Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[tiger mum]

I came across this site looking for ways to support my son. He's 15 now but was 14 when he was accused by a girl at his school of raping her. There is so much facebook and twitter evidence that she denied the rape occurred and even told my son it didn't happen. This did not stop her parents making the accusation after her behaviour over a 48 hour drinking/sex binge came out. I'd been to the police prior to her mother's allegations to explain what was being said and to show them the evidence I had that she was making false accusations. 5 days after the alleged rape she changed her story (again) and claimed she said no before intercourse took place. This was after she had made my son ill with worry. Although the police had his evidence that she denied to him that rape occurred they still tried to arrest him. The big lesson I learnt is get a proper solicitor who deals with criminal defence of rape cases to attend the police station with you. We fended the police off until a solicitor came up from London to ensure my son didn't incriminate himself in the police station. I was with him as the "appropriate adult" and to hear my straight A son, who is one of the nicest/wisest people I know being treated like a adult rapist by ignorant stupid police was terrifying - NEVER assume the police are interested in justice. I now have first hand witness accounts that sex did not occur, never mind rape. She put on a lesbian sex show AFTER she alleges she is raped and also has oral sex with another boy. Then she went on to drink/take drugs for a second night and had further sexual encounters with 14 year old boys. It looks like the DNA evidence her mum insisted was taken from her 5 days after the incident is inconclusive - luckily my son's amazing lawyer who jumped on a train with NO NOTICE to be there when he was interviewed means he is has not been arrested or charged - just interviewed under caution. Luckily everyone knows what a great lad my son is and everyone is supporting him not this attention seeking daft girl or her misguided parents. But at the time of the accusation and the police interview was horrible. The police tell you nothing - they treat boys like men and crazy girls who make stuff up like poor little victims. Where is the justice for our young men? What is this teaching my son about the law? He is scared of girls who pose on facebook in their underwear then stalk him and accuse of him things he hasn't done. Thank god I have sons not girls because they seem out of control and ugly in their pursuit of attention.

My heart goes out to men and boys who are on the receiving end of this behaviour. I told my older son never to mess with girls' heads, only get intimate with the ones you really know and like and never have casual sex with girls you don't know - even with protection. He never did and has a the most wonderful first girlfriend who is a welcome addition to our family. I didn't give that lecture to my 14 year old as I knew he wasn't sexually active! I was always proud of my gorgeous, tall boy - now I feel his looks are a curse as these daft girls are obsessed by him. Lock up your sons, not just your daughters!

[myhome]

Hi and thank you for sharing your story, which sadly is a very common one - there are several mums on here supporting their sons.

You say that your son wasn't arrested or charged, so has the allegation against him been dropped? Could you clarify what stage this is at so we know what help and support to give you? If it is still on-going then your son needs to screenshot all the social media info that you have mentioned and store it electronically somewhere where plod won't get it if they decide to seize his electronic equipment.

You are also quite right in no longer believing in the police as upholders of the law and seekers of innocence; and also the importance of an excellent specialist legal team

[tiger mum]

Hi Myhome - thanks for your response - its reassuring but depressing there are others in the same boat. So wrong. The party where the alleged rape occurred was on the Friday night - from Friday night through until Monday night after school the girl was posting conflicting accusations on facebook and setting off rumours about what my son was meant to have done. When he broke down on Tuesday morning he showed me the facebook message exchange between him and her which had gone on since the Saturday morning. It clearly stated from her that rape had not occurred, that she "felt raped" and my son denies any memory of any such incident - she says that she is worried about him and he shouldn't worry and the rumours will die down. But he was worried sick as other kids were asking him if he had raped her and he knew it was very serious what she was accusing him of. His main reason for distress was that due to the alcohol he had blacked out various chunks of time that night - she also knew this as he had admitted to her he couldn't remember being with her! I called in the false allegation of rape on the Tuesday evening after taking advice from the school where they were both at. The teachers had also heard the rumour and were considering calling in the police. The police rang back on Wednesday and said that her mother had called in an accusation of rape against my son on the same evening - because she was claiming rape and I was merely claiming a false accusation of rape she took precedence. I said fine - but you need to see the screen prints of the face book conversation between these two kids as I think this may stop any police investigation in its tracks. The officer in charge of the safeguarding unit said she didn't have resources to send someone to me as they were with the girl. I said fine I'll come to you - I saw her and dropped off the evidence and told her about what my son had told me about what went on at the party house on the Friday night when he attended with his friends. (By the way he was meant to be with his Dad that night who has regular contact since he was a baby - he let him stay at the unsupervised party - there is no way he would have stayed there with my knowledge). The policewoman in charge said she didn't think it would go any further in light of the evidence I'd brought - however they would be in touch. She asked if I had my son's phone validating the facebook evidence - I said I didn't (thought they might try take it) but I said it was on facebook so all she needed was his log in details and she could check it out. She said she would need the phone if it came to that - but she would need him to have a solicitor present to take it. I said fine and left.

