Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[lawlessone2009]

Hi - good - lets hope its No Crime then - for my son that is. I've been doing some research, it seems that to get the police to jump into action all the girl has to do is make an accusation, however to get the police to take a false accusation seriously there are millions of hoops to jump through. We covered the "accepting a caution" possibility with my son's solicitor at the police station - as he cannot remember all the events of the night due to it being his first experience of spirits, he has NEVER said he can remember sex and certainly cannot remember a rape occurring. As he answered no comment to police questions it is unlikely that the police will go for a caution as he hasn't admitted to anything. The solicitor discussed the situation with the police at length and he felt that it would go to trial as they were so determined to progress. This was the police's approach despite knowing both their ages (14) , the fact the girl had drunk/taken drugs, had sexual encounters all weekend with boys her age and older boys - both before and after the alleged rape occurred. (both later that night AND after she had sobered up, got drunk again and did it all again). This was information THE GIRL and the girl's FRIENDS had told the police. They hadn't spoken to my son or his friends at this point. Knowing all this, they tried to arrest him giving me 2 hours notice to get a specialist solicitor. It stinks, I think a lot of people on this site are so relieved to get "No Further Action" they may lose focus on the injustice of it all. The ONLY result I'll be satisfied with is No Crime + Caution for daft girl for wasting police time/perverting justice + apology from police. Until that happens I'm not going to stop fighting. I just need to know how to achieve this without further damage to my son - to be fair though he wants the same. Before this all happened he fancied being a police lawyer - needless to say he now has no such ambition. If they just drop this what has he learnt? - police are liars, girls are scary, attending a party can result in this, don't bother with school as at the word of a crazy loony it can all go to ****. What has she learnt - say what you want as the police will believe you, however many lies you tell adults will hear the one which suits their purpose, claiming rape is a good way to deflect criticism about your slutty/drug taking behaviour, when you've ruined a lad's reputation it doesn't matter as you are famous! Bonkers.

Famous for the wrong reasons... I'd imagine quite a few people will avoid her now.

As for the way you've ask your questions and gotten your answers. Well done. I know that receiving most of the answers will only have pissed you off even more.

Your determination to pursue things is to be commended. I'm pursuing both the Police and COPFS (Scottish equivalent) and won't stop until they are made to answer for the complete mess they made of what they attempted to do against me. It seems that more and more people are doing the same and over time this will most likely result in a 'balancing' of things and more consideration being taken by the Police/prosecution. If the current 'celebrity' cases don't work out in the Crowns favour then there's going to be a massive backlash with some public figures massively accelerating the 'balancing'.

If the case against your boy was going to end up in a courtroom, then, even if he was guilty (take this as a fiction for want of expanding this process of thinking please) then imagine how the prosecution are going to prosecute it, how easily the defence are going to defend it and then the 'image' that the jury are going to have stuck in their minds when deciding a verdict. The actions and admittals by his accuser have more or less solidified a Not Guilty verdict.

Taking it from the point of view which exists in the case of your son. He is innocent and facing what has been described in the previous paragraph. I see little probability that ANY prosecutor would want to take the case on and into a courtroom. There are still a few avenues that they could go down but it would be an extremely hard case for them to even attempt to bring into the realms of a courtroom never mind securing a guilty verdict.

The prosecution, at least, need to have a realistic chance of securing a conviction. I don't see much chance, I'm sure you don't either. We live in the real world though which doesn't qualify us enough to have the mind of a CPS prosecutor......

I genuinely would keep gathering info and bide your time. Keep an eye on your boys health as well as your own, it's easy to slip of a cliff face without even knowing.

As for sexual stuff. Even being completely out the game I am sure he'd have been aware of the kind of stickyness kind of sex smell type lingering stuff. Sorry to be gross but you do kind of know even if you don't.

Maybe the girl tried desperately to catch your son because she fancies him. When he rejected her she went on a rampage of sex and drugs to prove to herself she was attractive to men and capable of keeping them happy. In the cold light of day everything hit home, she knew she now had no chance of catching your boy and then her mind decided he was to blame for it all and so she went after him using the law in order to show him how much he'd hurt her.

Unfortunately it doesn't take too many braincells to be a Police Officer so she's succeeded.....


As for your boy wanting to be involved with the Police job wise. Maybe this incident will show him that he should work 'against' the Police and become a defence solicitor? They obviously don't work 'against' the Police but hopefully you get what I'm attempting to say...

