Help me, am in hell

[Frankie]

Hi my name is Frankie, 48 years old, married since 1996.
My wife cheated on me 2 months ago and told me it was over between us. Our Relationship has not been brilliant for the last 2 years, separate bedrooms, holidays alone with our boys and no sex life for 2 years. i started a divorce procedure on the 28th of November but was still living at home with her and the boys. As you can imagine there was constant arguments but i d like to make it clear they were only verbal not physical.
on the 28th of December she went to the police accusing me of sexual assault and rape !!!
She told them that i raped her in Feb 2012, nearly over 2 years ago!!
They arrested me at work and took me to the police station where i spent 15 hours in a cell wondering what was going on. Saw a solicitor there and had a formal interview with a detective.
I have been released on bail until the 15th of Jan, cant go back to my house or contact my wife or my boys directly or inderectly.
i live in Kent and so far my friends have been very supportive, but i am scared of the hearing at the police station.
I hope they will understand that it is a messy divorce and suddenly she is coming with that awful story of rape.

Pleqse i need your help and advice, will give you as much information as i can.

Frankie

[Faith]

A messy divorce is sadly the perfect environment for a false allegation and if you can take one positivity out of this it should be that it may well be highly transparent due to her timing of raising it.

That doesnt make the ordeal any easier for you in the interim however.
Unfortunatley, it is a waiting game up until the bail date and you may have to prepare for a rebail as the bail date is awfully soon.

Any evidence that you find or anything you think of that may help your case, go to your solicitor with it...NOT the police.

[frightened spouse]

Hello Frankie sorry to hear of your situation.

It's just a thought but the fact is that legal aid is no longer available to women seeking a divorce UNLESS they claim they are suffering domestic abuse. Could this possibly be a motive for your wife's allegations ?

[Frankie]

Hello again,

Thanks for your replies, i know i have to be patient regarding the bail but it is killing me not being able to contact my boys.

One evidence i have is an hand writting note from my wife to her solicitor stating last intimate sex was in Feb 2012, while in the meantime she told the police i raped her at the very same date!

I m coming back to the UK tomorrow and am very anxious, got nowhere "safe" to sleep, going back to work the day after and seing my solicitor on the 9th.

I guess i have 4 options on the 15th: _ being charged with rape _extension of my bail _cautions for the assault _ or being free again and obviously in my mind i am thinking of the worst one despite knowing and being told by friends and family that i ve done nothing wrong.
I verbally threatened my wife in the heat of the moment (nothing too serious, usual insults) but after i found out she cheated on me i felt, and still feel, deeply hurt.
I am a good dad to my boys, dont drink, dont do drunks and am a manager where i work. i am regarded as an honest hard working man, well liked at work with no criminal record.

Frankie

[o my god]

hi frankie

this sounds very much like my case, my ex-partner was cheating on me stopped me seeing my son. I went though the courts got to see my son and she was warrend that if she didn't keep to it that my son would come and live with me, 6mths after the last court hearing I am arrested of rape against her. I have been charged why the police and cps can not see this I just don't understand.

who has said that you cant see your children?

[myhome]

Hi Frankie and welcome to the forum but so sorry to see yet another new person here. Sadly your story is all too common - revenge and manipulation, not to mention the financial compensation she is likely to get - may help with divorce costs

if you have kept any correspondence - cards, gifts, emails , social media etc from around the time she has accused you , then keep these electronically somewhere where the police can't get them should they decide to seize your laptop and other electronic equipment.

Please be aware straight away that the Police are not your friends and are not interested in proving your innocence or finding out the truth. They have conviction targets to meet and will be more interested in this. As faith has said, give anything you have which will help you to prove she is lying, to your solicitor. It is also imperative that you have a very good legal team which specialises in historic rape cases. Have a look at this sticky to see if there are any recommended/to avoid in your area.

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

Keep strong, keep posting and we'll help all we can...MH

[Frankie]

Hi,

Thanks again guys for your support.....to reply to one question about not seing my kids it is mention on my police bail not to have direct or indirect contact with them as they are considered as witnesses (one is 16 and the youngest one is 11).
I dont have any evidence, good or bad, about the particular day in Feb 2012, got pictures of the 4 of us posing as a happy family but does that count?
I am amazed that the police cant see the obvious reason why she is accusing me of rape......a messy divorce cos she cheated on me (i can prove it), a constant verbal abuse for 8 weeks from both of us, dont forget that a week before my arrest she told my older son that she was scared i would murder her!!.....so why if she was so scared did she come back home and did not mention it to the police. In fact i am the one who went to see a police friend and told him about that allegation. Luckily for me he is happy to provide a statment to his sergent.

