a broken mum

[smokiejo]

Just dont know where to start:-(.
My 17 year old son has been acussed of raping his 16 year old girlfriend they have been together 10 months hes out on police bail while they investegate we are all broken .
How did you all cope as im not x

[RFLH]

hi smokiejo and welcome to the forum - but sad to see you here.

You get through it because you have no choice - you will be amazed at just how strong you are.

There are similar threads to yours on the forum, please have a read as they should answer most of the questions you must have racing round your head.

If there is anything specific you want to know - please ask.

[smokiejo]

Thanku dont know what i want to ask realy just still in shock the hard thing is that we cant talk to him about it as me and hubby are witness as it allegaly happened in our house whle we was in and cant get that her parents want them to met up would you sealy want to met someone that you have acussed of rape is this normal????

[ohdear]

I think your not ment to make any contact with the victim, think its harrassment, or counted as that, and no one can contact on your behalf.

I found it very uncomfortable to tell my parents about my case

[Izzy]

Hi Smokiejo i'm sad to read what has happened to your Son and can imagine the distress you are feeling.

and cant get that her parents want them to met up would you sealy want to met someone that you have acussed of rape is this normal????

Not only is it not normal it is very stupid, your Son is on police bail and one of the conditions will be that he has no contact with the girl, stay well away and please make sure he has no contact with her.

[can it get worse]

Hi Smokiejo i'm sad to read what has happened to your Son and can imagine the distress you are feeling.



Not only is it not normal it is very stupid, your Son is on police bail and one of the conditions will be that he has no contact with the girl, stay well away and please make sure he has no contact with her.

Not sure if that is correct - I know someone who has been FA'd & they are no bail conditions atall!!!

Hi smokiejo - sorry to hear about your families' horrible situation.... it is a terrible & worrying time for you all. It is made even worse by the fact that you cannot speak to your son in order to give him the support that he needs. Try to take some support yourself from on here with others in similar situations.

[Izzy]

Not sure if that is correct - I know someone who has been FA'd & they are no bail conditions atall!!!

Hi smokiejo - sorry to hear about your families' horrible situation.... it is a terrible & worrying time for you all. It is made even worse by the fact that you cannot speak to your son in order to give him the support that he needs. Try to take some support yourself from on here with others in similar situations.

Smokiejo said in her opening post that her Son was on bail that's why I said to stay well away - I was trying to stress how important it is not to break bail conditions and make a already horrendous situation worse.

I didn't mean the post to come across harsh..

[can it get worse]

Smokiejo said in her opening post that her Son was on bail that's why I said to stay well away - I was trying to stress how important it is not to break bail conditions and make a already horrendous situation worse.

I didn't mean the post to come across harsh..

Hi Izzy........ No you didn't come across as harsh at all. I agree with you that it would be 'stupid' to contact the accuser.

I'm sorry if I did not explain myself very well? I was trying to say that (I think) it is not necessarily a bail condition that the accused cannot contact the accuser. I agree with your comments. It would not be good practice, in the eyes of the police, to do this.

Not sure if I've explained very well even now!!!.

[ohdear]

could they communicate via soliciter, or atleast ring and tell soliciter, so he can get things sorted?

[smokiejo]

Thank you everyone his bail conditions are no contact he does not want to see her as they were together 10 months he loved her so much he's heartbroken its so hard to see him suffer we have the police coming tomorrow to update us and take details of a text message sent from her dad asking for them to met, the police have advice me to go to the doctors as I'm really not coping I cry every morning when he goes to work I can't go out as when I bump in to friends they ask how the kids are me etc I just burst in to tears which is not good as we are not allowed to talk about the case so god dame hard x

[Izzy]

I would go to the Doctor SJ, you're in shock and they will be able to prescribe something to take the edge off. Do you have someone to go in with you to give you some support?
Re text message - I find it unbelievable that this was sent - if there was a time to talk it has certainly passed, plus it is putting your Son in danger of breaking his bail conditions. I'm glad you haven't entertained it.

I understand totally how you feel not wanting to go out, the first time I went out I burst into tears in the middle of a shop. The beginning of it all is really hard but you do become able to accept what has happened and find a coping mechanism to deal with it..it does take time though.

How is your Son coping? If he is struggling I would try and get him a Doctors appointment too.

[whatsgoingon?]

Hi smokiejo - welcome to the forum. I'd just like to echo what Izzy has said and offer my support.
It's incredibly hard to take in to start with, but you will learn to handle it. Medication can do great things to help you through the worst even if you're not particularly pro.
I found talking about what was happening also helped - do you have a close friend or family member you trust enough to share this with?
You may be interested to get in touch with FASO who have a helpline you can phone http://www.false-allegations.org.uk/faso-help.html

Take care

[smokiejo]

Thanku had a realy bad day yesterday as we had dective come up to take details about the text message about them metting and her mum coming trying to give our son a letter so made me realy upset and i just flipped hubby realy worried about me so going to go to the doctors x

[earthmother]

We are in a vey similar situation to you, since my son was charged on Thursday I dont seem to have stopped crying. Please do get intouch, perhaps we could support one another x

[smokiejo]

Hi earth mother I have just relied on your post xxx