This incident will have life changing effects on your boy as you have indicated. MAJOR life changing effects. He's young enough to put them to positive use. If I had my time again I wouldn't have went anywhere near engineering and instead would've gotten myself into some form of job that attempts to balance the power of the state and all its servants. Defence solicitor, non-mainstream politician, freedom fighter......

[Casehardened]

The police have been set targets by the MoJ/Government to increase rape convictions (the reasons for this are murky & unedifying and beyond the scope of this post)

To get an inside view of what a real policeman thinks about it all it might be useful to read 'Inspector Gadgets' (a serving police officer) thoughts on the subject.

Interestingly this actual post in his blog was pulled almost immediately he put it online and even more annoyingly his long-running blog has now been taken down completely. Of course Inspector Gadget was a pseudonym but a generic threat of dismissal for any serving police officers writing in such a way was made and he took the sensible option.

However thanks to the internet his words are preserved elsewhere:

(2nd article down)

http://www.angryharry.com/esOneThird...pists.htm?note

[can it get worse]

Fantastic posts TM and LLO,

I feel exactly the same as you TM and your attitude is to be admired greatly. As a mum, we would fight with all our might to maintain their well being and protect them.

LLO - you are splendid at getting your point across. I could go on but do not possess your skills and would only be repeating what you have already said.

[tiger mum]

Thanks for the vote of support! Dr Abbas Khan's mum inspired me. When my son's ordeal started she had just found her son, when I heard he had been murdered by the Syrian authorities the day before she was due to bring him home I broke down for the first time since this all happened. That wonderful brave lady used all her skills, wisdom and courage to go out to Syria alone and track down her missing son, she knew as "just his mum" they were more likely to respond to her and she was less likely to cause a political storm. Just a mum - she found him! Starving and beaten but alive. The *******s had to kill him rather than show the world what they had done - she didn't break until the fight was ended by his murder. Go girl - RIP Dr Khan. What worries me is Syria or here, people abuse their power, systems don't work and justice isn't always done.

[lawlessone2009]

Fantastic posts TM and LLO,

I feel exactly the same as you TM and your attitude is to be admired greatly. As a mum, we would fight with all our might to maintain their well being and protect them.

LLO - you are splendid at getting your point across. I could go on but do not possess your skills and would only be repeating what you have already said.

I generally miss getting points across.....

Thank you for letting me know I semi-succeeded this time. I don't really have any 'skills' unless opening a tin of beans qualifies me as skilled. Any skills that I may have are absolutely useless at the moment as I cannot use them to get a job. I cannot get a job. Everything that was being perpetrated against me by the Police and COPFS was brought to an end on August 2nd 2013 but I still cannot get a job. The thing is, I'm STILL on bail. Got no idea why and have been assured by my solicitor that I am not but I AM. Had it confirmed once again on the 14th of January 2014. If I was to apply for a job and correctly fill out the form a simple check would show that I am still subject to bail and most likely criminal investigation. Hell, the system probably states I am currently locked up in Barlinnie or something.

I really have nothing else to do but spend my days processing thought and arguing with myself. That's probably why it seems that I talk some sense now and again. Everyone else has a life and potentially a job to distract them...

Fortunately I have seen some good parts of life. I've had a few relationships be them long or short, I've had jobs, I've been positive, I've had fun and soooooo much more. For me to have found myself where I did when I did wasn't too much of a great big deal as I had seen so much to begin with.

What I find extremely saddening is that 'Tiger Mums' son is 14, he's seen so little, he's probably still (or at least WAS) enjoying his transition towards being a young man and earning a buck or two. Purely through circumstance he (and his mum/family) are now facing a 'tangent' in their time line. Things will never be what they should have been. It appears that this is through nothing other than a vicious and lying girl, a FOURTEEN year old girl.

I can take this purely looking at their circumstances and what they are facing. I can relate directly to it and I am saddened greatly by it.

I am also able to take a step back from this and attempt to look at the wider picture. I ask myself:

What in hell is society breeding? What does the future hold?



We can all look back in time and see the various different attitudes that existed towards sex. We can all see how both sides went about sexual encounters. We can also see, and probably remember, that sexual encounters weren't/aren't quite what the fancy adverts on the TV/in the media say. Where I am really struggling now is what the future holds.

