Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[lawlessone2009]

Hi - now I'm worried. Will he have a record even if he wasn't arrested? The police rang me and asked me to take him to the station so they could arrest him, but my son's solicitor persuaded them that wasn't necessary as we volunteered his DNA. Also his solicitor wouldn't let them take fingerprints as the police couldn't explain why they wanted them - ie. they didn't have anything they wanted to check them against. We are hoping the CPS will tell us NFA - but I must admit part of me wants this girl's lies exposed! When we were leaving the station my son's solicitor said hopefully that will be the end of it and I won't see you again - if you do get a NFA make sure they destroy his DNA - insist they do this. I was hoping that this means he has no record. If this is not the case would this matter come up on a CRB check? He's too young to have any career plans which this might make a difference to - he did want to be a police lawyer - he's changed his mind recently ..........

There will always be a record somewhere.

Everything gets filed.

I am a little questioning of the CRB/eCRB. Others have the direct knowledge and can advise on it. There will always be a 'record' though which is in a different sense from the record you are thinking about.

It's easy to panic about his future. I wouldn't start the panic until you know what the Police/CPS are going to do. Obviously if others can advise in better detail than me (which won't be hard) then you will be able to slot the information away and act on it when the time comes.

Hope you guys are holding up and continuing onwards.

[smokiejo]

After being on the receiving end of an allegation of Rape, I can tell everyone that even years down the line I still suffer from it. The main area it affects my life is with Relationships, I havnt been in a single relationship since were I havnt thought to myself (What If)... Sadly the knock-on effects of such an allegation are huge and will last for years. Even being found innocent doesn't fully help, yes you obviously have the initial joy that its all over and that you have won, but with time the effects of the Trauma start to show.
You can never fully recover from such an allegation it will be with you for the rest of your life...
It has so many knock-on effects in your life that it could almost be described as Torture.
I just hope that one day I can be in a relationship were I don't have that (What If) feeling running through my head any more.

DeamonsRun this is what i worry about for my 17 year old god knows how he will ever trust anyone we got an nfa a few days before xmas but still i worry so much about him bumping in to her how he will move on etc x

[DeamonsRun]

re- your son SmokieJo

DeamonsRun this is what i worry about for my 17 year old god knows how he will ever trust anyone we got an nfa a few days before xmas but still i worry so much about him bumping in to her how he will move on etc x

Sad to say this event will be with him for the rest of his life.
It is 10 years this month since I was falsely accused and I still suffer from the effects of it.
I haven't been in one relationship since were my mind hasn't always thought (what if) and that has had huge effects on me.
You tend not to dwell on it by berrying it deep in the back of your mind and just hope no-one ever brings it up.
I wasn't given the help (Therapy) during or after the event and after time its effect started to show, it was only when I had a complete breakdown of my social and personal life did the doctors or CMHT actually listen.
It is sad that it had to get to that point and I would hope no-one else has to go through what I did, In a way it was suffering in silence.
All I can say is keep a close eye on you son for any changes in behavior/attitude and just talk to him but listen to everything he has to say even if it seems small to you, it could mean a huge dill to him.

[myhome]

Sad to say this event will be with him for the rest of his life.
It is 10 years this month since I was falsely accused and I still suffer from the effects of it.

This is rather a sweeping statement - surely better to say that "this event may be with him for the rest of his life." ?
10 months on is not the rest of your life - it is a short but incredibly painful part of it. Hopefully now you are getting appropriate support from your CMHT, the sadness, damage and hurt will gradually fade to a point where it is manageable but not overwhelming and you are able to rebuild your life again.

[tiger mum]

He said 10 years. I do empathise - I thinks that's why I'm scared. I was wrongly accused and convicted of a crime when I was 17 - not a sex crime but something very serious. I had a meltdown at 30! I'm 44 now and have 'succeeded' with career & raising good kids etc. But there have been bleak times - before counselling and after. I agree you do need to talk about it. At the moment my son is just a kid knocked side ways. He's never bothered much with girls as he thinks at 13/14 they are all boring and daft. A while ago he asked why the popular pretty ones who chased the boys were so stupid and the plain ones who worked hard so nice? I told him all would become clear in time and not to bother with girls til he had worked it out. Girls in his year send topless pics to boys in his older brother's year and try and entice them to alcohol fuelled parties! This rape accusation was just waiting to happen - unfortunately we copped for it.