3 am the next morning I woke with a jump thinking I didn't have a solicitor for him. I use them for work but not criminal solicitors so I googled. No one seemed to advertise that sort of support locally but I found a London firm who promoted themselves as dealing with rape/murder etc. I emailed them explaining my predicament and asked them to recommend someone local to where we were. At 8 am that morning the police rang saying I had to bring my son to the station where he would be arrested at 10 am! I asked if she had spoken to her boss and seen the evidence I had brought to the station the previous day. She said she had, however the girl had said enough to them under caution to press charges. A solicitor would be provided for him. I said no way was I having a duty solicitor and I had appointed someone for my son. She was really surprised and said they would have to be there for 10 am. I said fine and put the phone down. I rang the London solicitors and said the situation had progressed and I needed help that day. The reception girl was brilliant and said she would ring the two partners and see what they could do. One of the partners rang me back and said he was not available but he would speak to his partner - his partner jumped on the next available 3 hour train to me. My son and I picked him up from the station and on the hour journey to the police he briefed us then handled the situation at the station. I definitely would not have known what to do without him. He told the police there was no reason to arrest my son as he would give his DNA willingly. He did not allow them to fingerprint him and he answered every question "no comment" as his memory lapses were a problem for the defence. The police used my facebook evidence to prepare their questions and for an hour and twenty minutes they fired questions at him to which he answered "no comment". They were really unhappy he stuck to this and tried to catch him out, used good cop/bad cop techniques. He zoned out and just said no comment to everything as the solicitor instructed. I was there as the appropriate adult and felt very angry by the time we left, but the solicitor was cool as a cucumber and said he had left them to the aggressive questioning as my son was handling it well and it would hang them when we complain.

Despite asking for updates on my false allegation of rape crime report I have had no contact. I now have much more facebook evidence about what she was saying before the party and after the alleged incident. I'm just hanging on to screen shot prints of this for future use. I know the mums of the kids the police have questioned, one mum had to keep stopping the interview to explain that her son had not said what they were writing down and they were putting words in his mouth. None of the kids have been questioned under caution so they haven't all had parents present. Because my son's solicitor is calling the police for updates we know they have 2 kids to question, we suspect they are the kids who had sexual encounters with the girl AFTER she alleges my son raped her. They are 17 and avoiding the police as they have been told they could be prosecuted by their teachers. Apparently the first stage DNA tests have come back clear of my son's DNA and the second stage tests will come back next week. Then the police will pass the investigation notes to the CPS for a decision whether to arrest/prosecute. They haven't asked for his clothes, his phone or his facebook log in yet - but her mother submitted an edited version of the facebook conversation I submitted so they can't doubt its authenticity. Obviously the evidence submitted by the girl incriminated my son and the evidence I submitted was the full conversation which definitely didn't. The police told my son's solicitor that without the facebook evidence from her mother they would not have taken it further as there was nothing to go on - the fact she was putting the allegation of rape on facebook meant they had to take it seriously.

So over the next two weeks we may find out what happens to my son. Its so hard to see a bright cheerful 14 year old have to grow up and become suicidal over one weekend. His friends and teachers have been amazing - we tried to move schools due to the fact she is at the same school. The rumour had broke at the new school, as they didn't know him it was worse than being in the same environment and he was terrified to return - so he is back at the same school as her, but he is back with his friends. Its not his GCSE year but he's taking 2 early so its been disruptive, but he's bright and the teachers are spurring him on. I am so scared he will get angry and switch off - he is only a child going through enough challenges of growing up without this. Logic dictates they will not take this further - but so easily - without the advice of this great solicitor he would have a criminal record for being arrested for this. I really worry about the comments on here about the police getting their conviction stats up - that makes sense but surely the CPS will see how hard it will be to make a conviction stick with this daft girls behaviour and testimony.

We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I've arranged to get a loan against my house as the defence may cost as much as £50,000 - £80,000 depending on whether its youth or crown court they take it to. I have been told even if we win the case we don't get this refunded. I don't hesitate in doing this - its only money and my son's will earn their own money so leaving them a debt free house is less important than using my assets now, but its really sad and wrong this has to the family. If this is to cover her tracks with her parents when she realised how much trouble her friends and her are in for the party weekend its totally backfired as she picked the wrong boy with the wrong mum!