The word rape is being banded around as if it's just simply a word. A word that can be used when you're pissed off, when you don't like someone or when someone doesn't quite give you what you expect. It seems to be a route to riches, a route to attention and a route to justify why you aren't the out and out superstar that you were guaranteed to be if only 'that' hadn't happened. Rape is being devalued as it's being over used to describe all sorts of different things and also being used as a 'catch all' for otherwise 'slightly not nice' treatment.

Rape is a bloody serious offence and should be treated with the utmost attention to detail and thorough investigation that it deserves. Instead it is being poorly and one-sided-ly investigated, shambolically prosecuted and dragged out the stables every time someone wants a promotion or re-election. People who are genuinely raped must, themselves, be sickened by what is happening. Genuine rapists are no doubt slipping through the net because resources and finances are being needlessly wasted on the persecution of innocent individuals. It is not only the individuals who are suffering it's their friends and family. The net is widening with every false accusation until at some point rape will no doubt simply be treated as a fixed penalty offence the same as speeding.

Nobody will trust anyone and everyone will be tired of hearing about it. At that point the vicious and sick minded rapists will almost be able to blend in with the rest of normal society as we will no longer be able to tell who's a victim of false allegation and who is a genuine perpetrator. We'll not be able to trust anything the Government or Police will be saying as according to them and their databases we'll all be rapists.


Jeez. I'm ranting.

Sorry.

[whatsgoingon?]

Good post L1! Sorry to hear you're situation is still so bad. However, I disagree with you about the potential damage to TM's son, at 15 you are both vulnerable and resilient. I hope time won't prove me wrong but TM's boy will probably get over this very quickly once it's over and will have learnt from his mother one very important lesson - that injustice is intolerable and has to be fought on all fronts. Sadly, daftgirl probably will never mend her ways unless a life-changing event comes her way.

Hi Tigermum (how aptly named!) I've been away and just read your ordeal. I think the support you are showing your son is amazing - the fact you are obviously behind him and have got him an ace solicitor reduces the chances of the CPS getting a prosecution. This might seem twisted, but this is how I saw it work in my own son's case (in reverse, first of all). His case did go to court where he was found not guilty after a pretty farcical trial. I'm glad to say that he's now thriving, though I'm sure the scars will remain for a while yet, and there's been irrepairable damage done in our attitude to the police - it certainly opened our eyes.
Getting an excellent solicitor was the best thing you could have done - it's such a shame it's costing you and the State so much. Not sure what it's all in aid of It sounds like the teachers at his school have got their heads srewed on and that he's got support all round.

I hope everything comes right for you very quickly.

[lawlessone2009]

Good post L1! Sorry to hear you're situation is still so bad. However, I disagree with you about the potential damage to TM's son, at 15 you are both vulnerable and resilient. I hope time won't prove me wrong but TM's boy will probably get over this very quickly once it's over and will have learnt from his mother one very important lesson - that injustice is intolerable and has to be fought on all fronts. Sadly, daftgirl probably will never mend her ways unless a life-changing event comes her way.

Hi Tigermum (how aptly named!) I've been away and just read your ordeal. I think the support you are showing your son is amazing - the fact you are obviously behind him and have got him an ace solicitor reduces the chances of the CPS getting a prosecution. This might seem twisted, but this is how I saw it work in my own son's case (in reverse, first of all). His case did go to court where he was found not guilty after a pretty farcical trial. I'm glad to say that he's now thriving, though I'm sure the scars will remain for a while yet, and there's been irrepairable damage done in our attitude to the police - it certainly opened our eyes.
Getting an excellent solicitor was the best thing you could have done - it's such a shame it's costing you and the State so much. Not sure what it's all in aid of It sounds like the teachers at his school have got their heads srewed on and that he's got support all round.

I hope everything comes right for you very quickly.

Hey, I was ranting...

I am not going to question for one second your view or wisdom. Spot on.

Mentioning the fact it's a good solicitor and also the lengths that were gone too to get them there/for them to be there. Yeah, it'll show em you mean business so they may be less inclined to be idiotic and a little more inclined to investigate.

I'll try not and rant again. Not a good day today.

[can it get worse]

Hi LLO,

You were not ranting one bit - your points were all valid and your opinions are important. WGO's opinions are equivalently important.

Re: 'having a bad day' - we all have our fair share of those. Mine are every day and the constant agony of worry is endless and tiring.

False accusers (& their supporters) have much to answer for - hopefully their time will come.

[DeamonsRun]

RE- help with your case... I am sad to say i have been a victim of a false accussation of Rape.

