Moving on

[shockedlad]

11 months ago I found out my girlfriend of nearly 4 years had been cheating on me. I exposed the whole thing and dumped her. In retaliation her and her scheming family decided to accuse me of rape 6 years prior to this- which was absurd because that was nearly 2 years before I first met/spoke to her. I was never good enough for her snobbish family and they finally turned her against me after years of work.

Thankfully I have overwhelming proof their accusations were false- which is why I assume they never went to the police. But they did spread it around all my social group and friends. Just about all of my friends saw through the lies, disowned her, and have stuck by me till today.

Since then, her and her new guy got engaged and will be getting married next year i guess. I've completely erased them from my life and only see her maybe a couple times a year from a distance (religious events).

The point of my post though is regarding moving on.

It really saddens me that someone can just ruin someone who jumped through hoops for them, and then carry on a seemingly happy life with the next guy down the line. I'm waiting on karma to give me some form of justice.

Also, I have zero interest in girls anymore since that. I naturally don't open up to people in that way, and the bad experience I've had has put me off completely. I can see big trust issues looming now. I have some good friends, enjoy my work, and I'm perfectly content being single. I guess I'm even heading towards becoming anti-relationship.

Is that normal?

[Boys don't cry]

Hi and Happy new year Shockedlad.

It's been a few days I am waiting for someone to answer your post...
So I will do it.

To answer your question:It is normal or I also am experiencing the same.
Obviously I have been mentally "challenged" due to the things she told me to get me out of the house.
The false accusation of blackmail,rape and more dirty tricks to win the divorce (including forbidding me to see my son) while she still going on with her wrath,envy,greed,pride, lust. 5 out of 7.

When a woman is watching me,I am always wandering why?
(I am not Eros nor the hunchback of Notre Dame)

I am quite shy as well which doesn't help.
I don't mind being single but I do miss this trust.
I won't go to the GP nor counsellor and think:

Good things come for those who wait.

I have been quite patient during my nightmare:
Never signed anything for the divorce.

Thought I wouldn't be able to make it:
Be free and contradict her statement and all the lies in the final diclosure.
I did and her own sister came as a defence witness for me.
Be alive and survive after being homeless,accident,an afternoon with my (harsh but excellent) barrister and the trial.
I did and I see my son.

Hopefully 2014 will be fruitfull with health,justice,respect,trust,...

[whatsgoingon?]

Also, I have zero interest in girls anymore since that. I naturally don't open up to people in that way, and the bad experience I've had has put me off completely. I can see big trust issues looming now. I have some good friends, enjoy my work, and I'm perfectly content being single. I guess I'm even heading towards becoming anti-relationship.

Is that normal?

It sounds perfectly normal to me! There are vicious people with hidden agendas the world over. Staying single while you get over this is probably the very best thing you can do - and now you've had your eyes open I'm sure you'll go into another relationship much the wiser and with your eyes open. It's sad that an experience such as this can destroy your faith in humanity, but your friends stayed by you you know now there are people you truly count for and who count for you.

Well done to you, BDC, for your incredibly tenacity and patience as regards your son - you are an inspiration to many especially those of us who remember just how bad it was for you and know the help and kindness you have given others (me included for which I will always be grateful).

I wish you both an excellent 2014

[lawlessone2009]

Trust issues are to be broken in to two parts in your case.

She cheated on you.

She created an absurd and hurtful lie.


I would imagine that you suffered an extended period of emotional trauma and self questioning over many different aspects. You will have arrived at many conclusions and it is most likely that the easiest conclusion is simply one of 'defence'. You won't want to get involved with others as you have seen how nasty and twisted they can be.

I would encourage you to embrace a defensive openness if you can possibly understand that position. Do not withdraw from society or avoid the opposite sex but attempt to ensure that when within society and interacting with the opposite sex you are in an environment that is open (restaurant/shopping centre/swimming pool/pub etc) as that will provide the 'protection' that you will feel comfortable with and yet allow you to slowly begin to relax your defences and begin to embrace the possibility that the nasty twisted ones are not ALL of the opposite sex.

I suppose that the other issue may be that you are scared to approach and interact with the opposite sex in case they are made aware of the baseless accusation that your ex made. You don't feel that you are duty bound to inform everyone and anyone of your position as, personally, it's a blooming lie to begin with and also you could be uncertain of how they will react. It could also be a case that you will invest many months/years building a relationship only for that future partner to 'discover' your past or you to feel compelled to tell them with dire consequences and then the possibility of a subsequent accusation from someone who happens to be more intelligent and actually willing to act on their threats...

