Im going crazy with anger and frustration in seeking justice

[tonytucks]

Hello,I am looking for help with a situation put upon my wife and i where people told lies and it ended up with me getting arrested for multiple rape of my wife, you may find this hard to beleive so you can understand how i feel.It started in March 2010 when i took my wife who suffers with dementia to the mind centre in yeovil to try and get her an outside interest and a little respite for me.This was suggested by her friend one day when she said it looked like i really needed a break,so we went there in the morning with our friend to register and at the time i said that i would have to answer any questions as my wife cannot speak which was noted,after this my wife and her friend were invited to come back in the afternoon for a thi chi session.So we went home had some lunch and picked up our friend and i drove them back to the centre,on arrival my wife was a little apprehensive about going in without me but her friend said dont worry she would look after her and so i left them and took my dogs for a walk.A couple of hours later i went back to pick them up but was refused entry i asked what was going on and was told my wife was very upset and was crying,so i tried to explain that this was the first time she had been without me being with her and she also suffered from chronic pain in her abdomen and if they let me in i could help but i was ignored.I went to sit in my car to think of a way to get them to listen to me but a short while after the police arrived and so i went to talk to them to ask what they were doing and they told me my wife was very upset and crying so i tried again to reason with them but again was ignored,by this time i was very angry so i went back to my car again as the dogs were barking and then the police came down to me and said i was under arrest for multiple rape of my wife,i asked what the hell they were talking about but was told to be quiet or i would be cuffed.I was taken to the police station where i had my clothes seized, was subject to having forensic samples taken, had our house searched and i was interviewed kept overnight and released the next day.The issue is i do not know how they can say that my wife made those allegations when she cannot talk,our friend, my wifes mum and the doctor that saw her at the time ( she also agreed with me how those people came up with this story)can confirm this.I did engage who i thought was a solicitor who messed me about so much i gave up,i later found out that he was struck off and didnt tell me that,this thing is playing on my mind every day and is making me ill,all i want is to get retribution for the wrong they have done to us this thing eats away at me every day and i cannot live in peace.My life hasent been great for me and this was the last straw can someone please help me,i will never trust anyone with my wife again.

[sparks]

Ok lets just stop, sorry you have found yourself here, now go find a proper solicitor, do nothing else, say nothing else go get a Sol, who deals in matters like this,


Sparks

[Casehardened]

This is an awful situation in so many ways and additionally complicated by your wife's dementia.

You mentioned that the allegation made against you and your arrest occurred in March 2010; to help members offer the appropriate advice could you tell us if the situation is now resolved: i.e. are you still under bail conditions or have you received a no further action notification from the police?

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum though sorry you had to find us.....
Your awful situation has been going on for nearly 3 and 1/2 years - are you any further forward with it? If not you need to find a specialist solicitor as sparks has advised......MH

[tonytucks]

This is an awful situation in so many ways and additionally complicated by your wife's dementia.

You mentioned that the allegation made against you and your arrest occurred in March 2010; to help members offer the appropriate advice could you tell us if the situation is now resolved: i.e. are you still under bail conditions or have you received a no further action notification from the police?

Thanks for your reply,what happened with the police was i got a telephone call telling me my bail was cancelled and that was the last i heard from them,can i also mention i was going to say in my post that they alleged that i raped my wife in the morning before going to the mind centre, and again when we went home before returning in the afternoon,how really ridiculous and unthinkable those remarks are,as for a solicitor i just do not know who to ask after being ripped off by the last one as im afraid my trust in humankind has worn very thin. I also want to say that if it wasent for the love i have for my wife i would have considered taking my life because of those nasty people but my love for her is eternal and i would never leave her in the hands of anyone as she deserves the best that life can give her no matter what.I really need someone on our side who would take me seriously as up to now i think i have been walked on by everyone which leaves me feeling very vulnerable.

[Casehardened]

Thanks for the clarification.

I'm glad that the threat of action against you was removed, hopefully this was fairly quickly. The police were obliged to act once the allegation was brought to their attention and I fear you were simply sucked into their standard process. I guess once they had corroboration of your wife's dementia from official sources they discontinued the case, however they are obliged to initially take every allegation seriously, therefore I suspect they will not be found at fault in this matter.

The issue is how/why the allegation was reported to them and I will discuss this later with Mrs Casehardened who has had many years experience in caring for folks with dementia to see if she has any thoughts about this.

Are you still the sole carer for your wife?

[tonytucks]

Thanks for the clarification.

I'm glad that the threat of action against you was removed, hopefully this was fairly quickly. The police were obliged to act once the allegation was brought to their attention and I fear you were simply sucked into their standard process. I guess once they had corroboration of your wife's dementia from official sources they discontinued the case, however they are obliged to initially take every allegation seriously, therefore I suspect they will not be found at fault in this matter.