[Casehardened]

Hi,

I've looked through your story but am unsure how old the girl is; if she is under 16 this is fairly significant for the 17 year old boys you mention but less so for your son if the encounter could be considered consensual:

http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/v_to_z/youth_offenders/#a29

[myhome]

thanks for detailing your son's ordeal. It is essential that you screenshot and keep all FB and other social media contact between her and your son AND other posts that she has made to other people that reference what did or didn't happen. The fact that her mother has "edited" these to suit her daughter and that you have the full version, will be very useful.

A trial of a 17 year old lad was recently thrown out part way through the second day, purely because of FB evidence that RF had painstakingly gathered which proved the little b&tch was lying through her teeth. So, you can see that FB evidence is very very helpful iindeed. Do NOT give it to the police though. They will show the liar and she will make up stories to refute what was there or say someone hacked into her account and posted it, or it was a false account etc....Give anything and everything you find to you your son's solicitor (who sounds excellent btw) so that she can start to build a defence should the need arise

keep posting and we'll help all we can MH

[tiger mum]

Hi Casehardened - they were both 14 at the time of the alleged incident. There is so much background to this which points to very sinister behaviour by the police. I can't explain as this is a public forum and at the moment I am at the mercy of some very unprofessional police and we are hoping they recommend that to the CPS that this should go no further. If they don't we are hoping the CPS will make that decision. But what happens to my son? His mental health, his schooling and his reputation have been damaged by this demented child and her ill advised mother. What sort of woman would put her teenage daughter through the trauma of a rape investigation when she knows she has had sex with other boys on the same night? Attention seeking nutters.

[myhome]

What sort of woman would put her teenage daughter through the trauma of a rape investigation when she knows she has had sex with other boys on the same night? Attention seeking nutters.

a woman who is either revelling in the attention she will be getting of the "how dreadful for your daughter - how are you coping?" type; or a woman who is in denial that her daughter is an underage sl*t; or a woman is trying to dig her daughter out of a hole.....
that said, don't waste your energies on trying to fathom out people's motives - you'll probably never know - instead focus on helping to build your son's defence...

[smokiejo]

Hi tigermum we was in a similar situation in september my son17 was accused by his girlfriend 16 they had been together 10 months we was in sock when it happened you learn to cope because you have to if you wNt to chat let me no we was lucky we git an nfa which was the best christmas present we are now all starting to rebuild our life's thinking of you x

[mumpleasehelpme]

Hi tigermum, I am also going through this nightmare and waiting for cps to decide the outcome, in January sometime. He is on bail, which has been extended numerous times now. We are living from day to day and I just can not function on anything else, as I am like a rollercoaster,crying one day then angry the next. My son is early 20's that is being accused,however, he also has a brother the same age as your son and I really feel for you and your son. I know how these girls act and behave at that age and their emotions are all over the place. Keep strong and positive for him.

[brinners68]

keep strong

Hi Tiger mum
I have read your posts and just want to say there is light at the end of the tunnel, my son who is 20 was also wrongly accused of rape , he was bailed for 4 months where in my opinion he was treated by the police as a criminal , there is no compassion in the law anymore , little girls who seek attention can cry wolf and mess with the accused and all their family and friends. we new my son was innocent .we've learnt from this but it has only made us better and stronger people , life is full of unfairness we just have to hold our heads up and deal with it or we will fall away .
Stay strong support him and you will be ok ..
Regards Brinners68

[tiger mum]

Thanks for the mums who have posted back - your support is really appreciated. Although my son is only 15 he is coping with this really well - mainly due to the fact everyone at his school, including the teachers, know this girl and know him. At the time of the accusation we thought people would take sides but they haven't - they just support my son. It seems that everyone is advising me a "no further action" outcome is the best we can expect. I know it is, but I don't think I'm prepared to leave it there. Before they made this accusation I had reported a "false accusation of rape" - if there isn't going to be a trial there is no opportunity for my son to clear his name. I want to hear the reasons why she said this about him. I have LOTS of theories which are backed up by evidence but the police don't seem interested. After the case has been dropped or won has anyone pressed for a prosecution of the accuser? I know its a long shot as she is young - but so is my son. If the police don't answer my questions I want to complain about their behaviour as they are not following the guidelines set out regarding false allegation claims - especially as the accuser and the boy accused of rape were both 14. Has anybody taken it further? I should find out what the CPS intend to do soon - he's not charged so not on bail - just waiting to see if they think its worth pressing charges. I don't want my son to go through a court case - but I want justice and stop this crazy girl from doing it to someone else's son.