Why would the police charges me without any proof, why can they see she is a lying ***** who wants the cake and eat it, what will be the impact on my boys, how about my job, so far my boss is supportive me as it is a domestic issue but what will happen if it goes to court and they find me guilty????....so many questions and so far no replies.

My solicitor (a woman) does not want to tell me what i want to hear (no proof so innocent), she has enough experience but i trust her to clear my name. All i wish is to go back home on the 15th or 16th to be able to see my boys and have access to my personnal stuff.......and then move on to a new place and get a fair divorce.

Frankie

[myhome]

I dont have any evidence, good or bad, about the particular day in Feb 2012, got pictures of the 4 of us posing as a happy family but does that count?

I would say very possibly especially if they were taken after the alleged rape

I am amazed that the police cant see the obvious reason why she is accusing me of rape......a messy divorce cos she cheated on me (i can prove it), a constant verbal abuse for 8 weeks from both of us,

They quite possibly can but they have conviction targets to meet so it is in their own self-serving interests to ignore it altogether, or twist it to make it your fault...

Why would the police charges me without any proof, why can they see she is a lying ***** who wants the cake and eat it,

see above.....

what will be the impact on my boys, how about my job, so far my boss is supportive me as it is a domestic issue but what will happen if it goes to court and they find me guilty????....

sadly there will be a huge impact on your sons - far too many vindictive wives/partners use their children as pawns. However, when this is all over you can help them to repair the damage that has been done to them. With regard to your job, it depends on your employer. Some people have lost their jobs; some have been suspended during the investigation, and some have been allowed to carry on working. There is some protection in employment law regarding this

so many questions and so far no replies.

You probably won't get any replies from the police. your solicitor/legal team is the one who can help you but no-one can predict the outcome because every case is different. There are similarities between many but that doesn't mean the result will be similar/the same. It's best not to try to second guess what might or might not happen (easy to say, not easy to do) and use your time and energies in building your defence...

My solicitor (a woman) does not want to tell me what i want to hear (no proof so innocent), she has enough experience but i trust her to clear my name

.
She cannot tell you this because she cannot know. When you answer bail, there are 3 things which may or may not happen. i) you will be rebailed; ii) you will be charged; iii) the case will be dropped/NFA'd. It really isn't possible for her to say which of these it will be. Advice from members on here facing this is - prepare for the worst so it's not a horrible shock. They have also said that being charged has brought a little relief because then they knew what they were facing and could start to take some positive action

All i wish is to go back home on the 15th or 16th to be able to see my boys and have access to my personnal stuff.......

This may be possible. It may not - but be prepared that it might not bebe.....

and then move on to a new place and get a fair divorce.

Hopefully when this is all over you will be able to do this....many members on here have done this, are doing it or are preparing to do it.....

Please be strong - don't let her win - she ain't worth it - keep posting and we'll keep helping all we can MH

[Frankie]

Hi and thanks for your reply.

Meeting my solicitor this afternoon to prepare my defense. May be you can help me more: i've got an hand writting draft written by my wife to her solicitor where she cleary says: "Last intimate sex was in Feb 2012 (date of the alleged rape). It simply shows that she is lying to the police!!!
Do you think its a valid proof which could prove that i am innocent.
Frankie

I would say very possibly especially if they were taken after the alleged rape

They quite possibly can but they have conviction targets to meet so it is in their own self-serving interests to ignore it altogether, or twist it to make it your fault...

see above.....

sadly there will be a huge impact on your sons - far too many vindictive wives/partners use their children as pawns. However, when this is all over you can help them to repair the damage that has been done to them. With regard to your job, it depends on your employer. Some people have lost their jobs; some have been suspended during the investigation, and some have been allowed to carry on working. There is some protection in employment law regarding this

You probably won't get any replies from the police. your solicitor/legal team is the one who can help you but no-one can predict the outcome because every case is different. There are similarities between many but that doesn't mean the result will be similar/the same. It's best not to try to second guess what might or might not happen (easy to say, not easy to do) and use your time and energies in building your defence...
.
She cannot tell you this because she cannot know. When you answer bail, there are 3 things which may or may not happen. i) you will be rebailed; ii) you will be charged; iii) the case will be dropped/NFA'd. It really isn't possible for her to say which of these it will be. Advice from members on here facing this is - prepare for the worst so it's not a horrible shock. They have also said that being charged has brought a little relief because then they knew what they were facing and could start to take some positive action

This may be possible. It may not - but be prepared that it might not bebe.....

