Broken mum

[Broken mum]

Sorry if this isn't the right place to write, I'm new to this as well as my situation my 15 year old has been accused of raping his 14yr old ex girlfriend after he got back with another ex... Complicated love lives these teens have!
He was arrested at our home in the easy hours of last week and interviewed and bailed the next day. Apparently it has come to word against word. The DC in charge has insinuated that these kinds of cases come to nothing and are usually a case of a snowball effect. In the space of less than 2 weeks our lives feel to have turned upside down, I'm a nervous wreck. My son has never been in any trouble and is young and feels as he has done noting wrong and told the police the truth everything will be fine, i am not so young, trusting or naive. Am I wrong ? We have not discussed this with any one outside our family while she, it seems, is telling everyone? Our home was targeted by her friends and our property damaged.
My son is refusing to attend school until it's sorted, I don't blame him and wish I could hide away too....
I feel lost and helpless as a mum :'(

[Casehardened]

Hi & welcome to the forum though sorry that you needed to find us.

Another mum has described uncannily similar circumstances; I have linked below as you may find the responses helpful:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...Distraught-Mum

[o my god]

hi

did your son have a sol with him when he was interviewed?

[Broken mum]

Thank you, just read through quickly and it's very similar ... Feel a little less alone in this now. Will join thread .. x

[Broken mum]

Yes, he had duty sol. It's all very confusing to me tbh, first time I've ever been in police station myself. Confused as police being very nice but been warned by others not to tell them anything extra I find. We have come into possession of few Facebook statuses of interest etc... Would I give to sol or contact police!?

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi Broken mum - this is the right place to write! Welcome to the forum.
I can quite understand how fraught with worry you must be right now. Did your son have a solicitor or adult present with him during interview? If not I can't stress strongly enough how important it is to get in touch with a criminal lawyer who specialises in sexual allegations and is used to dealing with children. Never allow him to be interviewed again without a solicitor present - young people are particularly vulnerable. Sadly , his case is not unique, there's at least one other person with a son about the same age as yours and in the same position on the forum at the moment.

If this girl's friends come round, make a record of it, take pictures, video what ever it is they're up to and report them if they're vandalising your property or being abusive. If she comes round, get in touch with the police immediately as it is probably in his bail conditions not to have any contact with her. If she bad mouth's your son and is making accusations about him to all and sundry - that's slander.

As for not going back to school... let's hope it's sorted out very quickly but it could last several months or more. I fear that coming out of the school system may well make a bad thing worst, not only is it very hard to get back into learning once you get out of the habit but this move may well jeopardize his future chances in life, particularly if he's in an exam year. Staying at home and cutting himself off from the world is not the solution. I would encourage him to agree to your both getting in touch with his head teacher and explaining the situation. You may well find him/her much more sympathetic than you could think.

It's perfectly understandable that he doesn't want to talk about it, but he is a minor and you do have a right to know what's going on. It's not just between him and the OIC.

Take good care of yourself.

[whatsgoingon?]

Sorry... I've just repeated some of what's already been said... Take screen-shots of everything you see on FB, and put it past your solicitor. Others may advise differently - but you must have a record of the postings whatever you do.

[Broken mum]

I have given the first few FB things to police and also reported incident and damage to police who spoke to whose involved. The accuser has been asked not to discuss but my son is getting emails on FB, some quite supportive, some not to and so we know she has been talking about it. We have kept silent and not even told anyone outside of immediate family, even my youngest son doesn't know as how do you explain to a 12 yr old without it damaging them too?

The schools solution to the problem is insisting for my son to be kept In heads office during breaks and lunch, this is what's upsetting my son more as he feels like he's being punished when he's done nothing wrong. The stress of dealing with the school and their attitude is making bad situation worse...

Sol has said she has dealt, many years ago, with similar situations? This was duty sol? Should I seek out another?

Thank you all for responses... Really appreciate any advice...

[whatsgoingon?]

I can see that he wouldn't want to spend breaks in the head's office! Does he feel threatened at school? It might be possible to follow his schooling on-line, but then there's the social aspect too. It does sound like he's being punished all round.

Your duty sol might be OK, it's really hard to know, isn't it? Have you looked her up? Having been in that dilemma, I really would go for someone with a proven track record. This is my thread relating to that - I wish we'd of changed alot sooner http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ghts+barrister
Have a look on the thread specialised solicitors under general information and see if there's anyone recommended in your area or put a request in.

If there's any chance of your 12 year old hearing from other sources, I would let your son tell him or tell him yourself in simple terms eg. his brother's been accused of something serious which he didn't do and that's why you're all a bit worried. No need to go into detail.