The issue is how/why the allegation was reported to them and I will discuss this later with Mrs Casehardened who has had many years experience in caring for folks with dementia to see if she has any thoughts about this.

Are you still the sole carer for your wife?

Thanks again for your reply,yes i am still the sole carer of my wife i have been asked if i want any help but i will never trust anyone again as i will not take the chance of letting anyone walk all over us again,as for the allegation i just do not know how they came up with it as my wife cannot speak with any clarity and she has been like that since about 2005 and everyone i know have said that in no way veronica could have said that with the clarity that they alleged,she can just about say my name after prompting for a while, even the doctor said that and the whole situation was ridiculous,i can only think that it was made by the assumption of the staff at the mind centre who then conveyed it to the police,i did try to get an explanation but was ignored.Are there any solicitors on here that could help us? Thanks again Tony.

[Casehardened]

Hi Tony,

I did mention your situation to Mrs CH who worked in a residential care home with a high proportion of elderly residents in varying stages of dementia. She told me that it was quite 'normal' for the staff to be accused of sexual assault by the females whilst carrying out the necessary procedures involved in bathing them. To introduce a note of levity into rather depressing circumstances it was equally 'normal' for the males to enjoy and encourage this procedure!

Obviously in this home the staff generally were working in pairs due to H&S regs regarding lifting and in any case were well aware of the irrational thought processes of those suffering from dementia. Naturally by the time any 'outsiders' i.e. visitors or family, appeared, the alleged incident was long forgotten by the resident and they were down another tack such as complaining that they had not been given anything to drink (sadly, a common theme in the demented is to complain to anyone who will listen)

In your instance it may be that those who met your wife at the centre were simply not aware of the ramifications of her condition and I fear it is simply a case of everyone concerned doing what they thought was right and following 'procedures' instead of stepping back and considering the bigger picture (if Mrs CH had followed this line the police would have been called out to the home on a daily basis!)

Regarding gaining redress one of our members put together a post considering how to do this and I have linked to it below:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...pe-allegations

Edit to add that despite you saying you would not like to leave your wife in anyone else's care again, it is important for your own sake to seek some respite.

[tonytucks]

Hi thanks for your reply,i understand your comments on what people with dementia can say without any logic but in our case my wife clearly did not make the allegations that were reported as at the time she could not speak clearly enough to form coherent words,( the doctor who examined her at the time agreed this with me ) so it was clearly an allegation by assumption made by the mind centre staff and not my wife,this has been my argument all along that there really was no basis of fact for the action taken against me just the assumptions of third parties who i beleive used a malicious action against me.I have read the thread regarding redress but i beleive i am in a different situation and surely there must be a solicitor somewhere that can help straighten this mess put upon us my others with no fault of our own? I do not sleep properly most nights and walk the streets thinking about it, and have even broken a couple of teeth in my sleep because i felt so frustrated,i should not have to suffer this while they carry on regardless,i sent them several e mails at the time but i was ignored,i guess we are the underdogs and they the superiors and they will always win.

[frightened spouse]

Hi Tony have you complained directly to the head office of Mind regarding the trauma you have been put through. It maybe an idea to contact your MP who could maybe act on your behalf, I totally understand why you would want recognition for what you have been put through as it is so unjust to be accused of something so terrible when you have obviously dedicated your life in recent years to caring for your wife.

Do you have family members or others you trust that maybe able to give you some respite from your caring responsibilities ? As a full time carer myself I appreciate how difficult it is.

Best wishes

FS

[tonytucks]

Hi Tony have you complained directly to the head office of Mind regarding the trauma you have been put through. It maybe an idea to contact your MP who could maybe act on your behalf, I totally understand why you would want recognition for what you have been put through as it is so unjust to be accused of something so terrible when you have obviously dedicated your life in recent years to caring for your wife.

Do you have family members or others you trust that maybe able to give you some respite from your caring responsibilities ? As a full time carer myself I appreciate how difficult it is.

Best wishes

FS

Thanks for your kind words,yes i did complain to my MP by letter and after a while with no answer i contacted them only to learn the letter was 'lost' i later learned that he is the patron of the local centre ( make of that what you will ) i also sent several e mails to mind at the same time requesting they be forwarded to the head office but i never received a reply,as for family members my wife comes from scotland and we used to go for a few weeks with the intention that they help with her care,her mum didnt want to know her when we were there and when we went to her daughters she said it was too much work for her and not to bother coming back,so you see i get it from all sides,i dont wanna moan but i beleive in telling it as it is,as far as im concerned i made my vows and come hell or high water i will devote my life to her and will never let anyone try to destroy us again,i just feel those people have walked all over and bullied us and they walk away happy while i live a life of torment with the stigma of their accusations and lies.