My Girlfriend Accused Me Of Rape But Now She Wants To Come Clean

[heartbroken123]

Hi I recently posted a thread detailing what happened with the accusations looking for advice on what to expect and how to get through this difficult time, but now there is a new issue.

So my girlfriend accused me of rape after seeing a video that she did not recollect, she has bipolar and she was having a very stressful time with other things which can sometimes send her a bit crazy but now we have spoken and I found out what the basis of these accusations were I have managed to remind her of what happened and she now knows that everything was completely consensual and wants to put an end to all of this which is great as it has taken a lot out of me.

I love this girl more than anything else in the world and I believe that for a time she truly though I had done something horrific to her and because of this I understand her actions I do not believe she would do something like that unless she truly though it to be true.

Now she wants to come clean but I dont want her to get into trouble with the law she has had a very bad time these last few months which and I have seen first hand how easy she can become deliusonal under stress any advice anyone could give me on how we can get through this in one piece would be greatly appreciated as i cannot lose this girl she means everything to me and I couldnt deal with her going to prison for something she could not help but ofcourse the police will not see it that way they will try and hit her with a pcj charge.

[Casehardened]

but now we have spoken and I found out what the basis of these accusations were I have managed to remind her of what happened and she now knows that everything was completely consensual and wants to put an end to all of this which is great as it has taken a lot out of me.

Hi,

Whatever action you or her take, bear in mind that you are still on bail and (almost certainly) the conditions will preclude you contacting her; you might even be prosecuted for this if the police think you have influenced her!

As to what she could do, I would think that if her mental condition is documented (i.e. she has received treatment) it is unlikely she will be prosecuted for withdrawing the allegation.

[spiderman1966]

Wake up and smell the coffee

Hi,

Whatever action you or her take, bear in mind that you are still on bail and (almost certainly) the conditions will preclude you contacting her; you might even be prosecuted for this if the police think you have influenced her!

As to what she could do, I would think that if her mental condition is documented (i.e. she has received treatment) it is unlikely she will be prosecuted for withdrawing the allegation.

Just worry about yourself she put you in this situation. get her to go to the police and come clean with the truth. when the police drop the charges wake up smell the coffee and dump the person B@@@H, Just think your self luck you may get out of the situation your in, find someone nice decent who has not got mental issues because next week when she has a turn you might get accused of something else, you have had your early morning call. I don't know how long you have been seeing this person or if you have children as she may have done things like that in the past. if you can get out before you are truly F'''KED

[lawlessone2009]

What you need to do is get her to voluntarily attend YOUR solicitor and discuss the matter fully with them. Do not be present yourself.

A solicitor, your solicitor, will be the only person in a position to recommend a course forward.

We could pass out advice but I really could not live with giving the wrong advice in such circumstances. I am pleased that you guys are sorting through things, that you are willing to deal with the 'issue' BUT do so with completely reliable and dependable legal advice with a full explanation given of all potential positives and negatives.

Good Luck.

[myhome]

As your GF has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I would assume that she is, or has been under the care of your Community Mental Health Team? I wonder whether they can speak/write a letter on her behalf?
I would definitely heed advice from CH and LL1 about being very careful of breaking your bail conditions.
Ultimately if/when she does withdraw her allegation, it is up to the police to look at all circumstances and decide what to do...it may also be worth your while having a look at the Mental Capacity Act and see if there is any reference in it about mental health and the law as it relates to you and your gf.
Very best of luck with this and I hope you can sort it out so that the least damage is done to both of you and that you are able to repair your relationship.... MH

[myhome]

Just calming myself down before replying to this........

find someone nice decent who has not got mental issues because next week when she has a turn you might get accused of something else, you have had your early morning call.

Just because someone has mental health issues (not mental issues as you have said) does not mean they are not a nice decent person. I can state this with 100% certainty of fact for 2 reasons. 1) because I work for a Mental Health Charity and our clients are nice decent people; and 2) I have Mental Health Issues and I am a nice decent person....
Unfortunately the opinion that you have offered in the quote above is a very out-dated one and is a stigma that the previous Government, along with many high profile people - Stephen Fry, Alastair Campbell to name but 2, have started a campaign to wipe out. The campaign is called "Time to Change," and sets out to reduce/eliminate stigma and discrimination, and make mental health an ok thing to talk openly about. The statistic is that 1 in 4 people at any one time will have mental health problems and that this will affect 1 in 3 families
Here is the website: http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/ I would respectfully suggest that you have a look at it......

I don't know how long you have been seeing this person or if you have children as she may have done things like that in the past. if you can get out before you are truly F'''KED

I think you maybe missed the part of the original post in which heartbroken123 states, "I love this girl more than anything else in the world," and then goes on to say that he understands her actions. He wants advice how best to go about achieving the outcome he and she both want, namely getting back together with least harm done to either of them. I understand that sometimes people need to see an alternative point of view, which is what you have put - but putting it in a more gentle way may have been more appropriate for hb123 as he is obviously quite distraught about the situation he has found himself in, rather than maybe taking out the vehemence you feel (about your own situation perhaps????) on this gentle person's post....

[heartbroken123]

Hi guys thanks for your advice i have spoken to my solicitor and he told me he or i cannot speak to her directly as is stated in my bail conditions (of which i have broken but from a professional stand point he cannot) he has advised me of the risks of communicating with her but i have chosen to take that risk as i see working together is more likely to result in a better outcome than working apart.

My question is does anyone know a good way of explaining this to the police to cause as little damage as possible? I mean i fine for wasting police time is one thing but i love this girl i couldnt see her go to prison for this.

[myhome]

Sorry I can't help with your question regarding the police, but I'm wondering if your solicitor can approach her solicitor and they can come up with a solution which will help you both....

[Rights Fighter]

Hi guys thanks for your advice i have spoken to my solicitor and he told me he or i cannot speak to her directly as is stated in my bail conditions (of which i have broken but from a professional stand point he cannot) he has advised me of the risks of communicating with her but i have chosen to take that risk as i see working together is more likely to result in a better outcome than working apart.

My question is does anyone know a good way of explaining this to the police to cause as little damage as possible? I mean i fine for wasting police time is one thing but i love this girl i couldnt see her go to prison for this.

Not quite sure what you mean by 'of which I have broken but from a professional stand point he cannot'. The way it reads suggests that the solicitor cannot break your bail conditions due to him being a professional. The solicitor doesn't have bail conditions and he cannot break yours! If she was to approach your sol off her own bat then that is not him making the approach. If she does that then he can advise her if he can assist or now.

The way forward I think would be for her to talk to her MH keyworker and make a statement through them, to the police. Given her MH condition they may well not prosecute her if they are satisfied that she was genuinely 'confused'.