[Broken mum]

Good news

We received the news last week that there would be no further action against my 15 year old son... Two months of hell and so glad it's all over... No physical evidence and now after both parties phones have been checked and all messages etc downloaded (not been told exactly what they found yet but was told it cleared my son) and her friends interviewed the accuser has been proven to be a liar.... I nearly collapsed when got the call (official paperwork to follow) as realised how I have been holding myself together with some hidden strength! My legs literally went from under me..... I cried on and off all day with relief! Any way Despite all evidence against her I have not yet been informed if she will be charged... Despite her being willing to see my boy go through all this and possibly court..prison... they don't like to prosecute....

Anyway, our nightmare is over.... Thank you for the support and advice from all on this forum... It informed me and gave me both hope and strength in a time I felt so helpless and alone... For that I thank you all and I hope for those that are still going through the nightmare that yours ends soon also... Xxx

[tiger mum]

Hi - thanks for the good news. Even if its not ours, it gives me hope as it sounds like our cases are very similar. How do you and your son feel about her being let off when you've been through so much? I know this silly girl is a liar as she has put so many versions of events on facebook, even told my son it didn't happen. But we are now going through the process of waiting for the police procedures to catch up with common sense. Did the police tell you she has been proved a liar - or did they just say they wouldn't be taking it further and letting you make that inference?

[Broken mum]

I have to say, despite everything, the police have been fantastic. The DC dealing with it has especially kept us informed. They have only said so far NFA (via call to myself and paperwork to follow ASAP) but they also have stated it all need to be rubber stamped etc and will let me know about the consequences for the girl... they have also said that the evidence from her phone and Facebook would have had her 'destroyed' by any prosecution. She tripped herself up in many ways... Facebook as well as phone messages and conversations with friends she hoped would lie for her.... Pure childish revenge as my son rejected her ... Dependant on outcome I will be looking into tAking action myself.. Not sure where we stand with this but my son is in year 11 and as they attended school together this has impacted on him and his education as well as us as a family greatly ... I've not been told yet whether faced with the evidence if she has come clean... If not then I only want her parents to know my boy hasn't gotten away with anything and that their daughter lied.... Will post more as I find out... I know reading others posts, especially the good news ones, helped me greatly over these months x

[Broken mum]

Ps. We also had Facebook statuses for the time of the accused offence as the silly girl forgot she had my eldest son on her FB as he has a different surname.... These were happy statuses about what a great day shed had! My son has handled it much better than me to be honest... He naively said he'd told the truth and don't nothing wrong so we had nothing to worry about.... Sadly we are old ear and wiser and know this should be the case but isn't always...... I hope your nightmare is over soon too.... Xx

[lawlessone2009]

I have to say, despite everything, the police have been fantastic. The DC dealing with it has especially kept us informed. They have only said so far NFA (via call to myself and paperwork to follow ASAP) but they also have stated it all need to be rubber stamped etc and will let me know about the consequences for the girl... they have also said that the evidence from her phone and Facebook would have had her 'destroyed' by any prosecution. She tripped herself up in many ways... Facebook as well as phone messages and conversations with friends she hoped would lie for her.... Pure childish revenge as my son rejected her ... Dependant on outcome I will be looking into tAking action myself.. Not sure where we stand with this but my son is in year 11 and as they attended school together this has impacted on him and his education as well as us as a family greatly ... I've not been told yet whether faced with the evidence if she has come clean... If not then I only want her parents to know my boy hasn't gotten away with anything and that their daughter lied.... Will post more as I find out... I know reading others posts, especially the good news ones, helped me greatly over these months x

Jesus. It sounds likely that they will go after her. It's strange for them to give out so much information if they were considering doing anything different.

Thankfully the pressure will be off you slightly now. It's a hell of a come down eh? It'll take quite a while yet before you realise just how much of an impact it really had. I'm still coming down but lately I've begun to level out quite a bit but that's only because the realisation set in. I am sure you guys will be experiencing the same, maybe it'll be quicker or maybe it'll be longer but the initial come down really is quite a whack!

Don't stand still. Keep on moving towards the future. Just realise that there will be many times of quietness and solitude where another 'notch' in the unwinding process turns. I can only hope that the liar admits to what she has done and that you guys can push for a 'No Crime' instead of NFA.

[whatsgoingon?]

I feel you should ask for NFA to be changed to NC - no crime. NFA action can hang around in the background, so to speak. I don't know if you do this through the police station or your solicitor. One member at least is trying to do this through his MP.

All the best for the future