[tiger mum]

I think what my son and I are thinking is - if we let this girl, the police and the legal system beat us then they've won. We have tried to move schools, at one point the LEA insisted he go to a PRU for delinquent kids who can function in mainstream schools so his accuser and him didn't have to be in the same environment. We had to fight this absurd solution to a problem which we did not instigate - who said innocent 'til proven guilty? 8 weeks down the line since this happened on the down side we have lost out on a Christmas and a two birthday celebrations. My son's relationship with his Dad has come under a lot of pressure as he realises what a small minded, judgemental txxxxr he can be. On the up side - we realise how strong our relationship is when its truly tested, he totally respects his great mates who have stuck by him, he has learnt that mad girls are exactly that - mad!, my sons have realised that they don't always have to be best mates but they are brothers and under pressure their problems are shared. I agree what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - but when you are strong to start with you just want a simple life without this ****. This won't break us, but the financial cost, the lost sleep, the missed 5 weeks of schooling and the damned injustice of it all makes me so angry. Angry is a negative emotion but I'm losing the focus to turn it around and "learn" from this - when do the lying idiots learn anything?

[Dave]

Karma will get them, don't let the anger eat you up.

Stay strong.

[tiger mum]

Ha ha - I'm doing a lot of work for an Indian owned company at the moment and they are dealing with a senior level betrayal of trust and I'm helping them sort it out. They are Hindus and their very wise, very old senior guy keeps saying the same thing. Obviously its work and he doesn't know of my personal troubles with my son and I don't subscribe to any doctrine as religious divides seem to cause more trouble than "believing" causes good - but it is funny. The problem is when Karma strikes these nutters down - who gets to rub their hands with glee? The falsely accused? Their families? The true victims of rape who don't get the resources which are redirected? Maybe the tax payer who funds their support but insists the accused families pay for the support of their loved ones from post tax earnings? I'd like to be on the "Karma Panel" please. I'd be really good at it.

[Dave]

OK if you don't fancy Karma, how about good old fashioned revenge?, but be careful

[DeamonsRun]

re- 10 years

This is rather a sweeping statement - surely better to say that "this event may be with him for the rest of his life." ?
10 months on is not the rest of your life - it is a short but incredibly painful part of it. Hopefully now you are getting appropriate support from your CMHT, the sadness, damage and hurt will gradually fade to a point where it is manageable but not overwhelming and you are able to rebuild your life again.

Its been ten Years since the false accusation against me not ten months.
I have had treatment for mild bipolar disorder and am doing very well now.
But like I said something as horrible as this is a huge affect on your life, and that not saying it will be a part of who you are for the rest of your life would be nonsense.
It has shaped the person I have become today and I can still remember the whole event in my mind. I am a better and stronger person now for it as I'm sure most would agree that being able to overcome something like this and then Mild Bipolar Disorder, it gives you a mental strength stronger than most.
I will always remember what happened I know that will never go away but all I can do now in life is think to myself that if I have been able to overcome these things, I can deal with anything.

[myhome]

He said 10 years.(

Huge apologies - I misread where he wrote "10 years this month"..... as "10 months" ....tired tired.....

[DeamonsRun]

re-no worries

Huge apologies - I misread where he wrote "10 years this month"..... as "10 months" ....tired tired.....

Thats ok easy to do when eyes are half closed lol

[lawlessone2009]

Tiger Mum...

Reading your recent replies.

You're probably the most suited out of just about all of us on here to stand up and fight this nonsense. Your experiences seem to be so wide reaching and so professionally built upon that I see a massive battle in the not too distant future for those attempting to impress themselves upon you and your family.

You seen to have such deep seated 'fight' within you that I believe you guys will succeed and potentially implement some form of change somewhere in the system.

As for the LEA and there 'move the problem' attitude. They should be bloody ashamed of themselves. What utterly diabolical and disgraceful behaviour!


As for you mentioning troubles in the past. Maybe it all happened to build you into what you are today, to face this threat against your family and win. Everything happens for a reason and you can now safely put any issues in the past down to preparation for the future. You either learn and build on your experiences or you continue to make the mistakes, clearly you've built on yours, learned from them and are now in a position to us that knowledge for the greater good of what's important to you.

Those that don't fight, lose. My case may be over but I'm still in a battle, at the beginning of it to be honest. Slowly moving through the system hoping that at some point I can hit pay dirt and force through change. Restore some balance to an out of control system.

[lawlessone2009]

Thats ok easy to do when eyes are half closed lol

I do it with my eyes wide open!

[DeamonsRun]

re- dave, how about love

After all these years and the hurt I suffered at the hands and warped mind of a silly girl, I would be lying if I said I hadn't had thoughts of revenge. All thoughs times I thought about violent revenge Ive lost count but at the end of the day it is easy to seek revenge but its hard to forgive. I have done just that forgive them for what they have done, everyone has to answer for what they have done at some point either call it God, Karma, Fate ect, the one thing I have learned is that all things are met with the same response. as for the girl who accused me she wasn't believed by anyone and even her own mother defended me and in her statement told the police her daughter was lying. since then her parents have split up and she is forever known now by the people of the town I live in as a lying, crazy ***** and her life is going no-were. Karma or God, basically long story short. What goes around comes around in the end
So why seek physical revenge on them when at the end of it all their own lies will come back to haunt them.