I am Sad to say that over 70% of Rape accusations every year are false.
I have been a victim of such an accusation which still follows me today 10 years after I was found innocent.
I can honestly recommend this and that is when your son is found innocent, take the ***** to court for slander and false statement.
Also get your Son therapy ASAP....
I now suffer from mild Bipolar disorder because of what happened and even with all my family and friends supporting me at the time I felt so alone and Isolated that I nearly committed suicide.
Please tell your son that he is not alone and that if he holds strong and steadfast that he will overcome this and be a stronger man.
I would also like your help in a petition to Government to change the Law, that if a girl/women is found to be Lieing about being Raped that She will subject to the same sentence as if a man was found guilty of the crime.

[tiger mum]

Hi deamon run - I'll give you any support anyhow I can - what kind of support do you need?

With a couple of weeks we should know how the what the CPS intend to progress. This will dictate which battle commences. Although I would like to make this girl accountable for the impact of her lies, my son wants it over. He is at the same school as her, (can you imagine an adult having no choice but to eat lunch everyday day in the same place as a woman who had tried to destroy your life with these evil lies?) and he wants his old life back. I have to respect that this is his situation to manage, but as long as he is not directly involved with any action initiated by me, he understands if we get "No Crime" or "No Further Action" this still isn't good enough regarding the hell she and the police have put us through. I've explained that it's up to the CPS if they want to take our report of a false accusation further - but I made this allegation to the police in the spirit of protecting my son, (on the same evening but before her mother reported a alleged rape) not with the intention of persecuting a daft 14 year old who doesn't seem to understand what rape means - (until the police explain it to her then she says "oh yes - that's what happened"). So basically until we know what the CPS intend to do we are sitting site, trying not to worry too much. If they are going to prosecute him I have no doubt we will successfully defend him - but obviously at such a young age I want him to just get back on track with his life - which by the way was going very, very well before all this. We have spoken about counselling - I have some basic experience myself - but he feels he is doing okay with me to talk to. You can't impose counselling on anyone so I'm just keeping a close eye on him and we talk about his day, if anything has been said about it all, did he see her school etc. He's much better than he was, thankfully he does have wisdom beyond his years, he has a lot of faith in his Solicitor and some of his teachers have been particularly supportive of him. He's a genuinely nice lad, nobody believes her except her mother (if she doesn't then she is the most vile of people to do this to another child) and the police. We have just got to hang on and see what happens......... Kids do bounce, its us adults who dwell and over think things and go loopy - just got to make sure this doesn't have a lasting impact - he was angry and "why me" - now he says its better she singled him out as me and him can cope with it and his friends wouldn't have done so well! I think he actually feels sorry for her as no one will speak to her at school - you've got to give him credit for that.

[lawlessone2009]

Hi deamon run - I'll give you any support anyhow I can - what kind of support do you need?

With a couple of weeks we should know how the what the CPS intend to progress. This will dictate which battle commences. Although I would like to make this girl accountable for the impact of her lies, my son wants it over. He is at the same school as her, (can you imagine an adult having no choice but to eat lunch everyday day in the same place as a woman who had tried to destroy your life with these evil lies?) and he wants his old life back. I have to respect that this is his situation to manage, but as long as he is not directly involved with any action initiated by me, he understands if we get "No Crime" or "No Further Action" this still isn't good enough regarding the hell she and the police have put us through. I've explained that it's up to the CPS if they want to take our report of a false accusation further - but I made this allegation to the police in the spirit of protecting my son, (on the same evening but before her mother reported a alleged rape) not with the intention of persecuting a daft 14 year old who doesn't seem to understand what rape means - (until the police explain it to her then she says "oh yes - that's what happened"). So basically until we know what the CPS intend to do we are sitting site, trying not to worry too much. If they are going to prosecute him I have no doubt we will successfully defend him - but obviously at such a young age I want him to just get back on track with his life - which by the way was going very, very well before all this. We have spoken about counselling - I have some basic experience myself - but he feels he is doing okay with me to talk to. You can't impose counselling on anyone so I'm just keeping a close eye on him and we talk about his day, if anything has been said about it all, did he see her school etc. He's much better than he was, thankfully he does have wisdom beyond his years, he has a lot of faith in his Solicitor and some of his teachers have been particularly supportive of him. He's a genuinely nice lad, nobody believes her except her mother (if she doesn't then she is the most vile of people to do this to another child) and the police. We have just got to hang on and see what happens......... Kids do bounce, its us adults who dwell and over think things and go loopy - just got to make sure this doesn't have a lasting impact - he was angry and "why me" - now he says its better she singled him out as me and him can cope with it and his friends wouldn't have done so well! I think he actually feels sorry for her as no one will speak to her at school - you've got to give him credit for that.

