalling. This despicable experience has left him understandably with no obligation to be a witness against a liar. This is the far reaching affect that a false allegation has on society.

'No winners' in this game are very true words.