Hopefully when this is all over you will be able to do this....many members on here have done this, are doing it or are preparing to do it.....

Please be strong - don't let her win - she ain't worth it - keep posting and we'll keep helping all we can MH

[o my god]

do not let the police have the hand written draft from your wife they will only go back to her and let her change her story, the police are not your friends!! they are not there to help you, by all means let your sol have a copy.

[Frankie]

Hi,

I've got no intention to give it to the police. i've got the original one plus a copy for my solicitor.
Also on the day of the alleged rape it was half term and my wife is accusing me to do it at 09.00, while my 2 boys were either sleeping or awake next door. Why did not she shout for help if i was rapping her (my oldest one was 13 at the time), why did not she go to the police straight away, why did i not touch her for the next 2 years as it was our last intimate moment .....so basically she is saying that i raped her and left her in peace for 2 years...and funny enough we are now divorcing due to her cheated on me and she comes with that awful accusation....
I hope that whoever is dealing with my case will clearly see that she is lying, got no evidence whatsoever, she is just mental and vicious as far as i am concerned.

Frankie

do not let the police have the hand written draft from your wife they will only go back to her and let her change her story, the police are not your friends!! they are not there to help you, by all means let your sol have a copy.

[o my god]

I think your ex is doing the same as mine (they don't get legal aid anymore us there was abuse) 2 and a half years on my ex calms it, and what a surprize her legal aid has ran out.

[Frankie]

Hi,

Went to see my lawyer yesterday for the very first time, 35 years old woman, very straight to the point, impartial, with an answer to almost all my questions.
To resume she told me first she is not my friend but only here to defend me, that she will do her best to find out before my visit to the police station on the 15th if i am being charged or not (she might know the day before), that if i am charged then she will have access to evidences and files to start my defense. She said that first it would go to a magistrate court (4 weeks later) and then to the Crown court (which could be in June!!), in the meantime she said that the bail conditions could stay the same, if my boys are witnesses, which means i won't be able to see or talk to them for another 6 months!!!

She told me that if my wife admits she is lying that she could now be prosecuted and send to jail, which means that for her (my wife) own interest she'd better stick to her lie. To be fair i was hoping that my wife would realise that she has gone too far and would withdraw her rape allegation, i guess i can't forget about it!!!

Anyway i left her office almost in tears (especially with the kids situation) but with no choice than to wait until the 15th. She took a photocopy of the draft my wife did to her solicitor (the one where she says intimate sex instead of rape!!) and few other documents (dirty e mails sent to my wife by a chap 2 years ago).

Thanks for reading me guys, i wait for your comments

Frankie

[Casehardened]

To resume she told me first she is not my friend but only here to defend me,

Hi,

Don't take this comment personally; sometimes in domestic cases there is a tendency for clients to use solicitors as counsellors or confidants as well as for the nuts and bolts of legalities.

If the client is on legal aid this is distracting the solicitor from his/her real business and if not it can be expensive.

However you must feel confidence in her otherwise you will not function together as a team.

[BitterSweet007]

Hi frankie

I can fully understand the emotions you are going through. My now discontinued case has many similarities to yours. My ex wife (not divorced yet) was my FA. We have two young children together.

I have been prevented from seeing my children (now 6 months) & it is torture. I will tell you that the only thing that helps me get through this, is what my solicitor told me and that is to think of this a just a small phase in their life and eventually you will be reunited with them.

I am in family court and you will probably get furher outrageous allegations made about you. This is a ploy for time delays so CAFCASS get involved and write reports.

Its is sickening really. However fight for the truth and try not to despair you are only at the very beginning and may not even get charged.

Good luck.