Good grief. I'm getting an education here. You say you only know the 'basics'? Either your understating your awesomeness or you've eaten too many books over the last short time.

Your boy is lucky to have you as his mum. I can believe 110% that he's genuine and intelligent.

Hell, I remember a time when I could 'operate' efficiently and progress in life. Slowly getting back to it. It's good to hear your keeping the 'chats' and things on the go with focus in the right areas at the right times. I'm hoping you two don't have a fall out when thnigs do come to an end in so far as the false allegation is concerned. I trust your boy will see and understand everything that you are doing for him.

[tiger mum]

No chance of my son and I falling out! We never do - real chips off the same old block. When he was new born and his brother 2 his dad decided he didn't want us and went on a 5 week round the world trip which inevitably led to divorce. I think the bond we formed back then has only got stronger through the years - I've always been on the same team as the boys. I had a terrible life changing experience when I was 17, as a result I was prosecuted and felt very isolated and abandoned by the adults around me, also my older siblings who were all busy getting on with their lives. I remember the "why me" thoughts I had at the time - when this blew up with my son. I realised why - so I could do a proper job of parenting him - a job my parents failed at with catastrophic results for me. That's what we have do - pull on our resources and experiences and tap into the skills and knowledge of others to help people through. I played at counselling others to give something back but it frustrated me how little some people are prepared to do - whinging doesn't get you anywhere. I can't think of a more deserving person to receive my support than my son - but I appreciate the advice about keeping a very close eye on his mental state - I can't take it for granted. My elder son has needed support too, he's had to cope with school friends asking if he has heard his little brother is a rapist. They've always been close - but they are closer now as its really made them realise how much they need each other - not just me!

[DeamonsRun]

Problems continue for many years to come,,

After being on the receiving end of an allegation of Rape, I can tell everyone that even years down the line I still suffer from it. The main area it affects my life is with Relationships, I havnt been in a single relationship since were I havnt thought to myself (What If)... Sadly the knock-on effects of such an allegation are huge and will last for years. Even being found innocent doesn't fully help, yes you obviously have the initial joy that its all over and that you have won, but with time the effects of the Trauma start to show.
You can never fully recover from such an allegation it will be with you for the rest of your life...
It has so many knock-on effects in your life that it could almost be described as Torture.
I just hope that one day I can be in a relationship were I don't have that (What If) feeling running through my head any more.

[Dave]

After being on the receiving end of an allegation of Rape, I can tell everyone that even years down the line I still suffer from it. The main area it affects my life is with Relationships, I havnt been in a single relationship since were I havnt thought to myself (What If)... Sadly the knock-on effects of such an allegation are huge and will last for years. Even being found innocent doesn't fully help, yes you obviously have the initial joy that its all over and that you have won, but with time the effects of the Trauma start to show.
You can never fully recover from such an allegation it will be with you for the rest of your life...
It has so many knock-on effects in your life that it could almost be described as Torture.
I just hope that one day I can be in a relationship were I don't have that (What If) feeling running through my head any more.

I concur, but try not to let it rule your life.

[DeamonsRun]

Re- Dave Thank you

Thank You for your comment, and yes I do try my best, but sometimes I cant help it going through my mind.
I can still see the whole event in my mind in every little detail.
I think it is wrong that when a girl accuses a man of Rape they get all the help and support in the world given to them, but if a man is found innocent of these allegations all he gets, oh well your innocent and tossed out with no support from the state and left to suffer from effects of what has happened to Him...
The sad fact of today is that 3 in every 5 Rape allegations are false and the girls behind these false allegations only receive a slap on the wrist in (Don't do it again)...
I believe and support that If a Girl is found to be making false allegations of Rape, that she will then become subject to the same laws if a man was found guilty of the crime she has accused him of...
This would include a prison sentence of at least 2 years without parole.
A fine for wasting police time and false testimony
And paying compensation and legal fees of the Man she has wrongfully accused.
With this would also in cure a restraining order against Her and her Family from approaching the man or going near his home.
A criminal record for life, so if she applies for a job where they have to do a background chech it will show up, just as if it were a man convicted of the crime.
With this as a Law I believe that cases where men are being falsely accused will drop dramatically or even better STOP completely.