[lawlessone2009]

Thanks for the mums who have posted back - your support is really appreciated. Although my son is only 15 he is coping with this really well - mainly due to the fact everyone at his school, including the teachers, know this girl and know him. At the time of the accusation we thought people would take sides but they haven't - they just support my son. It seems that everyone is advising me a "no further action" outcome is the best we can expect. I know it is, but I don't think I'm prepared to leave it there. Before they made this accusation I had reported a "false accusation of rape" - if there isn't going to be a trial there is no opportunity for my son to clear his name. I want to hear the reasons why she said this about him. I have LOTS of theories which are backed up by evidence but the police don't seem interested. After the case has been dropped or won has anyone pressed for a prosecution of the accuser? I know its a long shot as she is young - but so is my son. If the police don't answer my questions I want to complain about their behaviour as they are not following the guidelines set out regarding false allegation claims - especially as the accuser and the boy accused of rape were both 14. Has anybody taken it further? I should find out what the CPS intend to do soon - he's not charged so not on bail - just waiting to see if they think its worth pressing charges. I don't want my son to go through a court case - but I want justice and stop this crazy girl from doing it to someone else's son.

Patience.

You made a criminal accusation to the Police. They have a duty to investigate it.

On the face of things both complaints appear to have been made at the same time so one cannot be held to be reactionary to the other.

The Police may well chose to deal with the more serious accusation first BUT they should investigate and conclude BOTH complaints.

I would seek the opinion of your solicitor. It appears clear as day that they are capable and determined. Must've been one hell of a train journey/car ride/interview/car ride/train journey. All for a pittance as well unless you were paying for their attendance? Even still they'd need to be billing crazy amounts to cover it all!

Thank god your boy has someone like you for a mum. You've done a bloody excellent job!

I'd be pushing for a 'No Crime' rather than 'No Further Action' but wait and see what happens first. Decisions will need to be made and no doubt some further enquires. Stick to your guns.

[tiger mum]

Thanks for the advice - I will be patient but I won't let this rest. What are the outcomes the police can give us? I did pay for the solicitor - as is normal they need paying upfront - but it was worth every penny and he didn't rip us off. Even made allowance for the fact he worked on another case on the train journey.

[lawlessone2009]

Thanks for the advice - I will be patient but I won't let this rest. What are the outcomes the police can give us? I did pay for the solicitor - as is normal they need paying upfront - but it was worth every penny and he didn't rip us off. Even made allowance for the fact he worked on another case on the train journey.

Sounds like a VERY good solicitor.

Police can investigate. I am sure that the CPS are the ones that indicate the intentions:

No Crime
No Further Action
Re-bail - Further investigation to be done.
Charge and Trial


There could well be others. Don't take my word for gospel, I'm in Scotland which is slightly different.

It's not unheard off to end up suing the CPS/Police but they'd need to make some pretty horrific mistakes in the investigating/charging/trial etc. Your solicitor would advise on possibilities at the time if this was a possibility. At the moment you can't really do anything but be a comforting shoulder for your boy and attempting to suss out the entire situation. A lot of analysis and guess work I'm afraid. Unless there is a charge and then information will eventually appear.

One bit of advice. Ensure that your boy doesn't accept any form of 'offer' from the Police. Like a written caution etc in place of prosecution.

[tiger mum]

Hi - good - lets hope its No Crime then - for my son that is. I've been doing some research, it seems that to get the police to jump into action all the girl has to do is make an accusation, however to get the police to take a false accusation seriously there are millions of hoops to jump through. We covered the "accepting a caution" possibility with my son's solicitor at the police station - as he cannot remember all the events of the night due to it being his first experience of spirits, he has NEVER said he can remember sex and certainly cannot remember a rape occurring. As he answered no comment to police questions it is unlikely that the police will go for a caution as he hasn't admitted to anything. The solicitor discussed the situation with the police at length and he felt that it would go to trial as they were so determined to progress. This was the police's approach despite knowing both their ages (14) , the fact the girl had drunk/taken drugs, had sexual encounters all weekend with boys her age and older boys - both before and after the alleged rape occurred. (both later that night AND after she had sobered up, got drunk again and did it all again). This was information THE GIRL and the girl's FRIENDS had told the police. They hadn't spoken to my son or his friends at this point. Knowing all this, they tried to arrest him giving me 2 hours notice to get a specialist solicitor. It stinks, I think a lot of people on this site are so relieved to get "No Further Action" they may lose focus on the injustice of it all. The ONLY result I'll be satisfied with is No Crime + Caution for daft girl for wasting police time/perverting justice + apology from police. Until that happens I'm not going to stop fighting. I just need to know how to achieve this without further damage to my son - to be fair though he wants the same. Before this all happened he fancied being a police lawyer - needless to say he now has no such ambition. If they just drop this what has he learnt? - police are liars, girls are scary, attending a party can result in this, don't bother with school as at the word of a crazy loony it can all go to ****. What has she learnt - say what you want as the police will believe you, however many lies you tell adults will hear the one which suits their purpose, claiming rape is a good way to deflect criticism about your slutty/drug taking behaviour, when you've ruined a lad's reputation it doesn't matter as you are famous! Bonkers.