I say. Embrace defensive openness. See how you do. Don't go jumping into a relationship for the hell of it, sometimes true love simply 'appears' and everything else is completely immaterial or simply no longer matters.

I would try online dating sites (the free ones!) to begin with so that you actually have a higher level of protection from exposed public meetings etc. Don't go looking for a relationship or traveling all over the country meeting various females but more focus on interacting with the opposite sex and building up a kind of 'trust' again that there are a lot of really honest and trustworthy people out there.

It's incredibly difficult to find a lasting relationship but there is one out there for you! There is a woman wondering around out there with her own little life, you don't know what she looks like, what she's interested in, where she lives or even if her parents will like you but at some point in the future your paths will cross and the rest will be history. Try to get over your present pain and suffering so that when you meet her you have some positivity and energy left to ensure you don't lose her.

[myhome]

The point of my post though is regarding moving on.

It really saddens me that someone can just ruin someone who jumped through hoops for them, and then carry on a seemingly happy life with the next guy down the line. I'm waiting on karma to give me some form of justice.

Also, I have zero interest in girls anymore since that. I naturally don't open up to people in that way, and the bad experience I've had has put me off completely. I can see big trust issues looming now. I have some good friends, enjoy my work, and I'm perfectly content being single. I guess I'm even heading towards becoming anti-relationship.

Is that normal?

Hi shockedlad - sorry I seemed to have missed your thread

I think "seemingly happy" is about right - you cannot know what is going on underneath her external façade. The person who should be worried is her current partner....

Also, I think your feelings are completely "normal" - because they are "normal" for you. It doesn't matter whether this happens to others or not and comparisons of your feelings, reactions and emotions aren't helpful to you and could potentially cause more distress to you. Rather than expend energy in trying to work out why you feel what you feel and whether is "normal" or not, I would suggest you seek help and support from your GP who can recommend appropriate talking therapists for you to help you to understand what you are experiencing and also help you to learn to trust again...
Keep strong - karma will get her and all the other liars in the end.....

[gixa82]

11 months ago I found out my girlfriend of nearly 4 years had been cheating on me. I exposed the whole thing and dumped her. In retaliation her and her scheming family decided to accuse me of rape 6 years prior to this- which was absurd because that was nearly 2 years before I first met/spoke to her. I was never good enough for her snobbish family and they finally turned her against me after years of work.

Thankfully I have overwhelming proof their accusations were false- which is why I assume they never went to the police. But they did spread it around all my social group and friends. Just about all of my friends saw through the lies, disowned her, and have stuck by me till today.

Since then, her and her new guy got engaged and will be getting married next year i guess. I've completely erased them from my life and only see her maybe a couple times a year from a distance (religious events).

The point of my post though is regarding moving on.

It really saddens me that someone can just ruin someone who jumped through hoops for them, and then carry on a seemingly happy life with the next guy down the line. I'm waiting on karma to give me some form of justice.

Also, I have zero interest in girls anymore since that. I naturally don't open up to people in that way, and the bad experience I've had has put me off completely. I can see big trust issues looming now. I have some good friends, enjoy my work, and I'm perfectly content being single. I guess I'm even heading towards becoming anti-relationship.

Is that normal?

Hi Shockedlad

I sounds very normal, and certainly what I experienced and continue to experience todate. I was falsely accused of Rape, it took 1 mis trial and a further trial for me to be found not guilty and for the judge to actually state that I had proven my innocence, this took over 19 months.

Its fair to say that I now trust very few people and have watched people I called my friends disappear, and when I did find someone I was so nervous that they too would make up accusations. Luckily I have some exceptional friends who supported me all the way through it, it is important to talk about what you feel, as I know I certainly became very wary of my own judgement following this.

Personally I believe it helps to stay single while you work out your thoughts and some of the major issues that come out of such an accusation, but I am learning that not everyone is like those who make these false allegations, it takes time but don't give up.

[Dave]

All sounds pretty normal, I now trust no one except close family and a few very close friends.
Time will heal to a certain extent.
She is no longer anything to do with you, she is now someone else's problem and no doubt a problem is what she will be for them in the future, do not give her any thought from now on.